For Emma
by Grissom1
Summary: Sara finds herself unprepared for changes in her life after the death of her foster parents. Grissom must come to terms with his true feelings for the young woman he brought to Vegas several years ago. This is set in my own AU. Romance, Angst, Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**For Emma**

"Sara, come home," urged the woman on the other line.

"I can't," whispered Sara.

"Your father is very upset," said Mrs. Holmes.

"I know," she breathed. "He's disappointed…what's new."

"Sara, he's hurt. He misses you," Emma Holmes explained.

"Yeah, well, his voice was pretty harsh the other night," said Sara.

"You were supposed to come home last weekend," Emma said.

"I couldn't," gulped Sara.

There was a silence between them.

"Emma Grace has been asking for you," whispered Sara's foster mother. "We miss you very much."

"I'm trying Mom…I'm really trying," said Sara.

"Sara, you don't owe me an explanation," her mother replied.

"Is he there?" asked Sara.

"He's been working late…the company hasn't been doing well," answered her mother.

"I didn't know. He's never mentioned…"

"He never does. He really expected you to come home for Mary's wedding."

"We barely knew one another," explained Sara.

"Sara, he wanted to see you…know that you're okay. You seemed so upset that last time you were here," replied her mother.

"I'll try to call him…explain," said Sara.

"I'll talk to him for you," said Mrs. Holmes.

"Always the mediator," breathed Sara.

"I love you, Sara. Take care of yourself."

Sara leaned back in the seat of her car as she recalled the conversation she'd had earlier that day. She'd not been able to sleep.

She'd managed to talk with her foster father.

He'd been quite hurt when she could not give him a date when she would be coming home again.

_I'm so tired of all of this…_

She'd spent a small fortune flying back and forth.

The lack of sleep was taking its toll on her physically and emotionally.

_What am I doing?_

_Go home, Sara…_

_He's never going to love you…_

She'd given herself a goal of eighteen months to convince Gil Grissom that he was in love with her.

That time frame had come and gone while her life had been put on hold only it wasn't.

Sara watched as lives continued while hers remained in stasis, waiting for some glimpse that Gil Grissom really cared for her.

She almost came home.

She had boldly dropped the request for a leave of absence telling him she intended to check out the Federal jobs but in truth, she just wanted to see how he would react.

When she received the plant, she almost sent it back.

It was Catherine's description of Grissom's desperate behavior that had halted her decision.

She wanted him to burn for her as much as her body yearned for his but he never indicated he did such a thing.

In fact, she thought that he would not even care if she returned to San Francisco.

Oh, he would miss her at work but in truth, she never thought he would give a backward glance if she laid her feelings on the floor at his feet.

The plant indicated that just maybe there was a chance.

She should have been elated over the revelation but instead she'd cried for days over it.

She had really wanted to go home.

There was a small part of herself that wanted this to be over.

She longed to be back in San Francisco.

There, she was loved and wanted.

Vegas was no place to live.

Here, she faced death every day which was a constant reminder of how her life had really begun before a childless couple had taken her in and loved her.

When the third year anniversary rolled around, she felt the familiar pang of guilt envelope her.

As she traveled back and forth between San Francisco and Vegas, she wondered how much longer she could continue the pace without burning out.

Now, she just wanted to lay everything out on the table and if he refused her, she would accept it.

_How do I do that?_

Grissom stepped out of his vehicle and headed toward the door of the lab.

He stopped the moment he saw her sitting in her vehicle.

Things had not been good between them.

In fact, things had become rather painful.

He remembered his words that day after Holly Gribbs case had been solved.

"_Let's go home."_

He'd almost panicked when the words left his mouth because it meant she would return to San Francisco.

She didn't.

He'd offered her a job and she took it without hesitation.

Vegas was home now for Sara Sidle.

He had given her a job, knowing that it would only cause each to suffer but he could not bring himself to let her slip from his fingers again.

He'd done that when he'd met her in San Francisco years ago.

She had been brutally young and he felt he had taken full advantage of her youth.

He'd turned her onto forensics and then turned her off by returning to Vegas without so much as a backward glance.

Oh, she had called a few times and he had even answered a time or two when he'd been so lonely for her.

Sara Sidle was a vibrant young woman who offered him more than he ever dreamed or dare allow himself to have.

A single smile from her caused his emotions to steal forth.

A slight touch sent his pulse in overdrive and he dared not even think what might happen if he held her.

Surely, he would self combust on the very spot.

His blood boiled with fury when her attention was diverted to someone else, especially if it was a male.

He never cared for the jealous emotions but it reared its ugly head every time Sara Sidle tossed a smile toward someone of the opposite sex.

He could have her if he wanted but he was not willing to pay the price for such a costly vixen.

He knew she would most likely turn his world upside down and leave him a broken man.

What she didn't know was that she'd gotten involved with a man that was already broken and very much emotionally unavailable.

He'd thrown caution to the wind and made her a part of his team.

Sara Sidle had given up her life in San Francisco for him.

For the first time in his life, he felt he had a personal life…even if he kept those feelings to himself as he worked with her each day.

They had their moments.

Some were soft while others were volatile.

When her anger spiked, her words wounded, almost impaling his heart at times.

"_I wish I could be like you, Grissom. I wish I couldn't feel."_

He was too preoccupied at times to catch the true meaning behind her words.

It would be later when he had replayed every word back in his brain over and over that he would understand the truth behind the words.

She could be brutal at times but then so could he.

It wasn't that he ignored her on purpose.

He was usually trying to slow his heart rate.

It seemed to react to the sound of her voice.

It was melodic and methodic.

It was intellectual and sexual.

It was the person that drove him crazy at times.

He wasn't quite sure how or why.

Just his name from her lips and his hair stood on end.

No one had ever affected him the way she did.

It wasn't comfortable and yet it was.

It was confusing and yet simple.

It was just the beginning and yet he felt it was the end of how he had lived his life.

He took solace each time she smiled her pearly whites in his direction and said one word, "Night."

The single word was usually followed by a smile.

When she was near, he imagined what it would be like to have more than just the promise of a "good night" and "see you tomorrow."

Here lately, there seemed to be a shift in direction.

Her smile used to display warmth and encouragement but as the years slipped by it displayed nothing but sadness and loneliness that even an emotionally inept entomologist could feel.

She seemed troubled and he wondered if the job was getting to her.

He knew she was getting to him.

He'd commented more than once about her inability to sleep.

He used to sleep better before Sara Sidle entered his life.

He stood there waiting for her to step out of her vehicle but she didn't.

Grissom glanced around before he walked toward her vehicle.

She quickly exited the car, grabbing her jacket.

She offered a quick hello as she passed by him and headed into the lab without a backward glance.

Grissom sighed.

_What do you expect?_

_You've not spoken to her in weeks…_

_Too preoccupied with the surgery…_

Catherine had discreetly blabbed to the others about the surgery and its success.

He'd been angry.

Sara had been quiet while the others had asked and congratulated him on the success of the surgery.

He took her silence to mean that perhaps Sara finally understood what he'd been trying to tell her all along.

He was old.

He was too old for her.

She'd even taken a few days off while he was recuperating.

He'd heard she had gone out of town.

She'd returned looking a bit frazzled.

Once she returned, he dismissed every chance she tried to talk with him in private.

He'd been too angry at her reaction to the news of his surgery.

That had been months ago and things had not improved but had gotten far worse.

He stepped into the locker room, opening his locker and placing his jacket inside.

She was nowhere in sight.

Grissom handed out assignments and boldly waited for her reaction when he announced she would be helping him.

She picked up her tablet and left the room without a word.

When they arrived on the scene, she waited for instruction.

She was no longer the eager student.

"You alright?" he asked.

"Where do you want me?" she asked as she stood there with her kit in hand.

He nodded toward the bedroom.

She disappeared without another word.

He scowled but began work himself.

An hour passed and it was as if he were working solo.

She worked efficiently and silently.

He cursed inwardly.

He half hoped there would be an exchange of conversation.

It was not like Sara to let an opportunity to pass and he wondered if finally she was giving up.

He certainly hadn't given her an indication there would ever be a chance between them.

There appeared to be a silent ongoing war between the two.

Neither knew when it began but perhaps now, he was beginning to see the end.

Sara was giving up any notion of a relationship.

Well, it was fine with him.

He never wanted one in the first place.

The stakes were far too high and he did not need the hassle of the emotions that would entangle a relationship.

He'd stayed clear of any and all relationships for years and not even Sara Sidle was going to break through his barriers.

His walls were higher that the Wall of China.

Brass stepped into the house.

"Didn't know you got called out here," commented Grissom.

"I need to see Sara," said Brass.

By the look on his face, Grissom knew that something was wrong.

"What's wrong?"

"I was at the lab when a call came in for Sara…her parents were involved in a car wreck."

"Parents?"

"You and I both know…they're her foster parents," whispered Brass.

"She's in the next room," answered Grissom.

Brass headed toward the room but Grissom stopped him. "Any news about their condition?"

"Both are critical," replied Brass.

"I'll tell her," said Grissom.

Grissom stepped into the other room.

"Sara, Jim is going to give you a lift back to the lab," began Grissom.

Her head bobbed up. "I'm not finished."

"I can finish here," he said.

"But…"

"Sara, your parents were involved in a car accident…you need to go home."

The print dust dropped from Sara's hand sending powder into the air.

She tried to brush it away but his hands suddenly grabbed hers and held them briefly.

"You need to go," he whispered softly.

He saw a flicker of fear cross her face at the urgency in his voice.

She left her kit behind and hurried out of the room.

It had taken her minutes to pack a few things and then her plane was landing in San Francisco.

Sara stood in the hallway of the hospital.

She had made numerous phone calls trying to assess their condition but more importantly she had been desperately trying to ascertain the whereabouts of Emma Grace.

She'd cried when she heard the little girl had been in the car at the time of the wreck.

Sara held her breath as she listened to the prognosis of the only real parents she had since she had gone into Foster Care at the age of nine.

"I need to see Emma Grace," she said immediately.

Once inside the children's unit, she spotted the little girl curled in her bed.

Sara scooped up the little girl and held her tight.

"Hey, little bug," she whispered.

"Sara!" the little girl wailed.

"I came as soon as I heard," she said trying to sound calm.

"Momma Emm wouldn't wake up. Papa Joe told me to get out of the car…I did…but I didn't hold anyone's hand."

"It's okay. You did what Papa Joe told you to do."

The little girl nodded.

"There was fire, Sara," whispered the little girl.

Sara glanced down at the bandages on the little girl's hands and gasped.

She kissed them over and over.

Sara quickly examined the little girl and found only a slight gash on her forehead along with some bruising on her ribs.

Sara took a deep breath.

"Emma, I need to check on Mom and Dad. I'll come back soon."

The little girl nodded again.

She stepped out of the room and grabbed a nurse.

"You called me about Emma Grace. I'm Sara Sidle. What's her…"

"She only has some slight burns on her hands. She's going to be fine."

"My mother…" began Sara.

"I'm sorry Ms. Sidle but Mrs. Holmes died a few hours ago."

Sara looked shell shocked.

"Dad…Joe Holmes…is he…"

"He's in the burn unit," explained the nurse.

Sara shuddered.

"How bad?" she asked.

"He was burned over twenty percent of his body," explained the nurse.

Sara was horrified.

"Can I see him?" she asked.

Sara stood outside the room as she watched the physician assess the man's condition.

Sara stepped into the room.

"This man is my father," she explained.

"He's been asking for you…Sara, it is, right?" asked the doctor.

Sara nodded.

She sat down and took the man's hand.

"I'm here, dad."

"How's Emma Grace?" he asked quickly.

"She's fine…in the children's unit," she whispered.

"Good. The car caught on fire and she wouldn't leave us…I had to yell at her... I've never raised my voice to her like that," he grieved.

"She understands," said Sara between bouts of tears.

He glanced at her.

"My Sara…you always touched a part of soul…don't cry," he urged.

"Just relieved to see you," she said.

"How's Mom?" he asked.

Sara swallowed hard.

"Dad…"

"She's gone," he said. "I feel it. I looked at her and…just knew."

"Dad…"

"Sara, you've got to focus on Emma Grace. She needs you…we won't be here…she needs a home now."

"You're going to be fine," said Sara.

He shook his head and Sara clutched his body as she cried.

He tried to lift his hand to stroke her hair but couldn't.

"I can't comfort you like I did when you were little. I've always loved you…what happened to us, Sara? We've been so distant these last few years."

"My fault…my decisions. I never should have stayed in Vegas. I should have come home…like you wanted."

"Sara...so much I want to tell you…forgive me…for…pushing you…I just wanted you to be happy."

"I know. I don't need to forgive you for anything…you've always taken good care of me…as if I were your own."

"You were ours by choice," he whispered. "I've never regretted it except that your real mother blocked the adoption." He coughed then causing his chest to rattle and send the machines into overdrive.

Don't talk…just rest…just get better so we…"

The monitor made a hideous noise and suddenly the room was filled with nurses.

Sara was pushed outside as she tried to find out what was happening.

She covered her mouth to stifle the sob as she watched them cover his body with the sheet.

She'd lost them both.

Her phone rang as she stood there in the hall.

She flipped it open.

"Sara?"

She recognized the voice but she could not seem to speak at the moment.

"Sara?"

The voice was more urgent this time.

"Grissom?" she managed to say.

"I was calling to get an update….are you alright?" he asked.

"I didn't get here in time…Mom died…a few hours ago…Dad just died…I've got to get back to Emma Grace…her hands were burned…she looks scared…she doesn't know about them."

"Sara…"

"I need to go. I'll need to make arrangements…tell Emma…I don't know how to tell her…Oh God, Grissom, she was in the car…she saw it happen."

Grissom listened to the sheer panic in her voice.

He had no idea who Emma Grace was.

He imagined it was another foster child.

"Sara, I uhm…"

The phone clicked before he could finish.

He was going to offer to come.

He couldn't believe he would risk going to her at a moment like this.

It would certainly send red flags up.

The pain in her voice had overridden any caution he might have taken before.

He couldn't bear not knowing how she was handling the loss much less if she were taking care of herself.

She tended to neglect herself in times of stress.

She turned quickly and ran until she came to Emma Grace's room.

The little girl slept.

Sara curled her body around the little girl and held her tight.

There would be time to mourn.

At the moment, she wanted to cling to the small child.

Note author:

Welcome back everyone! I just got back from vacation and decided that the only way I could force myself to finish this is posting it. LOL. This is a very long story. I am on chapter forty right now if this will give you an idea. I had been working on this for some time and honestly, it was not the story I wanted to post next but life got in the way as well as a few other ideas and so I am holding back my favorite a little while longer. I hope to have it done in order to post it next. As always, I will post daily at least one chapter if not two.

Take care and enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

Her phone went off and she slid out of the arms of the small child.

She stepped outside and took a moment before she answered.

"Sidle."

"We were worried…about you," stuttered Grissom.

"I'm going to be gone a few more days. I need to…"

"Sara, take as much time as you need," he said quickly knowing full well she had thought he was calling about work.

She leaned against the cold wall of the hallway.

"Sara?"

"Just a few days," she said.

Her voice sounded hollow.

"How are…"

"I should be back within four days…I'll call if it takes longer," she said.

There was an announcement over the intercom.

"Do you need anything?" he asked.

_Emma Grace needs a home…_

_I'm not sure I can give her one…_

"I need to go," she lied.

His voice actually sounded sincere and warm.

She did not desire any comfort from him.

The notion struck her rather odd.

Any attention from Grissom in the past would have been welcomed but now, she was far too tired to play any games of concern followed by isolation in the coming weeks.

The phone clicked before Grissom could say another word.

It was not like Sara.

It worried him.

Emma was released the next day.

Sara had taken her to the only house she had ever considered home and began the enormous task of packing.

She placed the boxes in the girl's room and watched as Emma lay down on the bed.

Sara immediately was there beside her.

Her hand covered her forehead and was relieved to find it cool.

"Do you feel sick?" asked Sara.

Emma nodded. "Tummy hurts."

Sara wasn't sure whether it was physical or emotional.

She remembered having stomach aches every time she had to move to another foster home.

"I'll do this later," said Sara. "I'll just go in the next room and…"

She didn't finish.

The little girl had fallen asleep.

Sara covered her with a blanket.

Sara roamed about the house.

It seemed strange being there without her parents.

Her father's business partner had already called.

She even talked with her father's brother.

He never liked being referred to as such and so Sara never acknowledged Dan Holmes as her father's brother.

The conversation had been polite but brief.

Sara sensed there was much more the man wanted to reveal but chose to discuss 'things' with Sara after the funeral.

The next several days were a blur as she held the little girl's hand through the funeral.

Her foster parents had been planning their twentieth wedding anniversary.

Sara had promised to come home for the event.

_I should have come home sooner…_

_He just wanted me to come home…_

She swiped at a tear as she watched Emma's reaction to the funeral.

Emma had not shed a tear since the incident.

As they stood at the gravesites, the little girl had pulled her down to whisper softly in her ear.

"Can I stay with you, Sara?" she asked.

The question stirred a well of emotions as she lifted the little girl into her arms and carried her to the car.

Once inside, Sara took a deep breath.

"We're going to Vegas," she explained. "We need to finish packing and…"

"I'm coming with you?" she asked.

"Yes," replied Sara.

"What about Bruno?"

Sara's chest thudded loudly.

She had not thought about the boxer dog her father had given to the little girl last year for Christmas."

She'd been so distraught that she'd not even asked about the dog.

"Bruno was in the car with us…can he leave the hospital?" she asked.

"We'll see," she lied.

She had no clue what had happened to the dog.

Grissom sat the third cup of coffee down on his desk.

He grabbed his phone the moment it went off.

"Grissom."

"Griss? It's me…Sara."

He cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry for your…loss," he said.

He could have kicked himself the moment he said those words.

It sounded callous and well rehearsed.

It was.

They'd been trained to tell that to victims.

"I'm going to need some time…when I get back," she said.

"I contacted your PEAP counselor," he blurted out.

When she did not reply he thought they had lost the connection.

"Sara?"

"There's no…need," she finally said.

"I just thought…with the loss of both…you might…"

He was fumbling over his words miserably.

"I just need to make some arrangements…before I return to work."

"Of course," he said feeling better about this reply.

"Okay."

He did not know what else to say.

The silence was awkward and painful for both.

"I'll see you soon," she said.

Bruno could not be found.

Sara spent hours on the phone talking with the officers on the scene.

No dog had been seen.

She then checked with the local shelters and yet she came up empty handed.

The little girl sat quietly as Sara explained.

"I'll keep looking," promised Sara.

Emma nodded.

It bothered Sara that the little girl still had not shed a single tear since the accident.

Sara's tears had fallen a few times but she had managed to keep her emotions in check.

She did not want to upset the little girl.

The pediatrician had warned her about trauma.

Sara could write volumes about trauma that resulted from a violent episode.

When they arrived in Vegas, she opened the door of her apartment ushering the little girl inside.

Emma stood there in the middle of the room as Sara over talked.

"I have one bedroom but we can share a bed," she said with a smile.

Emma nodded.

"We'll rearrange some things…when the rest of the boxes arrive. Okay?" asked Sara.

Again, the little girl nodded.

Things slowly came together.

Mrs. Fletcher down the hall would look after Emma while Sara worked at night. Emma had attended kindergarten but Sara wasn't certain if she could locate a school to fit Emma's needs on such short notice.

Emma was a very bright child. By four, she could already read and so she had been enrolled in a school for the gifted in San Francisco but now, Sara chose a school not far from the apartment. She knew that Emma was far too advanced for the other children but she felt it would be best to let her slip into their new life slowly.

Sara glanced down at her watch.

She knew she would need to check with personnel.

There would be forms to adjust.

"Emma, Mrs. Fletcher is going to keep you while I…"

Emma grabbed Sara's hand and held it tight.

"I'll just be a few hours and…"

Emma's eyes pleaded silently with Sara.

She glanced over at the little girl as she drove into the lab parking lot.

She'd hoped the others were out since she was arriving during the day.

"This won't take long," said Sara.

"You work here?" Emma asked.

"Yes, I do."

"Can I see your desk?" she asked.

"We'll see," said Sara as she stepped out of the car with the little child in tow.

There were stares as the little girl stayed glued to Sara's side.

Sara grabbed the paperwork and headed quickly to her little corner of the lab.

The little girl stared at her surroundings as Sara worked on the paperwork.

She completed it and then placed it in the manila envelope.

"Ready to go?" asked Sara.

"Do you work alone?" asked Emma.

"The others are not here yet," explained Sara.

She dropped off the envelope into the personnel slot on Judy's desk and headed toward the door.

She was not prepared to hear her name called.

She turned and came face to face with Grissom.

He smiled slightly but then looked shocked at the little girl who clung to Sara's leg.

"Sara?"

"I had to…complete some paperwork for personnel…insurance….things…"

She couldn't seem to find the right words as she watched Grissom eye the little girl from head to toe.

"This is Emma," explained Sara.

"My parents…there was no one…else," Sara stopped as the last six days seemed to wash over her.

She had not realized how emotionally spent she was.

Grissom took her by the arm.

It was her elbow.

She thought she felt two fingers.

It was more contact from him than she'd felt in months.

"Come," he said softly.

She expected him to lead her to his office but instead they stepped out of the lab and headed to the diner.

They chose a booth in the back.

Emma nibbled on some fries while Grissom made small talk about the past six days.

Emma yawned.

Sara finished her salad just as Emma's head slipped down into Sara's lap. Sara was surprised when Grissom slipped off his jacket and laid it over the sleeping child.

"Tell me how you've been," he whispered.

_How've I been?_

_I lost the only persons who ever loved me and…_

_I failed at getting you to love me…_

She did.

She spoke about the deaths.

She spoke about leaving the estate in the air since she had to return.

He listened.

He really listened as Sara's voice was soft and low. He merely read her lips when her voice faltered but her lips said so much more than she could voice.

Grissom stared at the small child.

"I've arranged for a neighbor to watch Emma while I work," she explained hurriedly. "She'll go to school near my apartment until I can find a school…a good school…she needs a private school…she went to a special school for advanced children but I don't think she would do well right now because of the accident…she was in the car…saw the fire…watched as they took…we still don't know what happened to her dog…Bruno…I'm still looking but…."

Sara gulped in air.

It was far more than she had wanted to say and she wondered if any of it was making any sense.

His hand lay there on the table merely inches from where hers sat. All he had to do was simply move a few inches and he would be holding her hand. It was as close as he dare get.

The crack in the dam of her emotions threatened to overflow but she continued, needing to talk to someone and he knew she was desperate to talk by her willingness to talk with him.

It wasn't like they had been talking in the last few months.

There had been nothing but work related talks between them in the last few months and even those had been strained at times.

_How did I let it get like this?_

Grissom swallowed down his own emotions at seeing the young brunette struggle with every detail.

"She hasn't cried, Grissom. It's been almost a week and she hasn't cried," said Sara as she sighed mournfully and he wondered at that moment if she had even taken the time to mourn herself.

"She's in shock…needs time to comprehend…Sara, are you alright?"

She shook her head over and over.

The honesty had been too much for both of them.

She had no idea why she was being so honest.

It would have been easier and less painful for both of them if she had merely stated what she always did.

"I'm fine," had become Sara Sidle's motto.

At the moment she could not seem to keep her feelings hid.

It was proving to be difficult on both of them as she tried not to cry and he tried very hard not to take her hand to his lips.

He tried to be a voice of reason during this strain.

"You need to think things through…make sure you're doing what's best for you…and her," he said.

"I am doing what's best," she said barely above a whisper.

"You need to mourn…both of you do," he stressed. "Then you can decide what's best."

"I know what I'm doing, Grissom," she snapped at him.

"I didn't mean to upset you…it's just…you need to consider what's best for…Emma."

"You think I'm not that?" she almost shrieked.

He seemed to be making a mess of things.

"Sara, she needs a family…you work nights…doubles…this job is not designed for a single person to raise a…."

"Have you given this lecture to Catherine?" she spat.

Sara gently pulled the little girl into her arms.

"I'll be at work in two days," she said.

He could not keep his eyes off the little girl in Sara's arms.

He'd never seen Sara in a motherly role before but here she was cradling the child with care as her little head rested underneath Sara's.

Sara's arms were wrapped protectively around the small frame as she glowered over him.

"Emma is my responsibility," she almost cried.

She slipped away.

He could not help but watch as Sara placed the young child into a car seat and then lovingly kiss the child on the forehead before shutting the car door.

He thought of nothing else while he attempted to focus on his work as images of Sara holding the young child occupied every moment.

He felt guilty for his inability to give her what she needed at that moment.

He threw the textbook across the room as Brass stepped into his office.

"What did the book do to you?" he asked.

"Is there something you need?" asked Grissom sounding rather irritated.

"Yeah, an update on Sara," said Brass.

"Sara is…"

He didn't know how Sara was doing.

He knew how he was doing.

He was way in over his head.

He was hopelessly in love with the young woman who had suddenly become a single parent.

Note from author:

Thanks to everyone for the wonderful reviews. I am still washing clothes from our vacation…LOL.

Take care!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

The first night in Vegas had not gone very well.

Emma had sat there on the edge of the bed while Sara unpacked some of the boxes that had arrived.

Boxes lined the walls.

In Sara's haste she had not kept track of the amount of boxes that had been packed.

Clearly it would not fit in the small apartment and she would need to rent a storage facility.

_She needs a room of her own…_

_I need to buy a house…_

Sara placed some of Emma's toys along the dresser.

"I know this is not like your room in San Francisco but…"

"It's okay," replied Emma.

"No, it's not. I never needed much room since it was just me," said Sara. "This apartment is a little cramped with…"

"I don't need room," Emma protested. "My toys can stay in a box…Sara, can I stay?"

The words from young girl reminded her of her own words years ago.

She had asked Mrs. Holmes that very question.

"_Can I stay?"_

Usually she had not given the least bit indication that she wanted to be anywhere which was part of the reason she was usually returned by the other foster parents.

"_She's too withdrawn, certainly has mental issues."_

"_She's damaged…needs a psychiatric facility."_

"_Her mother was a murderer…could she do the same?"_

The Holmes had taken Sara into their home and had loved her unconditionally. She had blossomed in their care. It was the happiest time in Sara's life.

Sara hugged Emma tight.

"I didn't mean…of course, you can stay. We're never going to be separated again," vowed Sara.

"You promise?"

"I promise," answered Sara trying desperately not to break down in front of the little girl.

She held the little girl until she fell asleep.

Sara gently covered her with a blanket before she stepped out of the bedroom.

_How could I be so insensitive…_

There was no time to berate herself.

She opened a box and saw her family staring back at her.

It was a photo of a happier time, a time before Gil Grissom had entered her life.

Her phone rang and she answered.

"Sidle," she gulped between tears.

"Sara?" Grissom asked.

"Yes?"

"Some forms arrived here in the office," he explained.

"Forms?" she asked.

"From San Francisco," he answered.

_Dad's partner isn't wasting any time trying to get his hands on the rest of the company…_

She was just not up for a fight at the moment.

She gulped again and again.

He knew she was crying.

"It can wait," she blurted out before she closed the phone, curling up on the couch as she clutched the photo.

An hour passed and then there was a knock at the door.

She was not up to another condolence.

She opened the door wide and was surprised to find Grissom standing there holding a manila envelope.

"I thought I would…how are you?" he stuttered.

His voice sounded odd.

She stood there as he attempted to find his voice.

"I brought the envelope…I thought…you sounded like…you needed…someone," Grissom barely got out.

She needed him but she knew better than to ask the impossible.

"Mind if I come in?" he asked.

She stepped back.

Grissom looked around the room.

He seemed relieved when he saw the boxes being unpacked.

He feared she might decide to return to San Francisco.

"I've been unpacking," she explained as she tried to find something to do with her hands.

He could tell that she was nervous.

This was quite different for both of them.

"Can I help?" he asked.

His gesture surprised them both.

He wanted to do something.

He wanted to help her get through this.

He needed her happy again.

He couldn't remember the last time she had actually smiled.

"It's just…photos…I haven't decided what to do with…I mean I have to meet with an attorney…about the house…the company."

Grissom nodded. "Sara, there's no rush for you to come back."

"I think it would be better…if I did…I need the work," she admitted.

"Are you alright…I mean…financially?" he asked suddenly.

"I'm fine. I didn't mean…work helps keep my mind off…" her eyes fell to the floor.

"Let me help," he offered.

He didn't wait for a reply but found himself needing to do something with his hands before he pulled her into an embrace and whispered promises he wasn't sure he was ready to give.

He picked up a box and opened it.

He did another and another.

She finally stopped him. "There's no more room," she murmured.

"Anything else?" he asked.

"I have some other boxes but I'll wait until Emma wakes," she said quietly.

He glanced through the open door and saw the sleeping child.

Part of him desperately wanted to know more about this 'Emma' but he accepted only what Sara divulged.

He sensed she was barely holding on to her emotions.

Grissom glanced at his watch.

"Thank you for helping. I'll make arrangements for the rest to be stored," explained Sara.

He nodded.

He'd never seen her so vulnerable.

She was clearly exhausted emotionally and physically.

"Sara, you can…talk with me…as friends…not…supervisor and employee," he got out.

Sara stared blankly at the proposal.

She did not have time to respond.

A small mournful scream came from the next room.

Sara bolted from the room as Grissom followed.

Sara quickly held the small child as she clung to Sara.

"It was just a dream, Emma," whispered Sara.

"The fire…my hands hurt…I want Papa Joe…I want Momma Emm," she whimpered.

"I'm sorry, Emma," whispered Sara. "But they're…."

She couldn't say it.

She felt very much like Emma.

She wanted them back.

It wasn't fair.

"Sara, where are they?" a small voice asked.

"They're…" Sara struggled with an explanation.

She'd never been really religious.

She blamed it on ignorance but it was more of defiance and stubbornness.

She blamed God for the miserable parents who only knew how to hurt rather than love.

She'd almost found herself believing when she came to live with the Holmes but life taught Sara a lesson in cruelty and the sting was still very much felt.

Now, she as well as Emma felt the latest blow.

Grissom sat down on the bed.

"They're in Heaven," he said quickly.

Emma nodded but then asked, "Will I see them again?"

"Yes….but not for a long time...but you'll see them again," he said with certainty.

Emma stared at her little hands. "My hands hurt."

Grissom looked concerned. "May I see your hands?"

Grissom gently examined the bandages on the burns.

"I think we should put some ointment on your hands and replace these bandages."

"Will it hurt?" she asked.

"I'll show you a trick my father taught me," said Grissom.

Sara disappeared briefly but returned with new bandages and ointment.

"Now, close your eyes," said Grissom.

Emma closed her eyes.

Sara told a story about "The Kissing Hand."

While Sara's voice soothed the child's fears, he gently cut away the bandages and examined the burns more closely.

Grissom listened to Sara's story as he worked.

He rubbed the ointment onto the burns and then wrapped the hands once again.

As she finished the story, she lifted each hand and gently placed a kiss on each palm.

"My favorite," yawned Emma.

"Did it hurt?" asked Grissom.

Emma shook her head. "You have warm hands."

He smiled at her.

"Try to go back to sleep," urged Sara.

Emma pulled one of her dolls closer and closed her eyes.

Grissom and Sara stepped out of the room.

"Thank you," whispered Sara.

"You're very good with her," replied Grissom.

Without thinking, he took her hand and kissed the palm the same way he'd seen her do with Emma.

It was sweet and tender.

"I am sorry…Sara," he said.

Her head bobbed up and down.

She was exhausted.

His hands reached out as he cautiously pulled her toward him but kept her at arm's length.

It did not matter since just the mere touch of skin to skin brought shivers to both.

She wasn't used to this.

He wasn't used to doing this.

She almost gasped when one hand stroked her hair.

He had no idea why he did it other than he felt the strong need to comfort her.

It was comforting.

It reminded her of her father who often spent hours doing just that.

Joe Holmes insisted on being the one to comfort her when the nightmares would not go away.

He knew very well how cruel Sara's father had been to her.

He did not want her to feel that all men were cruel.

She came to yearn for his touch and approval.

It surprised them both when Sara stepped away.

She knew it had been hard for Grissom to offer just this much.

"Thank you…again," she said. "I seem to be a mess right now…trying to unpack…get Emma settled…she's very insecure right now."

_You're very insecure, Sara…_

Both were quiet.

"She didn't sleep well in the hospital or…at the house," Sara tried to explain. "This is all new…for both of us."

She visibly was shaking, as her resolve slowly ebbed away.

"Sara, sit down," he said gently as he watched her try to hide her trembling hands.

She sat down on the couch.

Grissom joined her.

The touching was gone but she felt the heat of his body.

Just to have him close was still soothing but aching.

She talked.

She wasn't sure what she talked about as her brain refused to shut down.

Grissom listened to the nonsense, nodding every now and then.

Her head slowly leaned against the back of the couch.

Grissom noticed a photo album.

"May I?" he asked.

She nodded.

He pulled out the photo album and flipped through the pages.

He smiled.

It was photos of Sara as a young child.

Slowly, he saw glimpses of her past through the photos.

At first, the photos reflected a sad, much too frail, young girl but then a happy vibrant child emerged.

Her lids closed as she talked about the photos.

There was no need to see; she'd memorized every photo, every expression, every moment, as if there were her last.

What was more surprising was her willingness to let him see into her past.

She'd never been this open but then Sara Sidle had never been this vulnerable and he felt a need to protect her.

He remembered giving into vulnerability and getting hurt far worse than he had ever imagined.

He vowed he would never do that again.

Relationships were not worth the pain and anguish he had insisted.

As he listened to Sara, he almost wanted to reconsider.

As he neared the end of the album, he glanced up and noticed she had fallen asleep.

Grissom grabbed a throw and covered her.

His hand gently stroked her hair.

He wondered when she would tell him about the rest of her past.

It was by sheer coincidence that Brass had stumbled across fragments of Sara's past.

He'd been in a small town on a murder investigation and had struck up a conversation with the police chief who began talking about the only hideous murder that had happened in their small town.

It was no coincidence that the murder victim's last name was "Sidle."

Brass listened intently about the trial in which the charges were later reduced to manslaughter.

There was even the mention of a young girl who had been a witness to the murder.

Brass had shown up on Grissom's doorstep one evening with the discovery.

It helped make sense of Sara's reaction to some cases.

It also explained why Sara was secretive about her past.

By the photos, Sara was genuinely loved by the Holmes and now Sara had to endure the loss of another family.

He leaned over and softly kissed her on the cheek.

He wondered if she would ever trust him enough to divulge that part of her past.

He had steered clear of the obvious discrepancies in their last names, not pushing for her to reveal anything she was not ready to relinquish.

To everyone it was obvious the Holmes' were not her real parents but no one said anything.

He glanced toward the bedroom where the small child slept.

He knew by Sara's interaction with the child that she cared very much but he was not certain whether Sara had taken the needs of the child into consideration.

The child needed a mother and father.

Sara's job would certainly not help matters.

He feared that her past might be clouding her judgment or worse, he wasn't sure whether Sara's past would hinder her ability to parent a child.

Oh, he wasn't being judgmental.

He felt the same about himself.

Both were very much damaged goods.

He knew she was hurting and felt a need to prevent as much heartache as possible for the young woman who seemed to have stolen what little fragments of his heart that remained.

An hour passed before she woke with a start.

"I'm sorry," she murmured as she stretched. "I didn't realize I was so tired," she admitted.

"Emma is still sleeping," he said.

Sara glanced at the clock and struggled to get off the couch. "I was supposed to call dad's brother," she explained as she fumbled on the counter for a folder.

"Brother?" he asked.

He glanced toward the bedroom and wondered if the brother was a better choice for Emma.

"They were not on the best of terms. He rarely came around. Mom said he was jealous of Dad's success."

He quickly dismissed the option for Emma at that added tidbit of information.

"Let the attorney handle it there," he urged.

She nodded.

As soon as he left, Sara stared at the two messages.

_The partner…_

_Or the not so nice uncle_…

She opted for the partner.

The conversation was far from pleasant.

Sam Daniels had reported the business was practically bankrupt.

The news took Sara by surprise.

The conversation ended with Sara's threat to hire an attorney.

The man had cursed.

"Look, Joe squandered his money for years trying to get your sorry mother to relinquish her parental rights. He spent way too much time with his family than he did with the business. You're not even his daughter but a snot nosed foster kid he took in. You're not entitled to a dime."

"I'll leave that to the estate. By the way, my father loved his family very much but he was also a smart business man. He poured a lot of his own money into expanding the business…much more than you did. We'll see what the audit says."

"Audit?"

"I'm requesting an audit of all assets and until the estate is settled, you have no authority to transfer or sell any portion of the business. Oh, by the way, this snot nosed foster kid is no dummy."

Sara hung up.

She stood there heaving.

She fumed when the door bell rang.

Sara opened the door and was surprised to see Nick and Greg standing there with pizza boxes.

"We heard you were back and…" Nick stopped suddenly as Sara threw herself into his arms.

Nick and Greg exchanged glances as Sara clung to Nick.

She was tired of being strong and for a moment wanted to feel the security of someone's arms even if it was only friendship.

She knew Nick would oblige.

There was certainly nothing romantic between them but Sara knew that Nick would never spurn her.

"You okay?" asked Nick. "We would have come sooner if we knew you were back but Grissom just mentioned it and…" Nick's voice trailed off when he saw Emma.

Sara turned to see Emma.

Sara turned her back to the child as she wiped her eyes.

"Emma, this is Nick and Greg," called Sara.

"Hey, Emma," smiled Nick.

Sara ushered them in as she quickly came to stand beside the little girl who instinctively wrapped her arms around Sara's legs.

"This is Emma. She's going to be living with me now," explained Sara.

Awkwardness slowly disappeared as Greg and Emma sat in the floor and watched Animal Planet on TV.

"Sara, we would have helped," offered Nick quietly.

"I didn't know how to ask…or what to ask…I'm just planning as I go," said Sara.

Nick pulled her into his arms.

She closed her eyes when she felt his lips on her forehead letting herself imagine it was Grissom and not Nick.

Nick was so very different than Grissom.

He was not afraid to show his emotions while Grissom took great effort to hide his.

"I'm sorry, Sara. I can't imagine what it's like to lose both of your parents at the same time," whispered Nick. "I'm sure your little sister just needs to adjust…to the loss."

Sara nodded.

She nodded as she decided she could not go into her past at the moment.

It was too raw.

"Grissom said you needed some time…to adjust. He didn't mention…Emma."

"I'm coming back…in a few days," Sara gulped.

Nick tightened his hug.

"Sara, take some time off…to figure this out," urged Nick.

"There's not much more to figure out…except…more space. I need a house," whispered Sara.

Emma's head bobbed up.

Sara smiled at her.

"She looks scared," replied Nick.

"I was complaining about space…she thought……God, Nick she thought I was complaining about her…she asked if she could stay."

Sara quickly swiped at her tears causing him to plant another kiss on her forehead.

Sara leaned into the kiss, needing to feel some sense of affection even if it was just brotherly.

"There's a storage facility not far from here. Greg and I can help move the boxes there. Doc has a friend in the real estate business."

"I'll need to wait awhile…save some," she said.

"Sara, if you ever need anything…"

"We're going to be fine," she said getting up from the couch.

Nick followed her to the kitchen as she put away her glass.

"I know you're not the type to ask but the offer still stands," said Nick.

Sara nodded but then she quickly turned away from Nick.

He pulled her back into his arms.

Sara turned, letting her head rest on his shoulder as he rubbed her back.

"You okay?" he whispered.

"No…but I have to be…for Emma," she gulped.

It tore at him to see her so upset.

"Sara…"

"It's just been a long day and I'm tired. You just caught me at a bad time," she sniffled.

Nick wasn't so sure.

Sara's eyes displayed as much fear as Emma's.

Note from author:

Thanks for the reviews. I thought we would begin posting twice a day.

Take care!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

The next day flew by and soon, Sara was getting ready for work.

It was hard seeing Emma stand there with her small hand in Mrs. Fletcher's.

Sara felt as if she were abandoning the child.

"She'll be fine, Sara."

Sara stared at the little girl.

"I'll be home in the morning," urged Sara to Emma.

Emma nodded.

She stepped into the lab like she had done hundreds of times before but thoughts of Emma alone with Mrs. Fletcher unnerved her.

The child had seemed lost although she had not clung to Sara but tried to be brave.

Sara remembered those feelings.

She'd worried for weeks that Mr. and Mrs. Holmes would send her back to the foster home but when they asked to keep her on a permanent basis, she had tried to please them by excelling on every academic level.

Her Foster father was impressed.

Her Foster mother worried about her insecurities.

The insecurities had never really left and now she saw those same insecurities in Emma.

Sara grabbed her messages and headed to the conference room where the others were already seated.

It was not like her to be the last person to arrive but she'd spent way too much time leaving Emma with Mrs. Fletcher.

Grissom's eyes shot to the doorway as she stood there.

"Sorry, I'm late," she said.

"By your standards," huffed Greg. He handed her a cup of coffee and she took it.

"I guess that's it," said Grissom. "Let's get to work."

It was the others cue to leave.

Sara sat there unsure what she was to do.

"I could help someone out," she offered.

"How's Emma?" he asked.

"She's good. Warrick might need help on that…"

"You could have taken some more leave," he offered.

She shook her head. "We just need…you want me to help Warrick?"

"You would…tell me…if you needed help?"

_No, I wouldn't._

"Sure," she lied.

She started to get up but then slipped back down into her seat.

"I appreciate…this. It's just…"

"I haven't been much of a friend. I know you've tried to talk…about other things…in the past…I'm sorry. I really meant it when I said you could talk with me," urged Grissom.

She felt as if she couldn't breathe at that moment.

He was being nice.

His hand slowly made its way to rest on hers.

Perhaps it was the lack of sleep or the emotional upheaval she felt that caused her resolve to slip. Her foster parents were dead.

Sara was alone again.

This time there was a five year little girl who needed her to be strong.

She gulped for air as she tried to find the words. "I need to…talk with you…sometime…maybe…"

His hand disappeared from hers.

"Hey Grissom, there's a 419…" Judy stopped in midsentence. "Did I interrupt something?"

"No," said Sara quickly as she hurried out of sight. "I can take that."

He'd hoped to continue the conversation but crime scenes and bodies seemed to get in the way.

By the time he made it back to the lab, she had already left.

He had no idea what he was doing when he knocked on her apartment door.

He heard a slight crash followed by a small voice.

"It's okay, Emma…really," Sara urged as she opened the door without looking.

"Grissom?"

He glanced over Sara's shoulder and quickly sprang into action as Emma attempted to pick up the broken glass.

"Emma!"

The little girl stopped immediately.

She gripped the glass in her hand.

Sara picked up the little girl and sat her on the counter away from the broken glass on the floor.

"I'm sorry, Sara," she said over and over.

Sara clasped the small face in her hands.

"It was an accident," said Sara. She took the glass from the girl's hand. Grissom noticed the other hand behind the little girl's back.

"I'll clean this up," said Grissom.

He saw a utility closet and went into action.

Sara pulled the little girl's hand back.

She noticed the small cut.

"Let's get this cleaned," said Sara as she lifted the little girl and disappeared into the bathroom.

Grissom listened to the conversation as he cleaned up the broken glass.

"I'm sorry."

"Emma, it was an accident."

"I won't do it again."

"You probably will…like me. I break things all the time. I didn't really like those glasses."

"You didn't?"

"No."

"Oh."

"We'll pick out a new set."

"You're not mad?"

"Never."

"Am I a problem?"

"No!"

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"I like Grissom."

"You do?"

"Yes. Do you think he likes us?"

"He's my boss."

"Is he nice to you?"

"Yes."

"Do you like him?"

"Yes."

"Does he like me?"

"Yes, I do," said Grissom as he stood in the doorway.

Sara placed the band-aid on Emma's finger.

Emma waved her finger at him.

"Sara made it better."

"I'm sorry. I forgot…I didn't even ask what you needed," said Sara turning to face Grissom.

Grissom shuffled his feet.

Sara glanced at Emma.

"Emma, I think your favorite show is coming on," whispered Sara.

"I like to watch "MeerKat Manor," announced Emma.

"Have you ever seen a real meerkat?" asked Grissom.

Emma shook her head.

"There're some at the zoo here," announced Grissom.

Sara set the little girl down.

She expected the little girl to plop down on the bed to watch television but instead, she ran to Grissom, wrapping her arms around his legs.

Grissom returned the hug.

He lifted the little girl and sat her on the bed.

Once the little girl was settled, Sara stepped out of the room and closed the door.

"We didn't get to finish…you needed to tell me something," he said.

She looked dumbstruck.

He never bothered with her feelings before.

There had been countless times when she had practically followed him around attempting to talk with him but he had dismissed her.

At times it had been painful.

Sara slowly recovered.

"I'm sorry. Would you like some coffee?" she asked.

"Coffee would be good," he replied.

She handed him the cup.

He took a sip.

She did the same.

"So… what do you want to talk about?" he asked.

_Where do I begin?_

"You were right…I'm going to let the attorney handle…everything," she blurted out not really wanting to discuss it.

"That's good," he replied.

Silence returned.

"How is Emma with her new school?" asked Grissom trying to start up the conversation again.

"She didn't really interact with the other children today. The teacher sent a note home."

"It's only been…"

"The teacher acknowledged that…she sent home alphabet letters for Emma to learn."

"You didn't tell her about Emma?"

"I wanted them to look at Emma as any normal five year old…not some…she needs friends…needs to play…be a child…not rush…"

"Are you saying that from experience?" he asked.

"You and I both were…above average in school. I for one remember being singled out…sometimes others wouldn't play with me because I was different."

"It did get girls to notice me," he chided. "That is until I finished their homework and then they sort of disappeared."

"Yeah, well, I'm not going to let that happen to Emma."

He smiled.

"So Emma is going to play dumb?"

"No, Emma is going to do whatever she wants…without any expectation to succeed."

"You think she needs to talk with a counselor?" asked Grissom.

Sara gripped the coffee cup tight. "She's having nightmares…about the car being on fire."

"You don't like counselors," said Grissom.

"Do you?" she countered.

He grinned but then set his cup on the counter. "There's nothing wrong with seeking help when you need it."

He hoped Sara would take the advice.

She needed counseling as much as Emma did.

Sara did not reply but sat her cup in the sink.

"Shift go okay?" he asked.

"Good," she lied. She had worried about Emma all day and had trouble focusing.

"Sara…"

"I should get Emma ready for school," she lied.

He turned and took a good look at her. He knew he should order her to take a leave of absence.

"Is there anything else?" he asked.

There was so much but Sara could not talk with Emma in the next room.

She shook her head.

He seemed disappointed.

He waved at Emma as Sara walked him to the door.

He hesitated for a moment but cleared his throat.

"Sara…"

She blinked those dark chocolate orbs at him and he could not bring himself to be firm with her.

"I'll see you this evening," he said.

Note from author:

It's going to be a wild day so I am either going to post early or post late. Many of you are already guessing…most answers come by chapter 5 and definitely by 10 so hang in there.

Take care!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Days passed.

There had not been time to keep his eye on her as there was a steady flow of bodies and cases.

Grissom kept his ears open to the others as they slowly gave him tidbits about her.

He stepped out of a meeting one evening and found Emma sitting in a chair beside Sara's desk.

Sara turned and hurried toward him.

"Grissom…"

"Hi Emma," said Grissom.

The little girl waved.

"Griss, Mrs. Fletcher is sick," reported Sara.

"Don't you have a back up?" he asked.

"Back up?" asked Sara sounding tired.

"Sara, most parents have someone on standby in these situations."

Sara tried to hide her frustration.

"It seems the only friends I have work graveyard with me."

"She can't stay here in the lab," he said softly.

"I don't have…anyone…else."

"Take off," he said. "And…Sara, you need to get a back up."

He regretted his little lecture the moment he took a good look at her.

It was obvious she had already beaten herself up for not thinking that this might happen.

"I would get a back up if I had a life. I don't have a life because I work graveyard. I work graveyard because…"

She stood there clenching her fists.

"Look, take off…you have the leave."

"I have the Thompson case…with the D.A...for court tomorrow."

He realized her frustration.

She couldn't take off.

He glanced at Emma who sat there quietly.

He'd planned to do nothing but paperwork that shift.

She'd probably fall asleep soon.

"Go," he said.

Sara did not follow his meaning.

"Go! I'll watch Emma."

"You?" she almost scoffed.

He frowned. "Catherine trusted me with Lindsey a time or two."

Sara glanced back and forth.

"I'll hurry," she said.

"No, you won't. The D.A. has been wary about our evidence on the Thompson case. You've got to walk them through it."

Sara quickly walked over to Emma.

"Emma, Grissom is going to take you to his office," she said. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

Grissom extended his hand and the little girl took it.

Sara watched them disappear down the hall.

He glanced down at the small child as they walked.

Persons stopped to notice the spectacle.

Emma moved in closer almost hugging his leg.

Grissom's hand instinctively caressed her small hand.

Her eyes drifted up to Grissom.

Those dark chocolate orbs caught his breath.

Once inside his office, he shut the door.

He pulled out a blanket from a cabinet along with a pillow and placed it on the couch.

"You can lie down if you want," he offered.

She chose to sit in the chair across from his desk.

He grabbed a stack of papers and began working.

Small eyes watched his every movement.

He glanced up.

Her face was sad as she sat there.

"I'm sort of hungry. Are you?" he asked.

She did not reply.

"Emma, are you scared?" he asked.

She nodded.

His stomach knotted.

"Me too."

Her eyes widened.

"Why?" came a small voice.

"I've not been around kids much…forgotten what it's like to be a kid."

"It's scary," she said.

"Why?"

"People leave you."

He gulped.

"Sara just left for a little while."

He didn't like this.

The child was merely stating what he'd declared years ago.

_People leave you…_

_They say they love you and then they leave…_

_Love is cruel…_

"Sometimes she would leave for a long time. Momma Emm said she would come back…she did."

Grissom nodded.

"Sara loves you."

"I love Sara."

He smiled.

A small smile appeared but did not stay on the child's face.

"I'm still hungry," he said trying to change the subject.

"Me too…but I can wait," she announced.

"For what?"

"For Sara."

"I don't like to eat by myself," admitted Grissom.

"You don't?"

Grissom shook his head.

"I could eat…with you," Emma answered nervously.

Grissom took the little girl's hand and headed to the diner across the street.

He sat there watching Emma devour a hamburger and chuckled.

_Meat eater…_

"Thank you for eating with me, Emma."

"Thank you for dinner. Grissom?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you like Sara?"

Grissom swallowed his food before answering.

"Yes, I do."

"She likes you."

He wiped his mouth. "She does?"

"Momma Emm said Sara came here for you."

_Oh…._

"I asked Sara to come to Vegas to help me with a case. She decided to stay."

"I know," said the little girl glumly.

"How long have you and Sara been together?"

"Momma Emm said…" The little girl stopped as if she was afraid.

"I like you," said Grissom. "Can we be friends?"

Emma nodded.

"Friends can share things…help each other. Is there something I can help you with?" asked Grissom.

"Can you…make Sara happy?"

Grissom felt his chest tighten.

"Sara?"

"Momma Emm said that Sara couldn't live with us because she wasn't happy with us…me."

Grissom gulped.

"Emma, Sara loves you very much. You make her happy."

Emma took a fry and ate it.

"Momma Emm said Sara needed to…find her better half. I don't understand that."

Grissom choked on the fry he'd deposited in his mouth.

"Grissom?"

He was afraid to continue the conversation.

"Yes?"

"Sara is sad."

"Why do you say that?"

"She cries…a lot."

"She misses her parents."

"I miss them too."

"Emma, have you cried?"

She shook her head.

"Why not?"

She did not reply.

They headed back to the lab.

The little girl caressed Grissom's hand and he stopped in mid stride.

Emma stared up at him.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked.

"No. I just thought you needed to be reminded that I'm here…they're staring at you."

He grinned.

They headed down the hall.

He grabbed his messages as persons stopped, giving updates on cases.

When they attempted to refer to a body, he would cut them off, using "DB" instead.

Once they returned to his office, Emma yawned.

He walked her to the couch.

"You should sleep," he said.

"I'm not sleepy," she pouted even though she yawned again.

"Are you afraid to sleep?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Why?" as he sat down beside her and was surprised when the small child curled her body up next to his.

"Dreams," she whispered.

"Dreams can be good," he said.

"Mine are bad…Sara's is too."

"Sara?"

Emma nodded.

"She used to wake us…when she was visiting."

_Oh Sara…_

"When did your bad dreams begin?"

"Fire," she whispered.

He caressed her hair as he hugged her.

"The nightmares will go away," he assured her.

"Sara still has…nightmares."

"What does she dream about?" he asked feeling guilty for his need to find out more about Sara's past through the child.

"Momma Emm said something bad happened to Sara."

_I know…_

He did not know why he did but he kissed her on the forehead.

Emma climbed into his lap.

He didn't know how to react.

She placed her head on his chest.

"You feel safe," she whispered.

He hugged her tight at that moment.

"Grissom?"

"Hmmm?" he managed to get out.

"Momma Emm said that one day I would come to live with...Sara."

The little girl lifted her head so that they were eye to eye.

"You have blue eyes," she remarked.

"My father had blue eyes like me," he explained.

"Momma Emm said I have Sara's eyes."

He stiffened but smiled.

He took her small hand and stared at the small bandage hiding the burns that were healing.

He kissed the palm of her hand.

Emma stared directly into his eyes and smiled.

It was a genuine smile…a Sidle smile.

He gulped.

Emma leaned up and whispered in Grissom's ear. "Momma Emm said I look like my momma…Sara."

"You do…look like Sara."

She glanced around. "I don't think anyone is supposed to know….but Momma Emm told me."

Grissom nodded, trying to take in the revelation.

"Emma, has Sara told you…she's your mother?"

She shook her head.

"Emma…"

"Momma Emm…told me…she said someday Sara would be ready to be a momma."

Grissom did not know how to reply.

He could not imagine why Sara would have a child and not acknowledge it.

"You think she's ready?" asked Emma.

"Do you?"

"I don't need much," pouted Emma.

Grissom rubbed her back.

_How could she do that?_

_Leave Emma?_

_Just pack up and leave and come to…_

_She came to Vegas because of me…_

"Emma?"

He glanced down and noticed the small child was asleep.

He glanced over at his paperwork.

It could wait.

He chose to hold Emma.

**Note from author:**

From the mouth of a child…. Hang in there as the story unfolds… Can you imagine the questions Grissom has for Sara....

Take care!


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

A few hours later Sara rushed into the office to find Emma curled in Grissom's lap.

His head snapped up when she entered.

"I'm sorry…it ran over," she gasped trying to catch her breath.

"Did it go well?" he asked.

"Yes."

She glanced at the clock and then his desk.

"Grissom, you should have left hours ago…I'm sorry. You didn't get anything done."

"Paperwork can wait another day," he replied.

"I'll take her," she said.

"Sara, we need to talk."

"This won't happen again," she said. "I'll…"

His hand went up stopping her.

"It will probably happen again," he whispered. "It happened to Catherine a lot."

"It won't! I'll get a back up. I'll…"

"Sara…"

"I'm not sending her away!" She blurted it out before she could stop herself.

She stood there in a defensive stance.

"I didn't mean…" he watched as she stared intently at the sleeping child.

"Sit down," he said sternly.

Sara pulled up the desk chair.

"If it happens again, we'll work around it…I'm sure the others will help also," he said.

She nodded.

He glanced down at Emma.

"She's quite a little girl," he said with a smile.

Sara's heart fluttered.

His eyes turned to Sara.

"She's very insecure."

"I know."

"She's afraid you're going to leave her."

"I'm not."

He looked at her accusingly and Sara sensed it.

"I would never hurt her," she almost choked.

He knew she wouldn't.

Intentions sometimes failed leaving hurt in its quake.

"Sara…"

There was a tap on the door.

Nick stuck his head inside.

"Hey, Emma is here," he whispered.

Sara scooped Emma into her arms.

"Thanks, Grissom," Sara whispered as she scurried out the door with the child.

"I'm worried about her," said Nick as he watched Sara flee the lab.

"Has she talked with you?" asked Grissom.

"Sara? She talks…but not about herself. She mentions Emma…I'm worried about her not Emma."

"Emma is having a hard time adjusting. She lost her family," said Grissom hoping he might get a little more information through Nick.

"Sara is just the person to help her but who's going to help Sara? She won't let any of us…help **her**."

Nick stepped closer. "Grissom…I know she would listen…to you."

"I'll talk with her. Go home, you're on over time."

"Right."

Another week passed and yet she dodged his every effort to talk.

Oh, there was general small talk that evolved around Emma.

He worried about her well being as he watched her struggle to be what Emma needed.

He realized just how inept Sara was in the world.

They were very much alike and yet Sara used every inch of strength to provide what Emma needed.

It was exhaustive and heart wrenching to see her second guess her every move even though it was clearly the right decision.

The small girl had become quite smitten with Grissom.

There were cards sent which he politely replied.

She sent him cookies which he ate although they were quite brown on the bottom.

Today, her frustration was at an all time high.

She vented some of the frustration out on the locker door.

The others fled.

He took pity on them and paired himself with her for the night.

"Catherine is coming back tomorrow from her vacation," he announced while they worked.

A lot had happened since she was gone.

Sara wondered how the woman would take the news about Emma.

She was sure the woman would no doubt watch her every move, just waiting to pounce on any mistake she made with the child.

It's not that they did not like one another.

Catherine looked at Sara as competition for any future supervisory positions.

There were quotas to fill and eventually a female would be promoted to supervisor.

Catherine had never worried about competition until Sara arrived.

Now, she was quick to point out any mistake made by Sara Sidle and it was usually done in front of an audience.

"Want to tell me what's wrong?" he asked as she threw her kit into his vehicle.

"I need to find another school for Emma," she breathed.

"What happened?" he asked.

"The teacher thinks Emma is not bright enough. Can you believe that?" she huffed.

"I take it Emma…"

"She's not interested in lesson time…why would she? She knows the alphabet…she even reads the notes that her teacher leaves for me in cursive. Emma asked me if she was mentally slow?"

Grissom looked shocked. "What kind of teacher makes such a decision like that in only a few days?"

"I made a mistake," she said. "I thought I'd checked out the school but…this teacher is not working out...but then there's this kid…she's made friends. I don't want to move Emma."

He saw how her admission had cost her.

"Sara, every…parent makes mistakes. Why don't you ask Catherine if…"

Sara bristled. "I'll talk with the teacher."

Grissom grinned. "Emma is probably smarter than the teacher."

Sara let a slight grin escape. "She is….I'm sure of it. She's made friends. She's beginning to smile more even though she still has…the dreams."

"Nightmares," he corrected.

She nodded.

It was a word she did not like to use.

Sara didn't even want to mention her own.

"Sara, I know you don't want to discuss counseling but…"

"She just needs to mourn," she breathed. "She hasn't cried over Mom and Dad."

"Have you mourned?" he asked.

Sara ignored the question.

"I've tried talking with her," she said letting the frustration seep through her voice.

"Maybe……I could…talk…with her," he said.

Sara did a sideways glance at Grissom.

The thought of Grissom discussing feelings would be something she would want to witness.

He'd shown more of his feelings with Emma than he'd ever displayed before.

He seemed to naturally take to the child.

Of course, Emma was quite madly in love with Dr. Gil Grissom.

"Mind if I bring her to my house?" he asked.

"You want to take Emma…alone?" she asked.

"If you think she wouldn't mind spending a few hours at my house," he said.

"No…of course not," said Sara.

He seemed a bit uneasy after that but she dropped the subject although her mind was in overdrive as to how Grissom would survive a day with Emma and not give into her every whim.

Grissom picked up the child.

Sara was surprised Emma was so eager to leave without her.

She slipped her hand into his and waved to Sara.

When they arrived at the townhouse, Grissom spent the next couple of hours introducing her to the world of entomology.

The little girl was fascinated with his collection of butterflies.

She stared at the photos in Grissom's study.

"Who are they?" she asked.

"This is my mother and father," he said.

"Do they come to visit you?" she asked.

"No, they can't," replied Grissom.

"Do they live far away?" she asked.

"My father died when I was nine years old. My mother died a few years ago," he explained.

"Died?"

"Yes…like Momma Emm and Papa Joe."

Emma was quiet.

"You know, when my father died, I was the only person who didn't cry at the funeral."

"Why not?" asked Emma.

"I thought I needed to be strong for my mother but it only made her worry about me. It made her even sadder."

Emma stared at the photo.

"Why do people have to die?" she asked.

"Death is just a part of living."

"Do you think I made Sara sad…because I didn't cry?"

"She's worried about you…just like me. Everyone needs to cry when they hurt."

"Grissom, did you ever cry about your father?"

"Yes, I did. I sat with my mother and cried for a really long time and it made me feel better. When my mother died, I cried too."

"Who did you cry with?" she asked.

"I cried by myself. My mother was my only living relative."

"Sara cries by herself."

His heart flipped flopped at every single morsel of information he obtained about Sara.

"People tell you to cry when someone dies so you will get over them. I don't want to forget Momma Emm and Papa Joe."

"I cried over my mother and father and I still remember them. I have very good memories of them…not the bad stuff…like death."

Emma nodded.

Emma curled into his lap. Grissom held her. It started with a slight hiccup followed by a slow trickle of tears. Grissom gently wiped them from her small face as he kissed her lovingly on each cheek.

"You cry, Emma," he whispered. "I'll hold you until you're finished."

Hours went by as Sara began to fret.

They were supposed to be back hours ago.

She dialed his cell phone in desperation to know they were alright.

"Grissom?"

Sara could hear the steady cries coming from Emma.

"Grissom, what's wrong with Emma?" asked Sara frantically.

"She's fine, Sara. She's just having a good cry," he whispered. "We'll be home soon."

"Maybe I should come over?" she asked quickly.

"I'll bring her home when she's finished," he said.

A few hours later, Grissom tapped on Sara's door and she jerked it open. She looked quite frazzled. She quickly glanced down at Emma who smiled up at her.

"I like Grissom's home. We saw lots of bugs and…some were the kind Momma Emm would not let in her house," beamed Emma.

Emma tugged on Grissom's sleeve and he knelt down to her.

"Thanks, Grissom. Now, you can help Sara," she whispered.

He was relieved when she did not wait for a reply but kissed him on the cheek.

Grissom waited until Emma was tucked into bed before leaving the room.

"She had a good cry, Sara."

"She's okay now?" she asked worriedly.

"Yes."

Sara exhaled loudly.

"Since we're talking about Emma," began Grissom. "I'm not sure whether you've been reading these notes that have passed through you but…"

"No, I don't…read them," she said.

"I invited Emma to the zoo," he said.

She was shocked.

"I thought I would take her this weekend," he said.

"Grissom, you don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"I invited Emma," he said again.

"Oh…well, thank you," she said.

She didn't know what to make of it.

He'd become rather smitten with the young girl in such a short period of time.

It left Sara feeling quite alone as she struggled to deal with the loss and the fight with the uncle as well as her father's partner.

As his attention turned toward Emma, she let her guard down with her own emotions.

It was just too hard keeping up the front night and day.

Before Emma came, Sara could retreat to her apartment when she needed a pity party.

Those days were now gone.

**Note from author:**

So we're moving along…I know…you want to know who is Emma's father….coming soon…to an upcoming chapter…

Take care!


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven:**

Grissom paired himself with Sara during shift.

She seemed quiet.

"Sara…is everything…okay…with you?" he asked.

"Me?" she asked nervously.

"How are…**you**?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she lied.

"Are you?"

Blue eyes stared at her intently.

She glanced down at her hands.

"I'm …"

His phone rang but he ignored it.

"You should get that," she said.

"Sara, tell me," he insisted.

"I…"

Her phone rang.

She reached for it but he stopped her.

It was then his phone started again.

He cursed at the interruption as he refused to answer it.

By the time the phone had stopped, hers had begun again.

"Later," she said as she grabbed her phone.

She glanced at Grissom.

"Sidle" Sara glanced at Grissom.

"We're headed back there now," she said.

Grissom noticed his phone no longer rang.

He started the vehicle.

"That was Nick…he was trying to reach us…rather me."

"Is there something wrong…with Emma?" he asked quickly.

"I have a visitor…my uncle," she said in a low voice.

He could sense she was uncomfortable about the news.

"I take it you and…." he waited for her to fill in the name.

"Dan Holmes," she said quietly.

He knew she was upset just by the man's name.

"Is he going to be a problem?" he asked.

"We had words…not sure why he's here now. He was never around. He and my father did not get along."

"Perhaps he's trying to get information about the will," replied Grissom.

"The will?"

"Did they have a will?" he asked.

"Yes."

She leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes.

He did not say anything further.

Once they arrived, she tried to help with the evidence but Grissom refused, sending her on the task of confronting the uncle.

As soon as she stepped into the lobby, Dan Holmes stood with a man by his side.

She recognized him from photos.

"We can talk at my desk," she said.

They followed.

Sara glanced in Nick's direction as they walked by.

Once they arrived at her desk, Sara sat down. Dan sat down while the attorney stood.

"I'll make this brief. My attorney spoke with yours…or should I say Joe's," said Dan Holmes.

"I wasn't aware there was a need for our attorneys to talk," said Sara sounding a bit angry.

"You left San Francisco with Emma without permission."

Sara's jaw dropped.

"What?"

"As Emma's only living relative I should have been notified and…"

"Wait…you're here about Emma? A child you've never seen?"

"While my brother and I had our differences, I am not going to turn my back on my…niece."

Sara's heart pounded.

"This is about money," she breathed.

His jaw twitched.

Dan Holmes glanced at his attorney.

"My client is willing not to press charges if you'll hand over the child…"

"You're not getting her!" Sara yelled.

The raised voices caught the attention of others in the lab.

"Gentlemen, is there a problem?" asked Grissom as he suddenly appeared.

"And you are?" asked the attorney.

"I'm the supervisor for this unit and you're in my building upsetting one of my employees," he said coolly.

"We'll leave as soon as your employee hands over my client's niece."

Grissom's eyes shifted to Sara.

"I think we should take this to my office," ordered Grissom.

Nothing was said as the others followed them to his office.

She felt Grissom guiding her with his hand once again.

This time it did not seem so foreign.

The grip was strong and firm on her elbow.

He shut the door and motioned for Sara to sit on the couch.

He sat down beside her as the men sat in chairs.

"As I was saying…" began the attorney.

Sara quickly interrupted. "Your client has never seen Emma. She is not…"

"My client has more legal rights to Emma than you do," said the attorney.

Sara fidgeted.

Grissom glanced at Sara.

"We were expecting this noncooperation which is the reason we filed custody papers today and…"

"Custody?" gasped Sara.

Grissom's hand settled on Sara's knee.

It sent shock waves through her body but she calmed.

The warmth of his hand stilled the shaking nerves.

"As I was saying, we filed custody papers in the Family court and my client was granted custody of…"

"No!"

Once again, Grissom calmed Sara by gently caressing her knee with his hand.

"An officer of the court is waiting to be dispatched to… pick up the child."

"You're not getting her!"

"If Ms. Sidle refuses to give us the whereabouts of the child, we're prepared to file kidnapping charges."

"Could we see the papers?" asked Grissom.

The attorney handed Grissom the legal documents.

He glanced at the documents making note of Emma's full name.

"It says here that you are the biological uncle of Emma Grace **Holmes**."

"Yes, I am."

Sara started to speak but Grissom grabbed her hand.

His grasp was firm.

"I'd like to talk with Ms. Sidle in private for a moment," said Grissom.

"Of course," said the attorney.

Grissom quickly escorted Sara out of the room.

He did not speak until they were in a conference room.

"He's not getting Emma," cried Sara.

"Is the document correct?" he asked.

Sara took a deep breath trying to fathom what had just transpired.

"If he's the biological uncle then…"

"Emma is mine!"

"Yours?" he asked.

"Emma is my child…not related to the Holmes…mine…he can't have her! I won't let them do that to her!" she cried.

Her back fell against the white wall of the conference room.

He was sure that it was the only thing supporting her small frame at the moment.

Grissom stepped closer hoping his presence would provide some comfort as he gave her a moment to recover.

"Can you prove it?" he whispered. "Can you prove she's your daughter?"

"Mom…kept the birth certificate. I haven't seen it in a long time. It might be in some of the packed boxes. Her last is not 'Holmes.'"

"Sara, until we can prove maternity, we may have to turn over Emma to…"

She shoved him away. "I'm not giving her to them!"

"Listen to me honey. If you don't cooperate, they'll have you arrested. You won't be any good to Emma behind bars."

She looked like a trapped animal despite the small measure of endearment that slipped from his lips easing the appearance of desperation on her face.

"I can't do it, Grissom. I can't let them take her. I can't put her through that," Sara pleaded.

"He obviously doesn't know that Emma is not related to him…maybe if we point this out, they'll let Emma stay….until we can clear up this matter."

Sara nodded as she continued to use the wall for support.

His hand gently cupped her chin. "Sara, you can't lose control. You can't give them any ammunition to use against you."

She nodded once more.

They stepped back into Grissom's office taking their seats.

Dan Holmes glanced nervously at his attorney.

Mr. Reynolds leaned forward.

"Mr. Holmes is Sara related to you?" asked Grissom.

"No! She was just a foster kid that my brother felt sorry for."

"Then Sara is not your biological niece," said Grissom.

"Of course not!" huffed the man.

"Sara Sidle is the mother to Emma…Sidle."

"My brother and his wife have raised Emma…"

Grissom held up his hand. "Joe and Emma Holmes were caring for Emma…while Sara was employed here in Vegas."

"You're saying that Sara Sidle is the biological mother to Emma?" asked Mr. Reynolds.

"Yes."

The attorney glanced at Dan Holmes.

Grissom continued. "The order you got is invalid….it could be construed as falsified testimony."

"Do you think we're going to believe this tale? Ms. Sidle never offered this information until you stepped out of the room. Prove it!"

"Sara needs time to locate the birth certificate," said Grissom.

"This is a stall tactic for Ms. Sidle to hide the child," said Mr. Reynolds standing. "Hand over the child or I press charges."

"I'm Emma's mother…he's not related to her! You just want the money…Take it but leave Emma out of this."

"Unless you can produce evidence…"

"This is a lab. We can provide proof that Sara is the biological mother," stated Grissom.

The attorney hesitated.

"Look, this child is still traumatized over the loss of Joe and Emma Holmes. It would not be in her best interest to be taken from Ms. Sidle," warned Grissom.

"Mr. Grissom, unless you have proof…"

"Give us twenty- four hours," said Grissom.

"No."

"Then we're prepared to file our own petition and by the way, we will seek damages for your client going before the court and lying about his identity."

"My client believes he is the uncle."

"Your client sees dollar signs. He's had little or no contact with his brother and his family until he's deceased. It's clear he is after monetary gain and is not thinking about what is in the best interest of a very fragile child. The court is not going to look kindly to the fact that you purposely separated a child and mother during a time like this. Especially when we merely asked for twenty- four hours to provide the documentation," threatened Grissom.

Mr. Reynolds glanced at his client.

"The child is to be brought here to the office. I want someone other than the two of you to complete the maternity test."

Grissom agreed.

He turned to Sara. "Sara, I want you to bring Emma here."

She nodded.

Within an hour, they stepped into Grissom's office.

"Emma would you sit here on the couch for a moment?" asked Sara.

Sara pulled Grissom out of the room.

"Grissom…Emma doesn't know…she thinks Mom…" She took a deep breath.

"Sara, Emma knows."

Sara's jaw dropped.

**Note from author:**

From the mouth of….Grissom…can you just imagine the shock on Sara's face…

Take care!


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight:**

"Mrs. Holmes was preparing her…for when she came to live with you," said Grissom gently.

Sara teetered and Grissom grabbed her arm.

"You okay?" he asked worriedly.

"I didn't know…that Mom…she's not my real mother…but…" her eyes pleaded with Grissom to understand.

"We're going to talk after this," he said sternly.

She nodded.

Hodges arrived and they stepped into the room.

"Emma, Mr. Hodges would like to put something in your mouth. It won't hurt," said Grissom.

"Look, I'll do it first," said Sara.

Hodges swathed Sara's mouth.

Emma followed.

"Why did we do that?" asked Emma.

"Because Sara needs to show some people that she's your mommy."

Sara glanced nervously at Grissom and then back at Emma.

"Oh," whispered Emma.

Emma looked at Sara.

"It was supposed to be a secret," whispered Emma.

"You're my daughter," said Sara.

"I know that, Sara," smiled Emma. "I'm good with secrets."

It happened so quickly it took the others by surprise.

Sara clutched the small child to her as she began to cry.

"I'm sorry! I made you sad," whimpered Emma.

"You didn't," Sara insisted.

Hodges stepped out of the room as Grissom stood at the door blocking entrance by anyone else.

"I never should have kept it a secret, Emma," cried Sara.

"It's not your fault," said Emma. "It's the bad man's fault."

Sara froze.

"You were sad…for a long time…Papa Joe said it would take a long time for you to get better."

Sara refused to look at Grissom.

"Are you better, Sara?" asked Emma.

She nodded without another word.

She continued to cry as Emma looked helplessly at Grissom.

He locked his door and then plopped down beside Sara.

His arm encircled her as if he'd done it a hundred times.

Emma landed between them as she sat on both of their laps.

Grissom wrapped his arms firmly around them.

Sara's tears slowed.

Emma's head tilted upward to look at Grissom.

He kissed Emma on the forehead.

Emma's unshed tears shown.

Grissom hugged her tighter.

"I love you, Grissom," whispered Emma.

"I love you, too," replied Grissom.

Sara remained silent.

Hours passed and yet they remained locked in Grissom's room.

There was a tap on the door.

Grissom eased a sleeping Emma from his lap.

Sara took the child as she watched Grissom disappear.

He stepped back into the room a few minutes later.

"Hodges completed the test. I gave Mr. Holmes and his attorney a copy. They've left."

Sara sighed.

"Take Emma home," he said softly.

Sara lifted Emma but she woke.

"Sara, where are we going?" Emma asked.

"We're going home, baby," said Sara.

"Is Grissom coming?" she asked.

"No, Grissom needs to go home," said Sara.

"Could we eat?" she asked.

"Yes, baby."

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

"Can Grissom come too?" asked Emma.

Sara glanced at Grissom.

Emma turned to look for Grissom.

She extended her hands and Grissom took her from Sara.

Emma hugged him and then clasped her small hands on his face. "Your beard tickles," she giggled.

The giggle did not go unnoticed.

"Would you do me the honor of having dinner…or should I say breakfast with me?" asked Grissom.

Emma leaned in to snuggle his beard.

She giggled again. "Can Sara come?" she asked.

"Of course," replied Grissom.

They headed down the hall just as Catherine stepped into the office.

She stopped to gawk as they passed by.

"What have I missed?" she muttered.

Warrick met her in the hall. "Come on. I'll buy you a cup of coffee in the break room."

"Wow! Big spender!" she chuckled.

"Now, that's what we've missed, your humor," chuckled Warrick.

Sara slid into the booth with Emma beside her.

Grissom said nothing as he ordered coffee.

Once they'd eaten, Emma leaned back into the booth.

Sara noticed.

"You didn't get much sleep," she said. "I'm sorry Emma."

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"Can I call you 'mommy' now?"

Sara took a deep breath. "Yes, you can."

Emma smiled as Sara quickly looked away.

Grissom watched her closely.

"We should go," said Sara. "I should get Emma home."

Grissom had hoped they would talk. "Sara…"

"I'm not going to send her to school today…just keep her home with me," she explained. "I'll have her back with Mrs. Fletcher before work."

He knew she was avoiding the talk but he let it go.

She walked into the lab that night as if nothing had happened.

There were a few stares and glances but she ignored them.

Catherine was bursting at the seams to find out more details but Grissom quickly began with assignments.

He watched the relief wash over Sara's face when he paired her with Nick.

As they stood to leave, he called for her.

He waited until the others were gone.

"When do you want to talk?" he asked.

"Talk?"

He cursed inwardly. "Sara, I'm trying to…help."

She swallowed. "I know. I'm trying, Grissom."

He couldn't push.

It wasn't like he was good at revealing his own privacy.

He knew he would need to take this slow but the questions were mounting.

"I'm here…when you're ready," he said as he stood.

She started to leave when he called out. "Hey, Sara, I'd still like to take Emma to the zoo."

"Sure," she said as she disappeared around the corner.

The following Saturday was spent at the zoo.

The little girl had insisted Sara come along.

Emma's hand had slipped into Grissom's and Sara watched in amazement how a little girl had captivated Gil Grissom.

The day ended with Emma fast asleep in the car seat. It had been a relief for Sara to spend a few hours without the constant stares or whispers from her coworkers.

The team had been supportive.

None of the guys had questioned her but she knew it was a matter of time before Catherine began the barrage of questions.

The others in the lab had done the same although by the looks of their stares or whispers she knew they had probably been warned that it was a closed subject.

No doubt, by Nick and the guys.

They had seemed rather protective of her since the D.N.A test.

She had almost been relieved of that protectiveness since she did not think she could handle another confrontation at that moment.

She knew Grissom wanted answers and she felt he deserved them but it meant opening old wounds which she wasn't certain she was ready to face.

While the others in the lab seemed surprised that she would leave her child in another state all these years, Grissom had not revealed his true feelings yet.

There was only a hint every now and then.

There was a slight look in his eye when he looked at Emma.

His eyes would then turn to Sara as if she could read his thoughts.

Oh, she knew what he really wanted to know.

_Who is Emma's father?_

_How could you leave your child behind?_

She took a deep breath.

Soon, they would be alone and no doubt the questions would begin.

"Thank you. She had fun," smiled Sara.

"I did too. Did you?" he asked.

"Yes…I did."

Once they arrived back at the apartment, Sara stepped out of the car but Grissom lifted Emma and carried her inside.

He gently placed the child on the bed.

She woke, grabbing his hand.

"Kissing hand," she announced. She kissed the palm of his hand. "Now, when you're away, you can remember me."

He leaned over and did the same.

"Night, Emma."

"Night, Grissom…be safe," yawned Emma.

Sara slumped down on the couch. "She really likes you."

"How is she sleeping?" he asked.

"Better," she said trying to stifle a yawn.

"And you?"

"Me?"

He sat down across from her.

"You've been avoiding me," he said.

It seemed odd for him to say such a thing.

It was usually the other way around.

"I'm not," she said defensively.

He looked hurt.

"I'm not avoiding you," she insisted.

Grissom glanced toward the bedroom.

"Emma mentioned a bad man," he whispered.

Sara practically jumped off the couch.

"I don't know what Mom…told Emma. I..."

He waited for her to finish but she couldn't.

"We're fine…now," she said with arms folded.

"Emma needs…"

"Wait, I know what Emma needs. I can take care of my daughter. I took care of her even when I was here…I went back and forth. I didn't abandon her!"

He looked shocked that she would act so defensively.

"I was just trying to point out...Emma's feelings."

She scoffed. "Like you're an expert on feelings! You've never opened up and divulged anything to me but suddenly I'm supposed to spill my guts and tell you…"

"Stop!"

She stopped immediately.

She had no idea why she attacked him.

These last few days Grissom had slowly begun to open up, making him vulnerable by accepting Emma's affections.

He was even trying to be supportive of Sara.

"Emma is worried! She's worried that something is wrong…with you!"

"There's nothing…wrong."

"She hears you, Sara. She knows when you're sad. You can't hide much in this apartment. The walls are thin."

"This apartment is temporary….and…I'm not…talking with you…about me."

He stepped forward.

"Why? Do you think you don't matter to me?"

His declaration should have given her hope but instead it made her angry.

"I never did before! I tried talking to you in the past. You shoved me aside. You were too busy."

"I'm right here, now!"

It was like a shock wave that roared through the apartment.

She'd given up hoping that just maybe she mattered to him.

Even now when he seemed ready to move closer to those elusive feelings, she was wary.

She'd been there before and had been thoroughly crushed.

"You should go, it's almost time for shift," she said trying not to lose control.

He was out the door immediately.

Note from author:

Aren't you glad you get another chapter today....but then chapter ten comes along...

Take care!


	9. Chapter 9

**Note from author:**

**This is a very long chapter....I am going to release another chapter later tonight...so yes you will get chapter ten. Remember, you asked for it...**

**Take care!**

**Chapter Nine:**

Each kept their distance during shift.

She wasn't prepared to work with Catherine.

As soon they were in the vehicle, the questions began.

"Listen, I heard about Emma and I sort of understand why you didn't tell us…you being a single mom."

Sara did not bite.

Catherine tried again.

"You have to admit keeping a child a secret is…well, strange. I mean, why didn't Emma move here with you?" asked Catherine.

Sara quickly put any further questions on hold.

"My life is none of your business," she announced.

Catherine's hands went up in the air.

Brass watched the exchange.

Brass was surprised Grissom would even send Sara out on the case that smacked of domestic violence.

The disagreements continued while they remained in the field and followed them into the lab.

"Look, all I am asking is to have a black-and-white do regular welfare checks," said Sara as she walked down the hall with Catherine.

"Did the wife ask for help?"

"Well, that's kind of hard to do when you don't speak English and you're a sex slave. I'm sure she doesn't know her rights," replied Sara.

Catherine sighed, "You can't arrest someone for marrying the wrong person."

"You would know."

Catherine stood there shocked by the comment but she ignored it and moved on.

"If the guy's an abuser, if he killed his first wife, we will build a case and we will nail him."

"And in the meantime, he can just keep using her as a punching bag," said Sara.

"Sara, I was there -- there wasn't a mark on her."

"Not that we could see, Catherine."

"You know ... every time we get a case with a hint of domestic violence or abuse, you go off the deep end. What is your problem?"

"Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head."

The moment it came out of her mouth, Sara regretted it.

She knew she was far from calm the moment she walked into the lab and felt the stares and whispers.

It had not been an easy shift with Catherine.

She would have preferred to work with anyone following the custody squabble except Catherine.

Ecklie's loud bark sounded and she knew she was in trouble. She told herself to keep quiet while Ecklie reprimanded her verbally but she could not seem to help herself when he scowled at her as if she were beneath him.

"Willows is a supervisor -- that means you treat her with respect. Insulting her in front of coworkers ..."

"She's not my supervisor."

"All right-- your superior. Sara, you berate witnesses, you disrespect the people you work with, you luck your way out of a DUI. Take a look -- you got a half a dozen complaints in your jacket. And if Grissom really documented your performance, there'd probably be a dozen more-- that's not the kind of person I want in my lab."

"The only reason this is your lab is because Grissom doesn't kiss ass. You couldn't hack it in the field, so you fail your way up, you break up our team, and now you just hang out in the hallways waiting for one of us to screw up."

"Sidle, you're on one-week suspension without pay,"

"Great."

"... and when you get back, you're apologizing to Catherine."

Sara shook her head, "No, I'm not."

She turned and walked out of the lab, ignoring the calls from Greg and the others.

She knew there would be hell to pay with Grissom.

She had not only let herself down but him as well not to mention a young child that depended solely on her.

She sat at her desk, a beer bottle in her hand, trying to force herself to write a resignation. She hoped that they would at least let her resign without firing her.

The talk of suspension was only a means of waiting for the inevitable from Grissom. He would have no choice but to let her go.

She cringed when the knock came at the door and she stood face to face with Grissom. She sighed as she turned off the stereo by remote.

"Well, if you're here, it can't be good."

"Can I come in?"

She stepped back to let Grissom in. She lifted her beer bottle at him, "Want to ask me if I'm drunk?"

"We both know that's not your problem."

His eyes stared at the bottle.

"I don't keep alcohol in the house. I got these on the way home," she reasoned.

She didn't know why she felt the need to explain.

"I spoke to Catherine."

"Ecklie?"

"He wants me to fire you."

"I figured." She sighed.

She had no one to blame but herself.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Sure. An explanation."

"I ... lost my temper."

Sara walked around the room and stopped in front of the chair near her desk.

It seemed safer with some distance between them.

Ever since the blow up, she had wanted to run to his arms but it was not fair to involve him.

This was not the way she wanted their talk to begin.

She fet embarrassed at having been caught with a beer in hand but she did not even think to discard it before opening the door.

She cursed inwardly.

She hadn't been thinking, period.

She'd attacked Catherine and then Ecklie before thinking about the repercussions.

He was right.

She'd even attacked him when he had done nothing but try to help.

"That seems to be happening quite a bit. Do you know why?"

"What difference does it make? I'm still fired."

"It makes a difference to me."

_Do I really matter to you, Grissom?_

"I have a problem with authority. I choose men who are emotionally unavailable. I'm self-destructive. All of the above."

"Have you ever gone a week without a rationalization?"

Sara took a breath, but before she could reply Grissom continued, "It's from the "Big Chill". One of the characters explaining a basic fact of life -- that rationalizations are more important to us than sex even."

Sara sat down. "I am not rationalizing anything. I crossed the line with Catherine, and I was insubordinate to Ecklie."

"Why?"

Sara shook her head. "Leave it alone."

"No, Sara."

"What do you want from me?"

"I want to know why you're so angry."

"You want to know why I'm so angry? The only persons who ever loved me are dead. My child has had to live for years keeping a secret that I'm her mother and…" Sara gulped.

"You've never told me…"

"I tried to tell you...to let you know about…" She stopped suddenly searching for the words, needing to tell him but not knowing how he would react to her past.

"I'm not emotionally unavailable now...I'm here ....for you. I'm sorry that I didn't sit down with you and talk before. It's my fault."

She was utterly speechless.

He was really there for her...just her.

They sat facing each other.

Sara could not seem to look at him as she began to speak.

Grissom tried to mentally prepare himself for what she was about to tell him.

He felt his stomach begin to knot as she stared off into space as she spoke.

"It's funny ... the things that you remember and the things that you don't, you know. There was a smell of iron in the air. Cast-off on the bedroom wall. There was this young cop puking his guts. I remember the woman who took me to foster care. I can't remember her name. Which is strange, you know, 'cause I couldn't let go of her hand."

He saw her vulnerability as he heard it in her voice.

"Well ... the mind has its filters."

"I do remember the looks. I became the girl whose father was stabbed to death. Do you think there's a murder gene?"

"I don't believe that genes are a predictor of violent behavior."

He looked at her demeanor.

Her legs were drawn up as she wrapped her arms around them in a protective stance.

He caught sight of the slight trembling in her hands and the quiver in her voice.

He knew she was struggling to maintain her composure.

"You wouldn't know that in my house. The fights… the yelling…the trips to the hospital. I thought it was the way that everybody lived. When my mother killed my father, I found out that it wasn't."

The words hung in the air and she tried to hold back the tears but suddenly she no longer cared and buried her head in her arms as she let herself cry.

"Sara…how long were you in Foster Care?" he asked.

"A few years. I bounced from one foster home to the next until Joe and Emma Holmes…took me in. They were different than the other foster parents I'd had. They actually cared. Mom had this gentleness to her…I liked her immediately. I wasn't so sure about Joe. My real dad was …I hated him. Joe was kind and gentle. When I would have nightmares he would stay up holding me until morning. He made everything right…I miss him so much!" she cried.

All walls or barriers that he'd meticulously built up over the years were threatened as he pulled her into his arms.

There was no small child between them.

Warning bells went off in both of their heads as both gasped from the sensation of the embrace.

"Please don't cry, honey," he whispered. "I never could stand to see you cry."

Grissom did not even notice the slip of the endearment again but Sara caught it as well as his heartfelt words.

They were more than she had ever hoped for and here he was clutching her tight against his body while he stroked her hair.

He done it before but this was different.

Before it had reminded her of how her father had lovingly comforted her but this was more of a lover's comfort.

Sara tried not to let her imagination run away with her.

Grissom was merely being a friend.

He'd never indicated that he wanted more.

"I have a confession," he whispered. "Jim learned about…your father's murder…some time ago. I've been waiting for the right time…hoping you would tell me."

"The Holmes tried to adopt me but my mother refused to relinquish her parental rights. I told them it didn't matter. It was enough that they loved me."

Grissom's lips gently brushed against hers.

It was meant to be comforting but it ignited an explosion of feelings between the two.

He could not seem to stop himself from deepening the kiss, letting his hands grip her face.

He'd never wanted anyone as much as he wanted Sara at that moment.

Both knew they were teetering on the edge.

It was a bold step for both of them.

"Griss?"

His name on her lips caused him to pull back slightly.

He'd fought this for so long.

One look at the trail of tears on her face as she tried to hide her vulnerability caused him to pull her back into his arms as he kissed her once more.

Hands were suddenly free to roam.

Sara gasped at the sensations.

Suddenly, there were no more inhibitions as Grissom boldly slipped his hands underneath the thin cotton blouse, scorching her skin as he pulled her closer to him.

There was no denying the hunger and the need of his body for her.

She had not been held this intimately in a long time.

One hand caressed her back as the other slipped down to pull her buttocks even closer to him.

She sucked in air from the sensation of the desire she felt building between them.

There was no misinterpreting his actions this time.

There was no doubt what he wanted from her and there was no doubt she was willing to let him take it.

He finally pulled away from her lips and took a ragged breath.

She had no idea why the tears continued.

She had wanted this to happen for so long.

The tears seemed to confuse him.

_She doesn't believe me...._

"For the first time in a long time, I know what I'm doing," he whispered.

"What are you doing?" she hiccupped between bouts of tears.

"I'm doing something about this," he replied as he kissed her once more.

"You're sure?" she asked.

"Yes," he said with a slight twinkle in his eye. "I want you, Sara."

_He wants me…_

_He finally wants me…_

A slight sob escaped her lips as she feverishly kissed him over and over.

He held her for awhile enjoying the feel of her body next to his.

"Sara…about Emma…why did you never tell me you had a daughter?"

She stiffened in his arms.

"I couldn't," she shrugged.

"Why not, I would have understood."

"No…you wouldn't, she said.

"Tell me now," he almost pleaded.

Fear gripped her.

She did not want to talk at the moment.

She had waited for so long to be with him like this that she wanted to relish the feel of his lips on hers, his body molded to hers but more than anything she wanted to figure out a way to coax him to the bedroom so that she could remove the barrier of clothing between them.

He persisted. "Tell me," he whispered.

"It will change everything. You won't understand," she cried.

He grasped her face in his hands letting his lips taste hers.

It was done.

He felt his resolve give way and he threw caution aside as his mouth suddenly took over where his battered heart was yearning to go.

He said the words she had longed to hear.

"I love you, Sara. You have to trust me. I know that's hard because I've hurt you before. I'm not going to do that anymore," he promised.

She looked very much like Emma at the moment.

It was obvious she was frightened.

He knew that somewhere Sara had been hurt just as deeply as he had, perhaps worse.

His fingers gently swiped away the tears on her face.

"Do you trust me? Can you trust me with your heart?" he asked.

He could see the fear in her eyes at the thought of trusting him once more.

He felt the pang of guilt for causing her such pain but then slowly her head bobbed up and down.

The fear slowly ebbed away and he kissed her feverishly.

He couldn't believe his luck.

He was not too late.

He was risking his career, his emotions, his ability to function…for this….for Sara.

Her willingness to give him another chance was rewarded with a smile and a hot smoldering kiss that left both of them breathless.

He caressed her cheek.

"I trust you," she whispered.

"Who is Emma's father?"

She trembled as dark eyes pleaded for his understanding.

"Emma... is yours."

Grissom looked shocked.

"Emma is mine?"

Sara nodded.

"That…can't be!" he said as he stumbled back, reeling from the admission.

"Look, I know we've never talked about that night," she began. "I know things got out of hand and…"

"We used protection," he declared.

Something nagged at him in the back of his mind but he refused to remember at the moment.

"I know...I thought so too until..."

"I…didn't want things to get out of hand…you were my student," he said, raking his hands through his hair.

"I was attending your seminar. We were both adults," she emphasized. "When it was over…we went out for drinks…then to my place," she said.

"Sara…you were much too young and I was…I'm still too old."

"I guess it was a bigger mistake than what we thought," she said.

He could not seem to wrap his brain around what she was telling him.

_Emma is mine…_

_Emma is my child…_

_Emma is our child…_

"You kept her from me?" he yelled.

"No! I didn't…I mean…I didn't know…you were the father until…eight months ago."

Grissom stared at her as if she'd grown two heads.

"What do you mean you didn't know?" he bellowed.

"I didn't think it was you…I wasn't certain…we'd only…once…that last night before you came back to Vegas."

He closed his eyes to hide the fury that was about to erupt.

"I wanted you to stay…I'd fallen in love with you," she admitted.

"Love?" he sneered. "How long did it take for you to jump in bed with someone else…or was there more than one person?"

She shot a heated glare at Grissom.

She looked up, her chocolate orbs swimming from unshed tears.

He was not prepared for the slap.

It even stunned her but his words had hurt.

"You have no right to say that to me!" she cried. "No right! I tried to explain my feelings but you blew me off. You slept with me and then slipped out the next morning without a word! Do you have any idea how that felt? I didn't hear from you again until you needed me…for Holly Gribbs case….and I came Grissom! After all the hell you put me through, I came…because you said you needed me!"

His features darkened causing her to brace for the wrath.

He raked her with a cold hard look that sent shivers down her back.

She had never seen him this angry before much less have his anger thrust at her.

"When did you suddenly decide it was me, Sara?" he seethed.

"The surgery…Emma had…problems with her ears. I'd already done my own research and determined it was too soon to make that determination but…I couldn't take not knowing anymore so while you were in the hospital, I had a paternity test done…it came out positive. I didn't know what to do," she sniffled. "I'd kept Emma away from you all these years."

"Yes, you did!"

A single tear slipped down her cheek and in spite of his anger over her admission it hurt to see her cry.

It made him furious at himself for being so weak for her.

Grissom shook his head as his anger continued to build.

"Can you forgive me?" she asked.

He almost laughed in her face.

This was too much.

He felt completely betrayed by her actions.

He'd fathered a child and didn't even know it.

Worse, the one person who had finally gotten to his battered heart had kept it from him.

Sara knew by his expression that he did not intend to reply.

Images of Emma, scared and sad, brought his anger to a new height.

Sara closed her eyes as guilt and pain settled deep in her soul.

This was all her fault.

She had kept the two persons she loved more than anything in the world apart and now, she would surely pay for her decision.

How could she make this right?

She walked slowly toward him, hoping he would understand the depth of her sorrow and guilt but by the look on his face, she knew that she had failed.

Her heart hammering, she attempted to reach out to him but she was not prepared for her hand to be swatted away.

She recoiled immediately.

She never thought he would lash out physically and his action did more harm than any hurtful accusation he had flung at her.

"You think I did it to hurt you…to hurt Emma? She adores you."

"I'll never forgive you for this!" he yelled.

She felt as if she had been slapped in return.

"I guess you won't."

"How could you, Sara? How could you just leave her with the Holmes and come here? You left your own child!"

Sara tried to control the trembling in her voice. "I didn't want to leave her. I went back every chance I got…I did, Grissom. It was killing me inside every time I left her."

"You not only left her but they were raising Emma as if she were theirs! How could you just give up your child? What was the matter? Did you decide that since you didn't know who the father was, you would just erase your mistake by giving her away?"

"You don't know….it wasn't like that. If you could let me explain," she began, licking her lips, unsure whether she could slice open old wounds in order to appease him.

"You never should have left her!"

"I know. I'm sorry," she admitted in defeat.

She held her breath as she waited for his response.

In truth, she expected him to strike at her once more.

He gotten more than his fair share at jabs and she expected him to take advantage of her sudden display of weakness.

It had not seemed to hinder him from striking before when she was definitely down but he didn't.

There seemed to be a cease fire as both stepped back to regain some composure.

The cease fire did not last long as he got his second wind.

"You're not making the decisions anymore…we are! I will not let you traumatize Emma more than you already have."

Sara felt a second slap.

She bit back a sarcastic comment.

Oh, she wanted to blast him.

He deserved it but she was either too weakened by the latest blows or she was just through with the barbs.

Had she finally gotten to the point where she did not care what Gil Grissom thought about her anymore?

The thought brought a bitter laugh to her lips and it seemed to startle him.

"A child needs room to play," he pointed out.

Sara glanced around her apartment.

"She needs a room of her own," he ordered. "She needs to be in a school where she can thrive…not exist."

She bit down the urge to strike at him.

Oh, she knew what to say but she held her tongue letting him lash out.

If he wanted her to feel like a failure he was well on his way to driving his point home as she stood there and listened to the tongue lashing.

She stopped no longer wanting to justify her actions.

Grissom's condemning eyes glared at her.

"I'm not in a position to move at this time. I'll need a few months," she explained.

"You put in more overtime than any person in the unit over the years."

Sara did not explain she had paid for the private school Emma attended.

She also did not point out the money she had placed in the account for Emma's college education or the money she gave to the Holmes for Emma's care.

"I wrote out my resignation," she barely said about a whisper.

"You're not leaving! You're not taking Emma out of Vegas without my consent…I'll have an order drawn up before you can get past the county line."

She was not prepared to be wounded as much by his words.

Over the last eight months, she'd had nightmares about this moment.

Those nightmares had far less brutal than this.

"I wouldn't keep Emma from you," she said.

"You have! You've taken years from us!"

He tried to calm down as he heard voices coming toward the door.

He knew it was Emma returning from school.

"I'll talk with Ecklie…save your job."

The door opened and Emma smiled at the sight of Grissom.

"Grissom!" she squealed as she ran to him.

Tears slipped from his eyes at the sight of his daughter.

It infuriated him to know that he had lost so much time with her.

His eyes glared at Sara as he held the small child to him.

The thought of the missed time with his daughter coupled with the knowledge that he was almost a stranger to her, made his blood boil.

He wanted to lash out at Sara again.

He wanted to use everything he'd learned about her to hurt her, even wound her emotionally like she had just done to him.

He had trusted her.

She had betrayed him and there was no way he could ever forgive her for this.

The feel of Emma in his arms stirred so many emotions within him.

This was his daughter, his flesh and blood and he swallowed the lump in his throat at the possessiveness that overtook him.

That possessive feeling ripped through him causing havoc on his emotions.

Once more his eyes glared at Sara standing there watching father and daughter embrace.

He was torn with the desire to throttle Sara or thank her for Emma.

He gulped down emotions as he tried to act as if nothing was wrong while he held the small child.

"Grissom?" she asked.

"Yes?"

"Are you happy?"

"You make me happy, Emma," he said as he shut out Sara from sight by closing his eyes.

It was too painful to look at her.

Emma kissed him at that moment.

It was something that she had done several times before but this time it was different.

This time he was feeling his daughter's kiss.

It was gentle and sweet.

He could not fathom how he did not realize she was a part of him.

He could not understand why the little girl had tugged on his heart strings the moment he set eyes on her.

Now, he knew.

"Could we go to the park and look for bugs?" asked Emma.

Grissom smiled at her.

Emma's eyes settled on Sara.

"Go…have fun…little bug," she whispered.

The final slap was made as he stepped out of the door taking their child with him.

Sara slowly rocked back and forth as she swallowed the sobs.

Note from author:

Yeah...I know...the angst....I'm going to post another chapter later tonight....so yes you get chapter 10....it gives further details and explanation....remember to just let the story unravel....and hang in there.

Take care!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten:**

The next day he arrived on her doorstep unannounced.

Emma cheerfully ran to him.

"Grissom!"

He held the small child in his arms.

Sara said nothing.

"I thought we could go to the park," he said.

Emma glanced at Sara.

"I have some things I have to do but you can go little bug…it's a nice day," Sara said with a smile.

Emma grabbed her sweater.

"Bye Mommy," she announced loudly.

"Bye Emma," she whispered.

Grissom's eyes did not look in Sara's direction as they left.

As soon as they were gone, Sara picked up the phone and dialed the attorney's office.

"Frank…I'm sorry I didn't return your call yesterday," she began.

"I heard about Dan Holmes. You should have called me," said Frank Malone.

"Is there any headway with the estate?" asked Sara.

"Dan Holmes wanted his hands on Emma because your father left the house and life insurance in a trust for Emma. He left the company to you. I have to tell you, Sara. His partner has made some really bad decisions on some recent dealings and it has cost the company dearly."

"Frank, I don't care about the money…I just need enough to buy a house…here."

"That's going to be awhile. This could drag out for several months…maybe even a year. I know the real estate market is down but we can have the house put on the market as soon as possible. I know this is not going to help you immediately. Sara, Joe never would have wanted this to happen. Let me loan you the money…"

"No thanks, Frank. I'll find another way."

"Sara, the estate is not what I called you about," said Frank.

Sara tensed. "Give me some good news, Frank. I've got nothing but bad lately."

"I wanted to prepare you. The murder conviction against Richard Graham was overturned. He's requested his case to be reviewed by the psychiatric board. Sara, he's been a model patient. He's expected to be released."

"That's not possible!"

Sara felt her stomach knot.

"Sara, I know that something happened between you and Graham…Joe had me to track the case…make sure he went to prison. I'd never seen him so upset. He wanted me to let him know if Graham was ever released. If there is anything you could share with the board that might…."

"I thought with the murder conviction, he would never get out."

"I wouldn't be telling you this unless I thought he wasn't going to get out. It's practically a formality."

Sara shivered.

"When is the hearing?" she asked.

"In two days," he said.

Sara clenched her fist.

"I'll be there," she said.

When they returned, Sara ushered Emma into the bedroom.

"Grissom, could we talk?" she asked.

"No."

She took a deep breath.

"It's about Emma," she said.

He glared at her but she did not back down.

"I have to go back to San Francisco…to meet with the attorney. I can't take Emma with me."

"Just going to leave her again?"

It was a dirty shot and he knew it.

He also knew it hurt her deeply but at the moment he was still reeling from the pain that he'd missed five years of his daughter's life.

It also hurt that she could just slip into bed with someone else as soon as he left town.

"I thought it would be too painful for her to have to go back…there," explained Sara.

She was right.

"I came here to see Emma because I'm leaving after shift….on personal business. I won't be back for several days," he said.

"Oh."

She fidgeted for a moment. "I'll talk with Nick or Mrs. Fletcher."

Grissom stepped forward trying to control his anger. "She's still afraid you're going to abandon her again. Is it really that important to put her through that? Hasn't she been through enough?"

"_I wouldn't be telling you this unless I thought he wasn't going to get out. It's practically a formality."_

"Yes…she has," she whispered.

He wasn't sure what kind of business required her immediate return to San Francisco.

It pained him to discuss anything with her at the moment.

He wanted nothing more than to lash out every chance he got but he knew it would not help matters.

Despite their differences, they would need to work together for Emma's sake.

"I should be back in a few days…then I could keep her."

He was gone without another word.

Frank was quite upset at her decision not to come for the hearing. "I can't bring Emma and she's still afraid…of being abandoned," was her only reply despite his urgency to get her to come.

The next few days took quite a toll on her.

It had been grueling for her to wait by the phone for the outcome.

Sara scribbled some notes on a pad as she watched Emma play.

She grabbed her phone the moment it rang.

"Frank?"

"He got released, Sara."

Sara nearly dropped the phone.

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"Watch your back…look, maybe I could help if I knew…"

"You can't help, Frank but thanks."

Sara glanced at Emma who smiled at her mother.

She was surprised when Grissom showed up on her door step once again unannounced.

His disposition had not improved but he tried to hide it.

Sara knew it was a façade after years of observing his behavior.

He noticed Sara's disheveled look but said nothing, keeping to the agenda of seeing his daughter.

"I brought something for Emma," he said.

Sara looked behind his back and immediately called Emma.

"Emma, Grissom is here to see you," called Sara.

Emma squealed with delight when she saw the boxer puppy with Grissom.

"How did you find him?" asked Sara.

"I had someone to check all the shelters," he said. "As well as the pure bred ones…he was located with…a foster family."

He regretted using those words.

It was the truth and had not meant to sting but he knew she was hurt by the comment.

"Thanks, Grissom," said Sara quietly.

"I did it for Emma," he clarified.

Again, he berated himself.

It seemed his mouth was in overdrive with barbs.

"I know," said Sara sounding hurt.

The dog jumped up on the couch.

Emma sat with the dog.

He saw her expression out of the corner of his eye.

She had literally wilted before his eyes.

She swallowed hard as she watched the little girl reunited with the dog her father had given.

It was as if a piece of Joe Holmes had been returned and now Sara would have to take it away.

He knew the no pet policy before she even pointed it out.

"Grissom, I'm not allowed pets," whispered Sara.

He had prepared himself for that.

He'd spent the last several hours purchasing food and puppy items.

"I'll keep the dog. Emma can visit him whenever she wants," said Grissom.

"I can come to your house again?" asked Emma.

"Anytime you want," smiled Grissom.

Sara glanced at the clock.

"Mommy, can I watch my movie now?" she asked.

"Grissom will have to leave soon for work," she replied.

"I have the night off," he announced.

"Oh. Well then I'll leave the two of you to watch it," she said. "Is that alright?"

"That would be nice," he retorted. "I'd like to spend some time just with Emma."

She flew out of the apartment.

He regretted his harsh tone the moment it flew out of his mouth.

"Are you mad at Mommy?" asked Emma.

"No…I'm not. Why?"

"You sounded mad. Sara missed you….too."

"Emma, did you like living with Momma Emm and Papa Joe?"

"Yes, they were very nice. Mommy called every evening right before bed time….sometimes, she couldn't and it made her sad."

"Sara said you used to have ear infections."

"Mommy came every time I was sick…even if I was just…playing sick…I missed her."

"How often did she come to visit with you?"

"Every week…one time she stayed for several days because I was in the hospital with my ears."

She looked at Grissom. "I know another secret."

"Some secrets should not be kept," said Grissom. "Mommy should have said you were her daughter."

"That's the secret. Momma Emm said it was to protect me…from the bad man."

"Emma, who is the bad man?"

"Momma Emm said he hurt Mommy."

"Does he live in San Francisco?"

"Papa Joe said as long as he was living the bad man would never hurt her again."

Grissom kissed her on the forehead.

"Grissom?"

"Hmmm?"

"You won't let the bad man hurt Mommy will you?"

"No, I won't."

Sara glanced at her watch a few times as she sat there waiting for Brass.

She was relieved when he pulled up at the park.

"Hey, Kiddo, want to tell me why the cloak and dagger stuff?" asked Brass.

"I need your help," she said.

He could tell she was quite upset.

"I'm listening," he quickly replied.

Sara took a deep breath. "I need your advice…on how to get a restraining order…when there are no police records…to substantiate…any harm has occurred."

"Sara, you know there's little chance of getting a judge to sign any kind of restraining order without proof…"

"How much?" she asked. "I know it can be done. How much would I have to pay…"

"The day Sara Sidle is willing to pay off an official of the court is the day hell just froze over."

"Something happened….years ago…the man was arrested on murder charges but was found mentally impaired so he was sentenced to a mental facility…but the murder charges were dropped…he's out."

"What did this man do to you?"

"Jim, what can I do…in case he shows up here?"

"If he shows, let me handle it," he said.

"I don't want to get you involved in this…What can I do?"

"Sara…"

"He murdered his wife and unborn child…He got off on a technicality…he's dangerous."

"Sara, what did he do?"

"I'm not asking for you to get involved…just give me the name of a judge I can…"

"Spill it or I go to Grissom."

Sara scrambled off the park bench and headed toward her car. "Forget I said anything. I thought you were my friend also."

He quickly grabbed her arm. "We're more than friends. I just want to figure out how to protect you."

Sara stood there trying to compose herself.

"Sara, you can tell me… or I'll do some digging…someone in San Francisco will help me."

"Then start digging because I'm not about to tell you," she said as she headed toward her car but he stopped her.

"This isn't like you," he said. "What did this guy do to you?"

It was a mistake to call Jim.

She knew it the moment he mentioned Grissom.

She had no right to involve him.

Jim Brass had been friends with Grissom for years and she wasn't about to come between them.

She knew that whatever she told him would eventually get back to Grissom.

She chose to remain silent.

"Are you in trouble?" he asked.

"I'm just trying to…stay out of trouble," she said.

"I take it for some reason this guy may come looking for you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Jim, don't ask me to give you answers that I've never given anyone," she said.

"Then I can't help you," he said, calling her bluff.

He was shocked when she got into her vehicle and drove away.

He stood there cursing under his breath as he dialed her phone.

"Sidle"

"If you need help, you call me day or night. Got it?" he asked.

"Like I said, I'm not getting you involved," she said.

"You already have. You think I can just pretend that you weren't trying to find a judge to bribe. Sara, your actions tell me you're desperate and…scared."

"I'll find another way," she said.

"Call me….it will be just between the two of us," he said.

"Right," she whispered.

"I mean it, Sara. Whatever you tell me…it's between us," he offered feeling a bit desperate himself. He grown quite attached to the brunette over the years particularly after he discovered what she had overcome as a young child.

She held the phone.

"I mean it, Sara. No one else has to know," he said.

"Thanks, Jim but….you're right I thought I was desperate…I guess I'm not," she lied.

"When the desperation hits again, call me."

She started to hang up when he yelled through the phone.

"Sara!"

"Yes?"

"You mean a lot to me…don't forget that," he said.

Note from author:

Getting the picture now….


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven:**

She stepped back into the apartment.

The movie still had a half hour.

She picked up the dishes and once the kitchen was clear, she disappeared into the bedroom, shutting the door.

Grissom watched her out of the corner of his eye.

Once the movie ended, Emma ran to get Sara.

She sat on the bed with a photo album in hand.

"Momma, can we have dinner with Grissom?" she asked.

"You haven't seen Grissom in a few days, why don't the two of you do something together little bug," she said kissing her daughter on the head.

"But I wanted…"

"While you're gone, I'll try to convince the apartment manager Bruno is not staying," teased Sara.

Emma stared at her for a moment before turning to Grissom. "Could we take Bruno to your house…so I can see where he'll sleep every night?"

"I think I can even pick up pizza on the way," he replied.

He glanced toward Sara who stood there with arms folded.

"I'll have her back by 8:00 p.m.," he said.

"That's fine," she answered not looking in his direction but watched Emma and the dog.

He kept his word and returned on time.

"Grissom has a back yard….we played fetch with Bruno. He likes it there. Grissom already has a bed and everything for Bruno. He even has a room for me when I come to spend the night. Can I, Sara? Grissom said we could decorate it."

Sara kept a plastered smile on her face while Emma talked energetically about her trip.

Grissom knew she was far from smiling.

He'd come to distinguish which were genuine Sidle smiles and those that she hid her true feelings behind.

"Bath time," she announced.

Once Emma was settled in the bed, Grissom kissed her goodnight.

He stepped into the next room, shutting the door behind him.

"Thank you for finding Bruno," she said.

"I think it would be good for Emma to come over some nights," he began, expecting an uphill battle.

Sara hid the inner turmoil.

"She begged Dad for a puppy for weeks. He'd already gotten it but was waiting until Christmas to give it to her. He could never refuse her."

Sara took a deep breath. "I'll pack some of her things so you can take them over there…some of her toys…from storage…I don't have room and I know she would like to have them…"

Her voice faltered for a moment but she continued. "You could still bring her over here in the evenings to Mrs. Fletcher and…"

"I'd like to hire a nanny to stay with her…at the house."

Sara merely nodded.

He probably didn't approve of her choice of Mrs. Fletcher either.

She felt as if he had found fault with most things that she had tried feverishly to put in place during a time she could barely function as she struggled to get through the loss of her parents.

"I'm sure she'll enjoy staying with you," she said.

"You don't even mind letting her go…just like that?" he said sounding hurt.

_Just like that?_

She was giving up her daughter once more for him.

She knew he could provide much more than she could.

It was best for Emma but it hurt to the core of her being that she failed so miserably when it came to the one thing she cherished the most.

"You have more room than me… a child needs room…to play with her dog. She'll be much happier…there. She'll be safe with you," she explained.

She felt proud that her voice only cracked once or twice.

"Thank you," he said, not sure how to respond.

He expected an argument.

He wasn't sure whether it brought relief or anger.

He headed toward the door but hesitated a moment. "I know…you're on leave without pay. I could provide child support…"

She vehemently shook her head.

She wanted nothing from him except what he could not give.

She didn't even want that now.

He had rejected her love when she had been most vulnerable.

She'd wasted years waiting for him to love her and now as they stood there face to face, she remembered the sadness in her father's eyes when he begged her to come back home.

_You were right, Dad…_

_I wasted time with you and Mom…_

_With Emma…._

"I'll talk with Emma tomorrow…we can start immediately," she said.

"Sara…"

She turned away from him to hide her tears. "I know she'll be happy to be with Bruno again. Dad always said a little girl needed room to play…she spent so much time in their back yard. I promised Emma we would go to the park tomorrow. I'll tell her then so we can get the boxes from storage."

He felt her demeanor tugging at his heart and knew that he needed to get out of there.

His heart still ached for her but he also knew that she would refuse any comfort from him.

Besides, it was her fault he had already lost so much time with Emma.

She heard the door open and close.

Sara locked the door securely and then placed a chair against the door.

She stretched out on the couch with her revolver under the cushion.

The phone call from Brass woke her.

"Sidle."

"How are you doing kiddo?" he asked.

"Emma is going to be spending some time over at Grissom's" she said as she slowly pulled her aching body from the couch.

"Why?" he asked.

"I'm trying to do what's best for Emma," she said.

"You're trying to protect her…from someone…maybe her father?" he asked.

"Stop fishing, Jim…at least in my personal life."

"I'm worried about you," he admitted.

"I'm sorry….there's no need," she said.

The morning was spent playing with Emma in the apartment.

"Can we go to the park?" asked Emma.

Sara hesitated. "Emma, I can't take you right now. Grissom and I have been talking and we thought it would be fun if you spent the night with Bruno some during the week."

"Stay with Grissom?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Would you stay too?"

"I can't but I would call you…just like before," she said softly.

Emma was quiet for a moment.

"I would feel better if you stayed with Grissom a few nights each week. I know Grissom would like it...and Bruno. He misses you."

"You would be by yourself again," said Emma.

"It would only be for a few days each week. I'll work extra and in a couple of months I'll try to buy a house for us."

"A house with my own room?" she asked.

"Yes."

She helped Emma decide what things she would take to Grissom's.

Sara placed a small photo album inside the suitcase.

A few days later, Sara took Emma to Grissom's as planned.

She knocked on the door and watched as Emma beamed with anticipation.

"Bruno!" the little girl giggled when the he jumped on her as soon as Grissom opened the door.

He took the suitcase from Sara's hand.

Fingers kept their distance for fear of touching.

"There are a few boxes in the car," she said.

She turned back toward the car and felt him following.

They each took a box and as she approached the front door, she placed it on the step, not wanting to enter his home.

"She's very excited about staying," said Sara as she hugged the little girl and then quickly hurried to her car.

Emma stood there watching her drive away.

"Emma, are you alright?" he asked.

"Mommy said she will call me," she said.

"I'm sure she will," urged Grissom.

When it was bedtime, Sara called as promised.

She listened as Emma told her about their visit to the park.

"Grissom and I are going to the store tomorrow to buy paint for my bedroom."

"Have you decided what color you want to paint it?" asked Sara.

"Rainbow colors," piped up Emma.

"That's a lot of colors," teased Sara.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, little bug?"

"Are you lonely?"

Sara gulped. "No, I'm too busy. I'm working," she lied.

"Oh. Night."

"Night Emma."

Sara threw the phone down on the counter as she slumped down in the chair. She refused to cry again.

_Just another week and then you'll be back at work…_

_Keep busy Sara…_

She spent the next several hours compiling some photos of Emma into a new photo album.

Once it was completed, she put them on the counter.

She then cleaned the apartment and paid her bills.

She glanced at the clock and sighed.

She missed her.

Her phone rang and it startled her.

She panicked when she saw that it was Grissom.

"Is she okay?" she asked.

"She had a nightmare," he said. "She wants to talk with you."

Sara curled up on her bed and listened to the frightened voice on the other line.

She soothed the little girl's fears and began reciting the book about "The Kissing Hand."

Once she finished, she waited for Emma to say something.

"Emma?"

"She's asleep," replied Grissom.

"Oh…okay."

"Sara thanks."

"I'll call her in the morning," said Sara.

She hung up before Grissom could say another word.

Emma was back within a few days.

Grissom dropped her off at the apartment.

She had fallen asleep on the way over.

He gently placed her in the bed.

Grissom glanced around and noticed Sara had disappeared into the other room.

He stepped out, closing the bedroom door.

Sara handed him a box.

"More toys?" he asked.

Sara shook her head. "I divided the photos of Emma between us. Mom was very good at putting dates on the back…I tried to put them in chronological order for you."

He was surprised by the gift.

"I found her birth certificate," she said. "I made a copy for you also."

"Sara…"

"I think I'm allowed to return to work in a week," she said.

"Yes, your suspension will be over then."

"I contacted my P.E.A.P. counselor and made an appointment," she said. "I'll have a report sent to you."

"I never insisted…"

"Ecklie would."

She was right.

"Emma doesn't understand why you've never been in my house," he said.

_I was never invited…_

_Not in your home, your bed, your life…_

"I don't know the boundaries," she said.

He stood there holding the box.

"You can come…inside. I never meant…"

Her phone rang.

"I should get that. I'll get that report to you," she said.

He stood outside her door, trying to force himself back inside the apartment to talk with her.

He was still too angry with her callous behavior toward the conception of Emma.

He was completely in awe of Emma.

She was bright and loving.

She often tilted her head the same manner that Sara did and he gasped each time she batted those dark eyes in his direction or gave him a huge Sidle smile.

He was hopelessly in love with the little girl and despite his anger he felt a strong bond forged with Sara.

He wasn't sure whether he could ever trust her again but there was no need.

Sara was far from ever letting him near her again.

Grissom felt quite naked.

He wasn't used to this.

It wasn't his body that was exposed but his emotions and this was something that Grissom had fought years to hide.

Now, he felt very much vulnerable.

Sara could break him like no other.

Of course, there was a double edge sword.

He could very well break her.

He had come to know her intimately on more levels than she had ever allowed anyone to venture.

He now knew the words that could slice and dice leaving her shredded.

Both had much to lose.

His anger at her admission had burned any bridges that had been established over the years.

She looked at him through eyes of pain and hurt but more sadly of fear.

He spent the next several hours going through the photos.

With each turn, he grew angry with her decision to keep the pregnancy from him.

He began to catalogue every moment he had spent with his daughter so far.

Emma's laugh was like Sara's.

It was her Sidle smile which had given her maternity away.

It made his heart ache knowing that she had existed all of these years without his knowledge.

He prayed that his daughter's life had been happy.

He could only rely on Emma's memories as well as what Sara divulged.

The photos indicated she had lived just that.

It did not make him feel any better as he tried without success to cool the anger he felt for Sara's actions.

Note from author:

Thanks for the many reviews. I am enjoying every comment....

Take care!


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve:**

He went into work that night, feeling as tired as when he left.

He could not seem to shut down.

His mind was on overload with the revelation that Emma belonged to him and that Sara had not even bothered to find out the truth about Emma's parentage until a few months ago.

He had been deprived of so much time with Emma, **his **child.

He could not fathom why she would allow her foster parents to raise Emma as their own child but yet did not bother to change the child's last name.

None of it made sense.

He knew that.

The investigator told him to go back over the evidence.

What evidence?

He'd poured through the photo albums until he had memorized each one, quoting the date they were taken, Emma's age and of course whether Sara was there with her child…**their **child.

He'd asked as much as he dared from Emma.

He could still see the hurt and pain each time Emma mentioned Momma Emm and Papa Joe.

The child missed them tremendously.

Of course, there was the biggest chunk of evidence, an eye witness and willing participant, a prime suspect by the name of Sara Sidle.

How could he begin to ask her for details on something she had kept from him for years?

He thought he would wait until she divulged something to her counselor.

Would she?

Would she discuss their one night encounter, their secret child and her coming to Vegas to work for him?

It could mean disaster in epic proportions for both of them professionally but then he knew as soon as the thought popped into his head, that Sara would do no such thing.

She would continue to hide it.

_But why?_

There would be no progress made in counseling if Sara did not divulge everything to her counselor.

_Why bother?_

He sighed.

He knew the answer.

She needed her job.

_I don't want to keep Emma a secret…_

_She's my child…_

He knew it would be a matter of time before the others became aware that he was the father.

He didn't want to hide it.

He was very proud of Emma.

It would mean an eventual change.

_One of us has to leave graveyard…._

The only choice would be swing shift.

There was no supervisory positions open.

It would mean a step back for him.

He also knew that despite Ecklie's desire to rid himself of both of them, the department would not be willing to sacrifice Grissom.

Personnel would move Sara before they gave up Gil Grissom from graveyard.

He didn't like the idea of doing that to Sara.

He wondered if she had even thought about the repercussions herself.

_She lost her parents…_

"_It seems the only friends I have work graveyard with me."_

Despite everything, he did not want Sara to lose anything more.

He was unsure of whether he could forgive Sara for what she had done.

He'd made it across the parking lot when there was a familiar voice that called out to him.

"Well, Grissom. Are you happy to see your brother again?" asked Richard Graham.

Grissom whirled around.

"And you thought that anything you had to say to the board would have made a difference?"

"What do you want Graham?"

"I came to see my family," he announced.

"You have no family," seethed Grissom.

"Now, that is just not nice," said Graham.

"You're not welcome at this lab or anywhere near my home. Understood?" glared Grissom.

"Still angry after all of these years," sighed Graham. "I'm the one who should be jealous…Dad chose you and your mother over me and my sorry mother."

"Dad tried to help you…but you were too filled with hate."

"Dear old Dad didn't think I was good enough to live with him…afraid I might be a bad influence on you."

"Leave Vegas," warned Grissom.

"Sorry but you can't tell me what to do…good try with the review board."

Graham got into his vehicle and drove away.

Brass stepped under the crime scene tape and waited until Grissom stopped working.

"I heard Emma is spending some time with you," whispered Brass.

"A few days every week," he said.

Grissom stared intently at Brass.

He had not shared the news of Emma's conception with anyone and wondered if Sara had done so.

It could cause problems with Ecklie.

He'd already heard about the maternity test he'd authorized.

Ecklie had taken great delight in lecturing him about using the lab for his personal use.

He had simply sent in an invoice paying well above the cost for using the lab's services.

"Grissom?"

"Hmmm?"

"So why the visits with you?" whispered Brass.

"We're getting to know one another."

"While you're getting to know Sara's daughter, why not invite Sara to stay also."

"It wouldn't be appropriate."

Brass looked shocked.

"Sorry but I don't buy that…this coming from the man who spends time with a dominatrix."

"Is there a purpose to this conversation?" asked Grissom sounding rather irritated.

"I'm just worried about Sara….spending so much time alone."

Grissom's head bobbed back up.

"Why?"

"She's not been herself," replied Brass.

Brass tried to read Grissom's face.

"You two have a squabble or something?" asked Brass.

Grissom did not reply.

"Did she tell you who Emma's father is?" he asked.

Grissom bristled.

He knew the truth would come out sooner or later.

"Emma is mine."

Brass grinned. "You never let on that you and Sara were an item in San Francisco."

"We weren't," he said in a low voice.

"Right," replied Brass.

"I would appreciate your silence for awhile," said Grissom.

Grissom glanced around.

"Jim, I may need your help on something private," said Grissom.

"This is serious," said Brass.

"Yes, it is. I may need your help convincing someone to leave town."

Brass stared at him. "If you think for a second I'm going to get Sara to leave…"

"I would never ask that…it's a relative."

"Oh… one of those. I have this cousin that comes to visit…quite the moocher…but also has a problem with taking things that don't belong to him…things that belong to me."

"My brother is much worse," he whispered.

"Brother? You have a brother? You always said you were an only child."

"A half brother."

"And you don't claim him? What did he do to get kicked out of the family?"

"He killed someone."

Brass whistled. "You've got me beat. I just have alcoholics and thieves."

"He says he's leaving town. I want to make sure he does."

"Yeah, well…"

They were interrupted by Nick.

"Is this a private discussion or can I interrupt?" he asked.

"What is it?" asked Grissom.

"Anybody heard from Sara?"

Grissom and Brass exchanged glances.

"I went by there but she wasn't home," he explained.

"She and Emma were probably at the park," reasoned Grissom.

"Emma was with Mrs. Fletcher," said Nick. "I ran into them in the elevator. Mrs. Fletcher said Sara was working."

Looks were shared again.

"Sara's been dodging my calls for a couple of days. I just want to know if she's okay," said Nick.

"I'm picking Emma up after shift," said Grissom.

"Tell Sara to give me a call," stated Nick.

Grissom pretended he wasn't worried but he was.

He watched the clock slowly tick by.

He'd arranged for Emma's new nanny to come to the townhouse so he could observe them together. Eventually the woman would watch Emma while he worked.

He tapped on the door and was dismayed when Mrs. Fletcher answered the door.

"Hello, Mr. Grissom. Emma is ready to go," she said as she called out for the young child. Emma appeared from the bedroom with her small suitcase.

Once they were in the car, he glanced at the child.

"Is there something wrong?" asked Grissom.

"I miss Mommy," replied Emma.

"When did you see Sara?"

"She's been gone for a long time," said Emma.

"Did she say where she was going?" he asked.

"She told Mrs. Fletcher she had to do something so she could go back to work," explained Emma.

_Counseling session…_

Grissom surprised Emma with doing the finishing touches to her room.

Emma stood there and stared at the canopy bed.

"This is beautiful," she said.

"You're a beautiful little girl," he replied.

"Grissom?"

"Hmmm?"

"Am I coming to live here for good?" she asked.

"You're going to spend some of your time here."

"Is Sara going to come soon?" she asked.

"Sara has her home."

"Mommy said that her home was wherever I was. That's why she never called Vegas home."

Grissom heart clenched.

"Your mommy loves you very much."

"Mommy used to cry when she had to leave us in San Francisco. She told me the story about the 'Kissing Hand' right before she left. She said she would miss her home until she came back."

Grissom did not know what to say.

"When is Mommy coming to get me?" she asked.

"Tomorrow."

"Could she come in and see my bedroom?" she asked.

"Of course."

Emma did not seem excited to see the nanny but was polite as the woman attempted to play with the child.

Grissom leaned back in his chair and watched the two in the backyard.

He picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.

"This is Dr. Grissom. I need to speak with Mrs. Roberts," he said.

There was a pause before the woman answered.

"Dr. Grissom. I was just going to send out a preliminary report to you on Ms. Sidle."

He sighed a little. "She's scheduled to return to work soon. I wanted your professional opinion."

"I don't think that would be good for Ms. Sidle at this time. The counseling sessions have not gone very well. She's divulged some things that…frankly I wished I had known last year. I was also disappointed that she didn't tell you about the death of her father by her mother's hand. I had instructed her to divulge this information to you months ago."

He remembered her attempts to talk.

It had been partially his fault.

"It wasn't until this blowup with another employee that she admitted that she was in the Foster Care system for a few years. I'd already found out about the death of her father by her mother…by other means," said Grissom.

"The death of her foster parents has been very painful for her. She's talked at length about her daughter…the need to protect her but I'm not sure I understand her actions."

_Me either…._

"There's more that she's not divulging at this time."

"She's scheduled to return to work soon. What do you suggest?"

"Mr. Grissom, I'm recommending Ms. Sidle remain in counseling for an indefinite period of time. I don't think she is ready to return to work yet. Do I have your support?"

"Yes."

She tapped on the door at the precise time she was scheduled to pick up Emma.

The little girl ran to the door with Grissom.

"Hey, little bug," she whispered as she hugged the child.

Grissom opened the door wide but she still hesitated stepping into the house.

"Emma would like to show you her room. We finished it," he said.

Emma pulled Sara to the bedroom and switched on the light.

Sara stood there staring at the canopy bed and matching dresser.

There was a big book case with books and then another shelf that displayed her toys.

"It's beautiful, Emma."

"Grissom got a copy of the book, 'The Kissing Hand.'"

Sara caressed the book cover.

"He can read it to you now," she barely said above a whisper.

"We should go," said Sara as she extended her hand.

"But couldn't we wait and feed Bruno?" asked Emma.

"I'm sure Grissom will feed Bruno…"

"Emma, why don't you take Bruno outside so he can find his ball and then you can feed him. I need to talk with Sara for a moment."

Emma ran out of the room.

Sara quickly retreated toward the front door.

"I need to talk with you," he said.

"Okay."

She turned and faced him.

"I spoke with your counselor today."

She bristled.

"I told you I would have a report sent to you so there would not be an issue when I return to work."

"Sara…I'm not letting you return to work next week."

"What are you saying? Are you extending the suspension?" she asked anxiously.

"No. I'm giving you a leave of absence…until your counselor feels…"

"That's not fair! I was the one that went to her. Look, I just want to go back to work."

"Not yet."

"I need to work," she pressed.

"You have months of leave built up."

"You're doing this…on purpose."

He wasn't but then the thought that she felt punished made him feel better.

It was sick but then so had been her callous behavior toward their child.

"That's my decision."

"Fine!"

She took a deep breath as if she couldn't breathe.

He caught the slight loss of emotions.

"I'm not doing this to…I want what's best for Emma."

"You think I'm not mentally stable to care for Emma," she spat.

"I didn't say that."

Emma reappeared. "Bruno is fed."

Emma kissed Grissom and then quickly took the shaking hand that was extended to her.

They were gone like a flash.

He told himself he had done the right thing but it was obvious Sara felt he had done it as a means to punish her.

He should have taken more time to explain his reasoning.

He sat in his chair, flipping through the photo albums.

She put Emma to bed and plopped down on the couch.

There was a knock on her door and she grabbed her revolver.

She peered through the peep hole and saw that it was Brass.

"Hey Kiddo," he whispered. "I didn't like how our last meeting ended."

She opened the door and invited him inside.

She had intended to have a good meltdown since Emma was asleep but it seemed her plans would have to be put on hold.

Without a word, he pulled her into his arms.

Slowly she let her guard down as they plopped down on the couch.

"What's wrong?" he whispered as he held her hand.

"Nothing I do is working," she cried.

Sara Sidle rarely cried in front of others.

He frowned.

He knew Grissom was probably behind it.

"What did he do?" he asked.

"Grissom isn't going to let me return to work," she said.

"Why not?" letting his hand slip into hers.

"I volunteer for counseling and this is what I get…backlash."

"Maybe he's right…Sara, a lot has happened."

"Dad's partner is ruining the company while my attorney fights to salvage what he can. In the meantime, I have paid off the last of their debts to avoid selling the company. My father's dreams are in that company and…" she took a deep breath. "Emma is stuck here…in this apartment. I can't compete…I was hoping to work overtime…while Emma stayed with Grissom a few nights every week so I can get her out of this apartment but now…of course let's not forget …." She didn't finish.

"Sara, Emma loves you," he said. "No matter what Grissom does, that won't change."

She almost broke down. "He doesn't think I'm fit to keep Emma. He still thinks I abandoned her. I didn't Jim. I didn't," she cried.

"Did you try telling him what happened? Sara…sometimes facing the past…all of it…is the only way to heal."

"It wouldn't matter. I'm condemned in his eyes anyway. I did what I thought was best…for both of us."

"I know about Richard Graham," he said.

She flew off the couch. "I didn't tell you his name."

"You didn't think for a second that I wouldn't do some digging."

"So you know his name," she managed to get out.

"I know he did some research with Joe Holmes but then he killed his wife and unborn child."

She didn't flinch nor did she deny it.

"I also know what he did…to you," he said quietly.

"Now, I know you're fishing for information," she spat.

"I know you were admitted into the hospital for several days…dehydration and malnutrition. Your foster parents had filed a missing person's report. You were found about the same time Richard Graham was arrested for murder."

Sara swiped at her eyes. "You don't know anything."

"I know by the look on your face every time I mention his name that he had something to do with your disappearance. Sara, what did he do to you?"

She remained silent.

"Grissom told me that Emma is his child."

She remained quiet.

"Your counselor feels you're hiding something."

"Like I've said before, you and Grissom share things," she said feeling a bit betrayed.

"I just want to help you," he emphasized.

He waited for her to digest this before pressing further.

"If you can't tell your counselor…tell me. You have to tell someone. It's about Emma, isn't it?"

She kept quiet.

A pitiful laugh escaped her lips. "You can't imagine the terror I lived with each day wondering if my child would take after my mother and father or Graham….some gene pool."

Her eyes slowly drifted to his.

The pain he saw made his gut twist but he knew he couldn't let her stop now.

"I opted for adoption," she whispered.

"You weren't sure you could love a child conceived out of…rape," he said quietly.

She nodded and he hated the fact that he had been right.

The bastard had raped her.

It was the only logical reason why Sara would ever consider giving up a child.

"I was going to give it away…but then 'it' became a 'she' and…the moment I saw her…I saw me and how my parents hated me just for existing. I didn't hate her. Mom later told me she didn't think I could live with giving Emma away…she was right. I'd always wonder if she was alright…safe…loved… so they decided to keep her…they would raise her. We brought Emma home and I couldn't keep my hands off her. I loved her the moment I held her…I didn't care…who her father was."

"You came to Vegas…because Grissom asked you," said Brass. "That must have been hard leaving Emma behind."

"I went home every time I got a day off. It cost me a small fortune flying back and forth…drove it a few times…but then as time went by and Emma got older, we knew she was bright…very bright. I began working as much overtime as I could to pay for a special school for gifted children. I thought I was making the right decision…I was wrong."

"Were you?"

Sara viciously shook her head. "I'm not sure about anything anymore. Grissom…never cared for me but he truly loves Emma…that's enough for me. My baby is loved and cherished."

He was sure Sara had never truly felt that way as a young child and it made him want to protect her even more.

She swiped at her tears.

"When did you find out Grissom was Emma's father?"

"When Grissom was in the hospital. Emma has had problems with her ears since she was born. Logically, there was no reason to think that Grissom was but Mom kept questioning me until even I began to wonder if I had been wrong…that maybe Grissom was Emma's father. It drove me crazy not knowing if…Grissom was Emma's father rather than….him. I decided I couldn't live with not knowing. When I found out the truth, I came back here immediately but he didn't…want to talk…seemed angry…at me. I didn't know why. I tried and tried but…he never gave me a chance."

"I was afraid that he'd hate me…for what I did…I was right. I just want him to be a part of Emma's life…for her to have what I didn't."

The tears came in a steady flow this time.

"I'm so tired, Jim."

"How've you been sleeping?" he asked.

He knew the answer to that.

"Listen, why don't you let me help you buy a house?" he asked.

"No!" she said immediately as she got off the couch and headed to the kitchen.

"Can't let a friend help you?" he asked.

"I'll manage," she said as she began making coffee. She later handed him a cup.

"There's a patrol car that comes through here at night. I've given them a description of Graham."

"Thanks, Jim."

"Sara, don't shut the rest of us out…Nick is worried about you...me too."

"I know…I didn't want to say anything…until Grissom did. I know that as soon as he acknowledges Emma, I'll be switched to another unit. I was going to put in for a transfer to first shift but we both know how long Catherine has waited for a slot. Maybe I need to just look for another job."

"If you need to talk…call me…I'll come day or night," he said as he leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

Note from author:

Posting early because of other engagements. Enjoy!

Take care!


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen:**

The following evening Grissom arrived to pick up Emma and once again, Sara was not there.

Mrs. Fletcher hesitated a moment before she opened the door.

He had wanted a moment to talk with Sara but decided it could wait.

As soon as Emma went to sleep, he intended to call her.

He had no idea what he would say but he needed to hear her voice.

Something bothered him deep inside.

He felt quite disjointed.

If he were honest, he missed her.

If he were really honest, he'd admit that just the sight of Emma reminded him of Sara.

Emma **was **Sara.

Perhaps it was what caused his heart to navigate toward the child as soon as he laid eyes on her.

There was nothing about Emma that resembled any part of Grissom.

He'd spent hours sitting by the child's bed while she slept.

He'd memorized every inch of his daughter.

She was perfect in his eyes.

He was far from being angry with Sara but he wanted, no he needed to feel her.

He glanced at the child in the back seat and smiled.

She caught sight of him and gave him a huge smile.

He gulped.

It was Sara's smile.

God, he missed that smile on Sara.

He didn't think he would ever receive that smile from Sara again and his chest hurt.

It ached for **his** Sara.

**His **Sara would probably never have any feelings for him again.

That hurt the worst.

"Emma, do you mind if we stop off at the lab?" asked Grissom.

"Do I get to see your tarantula?" she asked.

"You can even hold her," he said with a smile.

Once inside the lab, they headed to his office.

He was surprised when he caught sight of Sara talking with Nick.

"I was nearby so I wanted to drop in and explain…to you and Greg…why I haven't been returning your calls," she began.

"I've been worried about you," whispered Nick.

"I know…me too," she admitted.

"Mommy!" called Emma.

The child ran to Sara.

Sara's head snapped up and briefly, she and Grissom exchanged glances.

"Hey Emma," smiled Sara.

"Grissom had to come by the office so I get to hold his spider," she said.

"That's…great," frowned Sara.

"She's nice…and soft," announced Emma.

Sara bent over and planted a kiss in Emma's palm.

Sara stood but stepped back.

She gripped Nick's arm as she stared past Grissom.

He sensed something was wrong from her frightened expression.

"Sara, what's wrong?" asked Nick.

"Nicky, take Emma to the break room…please!" she begged.

"Emma, would you come with me. I think we still have some cookies left."

"Bye Mommy," called Emma.

"Nick, quick!"

Nick lifted the child immediately and hurried down the hall.

Emma glanced over her shoulder. "What's wrong with Mommy?"

"I'm not sure little bug but Grissom is there with her," soothed Nick.

Grissom turned and came face to face with Graham.

"Why are you still here?" seethed Grissom.

"I came to see her," said Graham as he gazed at Sara.

Grissom's eyes turned to Sara.

"Sara?"

"Yes, Sara and I know one another."

Grissom glanced back at Sara.

"How do you know Sara?" asked Grissom.

"We're friends…more than friends," he announced.

Grissom looked shocked.

"She never told you about me?" asked Graham. "Pity, she talked about you…funny how it's such a small world. My brother comes to San Francisco for a Forensic Seminar and meets my Sara. She's very bright…but still I don't think she connected us together…you and me…brothers."

"What do you want with Sara?" he asked.

"I want to talk with her of course…about Emma."

Grissom's veins turned cold.

"Emma is my child," seethed Grissom.

Graham's blue eyes turned dark. "Is that what she told you?"

Graham walked past Grissom.

Sara watched in horror as he approached her.

She stepped back pressing her body firmly to the glass partition.

Greg's head snapped up when he saw the stranger in the hall coming toward Sara.

"Don't come near me," she said in a hollow voice.

"Like a moth to a flame," Graham whispered as he came face to face with her.

He glanced back at Grissom who was trying to recover from the shock of the revelation that Graham and Sara knew one another.

"I heard about the Holmes'…I came to give my condolences," he whispered.

Sara shook her head over and over. "Go away," she pleaded.

"You could have told me about Emma," he said trying to come closer. "She's beautiful."

His hand reached out to touch her but she cringed as if he were going to strike her. Grissom was there immediately. He grabbed Graham's arm and twisted it.

"Not nice brother," said Graham.

"Brother?" asked Sara.

"You see, Grissom. She didn't know. Sara, let me introduce you to my half brother Gilbert Grissom," smiled Graham.

"No…it can't be…that's not true," she turned then with pleading eyes toward Grissom.

"We have the same father…half brothers," admitted Grissom.

Sara's hand covered her mouth.

"I think you've upset her," said Graham.

She bolted past both men.

"I'm calling security," said Grissom. "If you're not out of this building in five minutes, I'll personally draw my revolver and kill you."

"Such a violent attitude," said Graham. "It must run in the family…got it from dear old Dad."

Graham turned and headed toward the exit.

A security officer arrived after Greg called.

"Make sure he leaves the building as well as the parking lot," ordered Grissom.

Grissom hurried down the hall to the break room.

Sara sat there trembling as she held Emma.

"Who was that man?" whispered Emma.

Grissom stepped into the room before Sara could respond to the small child.

There were a thousand questions floating around in his brain.

He knew they would not be able to talk in the lab, much less with Emma present.

There was no way he could ignore her now.

The questions banging around in his head demanded answers.

Graham had just accused Sara of being involved with a married man.

Worse, the married man was his own brother.

His brother was a cold blooded murderer.

"I'll take her now," said Grissom

Sara refused to look at him as she kissed Emma, letting the child go to Grissom.

As soon as they left, Nick sat down in front of Sara.

"Want to tell me what just happened?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Sara…I've never seen you….like this. Who was that guy?" asked Nick.

"Grissom's brother," she whispered.

"I didn't know Grissom had a brother," replied Nick.

"I didn't know, Nicky. I swear I didn't know," she gulped as if she were finding it hard to breathe.

Before another word could be uttered, Sara bolted from the chair and left.

"Where's Sara?" asked Brass as he stepped into the break room.

"She left," said Nick. "You have any idea what's going on?"

"I need to talk with Grissom," muttered Brass.

Brass hurried to Grissom's office.

He glanced around for Emma.

"Is Emma with you?" asked Brass.

"Mandy took her to the bathroom."

"I need to talk with you about Richard Graham," Brass said.

Grissom glanced at Brass. "How did you know my brother's name?"

"Richard Graham is your brother?" asked Brass.

"Yes…answer me…how did you…"

"Christ! Where's Sara?" asked Brass.

"She was in the break room with Nick," answered Grissom.

"She left….geez, you should have told me…hell, I should have figured this out," grumbled Brass.

"Jim, you're not making any sense," scowled Grissom.

"The bad man Emma keeps talking about is your brother! Do we even know where the hell Graham is now?" asked Brass.

Grissom's gut twisted.

"Start talking," said Grissom.

"Did you know that Sara's foster parents reported her missing and she wasn't found until a month later?" asked Brass.

"No."

"Graham was arrested on the same day she was admitted into the hospital," said Brass.

_Oh shit…_

With each detail, Grissom's head pounded.

The pieces slipped into place.

Grissom stared at Brass in horror.

He could not verbally say it.

Grissom frantically dialed her number but there was no answer.

"I'll check her apartment. I just hope Graham wasn't waiting for her," said Brass.

Grissom dialed her cell again but no one answered.

An hour passed and there was no word from her.

Grissom took Emma home and waited by the phone, hoping she would return his call.

He glanced at his watch.

He knew she would be picking Emma up soon but when the time arrived, Sara did not show.

His anxiety rose with each minute there was no word from her.

Finally, she arrived on his doorstep.

He was there on the first knock.

"Where have you been?" he almost yelled.

Sara searched the room for Emma.

"She's in the backyard playing with Mary," he said.

Sara glanced at Brass.

"We were worried," said Brass softly.

Grissom realized his harshness. "You should have called," he said trying to calm down.

"I was busy…with your brother," she glared as she remained on the front steps.

Brass stepped out. "You had problems with Graham?"

"I saw him going into my apartment building," she replied.

"Come inside so we can talk," offered Grissom.

Brass walked inside and headed to the kitchen.

Sara refused to budge, standing with her arms folded on the front porch.

"Sara, get inside," called Brass over his shoulder.

She knew Brass would drag her in if she did not comply.

She stepped into the foyer but kept her back to the door.

By the look on Grissom's face, she knew Brass had divulged everything to him.

It infuriated her.

She didn't want his pity.

She certainly didn't even want to be standing there having a conversation.

"Emma has been worried about you…me too," Grissom said.

He cautiously extended his hand but she recoiled the moment he came near her.

"I'm not him," he grieved.

"You feel…like him," she choked.

It shook Grissom to the core.

Anger passed between the two.

He sat down on the couch.

"We don't know where Graham went. It's not safe at your apartment," Grissom said.

"Can Emma stay here?" she asked.

"Of course."

She got up to leave but Brass motioned for her to remain seated.

She reluctantly did.

"Jim…told me…"

She was on her feet now and was there at the door before Grissom could say another word.

"Sara…let him talk," warned Brass.

She whirled around and glared at Brass.

He winced.

He knew there would be hell to pay later when they were alone.

Grissom motioned for her to sit back down but she remained at the door.

By the look on her face, she had no intentions of doing anything he asked.

Her behavior frustrated him.

He just wanted to protect her but she wasn't going to make it easy.

"Sara, I can't protect you if you're…."

"I don't want anything from you," she spat. "If you love Emma then keep him away from her."

"I don't want him near Emma **or** you."

"I'll try to explain to her…why she won't be staying with me," she said.

"Stay here with Emma," Grissom offered.

"No…thank you," she said as she started to open the door.

"You're just going to leave her like that?" he asked.

Her eyes darkened. "I'm doing what's best for Emma."

"Have you? She's scared. She saw the way you reacted to Graham. She keeps calling him the bad man."

"Don't give me a guilt trip! I know…" she stopped the moment she saw Emma step into the room.

Emma ran to Sara.

"Hey, little bug," whispered Sara.

"Are you going to stay?" she asked.

Sara shook her head.

"Why not?' asked Emma.

"I have to get back to my apartment," replied Sara.

"Emma, Mommy and I were talking," said Grissom.

"Actually I've got to go," said Sara.

"Where are we going, Mommy?" asked Emma.

"Emma, Grissom is going to let you stay here for awhile. I'll call every…"

"When do I get to come home with you?" she asked.

"I don't know," admitted Sara.

"But…I'll miss you," begged Emma.

Grissom looked hopeful.

_That's it Emma….convince her to stay…_

"Emma, remember what Papa Joe said? Home is where you're loved."

The little girl nodded.

"Grissom loves you very much. This is your home…now."

"You said that I was your home. Don't you love me anymore?"

"Yes…Yes …yes," she cried over and over as she held the little girl.

Sara stepped toward the door slowly.

"I'll call you…just like before," she said.

Emma nodded.

Grissom's stomach knotted.

"Sara…"

"I'll see you soon," she said to Emma as she stepped out the door.

Grissom and Brass exchanged glances.

"I'll walk Sara out," offered Brass.

"Sara, stay…please," said Grissom.

Emma glanced at Grissom. "Can Sara stay?"

"Yes!" he said. "I want her to stay."

Sara glared at Grissom.

"Mommy…"

"I'll call you this evening," promised Sara.

"Sara!" urged Grissom.

Emma looked confused.

Sara hurried out the door.

As soon as the door shut, Brass grabbed her arm.

"You can't go back to your apartment."

"I am not staying here…it will only put Emma at risk."

"We'll park your car at the lab and then you can stay with me," urged Brass.

She shook her head.

"This is for the best," gulped Sara. "I can't keep Emma…at my apartment. He knows where I live. He'll be back."

"Where are you going to go?" asked Brass.

"I'm…going…home," she said.

She knew Brass was following by the time she got to her car and tried to open her door.

Brass stopped her.

"Sara, he knows where you live," urged Brass.

Sara turned to Brass. "I know that. He didn't waste any time finding that out."

Sara glanced back at the house. "At least Emma won't be there."

"What about you? He's going to come back," he warned.

"I have a gun. I intend to use it," she said as she slipped into the car and drove away.

**Note from author:**

Sorry for the strange hours I have been posting but I am juggling several things this week and I am failing miserably.

Please continue to read. I've enjoyed the comments!

Take care!


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen:**

Jim's words unsettled Grissom.

He could not imagine the hell she had endured at the hands of his brother.

Everything seemed to make sense as he thought about her initial arrival to Vegas.

She had always seemed tired and without sleep.

Now, he knew why.

She had spent what waking hours she could, traveling back and forth to be with Emma, care for the child's needs, ensure she was happy while sacrificing her own in hopes that she could persuade him to give her a chance.

A mournful chuckle escaped his lips as he groaned inwardly at his stupidity.

He was thoroughly disgusted with his treatment of her.

She deserved so much more than a middle aged stick in the mud of an entomologist who didn't know the first thing about love and sacrifice.

He turned to see Emma standing in her doorway.

Grissom extended his arms and she ran to him.

"Where's Mommy?" asked Emma.

"Mommy was very tired," explained Grissom. "She's gone back to her apartment for awhile."

"I don't think she liked that man at your office," whispered Emma. "Is his name Eklie?"

Emma's innocence made him smile slightly but even Ecklie wasn't a bad man in Grissom's book.

Graham was definitely a bad man.

"No," he replied.

"Grissom?"

"Hmmm?"

"Mommy has nightmares…like me."

"I know little bug. I'll try to make them better."

She rewarded him with a hug.

"Would you marry me?" asked Emma.

She tugged at his heart.

"Emma, I'm too old."

"Mommy says age doesn't matter."

"Mommy is very wise."

"Grissom?"

"Hmmm?"

"Was he the bad man?" she asked suddenly.

_Yes, he was…_

"No one is going to hurt Mommy," announced Grissom.

"Did he make Mommy cry?" she asked.

_I did that…_.

Before Grissom could answer Emma continued.

Her ramblings reminded him of Sara's.

She rambled when she was nervous.

He hugged the child.

"Papa Joe used to pet Mommy on the head…like this…when she was sad. He did that until she went to sleep."

"Papa Joe really loved you both very much."

"I'm very lucky Mommy chose Momma Emm and Papa Joe for me."

Grissom held Emma tight against his chest.

There was a tap on the door.

"Emma could you go to your room and play?" he asked.

He waited until she was out of sight before checking the door.

It was Brass.

"Any sign of her?" asked Grissom.

"No. I have some squad cars searching," he said.

"Jim, could you stay…with Emma?" he asked.

"Got an idea where she might be?" he asked.

"Maybe," replied Grissom.

"Try not to say anything stupid," warned Brass.

Grissom grabbed his jacket and ran out of the house.

He remembered a conversation once with Greg.

Sara had spoken about a place she often drove to when she needed to think.

He couldn't imagine her driving there alone since it was quite deserted and just the place Graham could easily get the upper hand.

The closer he drove, his chest pounded wildly at the sight of a car parked behind the boulders.

He recognized it as hers.

He pulled up and headed off on foot.

Once he climbed to the top, he saw her sitting there facing toward the sun.

"Sara?"

"Go away," she gritted out.

"I'm sorry, I can't do that," he said. "I need to talk with you."

"Is Emma okay?"

He breathed deeply.

"Emma is fine. Brass is with her."

He stepped closer.

"Sara, I…"

He could see that she was shivering.

It was quite cool but as soon as the sun rose, it would be too hot to sit there.

He took off his jacket and slowly approached.

"Let me help," he offered but she shrugged off his offer.

"Don't touch me!" she gasped.

"Sara, I wouldn't hurt you," he blurted out but then realized the fallacy of his statement.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't give you a chance to explain…tell me everything."

Sara sat there.

"I overheard you and Greg talking about this place," he said coming closer.

"I hate Vegas. I never should have come here," she screamed.

"I'm glad you did."

"Of course…I'm good for the lab," she spat.

"I didn't bring you here for the lab…I wanted you here…for me."

She laughed in his face. "Do you know how hard I've tried to please you? To be what you wanted me to be? To do what you wanted me to do…despite leaving Emma…behind? I just wanted **you**…to feel the same…as I did. I've wasted so much time here! I could have been with Mom and Dad…and Emma!"

She struggled to get up.

It was obvious she had been sitting there for quite some time and her legs were stiff.

"Let me help you," he said again. "It wasn't…a waste."

"Don't," she warned. "Your words mean nothing to me now!"

He noticed her hand held her revolver.

"When you wanted to go to San Francisco, you were going for the hearing," he said.

She continued to look out over the desert.

"I stopped you from going," he said. "It was the real reason I went out of town…to testify against his release. It didn't do any good. His psychiatrist said he'd made progress…he wasn't the same man. Besides with the murder conviction overturned, there was no reason to hold him."

Sara folded her trembling arms.

"He hasn't changed," she stated.

"I know. It's not safe for you…"

She laughed through tears. "I've never felt safe here in this town," she said as she attempted to take a step but teetered.

He quickly reached for her but she caught herself flailing at any help from him.

"Talk with me," he pleaded.

"We have nothing to talk about."

"Then let me try to explain," he said.

"There's nothing that you have to say that I want to hear."

"Give me a chance," he begged.

"A chance? What chance did you give me? You wanted me to trust you and I did! You wouldn't let me explain why I…" she turned away as if it was pointless to continue.

She didn't want to trust him anymore.

He'd lost her trust when he'd spurned her that day in her apartment.

Well, it would be the last time he ever get the chance to do that again.

His actions had wounded her and she was not about to believe he had changed.

He had changed as much as Graham.

A shiver ran down her back at the thought of Graham.

She attempted to walk away but he blocked her.

"Get out of my way, Grissom!"

"I know Graham raped you," he blurted out.

His words forced her to step back and he took the moment to advance toward her only to have her shove him away.

She was not going to stand there and bleed through her emotions for him.

Before she had been ready to tell him everything but now she had no intentions of ever confiding in a man who had treated her so callously.

He had thought she had discarded her own child as if the action meant nothing to her.

"I protected **Emma**….from the truth…I protected **her**…made sure **she** was safe and loved. I did what was best for **her**!"

"I know, honey. I know it doesn't help…but I'm sorry, Sara…so, so sorry. I should have listened….really listened to what you were trying to tell me. I said some things I wish I had never said."

"You're right. It doesn't help!"

He swallowed as he ached to reach out to cup her face and remove the wetness but he knew she would not allow him to comfort her.

"I don't know what to say to make this right…I'm sorry," he insisted.

"Do you think by saying "sorry" that you can erase how you made me feel that day? I felt raped all over…by **you!** I trusted **you**…with everything and **you** flung it back at me. Words cannot heal that…no matter how much **you** mean them."

He stepped back as if she had struck him.

She didn't care at the moment as she climbed down the boulder and headed for her car.

"Sara, stop!"

She stood there not facing him.

"Come back to the house and stay with Emma."

She shook her head.

"You don't know what he's capable of!" yelled Grissom.

She turned then and glared at him. "I above all people know what your brother is capable of…it's why I can't be with Emma. As long as she stays away from me, he won't hurt her."

"What about you?"

She slipped into her car and drove away just as the sun rose.

By the time she arrived at her apartment, Nick was sitting by her door.

She said nothing to him as she unlocked her door.

He entered without giving her a chance to protest.

"Grissom called. He said not to leave you until Brass gets here so I'm not."

She slipped down on the couch.

"You looked tired," he said as he sunk down beside her.

Both were quiet for a moment.

"I'm not going to ask any questions but I'm here if you want to talk," he said with his Texas drawl.

She sat there without a word.

Nick leaned over, pulling her into an embrace.

"I'm not saying anything…you just need this," he said as he held her.

She turned her body inward and hugged him tight.

He kept his word as he sat there quietly letting her cry softly into his shoulder.

A kiss was planted once or twice on her head as he continued to hold her.

Within an hour or so, Brass arrived, practically shoving Nick out of the apartment.

"Unlike Nick, I'm not going to be nice," growled Brass.

"You told him…everything!" she spat.

"I told him what he needed to know….what you should have told him but couldn't. Don't yell at me for doing what I thought was right for you as well as Grissom and Emma."

She chewed on her lower lip.

"You know I'm right. I saved you from having to repeat it…I was thinking about **you**…something I don't think you've done in a long time."

She was quiet.

"Well, at least you've not thrown anything at me," he declared.

She glanced around the room.

"Don't start…either," he teased.

He could tell she was softening.

"You can't stay here. It's not safe," he said. "Pack a bag and let's go."

"I'm not leaving here," she said.

"Sara…"

"Jim, I'm too tired to argue about this," she said.

Her head hurt as she curled into a ball on the couch.

Her phone rang and she cringed.

It was her counselor.

"Sidle."

"You missed a counseling session," stated her counselor.

"Sorry but I was busy."

"I've already had my secretary send a notice to Dr. Grissom."

Sara hung up as she flung the phone down at the other end of the couch.

She quickly pulled her revolver and slipped it under the cushion of the couch.

"Brass, go home," she stated.

"Graham is staying at a hotel," he said. "He's booked up for the week."

"Well, at least we'll know where he's going to be."

"Sara…"

"I'm tired of looking over my shoulder," said Sara.

"So, what do you plan to do?"

"If he steps in this apartment, I'm going to kill him."

Brass glanced down and saw her hand on the revolver.

"You think you could pull the trigger? Kill another human being?"

"I can kill Graham."

"Good." Brass announced. "I'm not asking permission, I'm staying here…with you."

"No."

"Like I said, I didn't ask permission."

There was a knock on her door.

Sara's eyes met Jim's.

"I'll get it."

Brass checked the peep hole.

"It's a messenger," said Brass.

He opened the door.

"Delivery for Sara Sidle," said the delivery man.

Sara saw a bouquet of flowers.

"I don't want them," she said.

"Not even going to see who they're from?" asked Brass.

Brass took the flowers and shut the door.

He flipped open the card.

"They're from…Graham."

"Throw them away," she said.

Brass walked into the kitchen and tossed them in the trash.

"Since I'm here, you might as well take advantage of it. Get some sleep…rest."

She sat down on the couch with the classifieds.

"Looking for another job?" he asked.

"I'm looking for a job. I don't have one anymore," she said.

"Grissom didn't fire you."

"I quit."

"That's stupid. How are you going to support Emma?"

She bit her lower lip. "I'm quitting as soon as I find another job."

"Good to hear that."

She settled down on the couch.

Little by little she inched down further until she was lying down. She felt a blanket thrown over her.

She woke a few hours later. Brass was sitting in the chair looking at the newspaper.

"Had a good nap?" he asked.

"Thanks."

"Grissom called to check on you."

"How is Emma?"

"Sara, Grissom would never let anything happen to Emma."

"I…know…that."

"She wants to have dinner with you."

"That's not possible."

"She left Mr. Wiggles," said Brass.

"I'll send him to her."

"Grissom was going to bring her by later."

"No!"

He sighed.

"He said you missed a counseling session. Need to reschedule?"

"Oh yes. Let me tell her how I planned to kill Graham….that should get me a few years at the nearest mental facility."

"Sara, there's nothing wrong with you…you just need to talk…to us…let us help. We're your family too."

"Sorry Jim."

There was a knock on the door.

Sara stiffened.

"I'll check."

Brass cursed.

He opened the door blocking Graham's view of Sara.

"Look buddy. I think you need to leave town. There is no one here that wants to see you."

"I'd like to talk with Sara…then I'll go."

"Sorry, pal but I can't let you see her."

"I'm not leaving until I see her."

"Jim, open the door."

He glanced back.

Sara held her revolver.

"You know, now is not a good time. It seems she wants to shoot you."

"Then who has the advantage here? I'm unarmed. I'm defenseless."

Brass opened the door wide.

As Graham started to enter, Brass blocked him.

"If I let you in, she might shoot. It might be best if you stayed here…in the doorway."

"Sara, I just want to talk," he said.

"Talk, and then leave."

"How've you been?" he asked.

"Times up," said Brass. "You can leave now."

"I learned about Emma a few years ago," he said. "It gave me the incentive to get out."

"Stay away from her!"

"I wouldn't hurt Emma…she's mine. Isn't she?"

"You killed your wife and unborn child."

"I didn't kill my wife…the child was not mine."

"Emma is not yours either."

"You'd say that to keep her away from me. I want a paternity test done."

"I've already done one. Grissom is Emma's father."

Graham's face lost all expression.

"I was pregnant…already…by Grissom."

"That's not possible."

"It's true."

"You told Grissom that so he wouldn't know that I'm really the father."

"It's the truth," she said. "Richard, please leave…us alone."

Anger seeped through his veins as he stared at Sara.

He turned and left without another word.

Brass shut the door quickly.

"Maybe that's all he needed," said Brass.

"He's angry. He gets violent when he gets angry. Call Grissom…warn him," she breathed.

"You okay?" he asked.

She nodded as her trembling hands put away the gun.

She paced back and forth as they waited to see if Graham would try to go to the townhouse.

"He's at the hotel," said Brass.

She did not seem to feel better about the news.

"He's going to do something," she said.

"Sara…"

Sara picked up the phone and dialed Grissom's number.

"I need to speak with Emma," she said.

"How are you?" asked Grissom.

"Grissom, please!"

He handed the phone to Emma.

She sat there for several minutes as she listened to her daughter.

Sara rummaged through a stack of books and pulled out one.

She read to Emma over the phone.

"Night Emma," whispered Sara.

"Night Sara."

"Emma?"

"Yes, Sara?"

"You didn't call me Mommy."

"I thought you wanted to keep it a secret again."

Sara swallowed. "No baby…you're mine. I don't care who knows."

"Night Mommy."

Sara hung up the phone.

She slumped down on the couch.

"Sara, I know this isn't easy for you…being away from Emma."

"She called me by my name…thought she wasn't permitted to call me 'Mommy' anymore," Sara sniffled.

Her phone rang again.

She glanced at the caller I.D.

It was Grissom.

"Is she alright?" she asked.

"Emma is fine. Sara, I heard. Are you alright?" he asked.

"I'll call her again when she wakes," she said.

Sara closed the phone.

"I'm going to take a shower," she said.

Her phone rang again.

Brass stared at the caller I.D.

"This is Sara's answering machine," said Brass.

"Is she alright?" asked Grissom.

"She's a bit upset," whispered Brass. "Graham showed up."

"What happened?"

"He asked about Emma. He thinks he's the father."

"He's not."

"He was pretty upset when Sara told him you were…I guess he didn't believe you."

"Jim, I'm calling in any favor I have. We need to get Graham to leave town."

"I think Sara may be right. I don't think we've heard the last of him."

"Thanks for staying with her," said Grissom.

Grissom hung up the phone.

He glanced out the window as Emma played with Bruno as the nanny sat on the deck.

Grissom pulled out his revolver and checked it.

Note from author:

I'm still waiting on my permit....Anyway, let me hear what you think and yes...there are more twists and turns....LOL

Take care!


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen:**

A day passed without incident.

Another day passed.

Grissom stepped into the lab with Nick on his heels.

"Brass called us. How can we help?" he asked.

"We need someone to stay with Sara around the clock," he said.

"How is Emma dealing with all of this?" asked Catherine from behind.

"She's fine," he said.

"Look, it's just us here," said Catherine motioning around the room. "We just want to know if you and Sara are okay."

Grissom took the cup of coffee that was handed to him.

"Jim is staying with Sara. She refuses to stay with Emma at my house," he said.

"Why? Hasn't she abandoned that poor child…" Grissom cut off Catherine immediately.

"Sara never abandoned Emma! She did everything she could to protect Emma from…my brother."

Catherine looked shocked.

"Jim left out a few details," said Warrick.

"Richard Graham is my half brother. He was tried and convicted of murdering his wife and unborn child. He was remanded to a mental hospital where he's been for the last several years but…his conviction was overturned on appeal. Now…he's here."

"What does Graham have to do with Sara and Emma?" asked Greg.

He realized Brass had given very few details.

Grissom held the cup. "Graham held Sara against her will for a month…before turning himself in."

He glanced around the break room.

The silence was deafening.

He knew they thought the worst.

He could not imagine Sara having to deal with this on her own all of these years.

"Emma is my child," he declared.

Relief flooded their faces.

"Fellas, mind if I talk with Grissom alone?" asked Catherine.

The others filed out.

"Gil, I'm sorry. I didn't know," she said.

"No, you didn't. You just thought the worst of her…like I did."

"What can I do to help?" asked Catherine.

"See if you can find out how the case against Graham was overturned and if there's any chance of a re-filing."

"You've got it," said Catherine.

He tried to stay focused on his job but could not take his mind off of Sara.

Warrick tapped on the door.

"I just wanted you to know that Brass is coming into work tonight. I'm going to hang out with Sara until he gets back."

"Thanks, Warrick," said Grissom.

"How are you holding up?" Warrick asked.

"I know I'm not my brother's keeper but…"

"You feel responsible for what he did to Sara," finished Warrick. "You can't feel that way."

Grissom did not reply.

"You ever need an ear, just let me know. I've spent many a night talking your head off," said Warrick.

Grissom smiled.

He grabbed his jacket and stepped out of his office, only to run into Judy.

"This package came for you," she announced.

Grissom ripped open the envelope and pulled out the documents.

He cursed inwardly.

Hours later he found himself in front of her door.

He tapped lightly.

There was a moment of silence and then Brass opened the door.

"I was just about to leave. I was waiting on Warrick," he explained.

"I'll stay with her. I need to talk with her about this," he said as he held up the papers.

Grissom stepped inside. "Where is she?" he asked.

"She was lying down. She wasn't feeling well," said Brass.

"She's sick?" he asked.

"I think she misses Emma," said Brass. "Hasn't eaten much."

Grissom took a deep breath and then tapped lightly on the bedroom door.

"Come in," she called.

She jumped up when she saw that it was Grissom.

"I'm sorry I have to disturb you but we need to talk," he said.

"Is there something wrong with Emma?" she asked.

"I got these papers…I'm sure you have copies at the lab as well," he said.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Graham's attorney convinced a judge to have an independent paternity test done."

"Let them. It'll prove…you don't believe me…"

"I believe Emma is mine."

She looked a little relieved.

"There's more…isn't it?" she asked.

"He's requesting that Emma be placed in protective services until…"

"No!"

"We'll fight this, Sara."

"He's doing this to punish me," she fumed.

"They are not going to take Emma from us. We'll file our own motion and…"

"He's paid off the judge," she said.

"If he did we'll get the D.A. to press charges."

"She is not going into Foster Care," she huffed.

"There's no reason for a judge to place Emma in care. We're not the ones with a recent stint in a psychiatric facility on murder charges for that matter. He was released on a technicality…there's still the presumption that he killed his wife."

Sara seemed nervous as she stood on the other side of the bed. He felt the same but he pushed forward. "Come home with me," he offered.

She shook her head.

"He came here. He'll come back," he warned.

"I have a gun and can use it," she replied.

She glanced at the papers in his hand.

"I'll contact Frank Malone, my attorney," she said.

"I've got my attorney working on it now," he said. "I'll take care of it."

"Thank you," she said.

He slowly stepped toward her.

"I'm sorry he's doing this to you," said Grissom.

There was a knock on the door.

"Changing of the guards," muttered Sara.

Grissom eased himself closer.

"Emma asked me something rather important," he said.

Sara glanced up.

"She asked me to marry her," he said.

"She loves you very much," replied Sara softly.

"She reminds me…of you," he said. "She's so curious, so kind… loving."

He wanted to hold her hand but the last rejection was fresh on his mind.

"You should go," she said.

He nodded. "Could I bring her to see you?"

Sara shook her head.

"Sara…you need to see her," he said. "I know you miss her."

"Like you pointed out, he's been here…he's not been to the townhouse," she said.

"Fine. Come to the townhouse," he urged.

"I'll come in a few days," she said sounding frustrated.

He stepped forward despite her slight retreat.

"Are you afraid of me?" he whispered.

"You need to go," she said.

"Brass said you weren't feeling well."

"I'm just tired."

She slipped past him and headed into the next room.

Despite his best efforts she refused to come to the townhouse.

He'd left at her insistence.

He woke to the sound of Emma's cries.

He hurried out of his bedroom to find the nanny trying to console the small child.

"It was a nightmare," soothed the nanny.

"I want Mommy," she wailed.

Grissom took the crying child into his arms and held her.

"Why can't I see Mommy?" she asked.

"I'll call," he said.

He stepped out of the room and dialed her number.

"Sara? It's Emma," he said sounding rather upset.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"She had a nightmare…she needs to see you," he said.

"I'll talk with her," she said.

"Sara, she needs **you**…not me! Please," he begged.

"I'll be there," she said.

She arrived with Warrick within an hour.

The little girl ran to Sara as soon as she stepped into the house.

Sara hugged her tight as she lifted her.

She walked over to the couch and sat down with the child.

"Tell me about your dream," whispered Sara.

"I dreamed the bad man took you away and we couldn't find you," she cried.

"He didn't…see, I'm safe," she said.

"Mommy, I asked Grissom to marry me," Emma announced.

"I heard," she said.

"He said I'm not old enough. You're old. You could marry him," she said.

Sara's face lost all color.

Warrick glanced at Grissom letting a slight grin cross his face.

It disappeared the moment he saw anger flash in Sara's eyes.

"Would you marry him Mommy? We could live together forever," she said.

Sara did not respond but continued to hold Emma.

Her hand gently stroked her hair. It rested on Emma's forehead. Sara glanced at the nanny.

"She's running a fever," said Sara.

"I'll get the thermometer," said the nanny.

"Baby, you feel okay?" asked Sara.

"My head hurts," she yawned.

_Mine too…_

_Throat is scratchy…_

_Maybe a cold..._

Sara checked the temperature. "Tylenol?" asked Sara.

The nanny returned with the medicine.

Sara started to take Emma to her bed but the little girl refused.

"Don't leave me," wailed Emma as she clung to Sara.

"I won't leave, Emma. Remember, I'm always with you when you're sick," she whispered as she kissed the small child.

Sara continued to hold the child as the nanny placed a blanket over them.

Once she was asleep Grissom leaned over.

"Do you want me to put her in bed?" he asked.

Sara shook her head.

"How high was the temp?" he asked.

"102 degrees," she whispered.

Hours passed as Sara continued to hold the sleeping child.

She rechecked the temperature.

She glanced at Grissom. "It's going up."

"The medicine should have helped," he said.

"It could be viral," she said.

Sara shifted but the little girl moaned.

"Sara, you'd be more comfortable in my room," he said.

She refused to use his bedroom.

She scooted down on the couch, letting the child lay on top of her.

Hours passed with another regimen of medicine.

Emma was listless.

"We need to take her to the hospital," said Sara. "The fever is worse."

Grissom lifted the child into his arms.

Sara stood.

"I'll get her jacket," she said.

They hurried to the door but were halted by Graham who stood there with another man.

"This is my attorney," said Graham eyeing the small child in Grissom's arms. "We want to discuss Emma."

"Not now. Now here," said Grissom.

"What's wrong?" asked Graham.

"Emma is sick," replied Sara.

"How long has she been…"

Graham was interrupted by Grissom.

"Graham, get out of our way," warned Grissom.

They stepped aside.

They arrived at the hospital within minutes.

They sat there in the cold room waiting to be seen.

Grissom purposely took the child from Sara and held her.

"You need a break," he said. "Go get some coffee."

She stood but slumped back down in the chair.

"What's wrong?" asked Grissom.

"Graham…is here," she said.

**Note from author:**

I know...bad place to leave it...

Take care!


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen:**

Warrick and Grissom glanced up as Graham and his attorney approached them.

Warrick began to object but the attorney's hand went up.

"As Mr. Graham's attorney, he has a right to be here," said the man.

"Richard, she's sick…please," said Sara letting her exhaustion and anger drip from her words.

Grissom was surprised when she used his brother's first name.

Graham seemed affected by her words.

"You don't look well yourself," said Graham.

Grissom stepped in front of Sara placing her out of view from Graham.

Graham glared at Grissom and turned his attention back to Emma.

"What are her symptoms?" Graham asked as he attempted to touch the child but Grissom pulled the child from his reach.

"Is that necessary?" asked the attorney.

"He's not touching my daughter," threatened Grissom.

"Your daughter…that's debatable," said Graham as he purposely stepped to the side to look at Sara. "How long has she had a fever?"

Sara did not reply but leaned back in her seat.

She shut her eyes to avoid looking at him.

"My client has a right to know about…"

"Emma Sidle," called the nurse.

Sara stood, taking Emma from Grissom.

The attorney started to insist that they be present for the examination but Graham stopped him.

"I won't insist in being there if you make sure they check Sara. She's not feeling well," he insisted.

Grissom glanced at Sara and noticed the glassy stare as well as the flushed skin.

Emma woke as they walked down the hall.

"Mommy, I don't feel well," she said.

"I know little bug. We're here at the hospital," whispered Sara.

They sat there while the physician examined the child.

"We're going to do a strep culture and see if that just might be the culprit," said the physician.

The physician eyed Sara.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Good."

He examined her despite her protest

"I think you both have strep," said the physician.

"How about you, Dad?"

"I'm not sick."

"We'll do one just to make sure," he said.

An hour later, they stepped back into the waiting area.

Graham stood as well as the attorney and Warrick.

"It's strep," announced Grissom.

Graham smiled at Emma.

"Who are you?" asked Emma.

"Hi Emma," said Graham. "I know your mother."

"Let's go," said Grissom.

"Sara, I'd like to speak with you…it will only take a minute," said Graham. "My attorney will be right here."

Grissom seemed rather hurt when Sara shifted Emma and soon she was in his arms.

"I'll be out in a minute," she whispered.

She knew Grissom was angry the moment his eyes locked with hers.

Warrick hesitated but Sara motioned for him to follow Grissom.

"Do you have strep?" Graham asked.

"I'm fine. What do you want?" she asked with arms folded.

"I don't want to put Emma through a paternity test…or a custody battle. Sara, just admit to me that she's mine and…"

"No."

He stepped closer and she felt her back against the cool wall.

"I would understand if you lied. I could understand how you felt the need to give Emma a father who had not been convicted of murder **but** Sara **I **did not kill Melissa."

"I remember the cuts…the bruises and even the blood on your hands," glared Sara.

"I slammed my fist into a wall that night but I never laid a hand on her. Yes, there was blood. I moved the body. A special forensic team proved that I didn't do it….after years in that psychiatric place. No thanks to my brother. He just let them send me to jail and let the murderer go free. The only thing that kept me going was you…and Emma. "

Graham was quiet for a moment.

Sara knew he was trying to get a handle on his anger.

"I'm not an evil person. Let me prove it to you...and Emma."

"I don't care…leave me alone…and Emma. She belongs to Grissom."

"You don't know what Grissom is really like," he warned.

"I know what you're like," she retorted.

"I don't want to hurt you…or Emma. Don't make me."

He was surprised when she shoved him, forcing him back.

"Don't threaten my child!" she warned.

"I wasn't….it's nice to see that you didn't take after your mom…you're very protective…that's good. It's not my intention to hurt either of you but I'm not going to accept your word that Grissom fathered Emma."

"Don't take my word. Run the test…but don't threaten to put my child in protective services until the test results are returned. I won't let that happen!"

He smiled sadly. "You're a good mother, Sara. I'll request a paternity test only. I just wanted to see what kind….of mother…Emma has. You've done a great job and you're a good mother."

His words were like shards of glass on her heart.

He spoke the words that she had wanted Grissom to say.

"Stay away from us," warned Sara.

"You don't live with Grissom….why is that?"

"That is none of your business," she said as she started to leave.

"Don't trust him," he urged.

"I trust Grissom…more than you."

He leaned forward and whispered. "Don't get involved with him…you'll just regret it."

"I'm already involved. We have a child…leave Graham."

She slipped into the car and tried to steady her fury.

Once Warrick drove away, Sara glanced over at Grissom who held Emma.

"We'll be home soon," he urged.

She nodded as she stared at Emma.

"She's going to be fine," urged Grissom. "How do you feel?"

Graham had been right.

Sara's test was positive for strep also.

She did not answer but reached out and stroked Emma's hair.

"He's not going to give up," she said. "He's going to push for the paternity test…but he said he wouldn't insist on protective custody."

Grissom huffed. "Sara, he was bluffing. He couldn't take Emma away from you anyway. I'm not going to let him hurt either of you. You trust me…don't you?"

He knew she didn't.

He'd lost her trust by his own inability to trust her.

Grissom placed Emma in bed. Sara sat beside her until she was certain she was asleep.

She stood wearily not sure of what to do.

"Go lie down, Sara," urged Grissom.

He fumed inwardly when he saw that she had crawled onto the couch.

Warrick had left to report to work.

Brass had been notified of Emma's illness.

Grissom noticed Sara had fallen asleep.

His hand brushed against her forehead.

He nudged her gently.

"Sorry, honey but you need to wake up," he urged.

Her eyes fluttered open.

"Take this," he urged.

He handed her some medicine and she took it.

"Emma," she whispered.

"Emma is sleeping peacefully," he said. "Her temperature is going down."

"Good," sighed Sara.

"Yours is not," he pointed out.

He lifted her under protest. He did not stop until she was planted in his bed.

"Sara, rest," he urged. "You're not going to be any help to Emma if you remain sick."

She nodded.

"No protest?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"You're really sick. Aren't you?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Sorry, honey," he said.

The endearment just seemed natural.

He rubbed his fingers across her cheek, savoring the softness.

She could not bear to see his tender expression.

She wanted to remember his anger instead.

Warmth spread throughout her body at the touch of his hands as they glided down flesh.

It was pure torture not to beg for him to do more but then Gil Grissom was incapable of giving her more.

There was just something wrong with her.

He had never really wanted her.

The only reason he was being kind was his guilt for what his brother had done and the fact that she was the mother to his child.

_Yes _thought Sara _He's only being kind to the mother of his child…._

She choked down a sob.

She preferred his avoidance.

At least it was more honest than these notions that he had feelings for her.

She closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep.

An hour later she woke and was surprised when he still sat there beside her.

"Emma was here earlier. She didn't think you were still here so I let her sit with you for awhile," he stated.

"How is she?" she asked wincing at the pain in her throat.

He handed her a glass of water.

"Emma says it helps to drink something cold. I think we will be sending out for ice cream later," he said. "Do you want some?"

She shook her head.

"Mind if I sit with you?" he asked.

His hand brushed lightly against her forehead.

"I'm better," she whispered.

"Your fever is down," he admitted. "You had me worried for awhile."

He remained sitting on the edge of the bed ignoring the fact that she had not even answered his previous request.

It was funny how he could easily ignore her without really intending to do so.

He was often distracted by her actions.

He tended to observe her actions more than he listened.

Her actions were often dead giveaways as to her true emotions.

"Sara, I want you to stay here," he said.

"Don't," she said. "I need to go home."

"You are home," he said.

"No, it's not," she spat.

She pulled herself up. "I'm just going to make sure Emma is fine and then I'll…go."

"You should stay until you're better. Emma knows you're sick," he said.

She shook her head as she rolled to her side.

There was no used in trying to leave at the moment.

She wasn't feeling well and despite how much she hated relying on him, she would have no choice.

She closed her eyes and hoped he would leave but he continued to sit there.

She felt the warmth of his body sitting next to her.

Her eyes opened.

Blue eyes stared intently at her.

"I'm sorry you're sick," he whispered.

She glanced at the clock.

"I called in sick tonight. It's time for your medicine," he said.

"I want to see Emma," she said as she threw back the covers and sat up.

"She's reading. She may have fallen asleep," he warned.

She gingerly stood and then made her way to Emma's room.

"Hey little bug," said Sara as she sat down on the girl's bed.

"Mommy, are you feeling better?" asked Emma.

"Yes, I am," she smiled.

Grissom watched from the doorway.

He knew it would be a matter of time before she attempted to leave once again.

He didn't want her to leave.

He wanted her within sight so that he knew she was safe from Graham.

From his recollection of the murder, Melissa Graham had been beaten beyond recognition.

He wasn't about to let him hurt Sara or Emma.

They were proof that he could have what he'd always longed for if he would only reach out to Sara and share his past and his pain.

It would mean trusting someone again.

He was willing to risk it if he could only persuade Sara to give him another chance.

"You're going to stay here so Grissom can take care of both of us," Emma announced with a smile on her face.

"I'll stay until I know that you're better," she said.

"The doctor called Grissom, Dad."

Grissom leaned in the doorway.

"That's because I am," he said.

Sara was shocked that he had admitted this.

"You're my Dad?" she asked.

"Yes, I am."

She looked at Sara. "I wanted you to get to know Grissom before we told you."

She smiled. "Does this mean we're a family?"

Sara bristled.

"Yes, it does," announced Grissom.

"And Mommy is going to live with here with…"

"Grissom, could you…sit with her?" she asked as she pulled herself up.

He knew she was sick the moment she rushed out of the room.

"Mommy isn't feeling well," he said. "Emma could you finish reading your book and I'll go check on Mommy."

Grissom hurried to the bedroom.

She sat on the edge of the bed.

"Sara?"

"Don't…give her false dreams," she whispered

"I know you don't want to talk about us but…"

"Don't…let's just focus on Emma…nothing more," she said.

She closed her eyes from the pounding in her head.

The short walk to and from Emma's room had virtually wiped her out.

He disappeared but returned with a cool wash cloth, placing it on her forehead.

"I think you should lie down. Strep is much worse for adults than children."

She seemed a bit unsteady and seemed grateful to lie down.

"Just sleep," he urged.

"No…false…hopes," she murmured through the pain.

He wanted to say something.

He felt he needed to say something but he could not seem to find the words to convey how sorry he felt for not trusting her.

She'd offered him everything and he'd flung it back in her face the moment he thought for a split second that Sara Sidle was anything like the other who had hurt him.

He had been more than hurt by the opposite sex.

He had been downright wounded for life.

Graham knew a little about that pain.

He'd managed to find his way back into Grissom's life just at the moment that Grissom thought he could give a part of himself to another person.

He wasn't sure he could tell Sara that he'd known Graham's wife before she had married his half brother and it was she who had broken what little trust he had for the opposite sex.

He wanted desperately to explain these things but found himself retreating to the other room. Some wounds never healed.

He wasn't surprised when he got the phone call from the hospital.

He already knew he was coming down with the strep by the end of the next day.

His throat was already scratchy and his head hurt not to mention the occasional bout of nausea.

Brass had chuckled at his predicament as he handed Grissom the prescription he'd picked up on the way over.

"Gil Grissom who rarely gets sick…is sick," he announced.

"Thanks for your concern," coughed Grissom.

"How are my favorite girls?" asked Brass. "It's quiet."

"Emma is outside with the nanny," he said. "Sara didn't sleep well."

"Strep or worrying about Graham?" asked Brass.

"Both. She doesn't want to be here but she told Emma she would stay until she's better."

"How do you feel?" asked Brass.

"Like I could sleep for a week," he moaned.

"Why don't you join Sara…in bed," smiled Brass.

Grissom frowned as he slumped down on the couch.

"Hey, listen, pal you look green around the collar. Is there anything I can get you?" asked Brass.

"Medicine would be good," mumbled Grissom.

He took the medicine and gulped down the glass of water provided by Brass.

He rose from the couch ignoring the pain he felt in his joints.

"Maybe you should stay down," said Brass.

"I want to check on Sara," he said.

He stepped into the bedroom and saw that she was reading a book.

"Feeling better?" he asked trying to sound cheerful.

She eyed him up and down.

"You have it," she said.

He frowned. "What gave it away?"

"You normally don't look…green," she said.

She glanced around. "You should lie down. The first twenty- four hours are the worst."

"So if I survive the first twenty four hours then I'll have this licked?" he asked leaning against the door.

She threw the covers back and slipped on the house coat Brass had gotten for her from the apartment. "I'd like to spend some time with Emma anyway."

She didn't mean to brush so closely.

They glanced at one another.

"Lie down," she instructed.

He wished that he could crawl into bed with her by his side.

"Rest…Emma will come and read you a story later," she said as she slipped past him.

"Sara?"

She looked at him.

"I would like to talk with you later," he said.

She nodded not intending to do such a thing but she did not wish to begin an argument when he obviously was not feeling well.

Sara curled into the bed with Emma and read a story.

"How do you feel?" asked Sara.

"Better," yawned Emma.

"Good. Emma, I need to go back to my apartment," she explained.

"Why?" she pouted.

"I missed an appointment. I need to reschedule. I promise I'll call you later. I'll pick up a new book that we can read," she said.

"I want you here," she said.

"I know. This is best. Grissom is sick. He'll need you to take care of him. Can you do that?"

"Yes!" replied Emma.

"Good," breathed Sara.

He slept for more than ten hours and seemed much better when he woke.

Sara did not mention her plans to return to her apartment.

He stepped into the bedroom and found Emma sleeping in Sara's arms.

"She just fell asleep," Sara whispered.

"She still seems tired," he said coming closer.

"She's better," she assured him.

Sara gently eased herself from the bed.

She leaned over and kissed the child on the forehead.

"No fever," she said softly.

"Good," said Grissom.

He seemed better but she also knew he was probably just as wiped out as she felt.

She knew it was best to slip away now while Emma slept.

"You should go back to bed," urged Sara.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm much better," she lied. "I thought I would talk with Greg for awhile. He got here a few minutes ago."

Grissom nodded.

She waited until he returned to the bedroom before gathering her things.

She stepped into the living room.

"Greg, I need a favor," she whispered.

Note from author:

That's as close as I can come to a calm stopping point....until morning.

Take care!


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen:**

He rolled over and noticed her bag was missing from the chair.

He listened for any sound but there was none.

Slowly he eased himself out of the bed.

He opened the door and noticed Greg sitting on the couch.

"Where's Sara?" he asked.

Greg shifted nervously. "She left…with Nick," he quickly added seeing his boss turn a crimson red.

He snatched the bedroom door shut as he dialed her number.

"Sidle," she replied.

"We didn't talk," he began.

"You were sleeping," she said.

"I didn't want you to leave," he said sounding rather defeated.

"Emma is better," she admonished.

He glanced over to the dresser.

"You left your prescription," he said.

"I'll have one of the guys bring it."

"Sara…"

"I've got an appointment," she said.

"Have someone go with you," he insisted.

"The guys can't babysit me forever," she pointed out.

"I'm…worried…about you," he admitted.

"I'll call Emma this evening," she said. "I promised."

She hung up the phone and sighed the moment she opened her door, coming face to face with Nick.

"You didn't think you could ditch us that easy, did you?" he grinned.

"I have an appointment," she said.

"Your limo is waiting," he smiled.

"Your car…a limo," she chuckled.

"Use your imagination," he replied with his Texan drawl.

She glanced over at him as he drove.

"This wasn't necessary," she said. "I know how to use a weapon."

"I'll feel comfortable knowing where you are," he said.

Once they arrived, she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks, Nicky," she said as she stepped out of the vehicle.

He watched as she stepped into the building.

He opened his phone and dialed Grissom's number.

"Griss, she just went inside," he said.

"Thanks, Nick," sighed Grissom as he leaned back on the bed.

"How are you feeling?" Nick asked.

"Better," he said as Emma rushed into the room, curling her body up next to him.

He gently stroked her hair.

"I'll call you when she's back at home," said Nick.

Nick glanced at his watch when an hour past followed by another.

He stepped out of his car and headed inside.

He walked up to the front desk and smiled at the receptionist.

"I drove Ms. Sidle and was wondering when the session would be…"

"Ms. Sidle is not here," she replied.

"She left?" he asked.

"You are?" she asked.

Nick produced his badge. "I dropped off Sara Sidle over two hours ago."

"Ms. Sidle never kept her appointment," announced the receptionist.

Nick cursed as he grabbed his phone.

He dialed her number but there was no answer.

He then quickly contacted Grissom.

Grissom tried to remain calm as Nick told him what happened.

"I'll go back to the apartment," said Nick. "Maybe she decided she didn't want to go today…Grissom, I never saw her leave the front of the building."

"She told Emma she would call her. She won't break that promise," stated Grissom.

Another hour passed and there was no word from her.

As the fourth hour approached, an APB was placed by Brass disregarding department policy.

Grissom was in a frenzied state by then.

"We managed to lift several fingerprints from the back door but there were no matches to Sara or Graham," whispered Greg to Brass.

Grissom stood inside the building.

"Graham's attorney hasn't seen or heard from him. He checked out of the hotel," whispered Greg.

Greg's words hit a raw nerve in him and all the repressed emotions he'd been holding back came rushing forth.

He almost gasped at the sheer agony of it.

He hadn't hurt like this in a long time.

He couldn't imagine losing Sara now.

He had not told her how much he loved her or how he was so very thankful for Emma.

He had not told her how much he had wanted to take a chance all those years ago but couldn't find the strength to risk what little bit of his heart remained intact from the last fatal encounter with the opposite sex.

Swallowing against the lump in his throat he tried to ask questions as though this did not affect him but the expression on his face gave him away.

Brass saw a sense of hopelessness in his friend that he had never seen.

Agony welled up in Grissom at the thought of losing her.

Agony was followed by anger.

Anger singed through him.

He wanted her found.

_How could Nick let so much time slip by before he went to check on her? _

His hands curled into fists as he tried to get his emotions under control.

He felt as if someone had just sucker punched him as he tried to catch his breath.

He couldn't break down here in front of Brass and the others.

He stepped outside to catch his breath, Brass followed quietly.

The thought of letting that bastard hurt her again, made him curse out loud.

"Gil…"

"Dammit Jim! How did I let this happen?" he yelled. "I knew he would try something like this and yet I just let her…go…just let her…"

"Sara wasn't about to let you control her life," he said.

"He was probably waiting for her…"

"Gil, Nick is beating himself up over this…he didn't know," said Brass.

"I'm…not…blaming…Nick," he said staring blankly at the floor.

"Hey, you okay?" Jim asked.

"What do I tell Emma?" he asked solemnly.

"We'll find her," said Brass.

Sara rolled over and cringed at the pounding in her head.

"I'm sorry, I had to drug you," said Graham.

The sound of his voice caused Sara to scramble from the bed.

She leaned against the wall as she tried to get her bearings.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"I just want to talk," he said. "They wouldn't let me talk with you…explain."

"You could have called," she said almost jokingly as she tried not to lose the contents in her stomach.

"Sit…down…please," he said eyeing her closely.

"Graham if you let me go now…I won't press any charges," she offered.

"I will…when we've talked," he said.

He stepped toward her but she immediately recoiled, stepping back toward the bed but quickly tried to change direction.

He reached out to steady her but it made things worse.

Her hands flailed at him causing her to lose balance and she slipped to the floor.

"Sara…I don't want to hurt you," he said.

"You did…before!" she cried.

"I never hurt you! I may have kept you with me…but I didn't hurt you," he admitted.

"You did!" she spat.

He looked shocked.

She did as well.

He didn't think for a minute she was going to be believe he did not comprehend what he had done to her all those years ago.

"We were fine until…Melissa told you about our marriage," he seethed. "She didn't love me…but yet she didn't want me to be happy. I could have been happy…I was happy with you!"

"It was all a lie! I never would have gotten involved with you…if I had known you were married!"

"It wasn't a marriage!" he yelled.

She stepped back from his anger.

He saw the fear in her eyes and he forced himself to calm down.

He did not wish to frighten her any further.

"I wanted you to know…the truth," he said.

"I know the truth! You killed your wife!"

"I didn't kill Melissa. I admit we fought…but I didn't kill her…I left the house that night and when I returned I found her at the bottom of the stairs. There wasn't anything I could do. She was already dead. I was completely…lost. I never felt connected to anyone else…except you," he grieved. "You were different, Sara. You understood me."

"You should have called the police immediately," she stopped not wishing to bring back those horrid memories.

_Of course the cuts and bruises along with the blood on his hands would have been too damning._

"Sit back down," he said. "I promise I won't hurt you…we'll just talk and then I'll take you wherever you want to go."

She crawled back to the bed despite his efforts to assist her.

"Don't touch me!" she warned.

He waited until she was settled on the bed.

"I'll get you something to eat and drink," he stated.

"Talk and then let me go!" she said.

He disappeared from the room but returned shortly. He set a tray in front of her. She took the water and drank. It felt good going down.

"I managed to get some things for you," he said opening the closet. "Let the drug wear off and then if you want, shower and change."

"Graham, wait!" she called as he headed for the door. "Talk and then let me go…please."

"When you're better," he said as he stepped out locking the door behind him.

Hours passed and he returned.

Sara had eaten little of the food.

She paced back and forth in the room but she seemed better.

"You're feeling better," he said with a smile.

"Talk now!" she insisted.

"You seem a bit on edge," he said.

"I broke my promise to my child," she fumed.

He sat down in a chair near the bed.

"Sit down," he said.

She refused, pacing back and forth.

"If you want to talk then sit down…please," he said.

She plopped down on the bed. "Talk!"

"You don't really know my brother," said Graham.

"You want to talk about Grissom? Save it!" she said with arms folded.

"You were always the spit fire," he said.

"Graham…please."

"You used to call me by my given name," he sighed.

She closed her eyes. "Please let me go, Richard."

"I will…I promise…I won't hurt you."

"I don't believe you," she said sounding rather frightened.

"I'm sorry you couldn't call Emma."

"Could I call her now?" she almost begged.

He shook his head. eH"They could locate us…not yet."

She moved further away.

"Let's start at the beginning," he said.

"Fine! The beginning," she blurted out hatefully.

He leaned forward and flashed an angry glare at her.

She cringed back.

"Grissom was five when his mother went deaf. Our father couldn't deal with the fact that she would never hear again. He saw it as a flaw…a flaw that could have been passed on to his son…his precious Gilbert. He met my mother through the art gallery. She was an aspiring artist. He bedded her and got her pregnant but then his Catholic upbringing forced him back to his flawed wife."

He leaned back and sighed. "My mother begged him to leave his wife and child. She told him about me…but he would not budge. He told her he would support her…through the pregnancy. My mother was not the loving kind…her work meant everything to her and she thought that he was a way out of poverty and into the limelight. She practically flaunted me in his face whenever possible. It was a matter of time before his wife found out about his infidelity."

Sara scooted back on the bed.

Her head hurt but she continued to listen.

"When I was three, she married a man whom let's just say did not like children. I was kicked around quite a bit. One day, she called my father and told him she did not want me anymore. The next thing I know I found myself being dropped off on his doorstep. Gil was finally told…about me. He and his mother were angry. They would have to share the mighty Richard Gilbert Grissom."

Sara's head bobbed up. "Yes, we were both named after him. I watched as Grace Grissom poured out her love for Gilbert but…she detested me. She kept her distance from me. Oh, she took care of me but I was a reminder of her husband's infidelity. My dear old father wasn't much better. I tried to please him but then…I hated Gilbert. He had everything I didn't. He had two loving parents who doted on him. A year went by and yet I felt like an outsider. My father took care of my physical needs but…he never loved me."

Richard took a deep breath. "When I was six, I was dragged back by my mother. It seems her husband had run off with someone else and so she needed a meal ticket and I just happened to be it. Since my father had not even bothered to make it official…acknowledge me…she merely drove up one day and took me. She wasn't even subtle about her intentions…she demanded money on the spot. When she didn't get the amount she wanted, she refused to let me see my father although I'm not sure he even cared."

Graham stopped for a moment and Sara glanced in his direction.

"My mother found another man….much richer this time. I was thrown back to the Grissom household. I was angry. No one had asked me and worse, no one seemed to care except that I had reappeared. I remember one day, I saw Gil and my father working on a school project. He was quite the student…I asked if I could help and was denied. I'd spent little time in school but I was just as smart as Gil. When I attempted to help, my father got angry and ordered me to my room. The next morning when they woke, they found the project smashed on the floor."

Their eyes locked.

"I couldn't control my anger…I did it and then regretted it. I expected to be beaten just….like…" his voice trailed off.

He was quiet for a moment. "My father took a strap and pulled me into my room. I didn't care. I expected it. He reared back to strike me but then suddenly stopped. The strap fell to the floor and he grabbed my shirt. My mother's boyfriend had quite a temper and left reminders often on my back. I guess he finally noticed…**me.**"

Sara gulped. She remembered the beatings from her father. She had a few scars of her own.

"He didn't punish me. Gilbert was angry when I wasn't given the strap. My father told me he would find someone to help me. I looked at him blankly. I didn't need someone to help me! I needed someone to love me…but I knew he wasn't capable of loving me…I was just a reminder of a mistake he'd committed. A mistake he spent the rest of his life trying to fix between he and his precious wife, Grace."

Sara found herself lying on the bed. The steady pounding in her head forced her to give her body rest.

He glanced over at her. "I'm almost done with this part of the story. My father sent me to counseling…said I needed it…that something was wrong with me…never mind what was wrong with him. I hated counseling. They looked for mistakes in me…not them…they were a prominent family…I was an illegitimate child…that no one wanted. The more counseling I had, the worse I became. I was told that it was my fault…I needed to reach out…to show my family that I cared…could care…not a social deviant…yet. I tried. One day I walked up to Grace and tried to hug her but she was only repulsed by my attempt to…love her. She began to cry, causing Gilbert to jump to conclusions and he punched me."

Richard stood. He paced the room now. "I tore into Gil…my fists flew at him. I wanted him to hurt…let him see how much…they hurt me. The next thing I know my father was yanking me off Gilbert. He tossed me into my room and locked the door….but I was smart. I picked the lock and ran."

He stopped in the middle of the room and looked directly at Sara. "I managed to find my way back to my mother. She wanted no part of me but she had remarried…into money this time. My stepfather took pity on me and let me stay. Later, I found out my father died of a heart attack. I wasn't permitted to attend the funeral…but then I'm sure they didn't miss me…was probably relieved to be rid of me. My step father…wasn't so bad…he didn't beat me. He even took notice of me…spent time with me…couldn't keep his hands off me."

Sara's nerves stood on end.

"I just wanted someone to love me….he did…by the time I understood…what he was doing…I felt broken…inside."

_I understand…_

He stood there in front of her. "One day they left the house and never came back. The police arrived and told me they had been killed in a wreck. I remembered I smiled. I was finally rid of them but then they made me a ward of the state…yes, Sara, I understood about Foster Care…firsthand. I struggled between foster homes as I was labeled a social deviant. I finished up my teenage years in a group home that was very much like a psychiatric facility before I was released. I was different than the others kids IN state custody who were thrown out on the street on their eighteenth birthday with no money. My stepfather's estate was awarded to me. I left the system and stepped into quite a bit of money. I attended the best colleges. I tried to become…like Gil Grissom. I even got a name for myself in the medical field. Do you want to know why I chose the medical field? Dear ole' Dad wanted Grissom to be a doctor."

He sat back down in the chair.

He was quiet.

Even after death, Graham had sought his father's approval.

"I finished Med school with honors. I graduated at the top of my class and there was not a single person there to congratulate me. I used to wonder what my father would have thought if he had lived....he probably would have been too involved in Grissom's life to even notice his bastard son...his mistake."

"We ran into each other one day. Grissom actually looked me up….claimed they had lost contact with me and didn't know that I had become a ward of the state. He'd worked his way through college and yet he'd managed to make quite a name for himself. He even had a fiancé, a beautiful girl who later became my wife."

Sara looked shocked.

"That's right, my wife…was his…first…but then I married her…but then he….he took her back…got her pregnant."

Sara's stomach knotted.

"Don't believe me?" he asked.

"Read her diaries," he said as he opened a drawer and tossed them on the bed.

"You don't know Gil Grissom," he said. "I do."

He watched as she tried to recover from the revelation. "I'm sorry. I'm getting ahead of myself. You looked tired. You should rest."

He headed for the door but she called out. "Richard…please, let me call Emma."

"I wonder who I would have become if I'd had a mother…like you. I was quite taken with you the moment I saw you…but I was already married. Unlike my father I honored my vows…until she broke them…for him." He stopped as he seemed quite lost for a moment. "I'll see you in the morning."

Sara slowly let the tears fall.

Note from author:

More to come this evening....

Take care!


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen:**

Grissom stroked Emma's hair.

The child had cried herself to sleep when Sara did not call.

He'd tried unsuccessfully to comfort her.

With each hour, he felt his own resolve giving way.

He prayed Graham would not harm her.

He told himself repeatedly that she had been found last time but wondered if Graham would slip up and give away his location before it was too late.

There was a tap on the bedroom door and he stepped out.

"How's she doing?" whispered Brass.

"She wants Sara," he said.

"Everyone is working around the clock," reminded Brass.

Grissom nodded.

"Listen, try to get some sleep. You're still under the weather."

"Sara…was still sick…she doesn't have her prescription," he said suddenly.

"Maybe he will try to get it refilled or replaced…we'll check with the pharmacies and clinics," said Brass.

It gave Grissom hope that perhaps there was an opportunity to trace them.

Sara scooted away the moment she felt him sit down on the bed.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to wake you. I was just going to sit here and watch you sleep."

"Don't…do…this," pleaded Sara.

He quickly got off the bed and began to pace. "I'm not the evil one…I didn't…" his hand swiped across the dresser sending the contents to the floor.

Sara scampered from the bed and stood in a corner.

He turned quickly and saw her trembling.

"I'm sorry. I won't lose my temper again," he soothed.

"You did…before… you…." Her voice trailed off.

"Let me get us some breakfast and then we can continue our conversation."

He disappeared. An hour passed and he returned with a tray.

"Sit down please," he motioned to the bed but she quickly shook her head.

"Sara, sit down!"

She sat back down on the bed and he thrust the tray in her lap.

"Where were we?" he asked. "Oh yes. My brother decided to mend fences…flaunted his fiancé. I'd already heard about his reputation in the forensic field. He even admitted he'd heard about me in the medical field."

He glanced at her. "Melissa seemed very friendly…almost too friendly. I was invited to Grissom's home. Before I knew it, they were coming to dinner a few times. One night, they were in town. Grissom was consulting on a case. Melissa showed up on my door step…said she wanted to get to know her fiance's brother. I let her in. Before I knew it, she was in my bed…willingly. I told myself I was getting back at him…but then…something happened…that I wasn't prepared for…I felt guilty. I sent her back…to him. The next thing I know they're planning the wedding…while she shows back at my doorstep and into my bed. We weren't prepared to have Grissom show up unannounced. He took one look and knew what was going on."

Graham fidgeted. "He left without another word. I didn't hear from him again. Melissa on the other hand stayed in my bed. We later got married…I thought she actually loved me. She grew tired of me within a few years. I thought a child would help but Melissa couldn't seem to get pregnant so we just stopped trying and then she just stopped wanting me. I thought we just needed space. Things seemed to be looking up for me at least professionally. I left the hospital and began teaching at the University…doing research with your foster father, Joe Holmes. I was taken with you the moment I saw you….you were so…young and vibrant…sweet and kind…not like her. I often spoke about the Holmes and…you. She didn't like you…she said you were just trying to find a free meal ticket. You'd managed to weasel your way into the Holmes family."

Graham stopped and sighed. "Melissa told me she wanted to go to Vegas to visit family so I let her go. She was gone for a week. She came back…was different. She was quite agitated when we learned that Grissom had come to town for a lecture. We actually saw the two of you…together in a coffee shop…Melissa was livid. I had no idea why she would be so upset to see my brother with another woman. But then I later realized why she was so mad."

"I found the prenatal vitamins one day and confronted her. She admitted she was pregnant but she didn't seem happy about it. We'd tried for years to have a child. I didn't know what to make of her behavior. I stupidly thought that it was just the hormones. All the fighting and the disagreements didn't seem to matter anymore. I held her and told her everything was going to be alright...we would work out our problems. I told her I loved her and the baby. It didn't seem to phase her. I tried for days to get her to open up to me...but she kept her distance. I knew something was wrong the moment I came home one day and she was waiting for me. Melissa announced to me that it wasn't my child…it was Grissom's. She had gotten pregnant when she went back to Vegas to meet with him after his insistence that she come for a visit. I was livid. I couldn't see straight….We fought…I went out and when I came back, I found her…lying at the bottom of the stairs. She was dead. I'd lost everything…in a single night….except you."

"You never had me!" she insisted.

"I loved you the moment I saw you. I was angry that you would even spend time with Grissom...so yes, Sara, I didn't tell you about my wife…but my marriage had been over for some time."

He waited, giving her time to think about his words.

"When Grissom returned to Vegas you were quite upset…I remember trying to comfort you. I knew what he had done…he used you and when he was finished with you, he left. You deserved better than that!"

He saw the hurt flash in her eyes at the memory.

"Grissom treated you like…Melissa did me. They used us and then they threw us aside."

"That's the past…Graham, you need to move on. I have."

"With Grissom? How many years has it been, Sara? How many years have you waited for my brother to treat you the way you deserve to be treated?" he yelled. "It's never going to happen! He's incapable of loving anything or anyone…you may think that I'm twisted…so is my precious brother! He killed Melissa. He didn't want to be saddled with her…so he killed her. He knew how to hide the evidence…or make it look like I did it. I swear, Sara, I never touched her!"

"I don't believe Grissom would…" she stopped.

"Have you read the diaries?" he asked.

She hadn't.

She had been too tired.

"Read them!" he yelled.

"Graham….please let me call Emma," she said.

"No!"

"I didn't do…anything to you," she said.

"Didn't you? You let me believe that you cared about me," he cried.

"Let me go!" she yelled.

"The fridge is stocked…I'll be gone for awhile," he said.

"You're leaving me?" Memories of being locked away by her father surfaced.

She glanced around as if she were looking for a way to escape.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" he asked.

He reached out to touch her but she smacked his hand away.

"Don't! Don't you ever touch me! You kept me from my family for almost a month before contacting them to let them know where I was. You left…Melissa's battered body…in the basement…you…raped me!"

Horror crossed his face as he shook his head.

"I didn't…rape...you," he whispered. "I would never hurt you!"

"You did! I tried to stop you…I couldn't. You'll have to kill me this time!"

He looked utterly shocked at the accusation.

"I'll be back…when you've read the diaries," he cried as he slammed the door, locking her inside.

Sara pounded on the door. "Let me out!"

She heard a car drive away and threw the diaries across the room.

Hours passed as she read the entries.

_He didn't do this…_

_He wouldn't get involved with…his brother's wife…_

_But then she was engaged to Grissom when she slept with Graham…_

Sara rubbed her temple as she continued to read.

She glanced at the clock and wondered how long he would leave her alone. She opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water.

She wiped her brow as she lay down on the bed and continued to read.

Grissom listened to Emma's cries.

It had been two days and there was no lead.

He'd lied to his daughter, telling her Sara was sick and had to go to the hospital.

The child had begged him to take her to Sara.

He'd held her while she cried.

Once she drifted off to sleep, he'd put her to bed but now the wails had begun again.

He quickly opened the bedroom door and took the child into his arms.

"Please, can I see Mommy?" she begged.

"They won't let anyone see Mommy."

"I want to see her!"

"I'm sorry, Emma."

He rubbed the child's back.

He was relieved the child was recovering fully from the strep.

He'd felt much better once he began the antibiotics and prayed Sara was well also.

Sara began to panic when another day passed and he did not return.

She opened the small fridge in the bedroom and stared at the contents.

Her throat hurt as well as her head and she knew without the antibiotics, the strep would not improve.

She finished the diaries that night as she cried herself to sleep.

The diary spoke of Melissa's love for Grissom but choosing Graham instead only to realize it had been a huge mistake.

She spoke of her trip to Vegas and how she had begged Grissom to forgive her.

They'd spent days in bed together and she knew their child was conceived then.

She then spoke about her jealousy over a certain brunette who had managed to turn her husband's head as well as Grissom's, a brunette who was nothing but trash but had managed to land into a prominent family.

Melissa planned to leave Graham and go to Vegas to be with Grissom.

There were no further entries.

Sara closed her eyes and finally slept.

She lost track of time as she found herself unable to move from the bed.

She knew she had a fever as she waited for Graham to return.

She wasn't sure how long she had slept but she woke the moment she felt something cool on her forehead as she lay there.

"Sara?"

She opened her eyes and saw that he was sitting in a chair but like he had done all those years ago before he had gone off in an explosive rage because she had admitted she loved Grissom.

It had been then that he had begged her over and over to love him while he raped her.

She felt a cold shiver down her spine as she looked into red rimmed eyes. His hands shook as he swiped the cloth over her forehead.

It looked as if he had not slept in days.

His behavior frightened her just as it did all those years ago.

She was far too weak to fight him if he attempted anything.

"I remember…what I did," he sobbed. "God, Sara I don't know why I did it. I hurt the one person that I really loved."

"Let me…go," she begged.

"I didn't mean to be gone so long," he said.

"How long?" she whispered.

"Three days," he replied.

Sara coughed.

"You have a fever," he said.

"How long…have I…been here?" she asked.

"Almost a week," he said.

She rolled to her side and tried to get up but was too weak.

He gently pushed her back into the bed and she tried unsuccessfully to push him away.

"Sara, what are your symptoms?" he asked.

She slapped at his hand that tried to take her pulse.

"Sara, tell me!"

"Strep…I was on antibiotics…for strep," she said.

"Shit!" he griped. "You said you didn't have it."

She felt a wave of nausea hit and she clutched at her abdomen.

"Stomach hurt?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Don't get up…I'll be right back," he said.

"Don't! Don't lock the door again. Please! Please don't Richard."

His hand caressed her hot cheek. "It's okay. I'm just going to the next room. I'll be right back."

He returned, lifting her head and forcing her to take something with water.

"It will help with the fever," he said. "I'll try to get my hands on some antibiotics."

"Richard…"

"Did you read them?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Grissom…"

"I don't believe her," she said weakly.

"You read the diaries!"

"Grissom wouldn't…"

"He did! He took my wife and…"

"You…you got involved with your brother's fiancé…"

"She chose me! Me! All I ever wanted was a family but…I wasn't good enough for **them**… they didn't want me around. They wished I never existed…but Melissa was different. Instead of Grissom, she married **me** and then he…begged her to come back to Vegas. He slept with my wife and got her pregnant! It was his child…not mine…he took the one thing I loved…so I took you."

She looked blankly at him.

"I saw the way he looked at you that day in the coffee shop. I knew he was falling in love with you…but I loved you before he did. You were supposed to be **mine,** Sara."

"Grissom has…never loved…me," she said.

"He does!"

She sighed as she tried to roll over.

"I just wanted another chance…and then Melissa was suddenly gone. I just wanted you to give me another chance. You should have been my wife….you should have been pregnant with my child," he cried.

He gulped back a sob. Sara closed her eyes as she listened to his cries. The small child that had been beaten and battered and sexually abused came forth begging for the one thing he could never attain…a family that loved him.

"Sara…Emma has to be mine," he said.

Her eyes shot open. "Emma is Grissom's."

"No!" he yelled.

"I did the math…she's mine," he said.

Sara shook her head. "I was already pregnant."

"You have to be wrong! I wanted a child…a family. I was going to show them I knew how to love. Melissa didn't give me a chance. How could she do that? How could she break my heart? How could she give **him** a child!" he cried. "I loved her…I gave her anything she wanted…I tried to make her happy!"

"Richard, she played…both of you," she said. "She saw money and she decided to dump Grissom for you…but then she decided she'd made a mistake…she wanted Grissom…while she strung you along. I'm sorry."

"I was going to be a better father than…she never gave me a chance! We'd tried for so long. I swear I didn't hurt her! I knew what it was like to be beaten. I swore I'd never do that to another person. I haven't!" he cried.

Sara coughed once again causing him to turn.

"Tell me Emma is mine!"

Sara shook her head. "It would be a lie."

"Say it!" he said as he rushed to the bed taking her by the arms. "Say it!" he yelled as he shook her.

"You're…hurting…me," she said between breaths.

"Why, Sara? I could have made you happy. I would have done anything…for you," he cried as his nails dug into her skin.

He released her and she fell back on the bed. "Sara?"

He panicked as she lay there lifeless. His hand crossed her forehead and then he rushed out of the room and returned with his medical bag. He opened it and fumbled inside. His hands trembled with the stethoscope.

He listened intently.

"Sara?"

"Head…hurts," she managed to get out.

"Strep is much worse….it could lead to rheumatic fever," he warned.

He glanced at his watch. "Your fever isn't better. I'll give you something else."

His lips slightly touched her forehead.

"Just rest," he urged.

Hours passed and she did not improve.

He sat there on the edge of the bed when she woke.

Dark orbs stared intently into blue.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Grissom…I need to see Emma," she begged.

"I'm not Grissom…I'm Richard," he said.

She stared at his face.

She was too weak to force him away.

"Please…Richard…she's just a little child…she needs me," she cried.

"I can't," he cried. "I'll have to give you back to him. He doesn't deserve you!"

He slipped down onto the floor as he gathered her into his arms.

"Forgive me Sara. I never meant to hurt you. I wanted to save…**you **from him. I thought that with Melissa and Grissom out of our lives we could be happy. You would learn to love **me** and we could have a family."

"Too late…Love Grissom," she gasped. "He never loved me…I have…Emma…now…need to…care for her."

He crumbled before her eyes.

His head dropped to the side of the bed as he sobbed.

His sobs reminded her of those desolate times when Grissom had crushed her so easily with his words or actions.

Before her was a child in a man's body who had yearned to be loved all of his life.

She remembered how kind he had been to her when she had been devastated by Grissom's departure.

She also remembered how he had forced himself on her, whispering over and over how much he loved her…needed her…wanted her….begged her to love him.

His sobs slowed.

"So sorry," she whispered. "I…understand…never was loved…by my parents. The Holmes taught me how to love… no one taught you."

"Couldn't you love me?" he begged.

"I'm…broken…like you…can't trust…anymore," she said tearfully. "What you did…was wrong."

"I didn't know why I did…forgive me, Sara. I never meant to hurt you."

"You're hurting…me…now. Emma needs me," she said.

Her hand fell to his side.

"Sara?"

He checked her temperature and cursed.

He did not stop to think as he gathered her into his arms.

He placed her in the car and drove quickly.

He did not stop until he arrived at the hospital.

Gathering her gently into his arms, he rushed her inside.

He barked out orders as the on call physician arrived.

He watched as they took her to the first available room.

His hand raked through his hair.

He could run.

He could easily disappear before the police arrived but instead he sat there in the waiting room.

Grissom and Brass were the first to arrive followed by uniformed officers.

Graham held out his hands as the handcuffs were placed on his wrists.

"What did you do to her?" yelled Grissom as he lurched at Graham.

"I didn't do anything except give her the truth. I love her. I wouldn't hurt her," he said.

Grissom's fist connected with Graham's jaw.

"If you touched her…if you…I'll kill you," warned Grissom.

"You've already done that."

Note from author:

Aren't you glad I didn't drag that out....


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen:**

Grissom looked puzzled at Graham's declaration but then a physician was calling out Sara's name.

"We're here for Sara Sidle," answered Grissom.

"How long has she been running the fever?" asked the physician.

The officers began to take Graham away but he struggled with them. "She's been running a fever for almost twenty four hours."

The physician looked at Graham as he rattled off her symptoms, followed by the over the counter medication.

"Check for rheumatic fever," he yelled. "It could be a side effect from the strep…she wasn't on antibiotics."

Grissom's head snapped toward Graham.

"Make sure they run tests…be sure…to do an EKG," yelled Graham.

Grissom's stomach knotted.

He turned as they took Graham away.

"We'll formally charge him with kidnapping….for now," stated Brass. "The hospital will need to do an S.A. kit."

Grissom nodded solemnly to what he was already dreading.

"What I don't understand is why he brought her to the hospital? Why not drop her off and then run? He must have known he was going to be arrested," said Brass.

"My brother is emotionally unstable," fumed Grissom.

Brass leaned in. "Don't say that out loud. You could be giving him a defense."

Grissom sat by her bed as the hours slowly ticked by.

She'd been unconscious for hours.

His hand held hers, caressing the palm while his lips kissed each finger.

When he thought he was losing the battle with his emotions, he'd pull her hand to his cheek, closing his eyes so he could feel the warmth.

He'd so been afraid that she would have been killed.

He'd feared the next time he held her hand it would have been cold and lifeless.

He stared at the bruises on her arms and wondered what other injuries she had sustained from his brother's hand.

He watched over her with fear in his eyes as well as agony in his voice.

He had no idea what hell she had endured but he vowed he would not let anything harm her again.

He laid his hand on her cheek but she did not seem to respond.

Gently he caressed her cheek until her eyes fluttered open.

She moaned slightly and he quickly rubbed her fingers.

"Sara?"

She opened her eyes and looked at Grissom.

"Emma," she whispered.

"Emma is fine," he urged.

"I broke…my promise," she gasped.

"I told her you were in the hospital…Sara, what did he do to you?"

"I…**need** to see Emma," she begged.

"I'll bring her. We need to know…what happened?"

"Head hurts," she whispered.

"They've put you on a strong regimen of antibiotics," he explained.

She nodded slowly.

"Sara, Catherine is bringing an S.A. kit," he said.

She shook her head.

"Sara…"

"He didn't…hurt me," she admitted.

"He kidnapped you…you have bruises on your arms. Sara, we need to make him pay this time."

"He didn't…rape…me," she clarified.

"We need to be sure…you may have been unconscious…wasn't aware of what he did," explained Grissom.

"No!"

He waited a moment until she calmed.

"He's been arrested for kidnapping. There'll be time to add charges."

"No…charges," she said.

"What?"

"No charges…as long as he agrees to counseling," she insisted.

He looked shocked and wounded.

"You can't let him get away with this!"

"I'm not. He…needs counseling," she breathed.

She winced and he dropped the subject.

"Emma….please," she begged.

"I'll bring her," he insisted.

The nanny brought the little girl to the hospital.

He could not bring himself to leave Sara's side.

Emma stood there holding the nanny's hand.

Grissom held out his arms and she ran to him.

"Can I see her?" begged Emma.

"She's very sick but you can sit with her for awhile," he whispered.

He stepped inside the hospital room and sat the child on the bed.

Emma curled her body up next to Sara.

"Missed you Mommy," she sniffled.

"Missed you," whispered Sara as she woke.

Sara's hand gently stroked Emma's hair.

She ignored the tugging of the IV.

Grissom gently adjusted it.

"I'm sorry…I couldn't call," whispered Sara.

"You broke your promise," wailed Emma.

"I'm sorry," she said again as she tried to hide the pain.

"Emma, Sara needs to rest," whispered Grissom.

"I don't want to leave," sniffled the little girl.

"I'll be home…soon," said Sara.

"You promise…you'll come home?" she asked.

Sara nodded.

"You promise you'll keep this promise?" she asked.

"Yes…little bug," she whispered.

Emma kissed Sara on the cheek.

"Night…little bug," she said as she drifted off again.

"Mommy's sleeping," whispered Grissom.

"Did you hear Mommy? She promised she would come home…with us," smiled Emma.

"Emma…when Mommy gets better, she'll get out of the hospital…go back to her apartment."

"She promised! She promised to come home…our home is with you."

_That's all I've ever wanted...._

Grissom lifted the small child and stepped out into the hallway.

He waved as Emma left with the nanny.

Brass hurried down the hall.

"How is Sara?" he asked.

"She insists he didn't hurt her," said Grissom.

"Do you believe her?" he asked. "She may be afraid he might harm Emma."

Grissom shook his head. "I don't know. She doesn't want to press charges."

"What? He kidnapped her! This doesn't make sense! She was afraid of him…what happened?"

"I'm not sure," grieved Grissom as he raked his hands through his hair. "She's not making much sense. Her fever doesn't seem to be going down."

"We'll wait…let the D.A. press charges…while Sara gets better," whispered Brass.

"She's very weak," said Grissom.

He glanced toward the room. "There's some bruising…on her arms."

"Look, Gil. You've got to get Catherine over here and get photos…check for trace evidence."

He nodded. "I don't want to upset her. She's in no condition to deal with this."

"She won't…we'll do that for her," urged Brass.

"Call Catherine…have her come," he said sadly.

Catherine arrived within the hour.

She tapped on the door and then stepped inside.

Grissom sat by the bed.

"How is she?" she whispered.

"She's still sleeping."

"It'll just take a few minutes," she said as she motioned for Grissom to leave.

The first snap of the camera brought her awake.

"Hey," whispered Catherine softly.

Sara's eyes drifted from the camera to the kit sitting on the floor.

"No," she insisted.

"Sara…"

"I said no."

"You can't let him get away with it again," said Catherine.

"I'm… not." It hurt that the others now knew about her past.

"The bruises on your arm tell me something different."

Sara glanced at her arms.

"Sara, you may have not been conscious…you had a high fever…still do. Let me…look for trace…and then…"

"No! Leave," she gasped.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. We just want to make sure…you weren't hurt."

"I know… what…happened. He drugged me…kept me prisoner…so he could…talk…he did…I got sick…he brought me here."

"Sara…"

"Cat….please!"

Catherine grabbed the kit and left the room.

Grissom was waiting outside.

"She refused. I can't do an S.A. kit if she refuses," said Catherine. "She admits he drugged her…held her against her will…nothing more."

"Do you believe her?" asked Grissom.

"She seemed pretty adamant," reasoned Catherine. "Bruises tell a different story."

Grissom's jaw twitched.

He wasn't about to let Graham get away with it this time.

He had no idea why Sara insisted on not pressing charges.

_Maybe he threatened her…or Emma…_

He'd been through hell this past week and by the looks of Sara she was in no condition to be making decisions she would later regret.

"Brass is going to interrogate him," said Catherine.

"Let me talk with her…see if I can convince her," replied Grissom as he stepped back into the room.

He took a deep breath before he began. "I want Catherine to do an S.A. kit."

"You…you have no say in this."

"Don't I? Sara, you didn't file charges years ago…deprived me of Emma…because of him. He is going to pay this time."

"He didn't kill Melissa," she said.

"How do you know that?"

"The evidence," she answered. "I saw the reports…he didn't do it."

"It doesn't excuse what he did to you. Sara, you can't let him get away with this again. I won't let you!"

"I don't need…**you**…to make decisions for **me**! My body…my decision…he…"

"How can you protect **him**? After everything he's done? He kidnapped you… or was it a kidnapping? Did you go with him willingly? Did you let him…"

"Stop! Stop…"

It happened so quickly he had little time to correct his rant.

He grabbed the call button immediately as he held her shaking body.

The nurse rushed in.

"Seizure!" he yelled.

The nurse pushed the code button as others rushed in.

Grissom was pushed to the side as the physician and nurses tried to stop the seizure.

Her body convulsed repeatedly as they tried to calm her, waiting for the medication to enter into her veins.

Slowly her body eased and she lay there lifeless.

"Get a cat scan along with an EKG immediately," ordered the physician.

Grissom stood there in horror as the physician examined Sara.

He had felt so angry at her protection of Graham.

It was Graham's fault that he had missed out on Emma's life.

He wanted him punished.

When she continued to protect the bastard, pure jealousy seeped out and he'd lashed out at her without even thinking.

He'd wanted to take back the accusation the moment he said it but it had been too late.

"Her temperature is 104.5 degrees," stated the nurse.

"Her body is fighting the antibiotics…we need to get the temperature down so that it doesn't damage her brain." The physician glanced at Grissom.

Grissom looked horrified.

"Are you family?"

"Yes."

"Does she have a history of seizures?"

"No."

"How did she appear before the seizure? Was she talking coherently?"

"Yes…we were arguing…" Grissom stopped. Guilt was written all over his face.

"Ms. Sidle is critical. We need to keep the discussions to a minimum."

Grissom nodded.

He stepped out of the room at the request of the nurse.

Catherine was waiting for him.

"What happened?" she asked.

"We were arguing and she had a seizure."

"Is she alright?" she asked.

"They're running tests," he said sounding rather odd.

"You okay?"

"I said some things…I shouldn't have. I pushed her…too far," he grieved.

"Wait…this isn't your fault. Gil, her fever has been through the roof since she was admitted. Blame Graham, not yourself."

It did not make him feel any better as he stood there waiting to return to her room.

The physician stepped out of the room.

"How is she?" asked Grissom.

"She's resting. We're going to be taking her in a few minutes for tests. We'll let you know when we get the test results."

Grissom watched as they wheeled her away.

"I'm going to get back…Brass should be starting the interrogation soon."

"I'm coming with you," said Grissom.

Note from author:

Whew, alot happened in this chapter....

Take care!


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty:**

He was quiet on the way back to the lab.

Once there he headed straight for the interrogation room.

He stood outside the room and watched as his brother sat there alone.

He turned when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"How's Sara?" asked Warrick.

"She's in critical condition," he replied.

Brass walked over. "You think it's a good idea for you to be here? You should be at the hospital with Sara."

"I going to sit in," demanded Grissom.

Brass and Warrick exchanged glances.

Brass started to protest but Grissom had already opened the door and stepped inside.

Graham's head shot up. "How is Sara?"

Grissom sat down and did not reply.

Brass stepped into the room.

He glanced at Graham and then Grissom, noticing the resemblances even though they were half brothers.

Blue eyes glared at blue eyes.

"Boys…let's play fair. Richard Graham…mind if I call you Dick?" asked Brass.

Graham did not reply.

"Silence could be interpreted as a 'yes'."

"How is Sara?" asked Graham again.

Again, Grissom did not say a word.

"Let's just get to the facts," began Brass. "You kidnapped Sara Sidle and…"

Graham's attorney stepped into the room. "My client is not answering any questions without consulting me first."

Grissom glared at his brother.

"I admit…" Graham was interrupted when his attorney's hand clamped down on Graham's arm.

"I would advise you…"

Graham shrugged off the hand. "I don't care what happens to me. If I did, I would have fled the moment I got Sara to the hospital. How is she?"

Graham cursed when no one would answer.

"You want a confession? Fine! I drugged her…because she was ...terrified of me…of what I did before…I took her to a place I'd rented…kept her against her will….so we could talk…just talk…I didn't hurt her….I would never intentionally hurt her."

He raked his hand through his hair. "I didn't know she was sick until it was too late. I got her to the hospital when the fever wouldn't go down. Now, tell me….please…how is Sara?"

Grissom slid the confession sheet across the table.

"Put it in writing," said Brass.

He scribbled out the notes even though his attorney objected.

"Now…how is Sara?"

Grissom read the confession before answering, "She had a seizure…she died."

Graham's face contorted into pure agony.

He shook his head over and over. "That…can't…be. It may have been rheumatic fever but…seizure…"

Graham stared at Grissom in disbelief.

Tears streamed down his face as he yelled at Grissom. "You don't even care! You never loved her!...just like Melissa…you didn't care about her! You got Melissa pregnant and then you…she was my wife!"

Brass glanced over at Grissom.

"I tried to warn Sara…about **you.** I tried to protect her…from **you**…I let her read Melissa's diaries…see for herself what kind of person you are."

"You killed your wife and child," said Grissom.

"We argued! I never touched her! I wouldn't have…she was pregnant! I loved her even though she admitted to me that she was carrying your child…not mine! You're supposed to be the best in the field and you didn't even look at the evidence! You just let them railroad me! You took my father from me…and then you took my wife! I wanted to save Sara from you! She deserved better than you…or me!"

Grissom looked shocked.

"Don't pretend you didn't know. She spent a week here in Vegas with **you! She said it was your child!**"

Grissom shook his head.

Graham glared at his brother. "You probably haven't even shed a tear for Sara…she gave you a child and yet you…you're just as sick as I am…you're just as twisted as me…at least I loved her…you're incapable of loving anything or anyone!"

Graham's head landed in his hands on the table as he sobbed.

"We're prepared to make a deal….counseling rather than jail time," offered Grissom.

The attorney looked shocked but then frowned. "You're speaking for the D.A.?"

"Sara did not want to press charges…as long as Graham agreed to counseling," replied Grissom.

"What's going to prevent the D.A. from…"

"Because Sara is not going to press charges," answered Grissom.

"You just said that Sara Sidle is dead," said the attorney.

"No….she's not. She's in critical condition…she's very much alive," seethed Grissom.

"What kind of sick joke did you just play on my client?" asked the attorney.

"Finding out the truth," said Grissom.

"And what is that?" snarled the attorney.

"If my brother is worth…saving," replied Grissom as he stood to leave.

Graham's head jerked up.

"How is Sara?" he begged.

"I told you. She's critical," said Grissom.

Grissom stepped out of the interrogation room, avoiding the stares from Warrick and Nick who were standing there.

Catherine attempted to stop him but he walked right past her.

"What was that all about?" whispered Nick.

"The man is insane…Grissom would not have anything to do with his own brother's wife," whispered Warrick.

Grissom grabbed his phone.

"Grissom."

"Dr. Grissom, this is…"

He stopped suddenly whirling around to see Graham being led out of the interrogation room.

Their eyes met.

"I'm on my way," said Grissom.

He closed his phone just as Brass caught up with him.

"You could have told me what you were planning to do," sneered Brass.

"Sara isn't going to press charges," stated Grissom.

"Yeah…well, the D.A. could…"

"Did he agree to counseling?" asked Grissom.

"His attorney advised him against it but he's willing to be…committed again."

Brass leaned in. "He could easily change his mind…charges would have been better and then let the judge commit him."

"I have to get back to the hospital," said Grissom quietly.

"How is…"

"She had another seizure…during the E.K.G."

He returned to the hospital, hoping to sit with her but when he arrived, she was still gone.

As soon as she returned to her room, he stepped inside.

He listened to the physicians.

The fever had finally dropped.

She seemed lifeless as he took her hand and held it firmly.

His head dropped to the bed as he lost all control of his emotions, letting himself feel the agony of the past week.

He berated himself for pushing her, for accusing her, hoping she would punish Graham for what he'd done but she refused.

The pain of Melissa and his past seeped through to the present.

Now, there would be questions as to what really happened all those years ago.

He had been so certain Graham had killed Melissa in a fit of rage.

He'd seen that rage before.

_Sara said he didn't do it..._

He wiped his eyes and stood, not wishing to wake her from his quiet falling apart.

Her eyes drifted open and he turned to smile at her.

"Your fever is down," he said.

"Emma," she whispered.

"I'll have the nanny bring her again," he consoled.

She looked at him as if she'd not seen him in awhile.

"What do you want to know?" he asked, fearful of what Graham had told her.

"Melissa…did she…visit you…in Vegas?" she asked.

"Yes."

Sara breathed deeply.

"Sara, I need to tell you…some things," he said. "Now, is not the time. You need to rest."

"Need…to know," she said.

"You're having seizures," he began. "This can wait."

"I need...to...know...please...Gil."

"You could have another seizure," he pleaded.

"Please."

He took a deep breath and began. "Graham lived with us on and off. I'll admit I felt betrayed by my father for what he'd done. In a moment of drunken weakness he'd had an affair when my mother and I needed him most. He regretted it but Graham was born of that infidelity. His mother used him for blackmail against my father. She filled Graham's head with sordid lies about my father. She told him that my father did not want him. On the contrary, my father spent a small fortune trying to get Graham…it caused a big rift between my parents."

He stared out the window. "My mother became deeply depressed…she was thrown into a world of silence…the least movement frightened her…she had difficulty reaching out to me much less a child that saw her as the reason he could not be with his father. I'll admit I didn't like Graham. He didn't follow rules…and wasn't made to either…my father didn't know how to deal with an angry child that bordered on wanting to physically harm another person that came too close or tried to discipline him. My father suspected Graham had been abused…one day he finally found out the truth when my father was at his wit's end and was going to discipline him with a belt."

Grissom shuffled his feet. "I remember I was angry because Graham did not get punished but then later I heard my father crying…he was speaking to someone on the phone about getting help for Graham. I overheard him mention the scars. Graham's back was riddled with scars from beatings. It made sense then…how he dressed alone…got angry if anyone came near him. As soon as my father made arrangements for Graham to see a counselor his mother took him back one day. I think it broke my father's heart as he tried over and over to get Graham. He had a massive heart attack and died. My mother didn't know what to do. We were already financially strapped…she couldn't afford to fight for Graham…it hurt her…Graham just disappeared from our lives. My mother tried to forget that it ever happened. I don't think she ever forgave herself for how she did not reach out to Graham. Years later when she was dying, she begged me to find Graham and make peace with him…so I did."

Grissom took a ragged breath.

It was apparent he was exhausted. "I'd met someone….Melissa. I never thought much about marriage…saw the problems that my parents went through and decided I wanted no part of it but she was patient…and persistent…she showed me what it could be like to be with someone…have someone…She said she loved me…the next thing I know she's discussing marriage and a date was set. I'd finally located Graham…thought we could put things behind us…move on so I contacted him. It was awkward at first but then we had dinner a few times. He and Melissa seemed to hit it off instantly. I was too naïve to realize what she was doing before it was too late. I went to Graham's one evening and caught them together. I broke off the engagement and never looked back. Later, I found out Graham and Melissa had married."

He looked at Sara. "I had hoped that he was finally happy…despite what he'd done. One day out of the blue, Melissa contacted me. She was quite upset and begged to see me. She came to Vegas and I took off a few days to meet with her."

He stopped, taking a moment to sit down on the edge of the bed. "She told me Graham had been quite cruel and abusive to her. She talked about beatings…miscarriages as a result of the beatings…I urged her to leave him. It was then I realized she wanted to move to Vegas…to move in with me. I said no. I was not about to take up residence with my brother's wife."

"She was your fiancé…first," she whispered.

"But she married my brother. Marriage is sacred and I wasn't about to get involved with a married woman…even if we did have a past together. I told her there would be no 'us'. She was quite upset. I thought she had left town but one evening, she showed up on my doorstep and told me Graham had found out that she had come there to see me. She told me Graham planned to kill her for cheating on him…with me. She told me that since Graham already thought that we had been together then we might as well…she tried…I couldn't. She stormed out of there, telling me that if anything ever happened to her it would be my fault. I later heard about her death…he was being tried for her murder…I kept track of the case…from a distance. There seemed to be enough physical evidence to convict him so I never testified about the threat Melissa had mentioned. The D.A. didn't think there was a need and besides Graham accused me of killing Melissa. It didn't matter since he was found guilty…but I always felt guilty…that I didn't help her."

"She played both of you," said Sara. "She told him the baby was yours."

"Sara I never…"

"I believe you," she said.

He was surprised she was so willing to believe him even though he had been so willing to think the worse of her.

"She left diaries…behind…indicating you were the father…I think she wanted Graham to find them and when he didn't, she told him. He did go into a rage but I don't think he killed her…he loved her…he wanted a child…he probably would have even accepted…another man's child….he just wanted a family."

She took a deep breath. "The lab did a rush job on the case…missed way too many things. Graham's attorney sent the same evidence to the lab in Atlanta. There were too many inconsistencies. It was the reason why he won the appeal."

She shifted in the bed and tried to sit up. "I don't think he did it."

"He's agreed to be re-committed," said Grissom.

"I didn't ask for that."

"I know but he asked to be committed," replied Grissom.

She closed her eyes trying to find the strength to finish the conversation.

"Sara…how can you forgive him…for what he did to you?"

"He mistook friendship….for love…he desperately wanted what he'd never had before. I understand that," she said letting a single tear trickle down her cheek.

He started to wipe it away but she quickly swiped it away with her fingers.

"Sara…"

"I'm tired," she whispered. "I had Nick to submit my paperwork for swing shift…that is if I ever get to return to work.

"Are you sure…about this? I can switch to another unit," he said.

"You were there first…I'll switch."

"Sara…"

"I just want to sleep," she breathed.

He nodded.

She rolled away from him and closed her eyes.

"Could I do anything for you?" he asked.

"Go…home....be with Emma…she needs you…not me."

It hurt but he left.

Note from author:

Well, you've heard Grissom's side....of course none of this is over....still some back story to come...

Take care!


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One:**

He returned the next day but she slept mostly.

He attempted to stay with her but she refused insisting he think of Emma.

He called the hospital every morning checking on her progress and brought Emma for visits.

It seemed to lift her spirits as she slowly recovered from the bacterial infection.

She was permitted to leave the hospital after a week.

She sat there on the bed and waited for Nick.

She was surprised when Grissom arrived with Emma.

"I was waiting on Nick to take me home," explained Sara.

"Daddy said I could come and get you," said Emma with a smile. Sara caught the 'Daddy' and glanced at Grissom who smiled.

"Okay."

"We have the room all ready for you," said Emma.

"Room?" asked Sara.

"You're coming home with us," said Emma.

Sara's smile faded. "Emma, I need to go to my apartment," explained Sara.

"But…you promised," wailed the small child.

"I didn't…"

"You promised…you'd come home…home is with us," she insisted.

Sara glanced nervously at Grissom.

"I can't," said Sara.

Emma pouted. "Why not? Don't you love me?"

"Of course I do but…"

"When do we get to be a family? I want…you to come home…please," she begged.

Sara glared at Grissom.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Right," muttered Sara.

They stepped into the townhouse and were greeted by Bruno.

Emma began playing with the dog.

"Look Mommy! We got you flowers," said Emma as she pointed at the vase.

Sara stood there, wishing she could find a way out of the mess.

"I'll put your bag in your room," he said quietly.

She watched as he opened the master bedroom and placed the bag inside the door.

"I'm not staying here," she whispered to him as Emma played with the dog.

"Sara…just give her a few days."

"It will only make things worse!"

"Sit down…we need to talk…about a few things," he said as he ushered Emma and the dog outside to play.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I wanted to talk with you…about…Emma."

Sara leaned back in the couch.

"Graham dropped the paternity case."

"Good."

"Sara, I want to change Emma's…name…and yours…to mine."

She seemed a bit confused.

"She's asking…why her name is…Sidle…because the other children have the same last name…as their parents."

"Oh."

"I've asked my attorney to handle the matter…if that's okay with you."

"Of course."

"So you agree to the name change?"

"Yes."

"We could stand before a judge and have both matters taken care of at the same time and…"

"Wait….wait…both matters?"

"Name change to mine…Emma…and…you."

"A judge can't do that…change my name…to yours…we're not married."

"We'd…get…married."

Sara wondered if the seizures had caused some sort of brain damage.

"What?"

"She came home in tears the other day…some child said she was illegitimate."

Sara bristled. "Children can be cruel."

"She wanted to know what it meant."

"What did you tell her?"

"She sort of tricked me."

"What happened?" asked Sara leaning forward.

"She initially asked me what legitimate meant and I told her legitimate meant right…but then she asked me why she was not right. I didn't understand until she announced that she was illegitimate meaning wrong."

Sara stood immediately. "You didn't see that coming?" she barked.

"I'm sorry…I didn't...at least not from a five year old. I told her she was wanted by both of us…we both love her."

He sighed. "She came home the next day and asked why we didn't have the same last names…I explained that…we weren't married."

The last three words were said softly.

"You said what?" she yelled. "You should have told her that a piece of paper doesn't mean anything unless two people love one another…"

Sara stopped.

"She's five, Sara. She's a bright child that is trying to fit in…like we did. Her friends are not playing with her now."

"Why?"

"Because…they think she's different," said Grissom.

"That's bullshit!" barked Sara.

"We need to move her to a new school…one for gifted children…but I didn't want to do that until…the name change…so she wouldn't feel different anymore."

"Anything else?" she muttered.

"She wants you to live with her," said Grissom.

"She can live with me," said Sara. "Graham is not a threat anymore."

"I want Emma to live with me," said Grissom.

She stared at Grissom.

She was not prepared for this confrontation.

Already, she felt completely exhausted.

She smoothed out the imaginary wrinkle from her blouse.

"We'll…share…her," said Sara.

Grissom glanced down at the floor. "I want her to live with me full time."

Sara folded her arms as she shook her head. "I'm not giving you my child!"

"I'm not asking you to," said Grissom quickly. "I'm asking you…to live here with us….I'll share my house…and my name."

She stood there shocked.

It was the worst proposal she could ever imagine until she realized it was coming from Grissom.

She wondered how Grissom had proposed to Melissa.

She bit down a hint of jealousy.

_He probably loved her…._

_He's doing this for Emma…_

Emma ran into the house in tears.

"What's wrong?" asked Sara.

"Bee!"

Emma held out her finger. "I tried to catch it…but it stung me." Grissom gently placed Emma on the counter.

He took out a knife from the drawer and gently scraped the stinger from Emma's finger.

Sara then put some medicine on the swollen area.

"Better?" asked Grissom.

"Better," she smiled. "I'm glad Mommy is home."

"Me too," admitted Grissom.

"I have my family now!" smiled Emma as she hugged them both.

"Emma, people still have families even if they don't live together," explained Sara.

"Papa Joe said that a family that loved one another stayed together…Papa Joe was right…wasn't he, Mommy?"

"I miss Papa Joe," sniffled Sara.

"Some kids got their Mommy and Daddy when they were born but I had to wait…a long time," Emma said.

Sara felt the twinge of guilt.

"Mommy, why are you crying?" asked Emma.

"Sorry…just tired," she lied.

"Go lie down," whispered Grissom.

She disappeared immediately into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

"I don't think Mommy feels well," said Grissom. "Emma, Mommy is still recovering. We'll need to take care of her. She needs lots of rest."

"She looked sad. I think I made her sad. Will you make her feel better?" asked Emma.

"I'll try," said Grissom.

He decided to leave her alone for the remainder of the evening.

When dinner came, he quietly slipped into the room and found her fast asleep.

He pulled the blanket over her shoulders and stepped back out.

Hours passed and she finally emerged.

Emma was already in bed asleep.

"I'm sorry. I was…"

"You still need rest. I heard the instructions," he said. "There's a plate in the oven."

She was grateful that he continued to sit in the chair with a book.

She finished off the plate of food and took her medicine.

She put away the dirty dishes and then stood by the window looking outside.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" she asked.

"It's my night off," he said.

"Oh."

_Wait…_

_Where is he going to sleep?_

"Look, Emma is asleep. I'll just go…" she headed toward the door but he quickly flew out of the chair.

"She's been having nightmares," he blurted out.

"She has?" she asked suddenly.

"Yes…she was afraid you were never coming back," he said.

She glanced toward the child's bedroom before slumping down on the couch.

He returned to the chair.

He peered over his glasses. "Have you given…any thought to…the name change?"

She had.

She had cried herself to sleep.

It was not how she had imagined she would receive a proposal.

She tried to rationalize it.

Grissom was offering her marriage.

It was complete with his last name, his home and his bed.

It was everything she ever wanted.

He was offering everything except what she craved most, love.

"Yes," she said barely above a whisper.

"And?"

"Marriage…is not something just to rush into," she said.

_Like you know anything about marriage, Sara, but maybe he bought it…_

"We have Emma to think about," he emphasized.

_I know…_

"How… would we…this house is not big enough," she pointed out.

"We have two bedrooms," he countered, not sure what was wrong with the house.

_He's so clueless…_

_like the proposal…_

_It's just business…_

"You expect us to share…that," pointing to the master bedroom.

He glanced toward the bedroom.

His face turned a crimson red.

"I'll sleep out here….besides…we're on different shifts…we won't be home at the same time."

_Oh…_

_Of course…_

_No worry about getting too close…_

_For Emma…_

"You've been approved for swing shift…provided you're ready to return…I didn't indicate you needed counseling…unless you think you need…if you want." He knew he was stammering.

She sat there staring at the floor.

He was giddy that she had even accepted his half hazard attempt at a proposal.

"So…I thought we…could go…tomorrow…then work on getting Emma moved to a new school," he said.

"Tomorrow?" she asked.

"I'm not sure when I'll get any time off…we'll be short handed…until I find a replacement," he said.

She nodded.

"So…is that a yes?" he asked nervously.

She rubbed her temple.

Despite sleeping most of the day she was completely drained.

"Okay," she said rather defeated.

"Good," he answered sounding odd.

She rose quickly and started for the bedroom.

"Sara?"

She stopped dead in her tracks.

"We could…shop for a dress…if you want," he offered.

"No, I don't," she said as she fled the room.

She could care less what she wore.

She was marrying out of responsibility.

There was nothing romantic about any of it.

There was no confession of love, no asking…but rather an offer out of need, no engagement ring, no announcement to friends, no wedding plans, not that she ever wanted a wedding but there were a few things she had hoped for.

She certainly had thought that if she ever took another man's name it would be for love.

She felt quite cheated.

As soon as the door shut, he wiped the sweat from his hands and forehead.

He was sure she would reject any proposal.

He had contemplated divulging his heart once more but he was afraid she would stomp on it.

He did not think she would ever forgive him but he knew she might just marry him for Emma.

Grissom cursed inwardly.

The last thing Grissom had wanted was to allow another woman the ability to control his emotions and yet the moment he had met Sara he knew she did just that.

He was hopelessly at her will but she had not learned how to push the right buttons or least he did not hang around long enough for her to see what effect she really had on him.

That would be a huge mistake.

He put up with the barbs and even the few jabs that were meant to inflict pain but they didn't really hurt him…at least not as much as her tears.

Just a single trickle down one of her cheeks could easily send him dangling over the edge.

She wasn't thrilled with the idea of being married to him.

The unshed tears that had glistened in her eyes told him she did not want to do it but she would for Emma.

He couldn't blame her.

He had hurt her repeatedly.

Graham's words taunted him.

He could love.

He definitely loved Emma…as well as Sara.

He'd always loved Sara.

He just never showed his true feelings.

Neither slept well that night.

Note to author:

Looks like they're getting married....sort of....Grissom's way....

Take care!


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty Two:**

She almost considered backing out, claiming she was ill but then visions of the other children taunting Emma made her forget the notion.

They stopped off at the apartment and she dressed in a simple cotton dress.

It was quite plain but then she felt plain.

"We can move your things over," he had said on the way over.

She had merely nodded.

He talked about bringing extra suitcases in order to pack her clothes.

Again, she merely nodded, not listening to anything except the thudding of her heart.

When she stepped out of the bedroom, she did not make eye contact.

She could care less if he approved of the dress.

She had very few and she wasn't about to spend money on something she rarely got to wear.

Her work required jeans and a blouse.

There was little in her closet that was even remotely seductive.

She crammed the suitcases full and set them in a row.

She knew he was staring but she didn't care.

She dared him to say a word about the dress.

He loaded the suitcases and then they were on their way.

Emma chatted nonstop.

Sara plastered a smile on her face and answered every question.

Grissom did the same.

By the time they arrived, Sara was sure she would vomit right there during the vows.

She heard herself repeat the words, followed by something slipping over her finger.

She didn't even notice the band that was handed to her by Brass and wondered when he arrived because the entire event seemed surreal.

She had difficulty noticing anything until she felt his lips on hers.

It was soft at first then forceful as he deepened the kiss.

She felt his tongue slip into her mouth and she tasted him.

God, how she loved the taste of him.

Before she could get accustomed to it, her lips were vacated and she stood there dumbstruck.

She felt a tug and glanced down to see Emma smiling at her.

"We have the same last name…now," she said.

Sara did not mention to her that it would take a few more weeks before it became official for Emma's name change but she didn't care.

Her child was happy.

It was obvious Grissom loved the child.

She told herself it was enough even though she did not know why she felt it difficult to swallow the lump in her throat.

She blamed it on the illness when she tried to speak to Brass.

If Brass questioned her motives, he didn't say anything but hugged her followed by a hug from Emma.

By late evening, Sara was completely wiped out.

They had stopped off at a restaurant but she had not been able to eat.

Grissom and Emma did not seem to have any problem.

By the time they arrived back at the townhouse, Emma was asleep.

Grissom carried the sleeping child and put her to bed while Sara nervously pretended to keep busy.

She fed the dog twice and then insisted on walking him even though he had spent most of the day frolicking in the backyard.

Grissom was just as nervous.

He used the bathroom, changing into sweat pants and t-shirt before she returned.

It did not help her demeanor to see that he was already changed.

She seemed quite jittery and made an excuse to unpack.

Within an hour she ran out of things to do.

She sighed when she realized she would have to leave the bedroom since she had forgotten to take her medicine.

She opened the door and found him asleep on the couch.

She tiptoed into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water and then scurrying back into the bedroom.

She purposely shut the door loudly before plopping down on the bed.

It seemed her honeymoon would be spent in her husband's bed without her husband.

The kiss had awakened a need within her.

She had half expected him to come to her once Emma was in bed but once again she had misread his actions.

He had no intentions of consummating their marriage vows.

"_Marriage is sacred"_

_He married you for Emma…_

_Stop fooling yourself, Sara…._

After the hundredth toss, she crawled out of the bed and into the shower.

She stood there letting the cold water splash over her.

By the time she got out, she was quite chilled.

It was better than feeling the hot tension she'd felt all day.

She grabbed a book and opened it but soon threw it into the corner of the room when she realized it was an entomology book.

She did not even bother to dress but kept the robe loosely about her.

The soft whimpering coming from Emma's room caught her attention and she found herself sitting there on the child's bed as she soothed the nightmare away.

Once the child was asleep again, she turned and practically ran into Grissom.

"Nightmare," she whispered.

"Good thing you were here," he said softly.

She stepped past him and returned to the bedroom.

She expected him to return to the couch but she was surprised to find him standing in the doorway of the bedroom that belonged to him.

She felt it would never be theirs.

She wrapped the robe more firmly around her.

"You looked beautiful today," he said.

It surprised her.

He'd not said a single word directly to her since their vows were said and now he stood there giving her a compliment when she felt her worst.

She glanced down at the baggy robe and glanced up to find him gone.

She slipped on her gown and crawled deep into the bed.

She expected to toss and turn but instead exhaustion won out.

Once she was asleep, Grissom quietly came and sat down on the bed next to her.

Grissom ached unmercifully for her as she lay there curled in his bed.

He never had anyone affect him in this manner.

He never knew himself to want to act on pure raw need before as he felt his body react in a rather animalistic manner at the sight of her in his bed.

He rubbed her hair between his forefinger and thumb.

It was silky soft.

He breathed in deeply and the perfumed aroma aroused him.

He wanted her.

She wasn't ready for this and he knew it.

"I don't know how to convince you," he whispered. "I do love you."

He leaned down and kissed her tenderly before returning to the couch.

She woke the next morning to find the house quiet.

Sara stretched.

Her hand touched something and she jerked back.

On the other side of the bed lay a single rose.

She quickly glanced around but found herself alone.

She donned the bath robe and opened her bedroom door.

Emma's room was empty as well as the rest of the house.

She stepped outside on the deck but found no one.

Sara poured a cup of coffee and then returned to the bedroom.

She picked up the single rose and held it.

The front door opened and suddenly a boxer dog jumped onto the bed with Emma as well.

"Daddy is coming. He got a call…something about bugs," said Emma.

Sara set the rose on the side table as she lay there with Emma in her arms.

"We took Bruno for a walk," announced Emma.

"Have you had breakfast?" asked Sara.

"Daddy and I went to this coffee shop. We ate breakfast. He had coffee but I had juice."

Emma turned toward Sara. "Are you better Mommy?"

"Yes, I'm getting better," she said.

"Daddy and I spent the morning together…on our special day."

"Special day?"

"My first day as a 'Grissom'," she explained.

Sara nodded.

It was her first day also.

It didn't feel different.

Grissom cleared his throat.

"I have to…"

"It's fine," she said rather stiffly.

He hesitated for a moment but then walked over to grab his jacket from the closet.

He leaned over and kissed Emma.

He started to leave but Emma stopped him.

"You forgot Mommy," said Emma.

"Emma, that is special…between you and…"

She was shocked when he leaned over and kissed her lightly on the lips.

"I'll be late," he whispered.

She was speechless by the warmth she felt from the kiss.

She knew better than to read anything out of it.

If it had not been for Emma, he would have merely left.

Sara made arrangements to return to work at the end of the week.

She then began calling private schools in the area and researched the top three.

She sent the choices to Grissom's email at the office for his review.

The rest of the day was spent playing in the back yard with Bruno.

Sara tried to learn her way around the kitchen.

She cleaned the living room and vacuumed.

A couple loads of laundry were completed.

She felt awkward folding his boxers and briefs but quickly put them away in hopes that he would not notice.

She then curled up on the bed with Emma as she read a story to the child.

Both were asleep when the phone rang.

Sara slipped out of the room and grabbed her cell.

"Sidle."

"Ms. Sidle…I'm Mark Russell…Richard Graham's attorney."

She bristled but stayed on the line.

"My client…has been quite agitated…ever since...the interrogation. It seems that Mr. Grissom reported to him that you had passed away. He's been quite depressed ever since. I was hoping you would allow me to ask, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," she replied.

"He was concerned about…rheumatic fever from the strep."

"Just a bad bacterial infection…I'm fine now," she reinterated.

"Good. I'll tell him. Thank you."

"How… is... Graham?"

"He's being moved to another unit."

"What kind of unit?"

"Solitary confinement…suicide watch."

"He's not going to get better there," she blurted out. "He needs…one on one counseling…without confinement."

"He thinks he belongs here."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Would you consider visiting with him?"

"No! No, I can't," she blurted out quickly.

"I understand…he didn't ask…I did. He seems quite fond of you….asked about you…wants to know if you are well…happy."

"I am."

"I heard about your marriage to his brother. Congratulations."

She closed the phone.

She grabbed a pillow and a blanket.

She curled onto the couch and tried to sleep.

Hours passed before she finally drifted off.

Grissom stepped inside and quietly shut the door.

He threw his jacket onto the chair.

He turned and found her asleep on the couch.

Sara felt a slight nudge.

"You should go to bed," he whispered.

"You can have the bed," she yawned.

"Sara…"

"Emma will be up in a few hours…go."

He was too exhausted to argue.

He disappeared behind the bedroom door.

Sara pulled the covers over her head.

Grissom showered quickly.

He wanted nothing more than to sleep.

He'd slept little the past few nights.

The case had been difficult.

It involved a young woman who was kidnapped several days ago and her body was finally found.

He could not help but think about Sara during the processing of the evidence.

He rolled over and immediately smelled her scent.

He pulled the pillow closer and slept.

The first time he heard the noise, he thought it was Emma.

He listened for Sara's footsteps but there were none.

It was then he realized it was coming from the living room.

Grissom threw back the covers.

By the time his feet hit the floor, there was a slight scream followed by a small voice.

Grissom grabbed his robe and hurried to the next room.

Sara sat on Emma's bed. "I'm sorry I woke you," she whispered.

"Mommy, did you have a bad dream?" asked Emma.

"Yes…I did…but it's gone now," she said. "Go back to sleep."

"Papa Joe used to pet you….I can do that," yawned Emma.

"You need your sleep. Go back to sleep," Sara whispered.

She quietly stepped out of the room.

She had not even noticed Grissom standing in the living room.

She brushed the hair away from her face as she went to the kitchen and fixed a cup of coffee.

"Everything alright?" asked Grissom.

His voice startled her.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Is everything alright?" he repeated.

"Emma… a dream…she's asleep now," whispered Sara.

He thought it was rather clever how she had told the truth but left out just enough for him to assume that it had been Emma's nightmare.

He knew better than to ask about the nightmare.

She would only retreat.

He would give anything to ease her pain.

He then remembered the change in shifts.

She'd not complain once.

The others had, particularly Greg.

If she would not accept his affection then perhaps he could at least use what influence he had within the department to demand that she remain with Graveyard.

He wanted so much to give her something that would make her smile again…for him.

She turned away and stared out the window.

"I heard you're returning to work in a few days," he stated.

"Yes…my transfer was approved," she replied.

"Good."

"You should go back to sleep…I'll watch Emma," she said.

"Sara...how've you been?" he asked.

"Fine," she lied.

She poured a cup of coffee and stepped outside.

He watched through the window as she slumped down on the deck.

He knew the nightmares had intensified as the nurses had divulged each day when he checked on her progress and yet she never mentioned them despite his efforts to get her to open up to him.

He wasn't sure if they ever left.

She wrapped her arms around her legs as her head rested on her knees.

Bruno whined as he nuzzled her.

Her hand patted the dog on the head as she sat there by herself.

He wondered how she was faring.

By her actions, he thought she was teetering on the edge.

He couldn't bring himself to ask about counseling.

It was obvious that she wouldn't open up to him.

He was just relieved that he was able to keep a close eye on her now.

He knew that little by little if he were patient, she would ease into the marriage.

He so much wanted her to feel safe.

More than that, he longed to show her how much he loved her but felt she needed time to learn to trust him again.

They seemed to pass one another for the next few days.

Little was said leaving most of the communication for Emma.

He kissed Emma each evening as well as Sara before leaving for work.

As the time drew near, she seemed a bit apprehensive about returning to work.

It was a different shift with different workers.

As she prepared for work that evening, she could not seem to stop the slight shaking of her hands.

"Come home soon, Mommy," said Emma.

"Be good for the nanny," smiled Sara as she leaned over and kissed Emma.

Grissom noticed the slight nervousness.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, baby?"

"You forgot Daddy."

"Oh."

Sara leaned over and kissed Grissom lightly before rushing out.

She drove into the parking lot of the lab and sat there.

She had dreaded this moment ever since she was told her transfer had been approved.

She grabbed her things and headed inside.

She was immediately hailed by Judy.

"Ecklie wants to see you," called Judy.

Sara cringed.

It was never good news when it came to Ecklie.

She tapped on his door and waited until he finished the phone call.

"Sit down," he motioned.

Sara sat down. "You wanted to see me?"

"I wanted to make sure we were clear about…the transfer," he began.

"I was told I was approved for swing," she said.

"You would be considered swing but you would continue working with graveyard," he stated as he shuffled some papers.

Sara looked confused.

"Your work will be monitored by the swing shift supervisor but since graveyard needs another body…and no one likes graveyard…we've decided to keep you there."

"We?"

"It seems Grissom was prepared to leave…if he didn't get his way," announced Ecklie as he eyed her reaction.

She looked rather shocked.

Ecklie stood indicating the conversation was over.

Sara hurried out of the room.

She sat down on the bench in the locker room.

_Why didn't he just tell me?_

"Hey kiddo," called Brass.

He walked into the locker room. "Judy said you were here."

Brass sat down beside her. "How is married life?"

She glanced at the wedding band on her finger.

"It's fine," she said quietly.

"That doesn't sound good," frowned Brass.

Sara sat there with her jacket in her hand.

"I heard you were going to swing," he said. "I know it must be…"

"Ecklie just told me I'm staying with graveyard….my supervision will be done by swing," stated Sara.

"That's good…right?'

Sara stood and placed her jacket inside her locker.

"Hey, you okay?"

"I'm fine," said Sara.

"If something is wrong…you would talk with me, right?"

"Sure," she lied.

Brass sat there and watched her leave.

"Honeymoon must be over," he muttered.

Note from author:

Sorry for the late postings today but wallpaper and booking a trip to Los Angeles got in the way.....LOL

Take care!


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty Three**

She was almost relieved when a case came in.

Even though she was technically off the clock, she volunteered for the case since she had come in early anyway.

She grabbed her kit and headed out.

The case took longer than she anticipated and by the time she returned to the lab, the others were already out in the field.

She logged in the evidence and then checked the board.

Her phone went off.

It was Grissom.

"Sidle."

"You're not 'Sidle' anymore."

She felt the same.

The only thing that had changed was her name.

"I just finished my case," she stated quickly.

"Nick could use some help," he said quietly.

"I'm on it," she replied.

She spent the remainder of the shift working with Nick.

He congratulated her on the marriage but when she changed the subject he did not bring it up again.

It was part of the reason she liked Nick so much.

He seemed to understand her privacy.

Once the shift ended, she threw her things in her locker and headed toward the door.

Once upon a time she would have headed toward Grissom's office just to slip by his door to say good night but now those days were over.

She no longer sought him out.

She didn't even turn when she heard his voice down the hall.

They were married.

She was Sara Grissom.

Emma had a family that consisted of a mother and father.

She should be happy.

She wasn't.

Just as she was about to step out of the lab she heard his voice once more.

it was drawing near.

She wanted to hide from it.

She slipped her sunglasses on and stepped outside.

She quickly removed them.

It was raining.

She rushed to her car and headed to the townhouse.

She was relieved to step inside just before the rain increased.

Emma was still asleep.

Bruno was sleeping on the rug.

The nanny smiled.

_Perfect life, Sara...._

She grabbed a piece of toast and juice, taking her medicine and then headed to the bedroom.

She was tired.

Her body was still recovering from the illness and last night had been grueling.

If she were honest, she should have indicated that and not pulled a double.

She took a quick shower and stepped out of the bathroom to run into Grissom.

He was completely drenched.

"I got caught in the rain," he murmured.

She stepped aside and he quickly disappeared into the bathroom.

She woke Emma for school.

Grissom joined them as Emma ate breakfast.

He seemed quiet as he eyed Sara closely.

He'd worried about her working such long hours on the first day back.

Emma waved as she left with the nanny.

Sara cleaned up the kitchen while Grissom watched.

"You worked two shifts," he said.

"I wouldn't have…if I had known about the arrangement," replied Sara.

"I didn't know myself until I got there."

She stood there not sure what to do.

"Jim said he ran into you," he said.

"Yes," she admitted.

"Is there something wrong?" he asked.

_Wrong?_

_Everything is wrong…._

_I never should have agreed to this…_

_But Emma is happy…so very happy..._

When she did not reply immediately, he took a step closer. "I know this is a lot… to adjust to…but Emma is happy."

"Yes, she is," admitted Sara.

"We should choose a new school soon," he said trying to find something safe to talk about.

He didn't care what the topic was.

He just wanted to be with her, listen to her, watch her, but more than anything he just wanted to comfort her.

She nodded.

"You look tired," he said.

"I am," she admitted.

"Sara…you can talk…with me…if you…need to," he stammered.

She knew she would never talk with him.

He wouldn't understand.

He was clueless.

He had no idea how hard it was for her to exist so closely to him and not yearn for him to love her.

The subtle kisses Emma insisted he give her were bitter reminders of what she would never have.

"Sure," she lied as she headed toward the bedroom but stopped suddenly. "You take the bed…I'll sleep out here."

"You worked more than me," he countered.

"It's your bed," she muttered as she grabbed a pillow and the throw that had become a regular part of the couch.

She positioned the pillow and tossed the blanket sending it across the couch.

She wasn't prepared for his hand to take the blanket.

Fingers touched fingers sending a surge of energy between the two.

"Sara, we're married…the house…is ours," he said. "It's your bed also…you go. You look exhausted."

"No thanks," came her reply as she attempted to lie down only to be pulled up.

"Go."

"No!"

It was rather loud and angry.

"Have I…done…something?" he asked.

"No, you haven't done…**anything…**at all," she fumed.

He looked thoroughly confused.

"Fine! I'll take the bedroom," she shouted as she stormed out of the room.

He sat down on the couch and stared at the slamming door.

Sara threw back the covers and got into bed.

She groaned when his scent wafted in the air.

She huffed as she tossed and turned.

She closed her eyes tightly hoping she would fall asleep.

It was then she heard Grissom on the phone with Graham's attorney.

Graham had gone on a hunger strike.

She couldn't imagine spending any time in a mental hospital.

She remembered visiting her mother in one of the facilities.

It had been cold and smelled of death and urine.

Once she spent a few weeks in a group home that felt very much like a psychiatric facility.

She was so relieved when she was placed with the Holmes.

Conversations with Graham surfaced.

Graham had lived in one as a child.

She wanted to hate him for what he did.

She wanted very much to forget about him but then most of his life had consisted of people who had done just that.

She slept little.

Nothing seemed to help.

Of course, it didn't hurt to shed a few tears.

She seemed to do nothing but cry these days and it was beginning to piss her off.

She didn't like feeling weak and yet, she could not seem to shake the melancholy that enveloped her.

Finally after several attempts she managed to drift off.

Bruno whined at the door causing Grissom to rise.

There was little or no sound coming from the bedroom at first but he stood there with Bruno as he heard a quiet sob.

Bruno whined again.

Grissom patted his head.

He stood there unsure of what he should do.

She'd seemed rather upset with him for some unknown reason.

He thought she would have been glad to remaind on graveyard.

_Maybe she didn't want to stay?_

_Maybe she was looking forward to being away from me?_

The sobs finally slowed and then the room was quiet.

He knew she was finally asleep.

He returned to the couch but could not seem to sleep as he stared at the closed door.

Quietly, he stepped into the room and sat down beside her, gently stroking her hair.

A hiccup escaped.

His chest clenched.

Hours passed as he continued to sit there soothing her while she slept.

Days passed.

He reluctantly agreed to share the couch.

Days drifted into other days as they fumbled through their new life.

Emma quietly sat down on the couch beside Grissom as he slept.

She rubbed her small hands in his beard and he smiled.

"Good morning, Emma," he smiled.

"It's Saturday," she beamed.

"Yes, it is," he said.

"I like it when I wake up and Ms. Mary is not here," she beamed.

"You don't like Ms. Mary?" he asked.

"I like this," she said as she tried to tickle him.

He gathered her into his arms and hugged her tight while he planted kisses on the child's face causing her to squeal with delight.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"How come you sleep on the couch?" she asked.

His body tensed.

"I like to sleep on the couch sometimes," he lied.

"Is that why Mommy sleeps here too?" she asked.

"Yes."

She sat down on the couch and seemed rather sad.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Bobby says his daddy sleeps on the couch when his parents fight. His daddy has been sleeping on the couch for a long time. He says his daddy is going to be moving soon."

"Mommy and I are not fighting," he said quickly.

"Do you love each other?" she asked.

"Yes." He was thankful Sara was not present for the conversation.

There was no doubt he loved her but he would not be able to bear the denial he would see in Sara's eyes if she were present.

She ran to the bedroom before Grissom could stop him.

Emma flung open the bedroom and crawled onto the bed.

She lay there beside Sara and placed her small hand on Sara's cheek.

"Hey, little bug," she whispered.

"Good morning, Mommy," she said. "Come and join us, Daddy."

Sara tensed.

Grissom lay down on the other side of the bed while Emma lay between them.

"I'm going to tell Bobby that he's wrong about us," announced Emma.

"Wrong?" asked Sara as she yawned.

"Bobby says that you and Daddy are fighting because you don't sleep together. Can I sleep on the couch tonight?"

Sara looked confused.

"Daddy says you sleep on the couch sometimes because you like it. Can I?" she asked.

"You sleep in your bed," said Sara as she tried to get up but Emma grabbed her hand.

"Daddy told me that you love each other very much and that he's not going to leave like Bobby's father is going to do. I think Bobby's father doesn't like sleeping on the couch."

Sara whirled around to stare at Grissom and Emma.

"Why don't we fix breakfast?" asked Grissom as he pulled Emma out of the bed and tossed her onto his shoulder as the small child laughed.

"Wait!" Emma cried.

Grissom stopped.

"I haven't kissed Mommy good morning," she stated. Emma leaned over and kissed Sara. Without thought, Grissom did the same. Sara watched as they disappeared into the kitchen.

They spent the day with Emma.

By mid-afternoon all were tired. Emma plopped onto her bed and pulled out a book. Bruno lay down beside her and she began to read to him. Sara grabbed a bottle of water while Grissom chose a glass of juice.

"We should talk…about this," he whispered.

She could not imagine what there was to talk about.

"Emma's afraid…one of us is going to leave. She's repeatedly asked the nanny if both of us are going to come home."

"The nanny hasn't spoken to me," said Sara defensively.

"I hired her…I'll make sure she reports to both of us," replied Grissom.

"I'm not going anywhere," whispered Sara.

He gulped down the juice.

"What do you suggest?" she asked.

"Sara, it's obvious she knows something is not right…she is our child…I don't want her to feel insecure."

_I know what that feels like…_

_Very much how I feel all the time…_

The conversation was interrupted by Grissom's phone.

He sighed. "I'll be there soon."

He glanced at Sara.

He could almost see the relief on her face that the conversation was put on hold.

That evening she kept at her desk, rummaging through case files.

She'd finished early on a case and attempted to clear her desk.

Greg sat down in the chair across from her desk.

"How is married life?" he asked.

"How was the dumpster case?" she asked.

"Ouch! Where is the love?"

He meant for it to be a joke but it rubbed a very raw spot.

She grabbed some files and left him sitting there alone.

"Hey Sara!" he called.

She turned and tried her best to plaster a smile on her face.

"How about dinner at the diner?" he asked.

She contemplated the offer.

"The guys and I…"

The last thing she needed was more than one of them with questions.

"I'll pass. I have an errand to run," she lied.

When dinner time rolled around, she slipped out of the building and into her car.

She had no idea where she was going but when she parked the car, she sat there staring at the house where she had been kept for almost a week.

It was now vacant.

She had no idea why she came.

She had feared the worst while Graham had kept her locked in the room.

Visions of another time flashed before her eyes.

_What are you doing, Sara?_

She grabbed her phone and dialed the number.

"I need to see you," she said almost panicking.

She hung up the phone and then gripped the steering wheel as she gasped through the pain.

It was getting more and more different to find these moments of complete breakdowns without interruption.

She returned to the lab, stepping out of the car and into the lab.

Grissom glanced up and saw her return.

"Sara," he called.

"I finished the Jennings case," she said. "If you need me to…"

"We were looking for you earlier…we went to the diner. Greg said you had an errand to run."

"Yes."

Her stomach gurgled but she pretended she didn't hear it.

He waited for her to offer any information as to the errand but she didn't.

"I just assigned a case to Nick. You can help."

She was gone in a flash.

By the end of the shift, her head hurt.

She glanced at her watch and then grabbed her things.

Grissom stepped into the townhouse and smiled when he saw that Emma was already awake.

"Mrs. Grissom called. She talked with Emma since she won't be here when she goes to school."

He knew she had left the lab.

Hours passed as he sat there refusing to sleep until she returned.

She stepped into the house, quietly shutting the door.

"Mary said you called," he said.

She froze for a moment but then tossed the keys on the counter.

"There's a plate in the oven," he announced.

"I had something," she lied.

Her stomach was now in knots from talking with the counselor.

"Another errand?" he asked.

"Yes."

She took her medicine and then gulped down some juice.

"Sara…we need to finish our conversation," he said.

"I thought we were done," she said.

"No, we were not. Want to tell me what's bothering you?" he asked.

"No."

At least it was not a lie.

There was something bothering her.

"Emma…"

"We share the bedroom," she said setting the glass on the counter.

He knew she didn't like the idea.

He certainly wasn't going to force her to do anything.

Just the mere thought that she might just think that appalled him.

"I would never force you…to do anything that you don't want to do," he blurted out.

"Right," she replied.

It made him angry.

"If you don't believe me, then why are you here?" he asked.

The glass came down on the counter with a rather loud thud.

"For Emma."

"I wouldn't hurt you," he pouted trying not to let the hurt slip through his voice.

Sara stared at him.

She couldn't understand why the whole arrangement bothered her.

It was the right decision for Emma.

She was flourishing.

Her nightmares were gone and she was bubbly every day.

_You can do this, Sara…_

_For Emma…_

"I know I hurt you," he whispered.

"Yes, you did," she said without hesitation and he flinched but continued.

"Sara…we have to get past this…if we're going to make this work," he urged.

"I've forgiven you," she admitted.

He smiled but then the smile faded when she added. "I just haven't forgotten."

Note from author:

Ouch! Okay so they are moving inch by inch closer...Thanks to everyone who is leaving a review for each chapter....I will remember you in my will....LOL

Take care!


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Four:**

She strolled past him and into the bedroom.

He heard the shower turn on.

He did not know whether to be angry or not.

None of this was going well but at least they would now be sharing a bed.

Now when the dreams came, he could reach over and comfort her.

By the time she got out of the shower, he was already in bed with the covers pulled tightly over his head.

She switched off the light and slipped into bed, rolling to her side.

Minutes passed.

Neither moved.

"I was worried," he finally said.

"I came home," she replied.

"Sara…"

He could hear her struggling to maintain control.

"Night," he finally whispered, letting her off the hook.

He rolled over the moment he knew that she was asleep, gently wrapping his arms around her.

It was a restless sleep.

She stifled a sob as she curled into a ball.

His hand gently stroked her hair.

"Sssh, Sara. I'm here," he whispered.

He had not intended to wake her but now she lay there fully awake.

Both lay there not moving for several minutes.

Slowly, his hand gently stroked her hair.

It seemed to calm her.

He was thankful that she did not pull away but remained in his arms.

Sara ached at the pleasure of feeling his body next to hers.

It was erotic just to have him lying there so intimately with her.

She shivered each time his hands touched her skin as he surveyed every inch of her.

Slowly she slipped into a more restful sleep.

He didn't realize that sleeping with someone was more intimate than sex.

It required Sara to close her eyes and relax around him.

It was a time of letting one's barriers down.

Both had been so exhausted trying to fight this for so long.

Now, as he lay there holding her, he could not imagine never doing this.

She fit naturally in his arms.

Her body molded into his as if they were two pieces that had finally come together completing a puzzle.

He had slept with other women before but never had he felt like this.

He could not believe they were actually sharing a bed.

Yes, it was under false pretenses on his part, but he had managed to get her there.

For a man so inept at feelings and the world around him, he felt quite proud of his accomplishment.

It was wonderful to feel her body lying next to his.

He ran his hand through her hair and gently without waking her, kissed her lovingly on the forehead.

She stirred slightly and he tightened his hold on her in hopes that his warmth would scare away any monsters lurking in her dreams.

He so much wanted to be her knight.

He wanted to protect her.

He wanted to show her she was worthy of love and that he would use his last breath trying to make her happy.

A smile toyed at the end of Sara's lips.

She moved her body toward the warmth she felt.

Rolling, he suddenly found her cuddled in his arms.

Her leg was flailed across his and her hand rested much too close to his groin.

He groaned from the sensation.

She laid her head on his chest as her head tilted upward.

She looked much like a child at that moment.

He gently brushed the hair from her face.

He laid his cheek against her head closing his eyes as he too slept.

She woke with a start when she felt an arm draped over her body.

Stumbling to her feet, she gasped when she heard a slight murmuring.

She switched on the light and blinded them both.

"Sorry…sorry," she said as she turned it off and tried to make her way to the bathroom only to walk into the dresser.

She cursed as she hobbled into the bathroom, shutting the door.

The sense of panic slowed.

She was not used to waking up beside someone.

The touch of his arm had sent out an alarm.

Graham had kept her body tight against his while they slept.

He had spoken about Grissom's betrayal of her feelings and how he would never do that.

For days she did not sleep until exhaustion took over.

It was then that she woke to the feel of his hands on her body.

She had struggled but could not do anything.

He'd kissed her, whispering softly to her while he raped her.

Afterwards, he had held her tenderly, consoling her while she cried.

After several days, the tears stopped.

She stopped drinking or eating and merely folded within herself while he tried to comfort her.

There was a tap on the door and she jumped.

"Sara?"

"I'll be out in a minute," she said.

She glanced down at her foot and frowned.

She opened the door later and was surprised that he was still standing there.

"How is your foot?" he asked.

"I should have remembered," she murmured. "The layout…I won't forget next time."

"May I see?" he asked.

"It's not necessary," she said as she tried her best to walk on it while she headed toward the door.

His hand on her arm startled her.

He caught the glimpse of fear in her eyes.

It was brief as she composed herself.

"It's just bruised," she urged.

He was persistent.

She sat down on the bed while he knelt in front of her.

She braced herself as one hand held her foot while the other examined the toe.

"Does that hurt?" he asked.

"No," she lied.

She bit down hard while his hand continued to examine the foot.

His hands were warm and soft.

She tried to imagine what it would feel like to have them examine her whole body.

She was not prepared to see the lustful look from Grissom.

He'd never shown any sense of desire for her before and now he stood there letting his eyes roam up and down her body.

She wasn't sure how she felt about the stare.

She stood almost knocking him over.

"I'll get breakfast," she stated as she fled the room.

Once breakfast was over, he cleared the dishes.

"How did you sleep?" he asked.

He knew the answer but he asked.

"Good," she stated.

"I'm not used to sharing…a bed with someone," he admitted.

"Me either," she replied.

"I guess it will get better…with time," he said.

She nodded.

"Have any errands to run today?" he asked.

She did.

She had another counseling session.

Yesterday had been painful as she admitted the kidnapping had taken quite a toll on her sense of security.

Every time she stepped into the lobby of the building she remembered turning the corner and running into Graham with the chloroform.

If she closed her eyes she swore she could smell the sickly odor.

"Yes."

He waited for her to elaborate but she didn't.

He fumed inwardly.

She picked up Emma herself in order to spend some time alone with her.

The child seemed a little disappointed that she would not be there when she left for school but Sara explained it was a doctor appointment.

"Mommy, are you getting better?" she asked.

"Yes, pumpkin," she lied.

He was waiting up for her once more.

It irritated her.

"I thought you'd already be asleep," she commented.

"Is that what you hoped?" he asked.

She glanced in his direction as she headed to the kitchen, pouring a glass of juice.

"This marriage…isn't going to work…unless.."

"Marriage?" she said bitterly as she slammed the glass down on the counter. "This…this is a name change…we have the same last names…we share the same house…we now share….the same…bedroom…bed…but…but…this is **not **a marriage."

She could not believe she had blurted out her true feelings.

She startled herself as she stepped back as if the words had wounded even her.

"I'm….sorry…I'm…tired…I…"

He looked quite shell shocked.

The counseling session had been draining as she finally spoke about the first kidnapping.

She left little details out as she admitted the rape at Graham's hand while he begged her to love him.

The conversation was dropped as Grissom turned on his heels and prepared for bed.

Later they lay there in the dark trying to sleep.

He froze when he heard her voice soft and mournful.

"My errands are...counseling sessions," she explained.

It sort of explained her behavior.

He didn't know what to say. He didn't know if it were appropriate to ask about the sessions.

He rolled over and faced her direction. He thought she would be facing the wall but now they were facing each other.

"I will try to…schedule them…later…so I can see Emma…off to school," she whispered.

"You didn't have to return to work so soon…after…" his voice trailed off.

"I've been off long enough," she whispered.

"I know…this…may be…hard…for you," he lamented.

"Emma's school…I sent you a list," she said.

He knew she was changing the subject on purpose.

"We can check them…out…go and see…for ourselves," he replied.

"Good."

"Sara…"

"I…can do this…for Emma," she managed to get out.

His gut twisted.

She had agreed to the marriage for Emma.

He had used Emma as an excuse when in secret he had wanted the marriage years ago.

He felt he had been too late.

"You're a good mother," he whispered.

She rolled over no longer wanting to talk.

The dreams came again as he sat there and gently stroked her hair until she calmed.

"So sorry, Sara," he whispered as he leaned down and softly kissed her on the forehead.

He wanted to kiss her lips, and know what it would feel like to have that kiss welcomed.

He woke later to find the bed empty.

He showered and then stepped out onto the deck and found her sitting there.

"Did Bruno wake you?" he asked.

She shook her head as she held up her phone.

"A case?" he asked.

"Mark Russell," she said

"Graham's attorney?" he asked.

She nodded.

He sat down on the deck.

"Why did he call you?" he asked.

"Graham…" she did not finish.

"I'll talk with him. He's not supposed to have any contact with you," growled Grissom rather angrily.

"Just his attorney…without his knowledge," said Sara.

"And you believe that?" he asked letting the sarcasm drip from his words.

"Graham is in critical condition," she explained.

Grissom looked shocked.

"What…"

"Attempted suicide," she whispered.

He was surprised to see concern in her eyes but he said nothing.

"He asked…if I would…go…"

She stopped as she gulped. "I know he's your brother…but I can't."

"I would never expect **you**…to ever see **him** again," said Grissom quickly.

He looked at her.

She sat there with trembling hands in her lap.

He instinctively reached out to hold them but she scrambled away from him, rushing inside.

"Sara!"

He wasn't certain when he saw the bedroom door close whether he should follow.

He threw caution to the wind as he opened the door, stepping inside.

He glanced around the room but did not see her.

The bathroom door was open and he peered inside but it was empty.

"Sara?"

"Leave…me…alone," she sniffled.

The sound was coming from the closet.

He took a deep breath and opened the door. She sat there huddled in a corner. His hands reached for her and she scrambled away only to be pulled out.

"Don't!" she cried.

She was gently but forcefully pushed onto the bed.

She attempted to break free but he held her.

His hands held her lovingly, easing the fear his closeness evoked.

She lay there in his arms as she cried.

One hand gently and lovingly stroked her hair.

"I'll hold you while you cry, Sara," he whispered.

She did.

She could not seem to stop as racking sobs filled the air.

"Why…the tears…Sara," he managed to get out.

"Some scars…never…go…away," she responded.

His arms tightened around her.

Note from author:

I think Grissom is doing just fine....

Take care!


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty Five:**

An hour passed and still he held her.

Her tears finally slowed and soon her breathing told him she had fallen asleep.

He glanced at the clock and knew Emma would be home soon but he could not seem to let go of her.

When the door finally opened, he gently eased himself from the bed, closing the door behind him.

"Hi Daddy!" she beamed.

"Did you have a good day?" he whispered.

"Yes…Bobby says he likes me…he even played with me," she said.

Emma looked around. "Where's Mommy?"

"She's lying down. She's not feeling well," he explained.

"Could we make a special dinner for Mommy?" she asked.

"I think that would be nice," he replied.

She hid her feelings from Emma as they sat there during dinner that evening.

She avoided eye contact with him.

Sara leaned over and kissed Emma.

"Thank you for dinner," she said.

"Night Mommy," called Emma.

Sara headed toward the door.

"Sara…wait," called Grissom.

He kissed Emma and winked at her before grabbing his jacket.

He followed Sara out the door.

"I thought we could ride together," he said.

"But…I have an appointment…later," she admitted.

He had not thought of that.

"I'll drop you off," he offered.

When she started to protest, he added. "I may work over anyway…paperwork."

Once they arrived, she stepped out of the vehicle and headed toward the door.

Nick waved at them.

Sara struck up a conversation as they entered the building while Grissom wondered how she had become so adept at hiding her feelings.

She was thankful when there was a case to work.

It had been awhile since everyone had been called out to a scene.

Greg was in rare form as he joked with everyone.

Sara grinned once or twice.

It almost seemed normal.

Grissom knew it wasn't.

His brother was in critical condition.

His brother had raped **his** wife….**his **Sara.

His wife had nightmares every time she slept and had grown accustomed to sleepless days and tear stained cheeks.

He'd watched her fall apart.

He'd held her while her body racked with anguish.

He glanced at her now as she shoved Greg, while he claimed injury.

Nick and Warrick chuckled while Catherine lectured them on goofing off on departmental time.

He'd watched her a thousand times before but this was different.

He was watching his wife.

Sara carried his name.

His eyes dropped to the task.

He wondered if she would let him give her more than just his name.

He wanted to show her how much he loved her.

He really did.

The whole idea scared the hell out of him.

_What if she rejects me?_

_What if I remind her of him?_

_What if she wants what I want to give her?_

His phone rang.

Sara's head bobbed up.

He glanced toward Sara as he whispered softly.

As the shift came to an end, she glanced up and saw him standing in front of her desk.

"About ready to go?" he asked.

She licked her lips.

She didn't know how to ask.

She knew he would not understand her need to know Graham's condition.

"The hospital called you," she said gently.

"Yes…there's been some improvement."

She nodded.

He'd tried for the life of him to figure out why Graham's condition matter to her.

It barely did to him.

He'd become Graham's guardian.

It was almost laughable that the brother who had detested him, now put his life in his hands.

"I brought my paperwork," he said holding up his briefcase.

"Look, I could get Nick…"

"It's no trouble," he emphasized.

"But…Emma…"

"I spoke with Emma…she understands," he stated.

She didn't.

She did not know why he insisted on taking her for counseling.

He pulled into the parking lot and looked at her.

"I'll be here," he said.

She disappeared into the building.

He pulled out the paperwork and tried to work on it but his eyes drifted toward the building.

Somewhere in that building she was confiding in a stranger.

He wanted her to feel safe and loved in hopes that she would confide in him again.

He sighed.

The pain he had inflicted ran deep.

He knew it would take time to rebuild that trust.

He didn't know why but he found himself drawn inside the building.

Grissom soon found himself in the lobby.

The receptionist smiled at him.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"My wife, Sara…Grissom…has an appointment," he explained.

"She didn't show," explained the receptionist.

_This can't be happening again…_

Fear gripped Grissom as he glanced around. "I …watched her…come inside."

"She called a few minutes ago…spoke with her counselor…she rescheduled," explained the receptionist.

"Thank you," said Grissom as he rushed to the exit.

He checked the entrance and then headed to the back exit.

He opened the back door and was relieved when he saw her sitting against the wall.

He stepped out and knelt beside her.

"I couldn't…talk today," she said quietly.

"You could have come back to the car," he urged.

"I needed to think," she whispered as her head landed in her hands. "I can't think…anymore."

He felt his heart thudding inside his chest as he listened carefully to what she admitted.

It was the first time she had offered any glimpse into her feelings.

"Want to…talk…to me?" he asked.

"No," came her reply.

She knew it made him angry.

He felt it as a rejection.

"You think this is easy for me to just open up to you? Try telling it to a stranger," she cried.

Her past had been painful the first time around but here lately it seemed as if she were on a merry go round of sorts.

Each moment of her life seemed to return to that time when she trusted Graham and he had violated that trust.

The last thing she wanted was to relive another minute of her past in any shape, form or fashion and Grissom had forced her to do that over and over until she felt that it would be less painful if she handed him a whip and asked for thirty lashes.

At least, it would be done.

The counseling was breaking open old wounds that would take much longer to heal this time and she wasn't sure she had the strength to endure the pain that went with it.

"You're not alone…this time," he whispered. "I'm with you."

She hated him at the moment.

She hated that he wanted to share in her pain.

She would gladly give it to him.

It was funny how much love and hate were closely entwined.

One minute she could feel her soul being lifted above the anguish at his attempts to make their marriage work and then were times, she felt as if he were an anchor that was slowly drowning her.

His eyes pleaded with her as his fingers caressed the palm of her hand.

"I remember seeing blood on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. Richard was crying. He sat down and stared at the blood. I'd never seen him so…lost. I sat down beside him and…held…his hand….that's when I saw a body. I couldn't even recognize who it was…the face was gone. There was one high heel dangling from her right foot. Blood dripped from the hand onto the rug. I remembered when my mother killed my father and how the blood seemed to be everywhere…even on my clothes. I looked down and noticed a sonogram photo lying in the pool of blood. He noticed it then and…he cried harder. He wouldn't let go of my hand. I couldn't let go of his…it was as if I were back there…when…my mother killed my father. He was a lifeline…to the present and I…clung to it."

She swallowed.

She looked up at him with frightened eyes much like Emma.

Grissom extended his hand and she stared at it before taking it.

"Let's go…home," he whispered.

She lay there facing him in the bed.

He lay there in the dark waiting for her to speak.

When she remained quiet, he closed his eyes.

"Sara…how did…the Holmes find out…you were with Graham?"

"He called them….weeks later."

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"I should have known…something was wrong when he began asking questions."

"What kind of questions?" he asked.

"He wanted to know about the seminar I attended. I told him I was interested in Forensics. He laughed bitterly…said I had my first case…but then he cried as he laughed. I glanced down and saw the…the…cuts on his hands."

"Melissa had been beaten…with a hammer. It lay in the pool of blood also. I…remembered getting sick and trying to get away from the smell of blood. It's funny but I don't remember what happened next. I woke up in a bedroom. He was sitting in a chair watching me. He said Melissa deserved to be dead…she had cheated on him…broken their vows...broken his heart…and now she was broken."

Grissom could feel her trembling.

"He spent the next several hours crying…just sitting in the chair while I tried to figure out how to get away. I remember hitting him when he tried to stop me from running out the door. Finally, he put me in the closet…locking it. I pounded and screamed until…I was hoarse. He used my own fears against me."

"Fears?"

"Of being locked away…my father did that…for days," she whispered.

_So sorry, Sara…_

"He finally came back and found me…I thought he was going to let me go. He quickly examined the bruises telling me how sorry he was for having to do that. He told me he'd taken care of the Holmes. They would not worry about me anymore…told them I was going to visit my biological mother. By the end of the week, I had slept little….refused to eat or drink. I could not stand his hands…on my body…while we slept. I don't think he had slept either. One evening, he seemed different. He recounted every word I had ever told him about my past almost verbatim. I must have begun to cry because he began to comfort me while…he raped me. I lost count of days…nights…waiting to die. He knew I had noticed the bruises and cuts on his hands from beating his wife to death and I figured it would be a matter of time before he killed me."

Her voice stopped and he waited for her to begin again.

"He knew I was becoming dehydrated and tried for hours to get me to drink but I refused. Finally one day he opened the blinds and brushed back my hair, telling me Joe would be there soon. He was… along with the police."

The room was dark but he knew she was crying. He felt her swipe at her eyes.

"He was found guilty despite his insistence that he didn't kill Melissa. Joe attended the trial. He went every day while I…tried to…decide what to do…with the pregnancy. I wanted to run…forget it ever happened but no matter where or how far I ran…I still had the baby to consider. Emma was always small…very small….hard to calculate…I… assumed…she was his. We'd used protection while he… One day I saw her on the ultrasound and I couldn't…imagine…harming her…but I hated him…hated him for what he did. I didn't want Emma to know what he did to me. I didn't want her to know her father was a murderer. I didn't want to look at my child and see him. I wanted her to have loving parents but I knew that I couldn't ensure that if I gave her away and left that decision to the State. I had seen firsthand what the State was capable of. The moment I held her I could not bear the thought of never knowing that I had done the right thing or not."

She gulped. "Mom knew me better than I knew myself. She and Dad decided to adopt Emma. That way I would know…could see Emma grow up but Emma would be free from the stigma of being the product of a rape and a mother who was a product of a violent past herself."

"I thought I had done the right thing…until I continued to hold her. Mom was always coming up with excuses for me to hold her…and I did. When she cried at night, I went to her. I did everything except claim her. I kept her identity hidden…I protected her…from me…and Graham."

She gulped. "I dreaded the day I would have to sign her away…even to them. It never came. Dad refused to proceed with the adoption. He said he couldn't bear to know what that would do to his little girl. We kept things the way they were…at least I thought. I didn't know Mom was preparing Emma…in case I…thought that I could be the mother Emma needed."

She took a deep breath. "I know….you…think…that…night…was wrong…but I'm glad…she's yours…not his."

"Sara…"

"Night," she said as she rolled over leaving a huge void between them.

He waited for the dreams.

He knew they would come.

He boldly scooted over and ever so gently stroked her hair.

He felt her body lean back into his.

He scooted closer until their bodies molded together.

He continued to stroke her hair as she drifted off to sleep.

He didn't want to stop.

Her words had been like a vice on his chest and even now he found it difficult to breathe.

She had been through so much and he could not stop from sending up several prayers of thanks to Emma and Joe Holmes.

They had truly loved Sara.

He continued to gently stroke her hair but being mindful not to wake her.

She'd told him more than he had wanted to know.

He could not fathom why she was concerned for Graham's welfare.

He wanted him dead.

When she woke, he was there beside her.

It felt strange waking up with arms and body entwined with another and not feel the need to flee.

She tried to lay there as if she was still sleeping but she knew it was getting late.

She tried to ease herself from the bed but his arms tightened around her and for a brief moment she thought to struggle.

The room was quite dark but she knew it was Grissom.

She knew the feel of his hands as well as the musky scent.

His hand gently stroked her arm and she felt a light kiss upon her cheek.

His hand descended to her waist, settling on her thigh.

Her skin tingled from the feel of him.

She waited for him to descend further but he didn't.

She boldly rolled to her back causing his hand to move inward.

Both lay still, unable to move.

He knew he was in trouble the moment she shifted.

He wanted very much to continue the exploration but forced himself to stop.

He rolled to his back as well.

The warmth of his body left hers sending a chill down her spine.

She quickly rolled to her side distancing herself from him.

The move did not go unnoticed.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

He rolled over.

His hand hovered in the dark above her body.

He wasn't sure whether his touch was welcome or not.

He chose to pull back, resting it on his side.

Her phone rang.

She reached for it in the dark.

"Sidle," she replied.

She took a deep breath. "I'll be there."

She set the phone back on the side table.

"Lab?" he asked.

"A break in my case," she said.

He listened as she tossed her legs over the side of the bed.

He could hear the soft padding of feet and then the click of the bathroom light just as it shut.

Grissom turned on the bedside lamp.

He knew she had slept little but at least it had been a restful sleep as he held her.

She stepped out of the bathroom in record time.

He could not keep his eyes from the long slender legs as she opened the closet and took out some clothes.

She disappeared once more into the bathroom.

When she returned he was in the kitchen.

The smell of coffee floated in the air.

He handed her a mug and she took it.

"I'll call Emma," she said as she headed toward the door.

She forgot her car keys in her haste to escape.

She turned to find him standing there with them in his hand.

She reached for them, letting her fingers caress his as she took them from him.

Without thought, she leaned over and kissed him on the lips.

It took him by surprise.

He tasted of hazelnut coffee.

Her lips lingered there a moment before she disappeared out of the door.

Grissom stood there shocked, wanting more and needing more than he was willing to ask.

Note from author:

Looks like Sara is changing....her feelings...

Take care!


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty Six:**

She sat there in her car, berating herself for her weakness.

She could not resist kissing his lips.

She was sure she had shocked him.

She was also sure he would avoid her at shift.

There was no going back now.

She would just have to keep her head in her work and try to forget the kiss.

She groaned.

It would not be an easy task but then dead bodies and paperwork would hinder any daydreaming she might want to do.

Brass seemed to sense her uneasiness as he made light of their case.

They had been working for hours and getting nowhere.

The interrogation was a complete mess.

Their witness failed to identify the suspect.

She stood there at the interrogation window and yawned.

"Didn't get much sleep?" asked Brass.

"I could have used more…and to think I gave it up for this," she said as she pointed to the argument going on inside the room.

"Newlyweds aren't supposed to get a lot of sleep," chuckled Brass.

Sara ignored the comment.

The officer took the suspect out of the room.

"I tell you I didn't do it!" yelled the man.

"You were always such a lame excuse for a man," wailed the woman.

"Yeah, well at least I could have gotten a better piece of …."

"Hey!" yelled Brass.

Sara stepped back as they tried to separate the two.

The man swung at the woman but Sara grabbed her out of the way.

He became enraged.

The suspect hit the officer sending him to the floor.

Brass tried to tackle him but he lunged for the woman once more sending her sprawling to the floor.

Before anyone could react, the suspect kicked the officer and grabbed his gun.

He pointed the gun at the woman who began to scream.

Brass quickly lunged at the man.

Sara watched in horror as the two struggled for the gun.

The gun fired, sending the other personnel running for cover.

Blood dripped onto the floor as the two continued to struggle.

Brass smashed the man's hand against the wall.

The gun was knocked from the man's hand and slid across the floor.

Sara quickly picked it up and pointed it at the suspect.

By then other officers arrived and handcuffed the man who continued to yell obscenities.

Brass held his arm.

"Jim!" yelled Sara.

"It just grazed my arm," he said as he held it.

Sara yanked the tie from Jim's neck and used it as a bandage.

"I didn't like that tie anyway," joked Brass.

"Well, this is going to be a lot of paperwork," teased Sara as her trembling hands held the wounded arm.

"Sara, I'm okay," he soothed.

She glanced down and saw the blood splatter on the floor.

She stepped away from it pulling Brass along with her. "Hospital…I'll drive," she ordered.

She stood in the waiting room, waiting for Jim to return.

She was told he would need a few stitches along with a shot in a rather embarrassing spot.

She offered to hold his hand but he offered to kick her in the same embarrassing spot if she did not leave.

She knew it would be awhile before Jim would be released.

She had no idea why she suddenly stepped into the elevator and pushed the button to the 4th floor.

Once it opened, she stood there not sure if she could step out but she found her feet walking down the hall.

She knew the room.

Mr. Russell had told her.

She'd even seen it jotted down on a slip of paper on the counter at the townhouse.

She wasn't sure whether Grissom had visited Graham and she didn't want to know just as she didn't know why she now stood outside his door.

He turned his head and saw her but he merely turned away.

She stepped inside the room, immediately noticing the leather straps that held his hands.

She saw the raw abrasions where he had attempted to get free.

She stood there quietly.

He kept his eyes diverted to the window.

The room was deafly quiet.

Her eyes finally drifted to his face.

A single tear slipped down his cheek.

There was no way he could wipe it away.

He was helpless to cover his true feelings.

For a brief moment she saw what had attracted her to Graham in the first place.

He was so much like Grissom.

His hair was the same color as Grissom's.

He even had the same deep blue eyes.

There was that glint of vulnerability in his eyes that Sara recognized.

She'd seen that a time or two in Grissom's.

It was because of these similarities that she had been drawn to Graham.

He had offered her comfort during a time when Grissom had hurt her deeply.

She had given herself to Graham freely only to have that trust twisted into something ugly and sinister when she discovered he was a married man with a pregnant wife.

Despite her attempts to break it off with him, Graham had been persistent in rekindling their relationship, vowing to end his marriage.

Sara had felt guilty for Melissa's death.

She had berated herself for getting involved with Graham.

She would have been mortified had she known the blood relationship between Graham and Grissom during the pregnancy.

Now, she glanced down at him strapped to the bed.

He was harmless and yet she feared him.

He had hurt her far worse with his lies than what he took by force.

"Are you happy to see me this way?" he whispered.

She shook her head. "No one deserves this."

Her honesty ate at him.

"I deserve much worse for hurting you," he cried. "We were happy until.... Melissa never loved me. She loved Grissom. I just wanted **you** to love **me.**"

"You can't force someone to love you," she whispered.

"I thought you did…you were so hurt by Grissom…for leaving like he did. I held you while you cried and then we…I thought you loved me."

She swallowed the lump in her throat.

She didn't.

She couldn't.

Despite Grissom's callous behavior, she'd always loved him.

She had used Graham much like Melissa had done.

She had used him to get over Grissom.

She had intentionally slept with him because of the similarities between he and Grissom.

She had closed her eyes and pretended it was Grissom that was holding her.

It had worked….until she opened her eyes and saw what she had done.

She had liked Graham.

They had much in common.

Both had been used.

Both had been battered as a child and sought solace from their demons.

She had not let herself face these facts since the abduction and now, the feelings were too much to bear.

He turned now to see a single tear slip down her face.

He stifled a sob.

"I can't comfort you," he said.

He tried to hold up his hand to swipe at the tear but the leather straps held him down.

Suddenly he became agitated and a look of horror crossed his face.

She stepped back, unsure what had seemed to upset him.

"Blood…Sara…what happened?" he asked.

Sara glanced down at her clothes.

She had not even noticed that in the process of bandaging Jim's arm, blood had seeped onto her blouse.

"Jim…was hurt. I brought him here," she explained. "Not mine."

He stared at the blood as if he were remembering another time.

"I found her in a pool of blood. I tried to stop it but…it didn't matter. She was dead."

"You have to let your attorney help you," she said.

He shook his head. "Doesn't matter."

His anger rose. "I swore if I ever got away from…**them** I would never be bound again…look at me now…still trapped…still bound…still..." He shook the bed violently as he tried to break free.

His wrists began to bleed.

"Graham…you have to stop. If you don't they'll drug you…stop…struggling," she pleaded.

She glanced at the call button and wondered if she should push the button.

She was surprised she had managed to just step in without anyone noticing.

He thrashed one more time and she heard a loud snap.

She stared in horror at his injured wrist.

"Richard stop!"

He stopped struggling.

His body convulsed with sobs as Sara stood there in tears.

She sat down in the chair beside the bed and forced herself to take his hand.

She held it while her other hand gently stroked his hair.

His sobs slowed but her tears continued with his.

She slowly pressed the button but continued to stroke his hair.

A nurse appeared.

"You're not permitted in here without…"

"Someone should be with him…not strapped…like this," Sara barked.

"We were shorthanded…we couldn't leave him unattended," replied the nurse.

"Get a doctor in here…he's broken his wrist. Call his attorney," Sara ordered.

"Are you family?" asked the nurse.

"Yes…I am. I'm his sister in law," she answered.

A doctor appeared and examined the wrist.

"I know this may look cruel but…"

"**It is cruel** and you will not strap **him** down again. If your hospital can not furnish adequate staff then notify his attorney so Mr. Graham can be moved to another hospital."

"His wrist will need x-rays," said the doctor.

"His attorney is on his way," reported the nurse.

Sara glanced down at Graham.

He released her hand, pulling his own back.

She stood.

"Don't….come back…Sara," he said as he shut his eyes not wanting to see her leave.

She watched as he tensed at the needle inserted into his arm.

"Why did you do that?" she yelled.

"He needed to be calmed," replied the doctor.

"He was!" she yelled as she watched Graham.

His eyes became dull.

There was no fight, no will, nor any desire to communicate with them as the doctor began to talk to the nurse as if Graham did not even exist.

She fled to the elevator.

The door opened and within a minute she was back in the waiting room.

She sat down, trying to soothe her nerves.

She could not seem to stop shaking.

Grissom rushed into the emergency room and spotted her immediately.

His eyes widened at the blood stained blouse.

"Were you hurt?" he asked.

She shook her head. "A bullet crazed Jim's arm. I tried to stop the bleeding."

She seemed odd but there was no time to question her as Jim stepped from behind the doors.

"Are you alright?" asked Grissom.

"A little embarrassed over the shot in the ass but I'm good," he said glancing at Sara. "So, Kiddo, since my good arm is injured, are you going to help with the paperwork?"

She sat there with her hands folded.

Her eyes were fixed on the floor.

"Sara?" called Grissom.

"Hmmm?"

Grissom didn't know what to make of her odd behavior as he turned his attention to Brass.

"I'll drop you off at your place," said Grissom. He then turned to Sara. "Maybe you should…go home."

"I'm fine," said Sara as she headed out the door.

Grissom and Brass exchanged glances.

As soon as his feet entered the lab, he went in search of her.

He eyed the board and saw that she was still in the lab.

He grabbed his messages glancing through them but one of them stopped him dead in his tracks.

He fumed as he began his search for her whereabouts.

As he turned the corner he caught sight of her with Greg.

"Sara!"

His voice was harsh.

She turned and from his expression she knew the conversation would be far from pleasant.

"So…what did you do to set off the…hubby?" smiled Greg.

"Later," she said as she walked toward Grissom.

His hand took her by the elbow.

They did not stop until they were in his office with the door closed.

"Want to tell me what I've done?" she asked.

He handed her the message.

Her face turned blank.

"You visited him?" he asked.

"I …"

"Sit down," he barked.

He sat down in his chair and glared at her.

"I instructed his attorney to have no contact with you and now you're visiting him in the hospital."

She sat there trying to explain her actions.

She wasn't sure she could.

"Why?"

"I uhm don't know. I looked into the room and saw that he was strapped to the bed. I stepped inside and…"

"According to the attorney you berated the nurses and physician for his lack of care. You ordered them to contact him."

"I just walked in there…no one was watching. I could have been anyone…I could have easily have set him free. A patient is not supposed to be strapped like that…and left alone. He was. His wrists were bloodied. I heard his wrist snap…I pushed the call button."

"Sara…"

"He was being treated like an animal…strapped down."

"And what did he do to you?" he yelled. "He raped you!"

His voice carried outside the office and he regretted it. Sara stood, trying to calm her fury. "You should have been a little louder. I don't think Doc in the morgue was able to hear."

She turned and started for the door but he stood quickly.

"Sara, stop."

"What do you want me to say? Did you expect me to gloat that he was being punished? I hate him for what he did but…they were far worse to him as a child….who was there…to help **him**? You don't understand…what it's like…to be…treated like that."

He came around the desk to stand in front of her. "No, I don't but I don't want him to use that as an excuse to get to you. He got away with kidnapping and rape by spending just four years in a mental institute and then he kidnapped you again. He's going to get out again. What happens the next time?"

"There won't be a next time," she whispered. "He's going to kill himself the first chance he gets. He's given up. He let the monsters in his past win."

She slung open the door and marched out, ignoring the stares from the others.

She grabbed her jacket as she peered into the break room.

"Let's go," she called to Greg.

She did not wait for him but continued out.

Greg glanced at Nick. "I've never seen either of them so angry," muttered Greg.

"I wouldn't want to be Grissom when they get home," said Warrick. "Someone is going to be sleeping in the dog house."

"Yeah, by the looks of Sara, she's gotten little sleep lately…no thanks to Graham," griped Nick.

Grissom shut his door, letting it slam.

Catherine walked down the hall but stopped when she heard it.

"Wow, who ticked off the bugman?" asked Catherine to Hodges.

"Trouble in paradise," whispered Hodges.

Greg attempted several times to start a conversation but Sara kept busy.

Once the investigation was completed, she packed up her kit and threw it in the Denali.

The evidence was logged by both.

Nick saw them and waved.

"Wrapped up the scene pretty quick," he replied. "Anyone for dinner?"

Sara walked past him.

"Cold as ice," whispered Greg.

She sat down on the bench and stared at the locker.

"Boy, you've seen better days," muttered Catherine.

Sara leaned forward and fumbled into her locker.

She did not need anything but thought the locker room was a safe place to hide.

She could not get the sight of Graham out of her head.

She had hoped he was getting better.

She now knew the truth.

Deep inside she felt just as warped as Graham.

Deep inside, she had hoped that he would overcome his past.

She wasn't certain if she could overcome hers and that truly frightened her.

At least, she would have a moment of solitude to gather herself.

Unfortunately, she was wrong.

"Problem…in paradise?" asked Catherine.

Sara shut the locker. "Catherine…my private life…is private."

"My friendship with Gil…is not. He's not been his self ever since…"

Sara turned to face Catherine.

"I'm not discussing this with you," she said.

"I was just going to offer…some advice," sneered Catherine.

"Advise? Did you ever get locked…in a closet because you forgot to hide when your father came home? Did your parents ever fight until the cops were called and one was dead? Did you ever spend time in the foster care system until you thought you were no one? Did your mother ever consider you a possession rather than a living thing? Did you ever think you could possibly be like everyone else and have someone love you except they didn't… and the one moment in your life that mattered was a mistake? Were you ever kidnapped and then…raped by someone you trusted? Did you ever marry because it was the only thing you could offer your child because you felt completely broken by the crap in your past?"

Sara started to turn but stopped. "Did you ever come to work and stare at a body and know that just maybe that even though they're dead, they had a better life than you? What advice can you give me Catherine?"

Catherine's jaw dropped as Sara grabbed her jacket.

Sara turned and came face to face with the rest of the unit.

"Now you know my private life," she said quietly as she hurried past the others and out the back door.

Warrick and Greg tried to recover from the shock while Nick ran after Sara.

Note from author:

Wow, what a place to end the night....we may have to post another one...to end it better.....much better...

Take care!


	27. Chapter 27

**Note from author:**

I am going to release another chapter so we can end the night on a little happier note...LOL. Don't disappoint. Leave a review for both. I am contemplating upping the chapters to three a day because I have to leave on Friday and will not return until Sunday night...no internet folks....I really want to end this before I leave because I don't like to leave readers hanging in the breeze. I am so nice to you guys but then it's reciprocated.

There are a total of 40 chapters. I combined a few.

Take care!

**Chapter Twenty Seven:**

She leaned against the building as she tried to catch her breath through the sobs.

"Sara!"

She quickly held up her hand, warning Nick to stay away.

"It's just me," he soothed.

She threw her hands up in the air.

"Come… to the diner," he pleaded. "We can talk…or just get something to eat."

She shook her head.

"Want me to get Grissom?" he asked as he stepped closer.

"He doesn't get it," she cried.

"What doesn't he get, honey?" Nick asked as he leaned against the building by her side.

"He doesn't….get…**me**….or Graham."

"So…tell him," said Nick, not sure what to make of the cryptic talk.

She took a gulp of air.

Grissom stood near the back door.

She hid behind Nick.

He glanced over his shoulder and saw Grissom.

"You want me to get rid of him?" he asked.

"I'm sure he heard about the blow up…I'm sure he'll recommend counseling…so I'll get better," she muttered.

Nick turned to her. "You're one of the strongest persons I know. You're just a little rattled right now. Sara, you have a right to be…you've been through hell."

Grissom remained standing at the door.

It was obvious he was concerned.

Nick glanced over his shoulder again. "I think he knows you're here. He's your husband…he's shuffling…he only does that when he's worried."

"Just a name," she cried. "Not my husband…I'm not his wife…just a name…for Emma."

Nick finally caught the meaning.

He stepped forward and she crumbled into his arms.

He held her as her tears soaked his shirt.

He glared at Grissom who stood there looking quite jealous and rather…mournful.

"Let's…go get something to eat," he urged.

"Got to get back to work," she sniffled. "Only one break…down…permitted during each shift."

"Are you going to be alright?" he asked.

"Just fine," she muttered as she wiped her sleeve across her face and headed to the door.

Grissom had disappeared.

She half expected him to be standing just inside the door but he wasn't.

She made a bee-line for her desk.

There was an assignment sitting on it and she grabbed it as if it were a life line.

She rushed out of the lab, jumping into her car before she realized, she had not bothered to wait for her partner.

She gulped when she noticed the initials on the slip.

_Grissom…_

He stepped out of the building with his kit and walked up to her vehicle.

"I'll drive," he stated as he hesitated by the driver's side.

He did not wait for a reply but headed to his vehicle.

She took a deep breath and slid out of the vehicle, grabbing her kit and jacket.

She was seated into the passenger seat within minutes.

Neither spoke as he drove to the site.

As soon as he arrived, she jumped out, grabbing her kit but skidded to a halt when his hand clasped down on her arm.

"It's more than a name change," he said as he walked past her, leaving her to gape at him.

She kept her distance as she chose a room and processed the evidence.

Slowly they finished the house and then packed up their gear.

He glanced at his watch.

Shift was almost over.

Sara was already on overtime.

They logged in the evidence and he watched as she fled from his sight.

He did not pursue her as she drove to the townhouse.

She stepped inside and found it empty.

Sara rechecked her watch as she walked to the kitchen and checked the fridge for a note from the nanny but there was none.

She was about to panic when the door opened and Grissom stepped inside.

"Where's Emma?" she asked.

"I called and had Marry take her out for breakfast before school," he said, setting the keys down on the counter.

"I wanted to see her."

"I wanted you to calm down," he replied.

Sara took a deep breath. "Where did Mary take her? I'll join them."

"We need to talk," he urged.

"I want to see Emma," she insisted.

"You can see Emma this evening," he countered.

"No!"

"Sara, our talk is long overdue…that's my fault," he said.

Both glared at one another.

"I want to talk with you…about what you said to Catherine," he began.

"Catherine told you," she muttered.

"No…she didn't. I was in the showers…I heard…you."

"She's always butting in…wanting to know…things…I'm not sharing my private life…."

She stopped.

She had been so angry she had divulged everything to not only Catherine but to the unit in a fit of anger.

"Well, at least you can't send me back to counseling…you're not my supervisor…and I'm already there."

He let her calm down a moment.

"Are you ready to talk?" he asked.

"Fine! Let's talk," she snapped at him.

She sat down on the couch in a huff.

Grissom marched over and sat down across from her in a chair.

He leaned forward. "If I were your supervisor I would put you on a leave of absence after that tirade. As your husband…"

"You're not my husband!"

"We're married," he pointed out.

"On paper…nothing more."

"Our marriage…is what we make of it," he said quietly.

She fell back on the couch as if she had been slapped.

"What…have we made of it?" she asked. "You didn't even ask…for me…you proposed the subject of marriage because of Emma. We suddenly shared a name, a house, a child, and then a room and a bed…an occasional kiss…what have we made of it?...a mockery."

His jaw twitched but he remained quiet for a moment.

"I made a mistake," he said.

She flew from the couch faster than he could grab her.

"Sara!"

"Don't! Just leave me alone!"

"Not until we've talked this out," he insisted.

"Talk? Why? You just admitted getting married was a mistake? When did you realize that? Is it getting too hard to hide from our daughter that you don't love me or did you realize I'm too broken to fix?"

"I didn't say that," he yelled. "Sit down!"

She saw Grissom but she heard Graham.

The anger was the same.

She backed away immediately.

He saw the fear flash across her face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. Please…sit down," he said softly.

She slumped back down onto the couch.

Her knees were shaking and she quickly pulled them together.

"I made a mistake…by not letting you know how I felt about you."

She gripped the end of the couch.

"I used Emma as an excuse…to get you to marry me. I didn't think you would…after what I'd done…blaming you…for keeping Emma from me. I realize you were trying to protect all of us at the risk of hurting yourself, emotionally and physically. I'm sorry."

Both were silent for a moment. "I know those words may seem hollow to you but I am…**sorry**."

She knew he was choosing each word carefully.

"I know…we…haven't…I know…this doesn't seem…like a marriage to you…but it does to **me**. I want this to work…I'm willing to do anything…to make it work…for…**you**….not Emma."

A droplet fell to her cheek but he quickly swiped it away.

"I've been waiting…letting you get used to me…to us…hoping that you would let me…touch you again."

She had.

The few moments when he had caressed her skin, or held her body had slowly begun to chip away at the pain.

With each loving stroke of his hand, she felt herself wanting to love him again.

"You said…I didn't understand…you…or Graham," he said.

She looked shocked.

She only said that to Nick.

"I learned to read lips," he explained.

She glanced down at her hands.

"You said in the hospital that Graham mistook friendship….for love…he desperately wanted what he'd never had before….you said…you understood."

His hand lifted her chin. "You're not like Graham. **I do…love...you**."

He expected a smile but there was nothing but doubt.

"I understand…what it's like to have someone admit their love but you're too afraid to believe them…because you've got to risk…everything…again…risk being hurt…again…I did that to you." He took a deep breath. "Sara, I do…love…you."

He leaned forward and gently kissed her as he wiped her cheeks once more.

His lips remained on hers, waiting and hoping that she would give him another chance.

Slowly, her lips opened and he deepened the kiss.

Both clung to the other as they continued until they reluctantly separated but it only led to another kiss followed by another.

He felt hands in his shirt and then her fingers on his chest.

He gently pulled back.

"Do you trust me, Sara?" he whispered.

Reality slammed into the past and she tensed.

"I want this…to be…right…when…you're ready," he explained.

He kissed her once more before he pulled her up.

His hand led her to the bedroom.

Her stomach did somersaults with each step.

They went about their routine.

Each showered and changed, taking their place in the bed.

He rolled over to face her.

She rolled over to face him.

"Can…we…start…here?" he asked.

"Grissom…."

He leaned over and kissed her but pulled back before they got carried away.

"I'll wait…for as long as it takes for you to trust me again," he whispered between kisses.

He scooted over and pulled her into his arms.

"Night," he whispered.

She didn't want to sleep.

She wanted him.

Her hands rested on his chest.

By his even breathing, she knew he was almost asleep.

"I want to trust you," she whispered.

His eyes shot open but he did not say anything as she curled her body into his and slept.

She woke before he did.

Her leg was nestled between his.

She stretched innocently rubbing her thigh against his.

It was a mistake.

She immediately felt his arousal and she froze.

Her head lay still on his chest as she listened to the steady rhythm in his chest.

Her head tilted upward and she blushed when she found dark eyes staring at her.

She started to ease away when he rolled.

She found herself pinned underneath him.

She would not be able to retreat unless he released her.

She tried to shift but the movement was another mistake as she had positioned herself directly beneath him.

All he had to do was merely nudge her legs apart and they would both be at the point of no return.

He shifted purposely moving himself to the side.

His eyes roamed down her body and suddenly she was very self conscious.

The top was cotton thin as well as the bottoms.

His hand rested on her shoulder as he leaned in, kissing her softly on the lips.

As soon as his lips found hers, his hand slid down her arm and found itself on her midsection.

His warm hand slipped underneath the top and she sucked in air.

She pulled him down, deepening the kiss.

His hand caressed her breast.

He felt her tremble as he cupped it.

As soon as his lips left hers, it plucked the tender breast.

One suck and she was already arching toward him.

He pulled her body tight against his.

His phone rang and both suffered.

He forced himself out of the bed.

"Grissom."

He glanced back once and then stepped out of the bedroom, shutting the door.

Sara crawled out of the bed and into the cold shower.

When she entered the bedroom again, the smell of coffee told her there would be no further coupling.

She followed the aroma and smiled when he handed her a cup of coffee.

"I've got a case," he said.

"I'll explain to Emma."

He showered and dressed while she sat on the deck and watched Bruno.

He stepped outside.

"I'll see you this evening," she said.

He started to leave but stopped. "I'm not sure how long I may be."

"Okay," she replied as she walked him to the door.

Just as he opened the door, her hand shut it.

He turned and she quickly pushed him against the door, slightly pinning him.

She kissed him letting her tongue explore his mouth.

She grinned when she heard the slight groan escape his mouth.

She stepped back and licked her lips.

"Be safe," she whispered.

He bumped into the door as he made his way out.

He'd never been kissed like that and wanted nothing more than to attempt that kiss again.

She turned her back when Catherine entered the break room that evening.

"Listen, Sara. I was way out of line last night. I didn't mean…"

"Don't bother," replied Sara. "I've…been on edge…you sort of knocked me off."

"Sorry," Catherine stated, sounding genuine.

Greg stepped in. "If you want me to tackle her, I will," he said to Sara pointing at Catherine.

"You're with me tonight," warned Catherine.

"Like I said, I can tackle her," said Greg reversing his finger to point at Sara.

Sara reached out and bent his finger causing him to yelp.

"This is abuse," he whined.

"Here, let me," said Catherine as she took hold of the finger and led Greg out of the room.

Sara stood there grinning.

"Hey, anyone got coffee?" asked Brass.

"You should be at home," she announced.

"Yeah, well, I would, if there was someone to hand me a beer and a bag of chips…so I figured I might as well come in," he grimaced.

Sara poured him a cup of coffee.

"I heard about the blow up," he whispered. "Catherine can be a…."

"Over it," she announced.

"Just let me know if you need me to…"

Nick stuck his head in. "Hey, anybody know what Grissom is working on?"

Sara shook her head. "He just said it was a case."

"Well, it's not on the board," said Nick.

"Maybe Catherine knows…or Judy," suggested Sara.

Once they were alone, Sara looked at Brass.

"Spill it," she whispered.

"What the coffee? McDonalds was sued over spilt coffee," he teased as he eased himself to the door.

"Jim…where is Grissom?"

"He's meeting with his brother's attorney. The San Francisco D.A. is reopening the murder case of Melissa Graham."

"What does that have to do with Grissom?"

"Graham alleged that Grissom had an affair with his wife."

Sara knew that.

"Graham's attorney is going to try to divert the attention off Graham by pointing the finger at Grissom."

Sara bristled.

Grissom did not brutally kill Melissa.

It was preposterous.

"She used both of them," replied Sara.

"They want a sample of Grissom's D.N.A."

"Why?"

"There was semen found in Melissa...consensual…if it matches Grissom then it confirms Graham's story about Melissa…they also want to see if the unborn fetus belonged to Grissom."

"It doesn't."

"You trust him?" asked Brass.

"Of course!"

Brass smiled.

Sara stared at him.

Realization dawned on her and she blushed.

"You have good taste in men…almost. I'm better looking," he winked as he handed her the empty coffee cup and left.

Note from author:

What do you think is coming up since she just admitted she trust Grissom???

Take care!


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty Eight:**

She tried to not to worry as she waited for him to come into the lab.

She listened to Hodge as he rambled about her case when she happened to glance up and see him go into his office.

Brass soon appeared, going inside and shutting the door.

She wanted very much to join them but knew the conversation was private as the door remained closed.

As shift ended, she expected to see him but he had hurried out of his office and into a meeting with Ecklie.

She grabbed her things and hurried home.

She was just about to say goodbye to Emma when he stepped into the door.

He picked up the small child and kissed her.

"You look tired, Daddy," she said.

"I am but I'll be ready to go bug hunting with you this afternoon," he promised.

"Could we find a butterfly?" she asked.

"It's a date," he announced.

He kissed her once more and set her down.

Sara waited until the door shut to look at him.

"I heard about the D.N.A. sample," she said.

It was as if a grenade had exploded.

He scattered from the room.

She stood there confused.

Later, she lay there in bed as he rolled to his side.

She expected him to face her but she received his back.

She quickly did the same.

The sexual tension was overpowering as she found herself longing for his touch.

It did not come.

"Night," she whispered.

He grumbled something which frustrated her even more but she kept to her side.

An hour passed and she was wide awake.

She purposely stretched, hoping to find some warmth from his side but it was cold and empty.

She sat up immediately.

"Grissom?"

"Here," he called.

She was startled to find that he was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room.

"Why…"

"Go to sleep," he urged.

"You…want…to…talk?" she offered.

The 'no' was emphatic causing her to throw the covers over her head and cursed inwardly.

She lay there trying her best to pretend to sleep.

She cursed even further when she heard the door open slightly and then close.

Sara whipped off the covers and charged toward the door but stopped.

_If he wanted to talk, he would have, Sara…_

_But… why the change?_

_Is there something more that he's not telling me?_

_What if the test came back positive?_

_What if he had an affair with Melissa?_

_What if it was his child?_

_He obviously loved her, proposed to her, had been intimate with her…_

She let go of the door knob and stepped back into bed.

She pulled the covers up tight around her as dark notions hovered in her head.

After several hours, she finally tossed to his side, pulling his pillow tight against her chest and slept.

She practically fell out of the bed as she scrambled from the sound.

She did not realize it had been a scream until Grissom emerged from the other room.

"Sara?"

She pulled her long slender legs inward as she sat there in the bed and tried to regain her composure.

"You alright?" he asked.

She nodded although she was far from convincing anyone at the moment.

Her hands were clammy and she wiped them on the cotton top she wore.

He stood there in the doorway, waiting for her to calm down.

"You want…to…talk…about it?"

She glared at him.

He sighed.

He knew neither of them had slept well and he was responsible.

"I didn't like…you looking into Melissa's murder investigation," he sighed.

"I wasn't! If you had **really **talked with Brass then you know I have kept away from it…You should have told me that they suspected you!" she spat. "I shouldn't have to hear it from someone else."

She sat there in the bed and brought her knees up to her chest.

She was ready to do battle.

She was ready to protect herself from his assaults but they did not come.

He merely sat down on his side of the bed and answered in a gruff voice, "I didn't mean to…hurt you. It's just this investigation...has brought back...some very painful memories."

She could not help for wonder if there was something he was holding back, something he didn't want her to know.

"Sara…"

He was interrupted by her phone.

"Sara" came her reply.

"I'll be there," she said tossing the covers out of the way and then standing quickly.

She flipped the phone off.

"That was the school. Emma is sick."

"I'll go," he said. "I'm already dressed."

"She asked for me," replied Sara. "I'm going."

They were back within an hour.

Grissom was waiting on them.

One look at Emma and he lifted her into his arms.

"Tummy hurts," she wailed.

"I'm sorry, Emma," he whispered as he kissed her.

"The teacher said it's a virus that has been going around," explained Sara.

Emma lay in her bed. "Medicine tasted awful," she whined.

Grissom grinned.

"Trash can…by the bed," indicated Sara.

Grissom sat down beside Emma and began reading her a story.

The little girl's eyes fluttered a few times and then shut.

Grissom quietly left the room.

Sara stood in the kitchen with a coffee mug in hand.

She watched as Bruno played in the backyard.

"She's asleep," he whispered.

Sara nodded but did not look in his direction.

He was quiet for a moment. "Sara…"

"I'm going to stay with her," said Sara. "I've already called Mary."

The sound of retching got both of their attention.

Sara lay in the bed with Emma while Grissom disposed of the trash can.

"Feel Better?" asked Sara.

"My stomach still hurts," cried Emma.

"Daddy will be back with the trash can in a moment," assured Sara.

Sara felt of the child's forehead.

It was cool to the touch.

She grabbed Emma's favorite book and began to read.

Grissom returned, sitting down on the bed and listened.

He'd memorized the book but still it was comforting to hear the story through Sara's voice.

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

Were you scared?" she asked.

"Scared?"

"When the bad man took you," explained Emma.

"That was a long time ago," she whispered.

"But you still have nightmares," said Emma.

"Try to go back to sleep," whispered Sara.

"Did he hurt you?" she asked.

Grissom stepped forward, "Time for bed."

She waited until they were outside the bedroom. "I'm staying…there's no need for you..."

"I'll do some paperwork here," he reasoned.

Sara shrugged as she disappeared with Bruno.

An hour later, she stepped into the house with Bruno.

She slipped off her running shoes and released the dog.

He immediately ran to the water bowl.

Grissom sat in the chair with some files.

He glanced over his glasses but said nothing as she grabbed a bottle of water and then disappeared into the bedroom.

He later heard the sound of the shower.

She emerged minutes later and he listened as she crept into Emma's room to check on her.

"I think she's feeling better," said Grissom.

"She should be well enough to return to school tomorrow," she replied.

"You didn't get much sleep, why don't you try to get some?" he offered.

She plopped down on the couch. "You didn't get much sleep either."

Both stared at one another.

She finally looked away. "I could…handle the conversation…with Emma."

"I know," he said softly.

She seemed a bit self conscious suddenly as he eyed her.

"Your……dreams…are they about…him?" he asked.

"No."

He was a bit skeptical until she added. "I dream…about…us."

His eyes widened and he leaned forward.

"Those are bad?"

"I dream…you're…him."

The files dropped to the floor.

"I'm not," he said sounding hurt.

"Dreams…are never…real," she countered.

"But they're reflections of what you fear," he added.

"I trusted…him. Even when I saw the blood on the floor and her body…I didn't think he'd done it."

"Why?"

"His eyes."

Grissom almost snorted. "Not very scientific…of you. You can't tell whether a person is a murderer by his eyes."

"True…but he never diverted his eyes…kept eye contact…he was either telling the truth or…is a sociopath."

"And you ruled out sociopath?"

"If he had wanted to kill me…he could have…he didn't. He was…emotionally withdrawn…at first."

"Sara…he called you….kept you prisoner…lied to the Holmes….he…"

"I know what he did!" she said angrily, getting up from the couch.

"I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't!" she yelled feeling the guilt she had felt for sleeping with Graham before Melissa's murder.

"Your...voice…tells me…I did."

"I know what he did to me…what did he do to you that made **you**…hate him?"

"I don't hate him."

Grissom's voice was barely audible.

"Melissa was a user…she used both of you."

"Melissa is not the reason…"

"Then what?"

"You!" he boomed. "He hurt **you**!"

She swallowed. "He hurt **me**…not **you**."

_I slept with Graham because you spurned me…_

_I used him much like Melissa used him…_

"Is there a difference?" he asked as he raked his hands through his hair.

It was a mannerism she had noticed with Graham.

"He does that…when he's frustrated," she pointed out.

She regretted it the moment she said it.

He quickly stopped.

"You're alike…and then you're not."

She had no idea what she was doing.

Her mouth suddenly was in overdrive and seemed to have a mind of its own.

"Comparing us?" he glared.

"No," she gulped.

The accusation sent her fleeing from the room.

He sat there wondering what had just happened.

Grissom started to rake his hands through his hair and cursed.

She was not prepared for him to charge into the room.

She had just settled in the bed when he opened the door and shut it with a thud.

In three strides, he was there in front of her.

"What do you think you were doing?" he asked.

"Nothing," she whispered.

He took another step until he was inches from her.

She braced herself, trying not to cringe.

"You…said…once…that I felt…like him," he said.

"I trusted…you both…you…both…hurt me," she barely said above a whisper.

"I thought…we…decided…to put…that behind us?"

"I am…we are…I didn't mean…I don't want to be the reason…you turn…your back on your brother."

"I did that, years ago…just like my mother," he said sitting down on the bed.

"I wasn't comparing…you…just noticed…things," she explained. "I'm not excusing…what he did…I…can't…forget that."

Grissom sighed.

He was tired.

"Maybe we should both sleep," she said.

He was in bed within minutes.

He rolled to his side and faced her.

She did the same.

His trembling hand cupped her face as he leaned in and kissed her.

"I don't regret…that night…we spent together," he said. "I only regret I couldn't offer you…what you needed…then."

"I just…needed… you."

"You needed more than just that night…I wasn't sure I could…give you more…too afraid…of getting hurt myself."

"I wouldn't hurt you," she said suddenly.

"I know that now," he smiled sadly.

She gasped when his fingers slid between her legs to touch her intimately.

It was intense, sending flashes of molten fire coursing through her veins.

She was sensitive to every touch of his fingers.

She felt the tears stinging to be set free as she shut them tight riding out the emotions that erupted.

She knew he had been injured in life as deeply as she had.

She wanted him to trust her intimately.

It was a challenge for both of them but if she could get him to let her in then she felt they could both heal.

It was a huge risk for both but there was so much to gain.

There was something so special about their coupling.

It was lustful but gentle and came with some murmurs of encouragement and kisses that sizzled against skin.

He leaned in and kissed her.

She felt the slight nudge of his tongue and she opened, letting him deepen the kiss.

He pulled back but she pursued him, grasping at his neck.

His hands gently pulled her back.

Frustration hit.

The separation was only brief.

His body covered hers as he rolled to the side pulling her close to him.

"We…haven't….talked…about this."

"We haven't…done this."

"I didn't want…to push you," he explained.

"You're not," she assured him.

A grin crept across his face but faded. "Birth control?"

She felt quite juvenile. "I'll get a prescription."

"You…don't use contraceptives?" he asked.

"I'm…not…no need…until now," she announced, feeling rather embarrassed.

His hand cupped her breast sending chills down her abdomen.

"Condoms…in the drawer," he said. "I…don't…but I got them…just in case."

He returned the blush.

She made the first move, not wanting to leave it up to him.

He was much too slow for her increasing desire to feel him inside her.

Her hand tugged on his shirt.

It was discarded and her hands slid down his chest.

He caught it in midair as she attempted to tug on the pajama bottoms.

She gasped when she felt her top stripped away.

Her bottoms were yanked and she lay there nude beneath him.

She fidgeted, not sure about the upper hand he'd managed but he shifted once more and soon he was completely naked.

He laid there, intent to let her adjust to the feel of his body on hers.

She wanted far more as she shifted herself and his body froze.

He closed his eyes as he fought the urge to sink into her, hastily fumbling into the drawer.

She waited until he opened his eyes as her hands grasped his face and she tenderly kissed him.

He lost himself in her as he let go.

She arched letting him fill her completely.

With each thrust, she matched it, as they both gave in, to the burst of colors that exploded as she felt him fill her.

She lay there not wanting to release him but he shifted his weight.

The loss of his body warmth caused hers to shiver as he sat on the edge of the bed.

His departure and silence frightened her.

She quickly grabbed the covers and pulled them up.

His hand grabbed hers and he kissed the palm.

It still did not relieve the tension his departure caused.

She heard his feet as they padded off to the bathroom.

As soon as the door shut, she fumbled for her clothing and buried herself into her side of the bed.

Her heart thudded loudly as she tried to make sense of what had just happened.

She thought he had enjoyed their lovemaking.

It was obvious she brought him to orgasm but his behavior did not give her any reassurance that he had really enjoyed it.

The door opened and she felt the bed give as he lay down.

The silence was deafening.

"Sara…did I hurt you?"

It was a strange question.

She'd just been pleasured beyond words.

"No!"

She rolled over to face him.

"Did…you…you got up…I'm…not that…experienced," she admitted.

He quickly grabbed her to him. "I tried…not to remind…you…of him."

She felt a huge tug on her heart as she tried to console him. "I'm sorry," she cried. "I didn't mean…"

He kissed her softly on the lips.

He rolled his body so that he hovered above her. "I think this is hard for both of us."

"You're…not…him," she sniffled. "I never meant to…"

He kissed her again. "It angers me…every time…I think about what he did…to you."

His hand stroked her hair as he lovingly kissed her on the forehead.

His lips found hers and she pulled him on top of her.

He gasped when he felt her hand gently stroke his erection.

It was all he could do to stay focus on ensuring they did not get carried away.

He was soon making love to her once again.

This time he remained by her side as he covered them both.

"Sara…have you…been…with someone…since…then?"

She shook her head.

His lips kissed hers.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty Nine:**

The next morning, Mary arrived as usual.

Emma was quite talkative as she tossed the ball to Bruno.

"You think we should let her go back so soon?" he asked.

"Maybe she just had a slight case of the virus. There's no fever or vomitting. She ate more than her share of the pancakes."

Grissom laughed.

"She wants to go…something about Bobby…and a bug hunt," added Sara.

"Sara…about the private school…she's finally made friends…and…"

"I agree. I don't much like the teacher but she's not there to learn…just be a child…play."

"And go on bug hunts with Bobby."

"Whose father did not leave and is not sleeping on the couch," added Sara.

Grissom grinned. "Couches should never have been invented…at least not for that."

"Couches could be used for other things," she whispered for his ears only.

Grissom gawked following her hips as they swayed back and forth into the kitchen.

He imagined how many ways they could use the couch.

Sara glanced in his direction.

His breathing halted as she gave him her Sidle smile.

Marriage life was good.

Shift was slow.

She spent most of the time reviewing cold cases.

Grissom had been seen a few times as he went from one meeting to the next.

She picked up her messages from Judy's desk and noticed the manila folder in Grissom's.

She knew it was the D.N.A. results.

She took his mail and headed straight to his office, tossing the messages and the envelope onto his desk.

She started to leave when she glanced back at the envelope.

She took the envelope, shutting the door and sat down on the couch to review the contents.

She already knew the results.

She wondered how Graham would react when he discovered the fetus belonged to him.

She stared at the results.

The door opened and she stood quickly.

Grissom shut the door.

His eyes drifted to the envelope.

"Did you see what you needed to see?" he asked harshly.

"This is not what you think! It's just that…I thought…"

"Why the need to look at the results?" he asked as he grabbed the report.

She felt completely embarrassed. "I looked because after reading the diaries, I thought the baby belonged to Graham. I never believed…her."

She started to walk past him when his hand caught her arm. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just…that…Graham's attorney is going to give him a copy of the report."

Grissom seemed genuinely concerned for his brother. "I'm not sure he's emotionally capable of handling the truth…that the baby was his."

She nodded.

No doubt, it was going to be a huge set back.

She wanted Graham to get better.

She wanted to see him defeat his demons.

"I've decided…to visit him," he said looking at her reaction.

"Like I said, I don't want to come between you…he needs help."

"Sara…I don't trust him…I don't want you…around him."

She nodded.

She started to leave but he held onto her hand.

He brought it to his lips and kissed her palm.

Sara licked her lips.

Grissom leaned in to kiss her just as Nick walked in and caught the interaction.

"I can come back," he offered with a grin.

"You can come in," said Sara with a grin as she left.

He got home before she did.

He'd pulled out the same time she did.

She had waved and then drove away.

He finished the glass of juice and then headed into Emma's room to wake her.

Mary was busy preparing her backpack.

Sara rushed into the house.

"Did he wake Emma yet?" she gasped.

"Good morning, Mommy!" called Emma.

"Hey little bug," she smiled. "I'm sorry I'm late. I had to pick up something." She held up a bag of doughnuts.

They ate breakfast with Emma as she told them about her night.

They stood there and waved as Mary took Emma to school.

As soon as the door shut, Sara lifted the bag from her purse.

"Prescription," she announced.

"Doughnuts were a bigger hit," he smiled.

"Maybe for Emma…but this is better."

"Have you ever been on birth control pills before?" he asked.

"First time," she announced.

"Maybe…we should consider…our options," he said.

"Options? It's this or these." She held up a box of condoms.

"You got both?"

"It's recommended for the first week," she explained. "Besides, I think we used a condom…that night."

"Yes but…we sort of…didn't…later," he admitted.

"So…it's your fault I got pregnant?"

He stepped back. "I think it is."

She flung herself into his arms. "I should thank you then."

Her lips gently touched his but then she found herself against the wall.

His lips parted hers and she felt a rush of pure adrenaline as she felt his hands slip under her blouse.

"You're welcome," he whispered.

She grabbed his hand as she pulled him to the bed.

The door shut as Bruno sat there at the door with the food bowl in his mouth.

The day was spent in bed.

Each took turns exploring their lover's body and enjoying the bliss of newlyweds.

Eventually exhuastion won out and they slept a few hours before the alarm went off.

Sara stretched and then grabbed her robe.

She took the prescription to the bathroom.

She placed a reminder sticker on the mirror.

She giggled when she felt him grab her midsection.

It was good to hear her laugh.

He whirled her around into his arms.

"Emma will be home soon," she breathed liking the closeness of him.

He saw the sticky note.

"Maybe you should put them in your purse," he suggested.

She turned to look at him.

"Double shifts," he reasoned.

"Right," she said as she took the prescription out.

"I'll try to remind you," he grinned. "We wouldn't want…to forget…we might end up with…another Emma."

He smiled as he kissed her nose.

She grinned followed by smiles.

The smiles later faded as the bout of nausea hit.

She'd been on the job for less than a few hours when she leaned against the Denali and thought she might contaminate the crime scene if she entered.

Nick glanced at her. "You okay?"

"Emma came home with a twenty- four hour bug…she's better but I think she may have given it to me," Sara moaned.

Nick stepped back. "You stay on your side…I'll stay on mine."

She wasn't much better in a few hours.

Her head began to pound.

She contemplated leaving but then the call came in of a multiple gang shooting and she knew if she did not help, it would be hours before Grissom would be home.

She hid the pain as she stepped out of the vehicle with Nick.

Grissom's head bobbed up.

He waited until she was nearby.

"Did you remember?" he asked.

She turned and headed back to the Denali to take her prescription.

He chuckled as he began to work.

They had been working for six hours when they finally finished.

Sara stood and braced herself from the dizziness.

"Sara!" Nick grabbed her arm.

He stood there letting her get her bearings.

She slid down onto the pavement as she waited for it to pass.

She leaned back with her eyes closed, hoping it would pass.

A cool cloth swiped across her forehead.

She opened her eyes to find an overly concerned Nick.

"Emma's virus," she muttered.

"You don't look well, honey," he whispered. "Grissom just left. I'll call him…"

"Don't! He has a meeting with the undersheriff. I'm feeling better," she lied.

"Let's get you back to the lab. Can you walk?"

"Just a little dizzy," she said.

His arms supported her fully as he led her to the Denali.

Once inside the passenger side, she leaned back wishing the nausea would go away.

She was relieved when the dizziness left.

She insisted on helping Nick turn in the evidence.

As soon as they were done, he ordered her to wait for Grissom.

"I can drive," she insisted.

"Grissom would have my hide if I let you leave," he said.

"Fine. I'll stay in his office," she countered.

He watched as she stepped into the office, closing the door.

She laid down on the couch and felt much better.

She dozed for an hour but was awakened when Grissom's phone rang.

She sat up and glanced at the caller I.D. and saw that it was Mr. Russell.

She sighed.

The phone stopped ringing and she settled back down only to jump when it began again a few minutes later.

She glanced at the caller I.D. and saw that it was Russell again.

"Grissom's office," she replied.

"I need to talk with Dr. Grissom," he said.

"This is…Sara. He's in a meeting."

"Graham's doctors want to talk with Dr. Grissom about his brother. He's been very despondent ever since he demanded a copy of the D.N.A. results."

"I'll have Grissom call…"

"Graham…refuses to accept medical treatment…he's not eating or drinking…I thought his brother could persuade him…to let the doctors help him."

"Grissom and Graham…do not...I'll relay the message."

"Mrs. Grissom…would you consider visiting with him? He seemed to do much better when you came. He was responding well to counseling and then this happened."

"I'm not sure…"

"Just five minutes…talk with him…then perhaps we can get him to start eating again. They won't discharge him from this place until then. I have a residential facility lined up but I'm not sure how long they're going to hold the slot."

Sara sighed. "When do you…want me…talk with him?"

"Now would be a good time. He's still recovering from the surgery on his wrist…not eating…isn't helping."

She glanced around.

She felt lousy.

She also knew that when Grissom returned he would be going to the hospital.

If her visit would help both Graham and Grissom then she could manage five minutes.

She just wanted to be home with Grissom and she knew that would not happen any time soon.

She scribbled a note on his desk before she left.

The nap seemed to have helped as she climbed behind the wheel and drove to the hospital.

By the time she got there, she regretted her actions.

The nausea had returned as well as the mindless throbbing in her head.

She'd made it to the floor when she heard the attorney speaking with Graham.

He sat there on his bed and refused to take his medication.

"Graham…I can't get you out of this place unless you cooperate…want to stay here another week?"

Graham said nothing as he sat there, staring out the window.

Facing Graham was the last thing she wanted to do at that moment.

She started to turn away when Mr. Russell caught sight of her.

"Mrs. Grissom…come in," he called.

She squared her shoulders as she stepped inside.

Graham glanced over at her. "I…asked you not to come…anymore."

"This will be my last. Take the medication…eat…unless I was wrong and you did kill Melissa."

"I didn't!"

"Then stop blaming yourself. You've blamed Grissom all these years and now that you know the truth, you want to…lash out at someone…but you don't know who that someone is so you deprive yourself."

"I didn't hurt…her," he said. "Even if the child wasn't mine…I wouldn't have hurt her."

His hands gripped the bed. "But the baby…was mine! She lied…to me…about so many things."

She leaned against the wall trying to hold on.

"Who do you believe now…Melissa or…Grissom?"

Phillips phone rang. "If you will excuse me, I'll be right outside the door."

Sara glanced around.

She'd been alone with Graham before but this was different.

He was not restrained.

He was sitting on the bed just a few feet from her.

He edged himself further off the bed until he was merely leaning against it and was surprised when she did not make any attempt to move away.

"You feeling okay?" he asked.

She knew she was in trouble the moment the throbbing in her head was joined by the dizziness and blurred vision.

She pushed her back fully against the wall as she tried to ride out the wave of dizziness.

"Sara?" Graham asked again as he stood.

"Get…Grissom," she said as she felt herself falling.

Graham grabbed her just as she slipped from the wall.

"Tell me what's wrong," he ordered.

"Dizzy…head hurts," she bent over as if she were in pain.

"Abdominal pain?" he asked.

She nodded.

He was weak himself as he held her against the wall.

Her blouse slipped upward and he noticed the red blotches on her stomach.

"Look, we're both going to fall…it's the bed or the floor. Which do you prefer?" he asked.

"Sit me down…on the floor," she said.

He let her gently slip down into the floor until she was leaning against the wall.

He grew alarmed when she seemed to lose consciousness.

He quickly tried to assess her condition while he yelled for Russell but was surprised when the door swung open and Grissom rushed in.

He pushed Graham away from Sara as he grabbed her into his arms.

"Get away from her!" he yelled.

"I didn't do anything," Graham grieved as he grabbed the call button. "She just collapsed…is she on any medication?"

Grissom did not reply but attempted to wake her.

She opened her eyes and stared blankly in his face.

"Sara…what happened?" he asked.

"Grissom?"

Graham grabbed her wrist despite Grissom's protest and checked her pulse.

He then did a quick check of her vitals.

"Gil…is she on any medications? This looks like an allergic reaction…notice the red blotches."

"Just…birth control pills."

"New prescription?" he asked.

"Yes…two days," he said, glancing around as a nurse entered the room and rushed over.

"Get her down to the emergency room now! It's a reaction to birth control pills. Her symptoms are indicative of a possible clot."

Grissom jerked his head around to look at Graham.

"She complained of abdominal pain, headache, blurred vision and dizziness. That's almost a textbook case of a reaction to birth control pills….that can lead to clots… she needs to be observed closely. Check her blood pressure."

The nurse quickly went into action while they waited for a gurney.

She glanced at the men. "Her blood pressure is high."

"Is he right?" Grissom asked the nurse.

"Yes…he is."

Grissom lifted Sara when the gurney arrived.

She felt quite foolish as she lay there in the emergency room. "It's just the stomach virus," she reasoned.

"Dr. Graham was correct with his diagnosis," said the emergency doctor. "You had a reaction to the birth control pills. You should be fine in a few hours but I would recommend another form of birth control…maybe check with your gynecologist about alternative methods…maybe a different kind of birth control."

"Clots…what about the possibility of clots?" asked Grissom.

"We'll keep her here for a few more hours and if the symptoms start to dissipate then we can let her go home."

Grissom sighed.

They were home in a few hours.

Mary had already taken Emma to school.

"You should have come home…Emma is going to be upset that we've been gone for so long," she said.

Grissom said nothing as he rummaged in her purse, locating the birth control pills and threw them in the trash.

He said nothing but glared at her.

She'd seen that look before and usually there was quite a temper to follow.

"Russell called your office…he wanted you to talk with Graham…I knew you were tied up so….I went…we'd both worked over…I was just trying to help."

"Don't!"

"He …didn't do anything wrong," she reinterated.

"What he did before…is reason enough for you to keep your distance."

"I'm sorry."

The anger slowly seeped from him. "How do you feel?"

"Tired. Nausea is gone…that's a relief. I remember when I was pregnant with Emma…I was sick for weeks…"

She stopped not wanting to dredge through the past.

"Did you have any complications during the pregnancy?" he asked.

It was something that neither had spoken about.

Their eyes locked. "Not knowing…that was enough."

Both were quiet for a moment.

"I'll get an appointment with my gynecologist and…"

"We could…see what happens," he said.

She stared at him.

"I'll get the appointment this week," she declared.

He came closer to her. "We…both…don't regret…Emma."

"I think we're both tired," she said no longer comfortable with the conversation.

She attempted to slip by him in order to enter the bathroom but he caught her hand.

"Do…you…want…another child?" he asked.

"It's not that easy," she breathed.

"Why not?" he asked.

"A baby is much more work…we're not having this conversation," she announced.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Our schedules are…difficult…Emma barely has enough time with us," she breathed. "She…just…got…us…I'm not sure she would want to share…us."

"Why not?" he asked.

She was getting irritated.

"There's a lot to consider…our jobs, this house, Emma, our ability to give a baby what it needs…I'm just not sure…that's possible."

"Why…not?" he asked.

"I'm not…ready…for this," she admitted.

He opened his mouth but thought better of answering.

She disappeared into the bathroom.

He sat there flipping through Emma's baby book.

She returned, crawling into bed, facing the wall and hoped he would drop the subject.

"Are you…going to get an appointment?" he asked quietly.

"Yes."

"We could…just use…condoms," he offered. "Then…when…you're…ready…to…did you want children?"

She rolled onto her back. "I never gave it much thought…but then I became pregnant…I had to think about it…no…I didn't want children…I was afraid of becoming like my real parents…I'm so thankful I had the Holmes…to teach me…how to love…unconditionally."

Grissom lay there beside her. "Sara…I know I said some things…I didn't mean them…I…"

"Yes, you did. You…were…right. I never should have left Emma…even if I did go back and forth…it was hard on her…the insecurity is still there…that's my fault."

"You're a good mother…Emma is a great child because of that…not just because of the Holmes."

Doubt flickered in her eyes and he kissed her gently on the lips. "Let's…just…keep our options…open."

Grissom could feel her turmoil even while he held her.

She would not admit it and he could blame no one but himself.

His words had done more damage than he could have done with his hands.

He knew just how to hurt her and he'd done just that.

Now, he could not seem to remove the doubt that raged within her.

He cupped her face in his hands as he leaned in kissing her with everything he could muster.

He wanted her to feel how much he loved her.

He wanted his actions to say what his words could not.

More importantly he wanted her to know how he wanted to make up for every hurtful moment he had ever inflicted.

"I love you," he whispered.

Note from author:

Ah, Grissom is getting it right....most of the time. Some have asked whether they are practicing safe sex and the answer is yes...sorry folks...

Take care!


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty:**

"Griss…about Richard," she began.

"I want to help him…but he's not getting back into our lives," he said firmly.

"He needs…a family…you."

"He needs psychiatric help…then he needs to get…his own life…far away from us," he declared.

"I'm not advocating he…come…around Emma…or me…but you could…agree to visit him…get to know him."

"I know him, Sara."

"Do you? All he has ever wanted is to belong…to a family…have someone care for him…he's never had that."

"You sound…as if you…care about him."

She threw back the covers and sat upright. "I care that a small boy was abused for most of his life…he was physically, emotionally and sexually abused…that boy **is your** brother…I'm not excusing what he did…I understand he was…not…himself…when it happened…but I'm not sure I can ever forgive him…I won't forget. I just think he…could…get help…help others…like us."

Grissom stiffened.

He caught the "us" immediately and reached for her but she shrugged off his hand.

"Sara…it has to be his choice…you can't force him to help himself."

"He just needs to know that someone…cares…I had the Holmes….he had no one."

"Honey, I think you're comparing yourself…to him…too much…You are nothing like Graham."

"He wasn't given a chance…I was…when does he get his chance?"

"Graham had chances…I tried to reach out to him…he ended up in bed with Melissa…he married her…he had a life."

"Both of you let Melissa come between you. Melissa used both of you. Melissa never cared for either of you….at least not Graham. She may have had regrets…about you…"

"Let's….not talk about this," said Grissom.

He knew he had hit a sensitive nerve when she thrust back the covers and padded off to the kitchen.

He followed watching her hips sway back and forth as she helped herself to a glass of juice.

She turned and glared at him.

"Melissa meant nothing to me," he whispered.

"She almost had your name," she pointed out.

"You have my name," he whispered coming to pin her against the counter with his arms.

She was startled when she felt his hands on her waist.

His hand inched underneath the cotton gown.

He slid the panties down her long legs and let them pool at her feet.

"You have my name and my heart," he whispered.

She was not prepared to feel his finger dip gently into her.

Her head tilted back letting a soft moan escape.

Her eyes closed at the sensations that he was stirring within her.

She felt his body step away and she opened her eyes to find him no longer standing in front of her.

She gasped when she noticed he had slipped to his knees and soon she felt more than just fingers.

Sara leaned against the kitchen counter while Grissom gently tongued her.

She rode wave after wave of pleasure.

She was afraid they would get carried away but grinned the moment she noticed that Grissom had come prepared.

The condom packet lay on the counter.

She wasn't sure when he had lifted her so that she sat on the counter.

She had merely zoned out everything except the excruciating pleasure he was giving her.

His pants dropped to the floor beside her panties as he nudged her legs apart and slipped into her with such ease.

Her legs wrapped around his body as he plunged inside her.

Sara lifted her bottom only to feel another stroke bury him deeper inside her.

He filled her completely and yet they continued, letting each stroke push them further and further until they both climaxed in unison.

He pulled her from the counter and let her feet slip back to the floor.

This lovemaking had been quite different.

It had been quite powerful and had shifted their emotions to another place that each did not know existed.

It was the most erotic and yet intimate lovemaking either had ever felt.

Neither would be able to enter the kitchen and not remember this moment or feeling of euphoria.

Grissom stepped away for a moment to discard the condom but returned as if to do battle.

"My feelings for you are different than any I ever felt for Melissa," he said.

She stood there trembling, not from the cold but from the lingering effects of their lovemaking.

His own body still pulsed.

One sight of her long slender legs in nothing but the shirt had aroused him.

It had almost been primal but then she had turned to look at him.

He saw the unshed tears and it made him almost gasp.

He had wanted to worship her body as he made love to her.

Now, they stood there still trying to recover from the intimacy.

She offered a slight smile.

His hand slipped into hers as they returned to the bedroom.

He slowly moved her into his arms.

His lips nuzzled her neck.

His thigh covered hers and she felt his desire.

Chocolate orbs stared into sparkling blue ones.

His head dipped down and kissed her navel.

His tongue flicked in and out of the small crevice and she moaned from the pleasure.

His beard scratched its way down to her thigh as he left a trail of kisses.

Every nerve was heightened by the intensity of his foreplay.

His lips kissed her inner thigh and she almost lost control but she remained still, letting him wreak havoc on her body.

His hands branded her skin as he slid them down her body until two fingers dipped inside her.

She finally grabbed his head, forcing him up to her lips.

He suddenly found himself on his back as she straddled his body.

Her kisses were urgent and erotic as her tongue flicked in and out causing him to reverse positions once more.

In one fluid motion she landed on her back with him poised to enter her.

Her eyes widened as she felt his erection dip inside her.

"Gil…"

He withdrew briefly but then plunged once the condom was in place.

Afterwards, she lay there beside him.

"I know you probably don't like…condoms…but.."

"I don't mind," he said.

"But…"

"Like I said, we should keep our options open…someday…you might not want me to stop."

"I never took you to be the family…type," she whispered.

"I wasn't…until I met you…and you gave me Emma…I can't imagine not having another child with you."

She gulped. "Sometimes, your mouth does all the right things."

His boyish grin caused her to giggle as his hands descended on her body once more, pulling her against him.

"Stop squirming," he whispered.

"You're tickling me," she gasped.

"A minute ago **it…**didn't tickle," he said.

She tried to lay still but soon squealed when his beard nuzzled her neck. She giggled. "You're doing that on purpose."

"I think you're over sensitive," he grinned as he kissed her lips.

He lay there still beside her as he held her.

She finally lifted her head to gaze into his eyes.

Their eyes met.

"Emma…looks so much like you," he whispered. "She captured my heart the moment I looked into those dark eyes."

His hand caressed her cheek as he kissed her forehead. "Sara…do you…trust…me…now?"

Her eyes widened by the question. "Yes…I do."

He was quiet.

She tilted her head further to stare at him.

"You think I don't?"

"I just thought…that…maybe you didn't…want to have another child…because…you haven't forgiven…me."

"I…have…it's just…this…is…all…new," she whispered.

She took a deep breath. "A few months ago we were barely speaking…I felt like I was walking on egg shells around you….then Mom and Dad die…Emma comes to lives with me…and…" Her dark eyes looked up at him. "If…my parents…hadn't died…I think I would still…be walking on egg shells."

"I'm sorry…I never knew…how to…do this. I was never good at relationships."

"You …were once engaged."

She hadn't meant to bring the conversation around to that again.

His hand gently took hers. "She…more or less…decided on marriage…I just sort of went along with it. I didn't say no but then I didn't say I wouldn't. Marriage scared me. I saw how my father's infidelity had hurt my mother. I didn't want that to happen. I mean…I thought my parents loved each other…very much and then…we find out my father had broken his vows. I wanted to hate him…for what he did. After I met Melissa, I liked not being alone but then when I found her in bed with Graham…I didn't mind being alone again. It was easier, simpler…less painful."

He glanced down at her.

She tried to hide her insecurity.

"Sara, I loved you…that night…in San Francisco…I've loved you ever since…I know I never showed you…hid from you…pushed you away…I'm sorry."

She nodded slightly.

He pinned her down in the bed but was mindful of his weight.

His lips devoured hers.

He dragged his lips from her mouth and softly whispered in her ear. "I've always wanted to make love to you…touch you…wanted you…wouldn't let myself…have you."

She was quiet.

He kissed her softly on the lips.

His hand stroked her hair as she closed her eyes to hide the moisture that threatened. "I know I've hurt you…I've felt it…I love you…not just because of Emma…just **you**…understand?"

She nodded.

He knew she did not believe him.

It was his fault.

He'd been quite cruel at times over the years despite his desire to just keep his distance, protect his heart, his sanity but it was a losing battle each time she came near him.

He thought he could settle for companionship at work.

He knew it was a mistake the moment he turned around and she flashed that Sidle smile.

He molded his body to hers as they settled in to sleep.

He jerked awake from the nightmare and sat upright.

Glancing over, he was relieved to find Sara still asleep.

He wiped his forehead as he tried to slow his heart rate.

It was the third time he'd had the same nightmare.

He took in a ragged breath as he remained sitting on the edge of the bed.

It was rare when he dreamed and he knew the nightmare was his own self conscious screaming at him.

His hand still shook.

He jumped the moment her hand caressed the middle of his back.

"Gil?"

"I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

"I missed your body," she whispered as she stretched. "What time is it?"

"It's early. Go back to sleep."

"Are you okay?" she asked as her hand continued to caress his back.

He slid back into the bed pulling her body up next to his.

"Go back to sleep," he whispered as he kissed her lovingly on the forehead.

"You sure you're okay?" she whispered.

"I won't be if we don't get any more sleep," he teased.

She was asleep again within minutes but he lay there sifting through the nightmare.

It was always the same.

He'd come home to find Sara's lifeless body on the floor with Graham standing over her bloodied body.

_Sara is convinced he didn't kill Melissa…_

_What if he did?_

Days turned into weeks.

He continued his visits with Graham.

It was on one of these visits that Graham tossed him a grenade.

It was unintentional but its effect was hard felt.

"You seem quiet," said Graham.

"I've been busy at work," lied Grissom.

He had not been sleeping well, waking from the same dream.

Graham eyed him. "Anything wrong….with you and Sara?"

Just her name on his lips bothered him.

"Sara is none of your business!" he snarled.

Graham was surprised by his brother's sudden protective behavior.

"Grissom, I know I hurt Sara. I can't excuse it and I won't pretend that it didn't happen but I will never do anything to hurt her again."

Doubt was evident on Grissom's face.

"It's true! I never intended to hurt her in the first place."

"You did."

Graham fidgeted.

"I know what I did," he grieved. "How do you think that makes me feel? I loved her the moment I first saw her. She flashed that smile as she stood there with Joe Holmes. All I could think about was getting to know her."

His admission startled and angered Grissom.

He knew Graham had feelings for Sara but his admission of love sparked a feeling of pure hot jealousy.

Graham caught his glare.

"Do you think I didn't love her?"

"I think you mistook Sara's friendship for something…"

"It could have been more than friendship…but Melissa ruined it."

"Melissa was your wife!"

"My wife loved you but she loved my money. No matter what I did, it wasn't good enough. I gave her anything she desired and yet she pined away for you! There were times when I caught her drinking and it was those moments when she let me know just how much she desired me. You have no idea how many times I had to drag some guy off her in a bar so I could drag her home and the whole time she would kick and scream, telling me how I wasn't nearly the man you were! When she couldn't get pregnant, it was my fault…and I believed her. She made me feel like a failure in everything."

He threw a book he had sitting on his bed.

"She lied from me from the beginning and was only trying to find a way to get out…with my money still attached to her purse. I never did anything to hurt her despite her cruel and hateful actions."

The thought of Sara falling into Graham's deceit angered Grissom.

"Your friendship with Sara was based on lies."

Graham bristled.

"I didn't bed her and then skip town before she woke…you did that! Do you have any idea how much that hurt her?"

Grissom was surprised that he knew such details.

"There were reasons why I…couldn't stay," said Grissom.

"You could have called her. You could have returned her calls. She called you for days and you did nothing. I was there…when you chose not to be."

"Sara offered you friendship…only. You took it to be much more."

"In time it could have been more," he said quietly. "I didn't intend to sleep with Sara until Melissa and I were divorced but it just happened…afterwards, I couldn't bring myself to tell Sara about Melissa. It happened once. I swore to myself that I wouldn't let it go any further until Sara knew about Melissa."

Grissom's head shot up.

_Sara slept with Graham willingly?_

Sara had not told him about her relationship with Graham before the abduction and rape.

"When Melissa came home that day and told me she was pregnant with my child, I was floored. I decided to break it off with Sara. I had no intention of deserting my child despite how many problems Melissa and I had." His eyes flashed in anger. "There I was ready to give up the one thing that felt right in my life in order to stay in a loveless marriage."

Graham leaned against the wall.

"She then confronted me about Sara."

"I didn't lie. I told her I had been unfaithful but I would never see Sara again. I wanted her and the baby."

He took a ragged breath.

"You know what she did? She laughed at me…said I wasn't man enough to get her pregnant and that the baby belonged to you."

Their eyes locked.

"I actually felt relieved. I told her I wanted a divorce. She told me the only way she would give me a divorce is with a check with lots of zeros to bank. I didn't care. I wanted out at that moment. I wanted a life…with someone who really cared about me. I tried to get to Sara…to explain but Melissa beat me to it. I tried to talk to Sara…to explain but she wouldn't return my phone calls…wouldn't see me…I knew I had hurt her. I came home and told Melissa I would be out of the house by that night and that I never wanted to see her again. I would let my attorney handle the details. She could have the house…everything. She was quite livid. She said some things…quite hurtful…so I slammed my fist into…the wall. I never touched her although for the life of me it was all I could do not to grab her and…she'd been quite cruel and mean to Sara. Sara never said a word about it but her father did when he practically threw me off the front porch when I came by and demanded to see her."

Graham stopped talking when he noticed Grissom had grown quiet.

It was then the realization hit Graham.

"You didn't know that…Sara and I had…."

Grissom looked quite betrayed.

"It's the past," Graham said quickly. "She loves you…never me."

Grissom grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the room while Graham's fist connected with the wall.

Note from author:

Well, you know that was going to come out sooner or later...poor Grissom...

Take care!


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty One:**

She felt his eyes on her before she even turned to see him.

She picked up the field kit and glanced across the crime scene.

He spoke softly to one of the officers while his eyes remained fixed on her.

She felt a bit uneasy under his scrutiny.

It was obvious he was upset about something.

Later, she caught him near the Denali and approached him with caution.

"Hey," she whispered.

Grissom glanced up at her but continued placing the evidence bags into the vehicle.

"Everything go okay…with Graham?" she asked.

"Yes. We talked quite a bit about…the past," he said stepping back, trying not to let his anger and hurt show.

He cursed inwardly when she stepped closer to him.

"You okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," he lied.

"Funny…but you seem angry," she countered.

She glanced around and saw that they were alone.

Her hand gently reached to cup his face but she was stunned when he pulled back.

"Gil?"

"Not here," he warned.

She glanced around and there was no one to see their interaction.

She turned on her heel and stomped off, biting down the urge to kick him.

They'd promised to discuss their feelings and now here he was, hiding like he used to do and sidestepping any attempt at affection from her.

The coolness did not change when they arrived home.

They kept up the façade until Emma went to school and then before he could head toward the bedroom, she blasted him.

"What have I done?" she asked with arms folded.

"Sara…I'm not ready to talk. I'm tired and just want to sleep."

"We agreed we would talk…I think I've been holding up my end of the agreement."

"You want to talk? Fine! Tell me what happened after I left San Francisco!"

Anger practically oozed from his pores.

She stepped back.

"You left. I tried to call you a few times but you never returned my call."

"Did that give you the right to jump in bed with my brother?"

Her face lost all expression.

He stood there heaving as her brain attempted to formulate a sentence.

When she did not respond, he stomped out of the room like a wounded animal and sought refuge in his study.

The door shut with a loud bang.

She stared at the door of his study as she tried to breathe.

She'd seen enough fights in her lifetime to know that it was dangerous to enter a small room when someone was angry.

She'd learned not to follow but rather to hide or escape.

She could not believe her actions when she boldly went after him.

She stepped into the office and shut the door with equal force.

His head snapped up.

She sat down in the chair across from him.

"Tell me Grissom, when you came back to San Francisco, were you celibate? Did you sleep with anyone else after spending the night with me and then taking off without even a goodbye?"

Dark eyes glared at blue.

He hadn't.

In fact, he had found himself in a few embarrassing situations after San Francisco trying to rid his desire for Sara.

He had failed miserably.

"How many women did you sleep with?" she asked.

"Why him?" he managed to get out.

"I didn't know he was your brother!" she spat.

He knew that as well.

He just couldn't understand why she would give herself to Graham willingly.

"Why him?" he asked again, sounding rather hurt.

She sat there trying to calm down before answering.

"He'd come over to the house a few times and Dad introduced us. Dad was hoping to distract me…from you. He knew I was still rather upset about your departure. You had been gone for several days and not bothered to return my calls so I finally gave up. Your silence told me you had gotten what you wanted."

"That's not…the way I felt," he said quickly.

"How was I supposed to know? It's not like you explained your sudden departure or refusal to answer my calls. Besides, it's a risk you take when you jump into bed with someone. You get screwed."

Grissom's eyes darkened.

Sara stood suddenly and began to pace. "I hated the way you had treated me. It was cruel and yet there was Graham." She stopped and took a deep breath. "He reminded me of you. Both of you were almost the same age, blue eyes, same hair color, same I.Q. probably, both of you highly dedicated to your jobs….only Graham…was like me. He understood…a violent past."

She glanced to see the shocked look on Grissom's face.

"I told myself that jumping out of bed from one failed relationship into bed with someone who reminded me of the first failed lover was a mistake but at the time I just wanted to be…with **you**…so I settled for Graham. Did you hear me Grissom? I settled for Graham...not that I wanted **him**. I knew it was wrong the moment he touched me. He wasn't **you, **Grissom! Even when I shut my eyes tight and tried to pretend it was you, I knew it was wrong."

She turned and faced him as she swiped at her eyes. "I felt guilty for using Graham to get over you. I had cheapened myself but worse I felt I had betrayed a nice guy." She laughed as she cried. "Imagine my surprise when I found out the truth. I called and left a message for Graham to meet me at the coffee shop. I was going to tell him what I had done…beg for forgiveness....I was so naive. Instead of Graham, Melissa showed up. She was quite angry that I had slept with her husband just after she had discovered she was pregnant. I was mortified. I left the coffee shop just as Graham arrived. I left the two of them in a heated argument while I scurried away to lick my wounds."

"Graham called several times and when I didn't return his calls he began coming by my apartment so Dad had me stay at the house for awhile. He showed up one night and demanded to see me. Dad was quite livid. I told Graham that I had no intentions of having a relationship with a married man. Graham said he would take care of it…fix it. He told me that Melissa had confessed to getting pregnant by someone else and that he was going to get a divorce. It didn't matter. I could never trust him again."

She swallowed hard. "He called me…rather upset…said he needed me to come to his house. I initially told him no but then I could hear him crying. He said he needed to talk with someone so I went. You don't know how many times I berated myself for doing that….so now you know the rest of the story."

She opened the door and left.

Sara leaned against the door as she tried to force air in and out of her lungs.

She jumped the moment she heard the lamp crash against the wall.

She bolted, grabbing her keys off the counter and had made it to the front door when the office door swung open.

"Sara..."

He was surprised to see the keys in her hand and the look of fear.

"I'm sorry. I didn't like finding out from Graham."

She stood there not sure whether she should leave for awhile or try to talk further with him.

Her experience as a child in a violent home told her to flee.

Her hand began to turn the door knob.

"I would never hurt you," he said trying to reassure her.

"Old fears are hard to break," she whispered.

Both stood there unsure of what to do.

"It's been a long night…let's just get some sleep," he finally said.

She nodded but remained at the door with the keys in her hand.

He wasn't sure whether he should try to come near her.

It had not been his intent to frighten her.

Slowly she returned the keys to the counter and then headed to the bedroom.

Each prepared for bed without a word.

Gradually they managed to fall asleep.

The alarm woke them later.

Sara lay there as Grissom padded off to the bathroom.

An hour later he emerged in boxer shorts.

They glided past one another as she took her turn in the bathroom.

Normally he would have slipped his hand into hers and kissed her but each remained distant.

By the time Sara stepped out of the shower, Grissom had already dressed and disappeared with Bruno.

When he returned, he found her removing the broken lamp.

"I was going to do that," he said.

"I think it was broken because of me," she replied.

"Sara…"

He didn't know what to say.

He could not shake the bit of jealousy he felt.

It bothered him to have these petty feelings and yet just the mere thought of Sara letting Graham touch her sent his pressure into triple digits.

Memories of finding Melissa with Graham still hurt.

Even though he had never really loved her, the betrayal hurt.

He had gotten close to Graham.

It was what stung the most.

Graham was his flesh and blood.

He had trusted Graham and that was something he never thought he would do.

"I don't have feelings for Graham," she said matter of fact.

It should have made him feel better but it didn't.

She did not know how to comfort him.

His explosive outburst still bothered her.

"How do I make this better?" she asked.

"I'm not sure you can," he admitted.

It hurt.

She threw her hands up in the air as she turned away but his hand caught hers.

She froze.

Dark chocolate orbs pleaded with blue.

"Every time I look at him now, I'll see you with him."

She almost gasped from the pain.

"How do you think I felt when you slept with Lady Heather?"

He was surprised that she even knew about Heather.

It had been a moment of weakness on his part when he wanted to feel connected to someone after the death of his mother.

Only a few knew about his reason to go out of town at the last minute.

He'd only told Catherine since she would need to cover for him.

He intended to tell no one else but Lady Heather was quite perceptive.

He and Sara had not even had a civil word between them that week but the moment he got the phone call informing him of his mother's death he had wanted to run to her and seek solace there but then it would mean opening himself up to her.

He had not been ready for such a move.

He was more afraid of her rejection because of their strained relationship.

Hell, they had no relationship except boss and employee.

Every attempt Sara had made, he had rejected.

He took some leave to settle her affairs and go back East for the funeral.

He had returned to Vegas a day early but the thought of entering his lonely townhouse drove him to seek comfort from Lady Heather.

He had shown up on her doorstep without any reason but she had welcomed him inside.

She had offered him tea, a game of chess and then comforted him in her bed.

He'd felt like a complete ass afterwards.

He had used Heather to pacify his body for Sara.

He had wanted it to be Sara who lay beneath him as his grief washed over him while Heather had used her body to give him some comfort.

During the throes of their passion he had cried out Sara's name.

It had not seemed to bother Heather as she continued to stroke his cheek while he cried.

"_How long will you deny your love for this woman named Sara?" she whispered._

"_I can never have her," he mourned._

"_Pity. She already has your heart. It's a shame not to give her the rest of yourself," she had said._

He remembered coming home that evening and finding a package sitting by his door.

He figured it had come from Brass or Catherine.

It had remained on his counter till the following day just as he was getting ready to go to work.

He had finished off the cup of coffee and then took out a knife to open the package.

He gulped when he saw that it was a book.

He knew right then and there it had come from Sara even though there was no note or card.

She was the only person who knew about the book.

His mother used to read from it before she lost her hearing.

The book had gotten lost during his mother's last move to the nursing home.

He was surprised she even remembered but then Sara seemed to always remember everything he ever told her.

He gulped.

It was in that moment that he realized Sara knew about his mother's death.

He had reached out to someone else rather than her.

He cursed inwardly.

He returned to work as if nothing had ever happened.

The others followed suit and did not mention his mother's death.

He had never thanked her for the book.

"Fine," she muttered as she disappeared out the door before he could recover.

Grissom now knew she had known about Heather as well.

She had reached out to him in a moment of pain and he had ignored her.

Grissom ran his hand through his hair as he cursed out loud.

She was gone once again and he had not even bothered to try to soothe her hurt.

Note from author:

Well, you know they had to settle this in order to move on....to the next chapter. As life, relationships are built on pain and a whole lot of making up for stupid mistakes....

Take care!


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty Two:**

She flipped through the search warrant, checking it for the third time.

She glanced at Detective Vartann.

"Looks like it's a go," she breathed.

Detective Vartann smiled. "We've got the bastard finally."

"Let's just hope the search turns up something tangible we can use," yawned Sara.

Brass rounded the corner and joined them.

"I heard there was finally a break in your case," he said.

"That depends on what we find," warned Sara.

"She's just being cautious. As for me, I am starting the party early," Vartann said with a smile.

"Ready to go?" asked Sara.

Brass looked concerned. "You're going?"

"It's my case," frowned Sara.

"Yeah but…this guy has a habit of shooting anything that gets in his way," warned Brass. "Let them clear the scene and then..."

"If you're so concerned for our welfare why don't you join us?" asked Vartann.

"I'm concerned about her…you…I owe money," teased Brass.

"And I intend to make you pay up come payday," chuckled Vartann.

"He beat you in cards again?" asked Sara.

"Lucky bastard," replied Brass.

"You know you should let Warrick give you some tips," teased Sara.

Grissom stepped out of the interrogation room and almost collided with Sara and Brass.

"Just in time to pull Sara from the case," said Brass.

Sara cursed under her breath.

"Why would I do that?" asked Grissom wondering what Sara had done.

Visions of her getting too emotionally involved in a case came to mind.

_Like she did with Graham…_

Grissom's jaw twitched.

"We have a search warrant on the Peters case," explained Sara.

Grissom glanced at both of them.

"She's a big girl. She knows what she's getting into," replied Grissom as he continued down the hall.

Both were shocked at his statement.

Brass eyed Sara. "Trouble in paradise?"

"I have a search warrant to execute," she whispered as she quickened the pace to catch up with Vartann.

Grissom stepped into his office and sighed out loud.

He had managed to avoid her all day and he wondered if his sudden haste to get away from her might have been a mistake.

He would find out soon.

Vartann checked his weapon and then shut the car door.

Sara and Greg stood by their vehicle.

Greg had come along since he had finished his case.

She was thankful for the help since she did not relish the idea of working a double when there were things that needed to be resolved at home.

Sara stepped over to Vartann who handed her a vest.

"You don't get to assist unless you're wearing this," Vartann warned.

Sara fastened on the vest.

Greg started to follow.

"No vest, no following," ordered Sara as she tossed the keys to Greg.

"Hey Sara?" called Greg.

She turned and looked over her shoulder.

"You didn't ask me if the vest made you look fat," quipped Greg.

"Bite me Greg," sniped Sara.

Vartann chuckled.

Greg grinned as he stood at the back of the Denali with the field kits by his feet.

Vartann knocked on the door.

A young woman answered the door.

"Stephanie Bowers?" he asked.

"Yes?"

"We have a search warrant," announced Vartann as he handed the warrant to the woman.

"If figures," she said. "Wait a minute while I slip on my shoes here by the door.

Vartann tapped Sara on the shoulder as he glanced at the upstairs window.

The curtains moved as if someone had been watching them.

Greg stood there in horror as the woman opened fired on Sara and Vartann.

Both went down immediately.

Greg pulled his gun as bullets whizzed by his head.

The two uniformed officers opened fired.

Greg grabbed his phone and called for help.

Grissom's head shot up the moment his door was thrust open.

"All hell broke loose on the Peters case," said Brass.

"Peters case?" asked Grissom.

"The case your wife is working on."

"Greg is with her," grumbled Grissom.

"Greg just called in for back up as well as an ambulance."

Grissom ran out of the office with Brass in pursuit.

By the time they arrived, the ambulance had already arrived.

A woman was seated in a squad car while a sheet was draped over a body near the garage.

There was blood on the front sidewalk.

Grissom's eyes scanned the scene for Sara.

He began to panic when he could not locate her.

Greg rushed over the moment he saw them.

"Woman just opened fired on Vartann and Sara."

Grissom rushed to the ambulance.

Sara sat on the gurney while a medic held an ice pack to the back of Sara's head.

He exhaled, trying to get a grip on his feelings before he stepped any closer.

Her eyes locked with his the moment he stepped into view.

"She's going to be okay. We'll need to take her in and have that cut checked out. She could have a concussion. Her chest is going to be bruised from the impact of the bullets."

Grissom immediately noticed two gaping holes in the vest.

"Any news on Vartann?" asked Sara.

"He made it to the hospital," replied the medic.

"He wasn't wearing a vest?" asked Brass who had joined them.

"Bullets ripped right through his vest. Amazing how the cop killer bullets managed to find the cop and not the CSI," replied the medic.

"Bowers opened fired, followed by Daniels," explained Sara.

"What's Vartann's condition?" asked Brass.

"Critical," answered the medic. "He's lucky he made it to the hospital."

Sara started to scoot off the gurney but was blocked by the medic. "You're coming with us."

"I'm fine," she protested but Grissom was already stepping into the ambulance.

"You can't go," fussed Sara.

"You're my wife and I'm going," he demanded.

"You're the lead worker on this case now and you're needed here," she argued.

"Sara…"

"They wanted us dead. There's evidence in there. Someone just needs to find it," said Sara. "If you don't stay then I am."

She started to get up but Grissom forced her back down.

"If she tries to get out of this ambulance strap her down," grumbled Grissom as he purposely leaned down and took her lips savoring the feel of hers.

They were warm and moist and he wanted nothing more than to hold her at that moment but she was in work mode.

By the looks of her, she wanted nothing more than to kick someone's ass and decided it might be best to let the adrenaline settle before trying to offer any kind of comfort.

He refused to look back as he heard the ambulance door shut and the vehicle drive away.

Grissom glanced at the body on the ground.

He felt no remorse for the loss of life.

His eyes then settled on the woman sitting in the squad car.

She smiled at him as she tossed her hair over her shoulder and turned away.

His hands flexed into a fist.

Sara could have died.

"Remind me not to let you sit in during the interrogation," said Brass.

Nick jumped out of his car and ran up. "Hey, we heard what happened."

"Sara is fine….a few cuts and bruises…possible concussion. Vartann is in critical condition," informed Brass.

Grissom's eyes stared at the blood on the ground.

He was thankful Sara had not been seriously injured.

It could have been her blood on the ground rather than Vartann's.

_You were lucky, Grissom…_

Suddenly he just wanted to hold her.

It would have to wait.

There was a scene to clear and Sara was counting on them to find the evidence needed to solve the Peters murder.

Sara had been right.

Bowers and her lover, Daniels, had not even bothered to hide the stolen items taken from Peters.

There was plenty of evidence to convict.

As an added bonus, Daniels was probably going to be linked to a case Warrick had been working on for over a month.

It involved the murder of an off duty police officer posing as a security guard for a warehouse that had been broken into over a month ago.

The officer had been killed by the same type of bullets used on Vartann.

Grissom was relieved when he was able to go to the hospital.

By then, Sara had been through a barrage of tests.

Test confirmed a slight concussion which explained the slight dizziness along with the motion sickness.

It was difficult to breathe as her body slowly displayed the bruises from the bullets.

She had been given something for the pain but refused to stay a moment longer as a patient.

She had made her way to the waiting room to sit and wait for any additional news about Vartann.

Grissom sat down beside her, slipping his hand into hers without saying a word.

There was no need.

They both knew how fortunate Sara had been.

Grissom's thumb caressed her palm as they sat there quietly.

Minutes passed before Grissom finally spoke.

"You should be at home," he whispered.

"I need to know about Vartann," she replied.

He glanced at her hair.

He winced at the visible stitches.

"I guess I proved I wasn't as hard headed as you thought," she teased.

"I spoke with the doctor. You have a concussion and should be…"

"I have a slight concussion. The stitches itch…it could have been worse." She regretted reminding them of that fact.

"Sara…"

"We can talk later," she interrupted. "I can't do this…now."

He nodded as if he knew her resolve was slowly dwindling and soon she would have to face the horror of what happened that evening.

Another hour passed as they sat there.

Brass and a few other officers had joined them.

Warrick had popped in as well as Catherine.

Greg had shown up.

He had been quite shaken to see Sara and Vartann gunned down.

One look at him and Sara had sent him home.

"I'm fine, Greg," she had urged. "Go home. I'm going to make you do the paperwork on this tomorrow."

He had whined playing along with her but they both knew how much the day's events had rattled them.

A surgeon soon appeared.

Sara's eyes were fixed on the blood droppings that were splattered across his outfit.

The surgeon apologized profusely.

"We see blood every day," said Sara in a hollow voice.

"I'm sure you do but I'm also sure it's not your friend's," replied the doctor. "I'm sorry but I wanted to give you some word since it took longer than anticipated."

There seemed to be a hush.

"Detective Vartann is going to be fine. There was quite some extensive damage but he's going to make it. We'll keep him awhile in recovery and then I.C.U. just for safety measures. I suggest you go home and come back in a few hours."

Sara nodded.

She wanted nothing more than to go home.

Not a word was spoken until they stepped into the house. As soon as the door shut Sara knew Emma was not there.

"Did you call her?" asked Sara.

"I did. I explained to her that you were checking on a friend at the hospital and I was going to join you."

It wasn't a lie.

They did not want Emma to know just how dangerous their jobs could be some times.

Sara stood there as if she had no idea what to do.

She felt warm hands slowly guiding her to the bathroom.

She stood while he fixed a warm bubble bath and before she could protest, he was undressing her.

She stood there naked in front of him as he examined the bruises.

Soft kisses touched each place.

His hands were gentle as his fingers glided over the stitches.

"The blast knocked me down the stairs. I blacked out the moment I hit the concrete. The next thing I remember is Greg holding my hand. I could see Vartann on the ground next to me. I didn't understand what had happened. I still don't understand."

"Your vest deflected the bullets but Vartann's…"

"I know…but why him?"

"I'm glad it was him and not you," he grieved as his emotions caught in his throat. "We could have lost you."

That haunted look appeared in those dark brown eyes for a moment before she stepped away and into the water.

She expected him to leave but instead he sat down on the edge of the tub.

Her hands shook as she squirted some scented bath wash onto the sponge and started to wash herself but his hands quickly took it from her.

She closed her eyes as she felt the sponge glide over her body.

His hands were soothing.

She wasn't expecting him to wash her hair but soon his gentle hands washed away the blood without hurting the stitches.

She figured he would have objected the moment she attempted to do it but he knew she would not stop until the task was completed so he had taken it upon himself to do it for her.

He knew she was quite exhausted by now.

His hands gently helped her out of the tub and then into a gown.

She sat while he dried her hair.

By the second yawn she was in bed with his body molded to hers.

She knew they needed to talk but at that moment she just wanted to remain in his arms.

She was thankful for the truce.

There would be time later for what she knew had to be resolved.

At that moment, she wondered if he had been more fearful of losing his wife or losing the mother of his child.

She did not think she could bear to know the truth as she snuggled more intimately letting sleep come.

Note from author:

Eight chapters left...


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty Three:**

Grissom could not seem to shut down.

He had nonchalantly dismissed Jim's concern as if he did not care.

He cared and he should have voiced that care to Sara rather than let her leave the station without even a glance back in her direction.

She was constantly telling him to be safe and he had not even bothered to do the same.

His anger over the past had blinded him.

He just could not seem to wipe away the doubt he felt.

Melissa had declared her love for him and then cheated on him with his own brother.

Deep down he knew Sara was not like that but the sting from the past remained.

Sara had her own fears she harbored.

Of course his recent bout of anger and hurtful words had not helped to ease her fear.

His lips gently kissed her temple.

Words needed to be said soon.

He woke her a few hours later.

Her eyelids slid open and squinted at him.

"It's time to get up already?" she asked.

"I was just concerned…about the concussion."

"Head is fine…hurts some but then I'm not complaining."

She never complained.

It was the reason for the overprotective stance he suddenly took to ensure she was indeed fine.

He glanced down and noticed she was asleep again.

This time he followed.

He woke a few hours later when his phone rang.

He fumbled for it as he pulled himself out of bed slipping out of the room so not to wake her.

"Gil?"

He recognized the voice immediately.

It was Graham.

"I'm sorry to bother you but I heard on the news…"

"She's fine…a few cuts, some stitches but she's fine."

His brother let out a long breath.

"I'm glad. I know how much you love her...and she loves you."

Grissom knew what he was trying to do.

He just wasn't sure he could trust him.

"Gil?"

"We didn't get much sleep," replied Grissom.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

Grissom could hear him handing the phone back to the attendant.

He wasn't ready to talk to him yet.

He needed to talk with Sara.

He had to resolve this rift he had caused with Sara but he wasn't sure how long it would be before he felt better about the past.

Betrayal was a bitter pill to swallow.

He'd seen firsthand how his father's infidelity had hurt his mother to the core.

She had felt inferior and unloved.

His father had spent the rest of his life trying to erase the damage he had managed to do in just a few moments of weakness.

Graham's mother had been very much like Melissa.

Both were motivated by money.

He knew Sara wasn't like that.

She could have gone to court and gotten access to the money Joe Holmes had left Emma but it remained untouched, in a trust fund for Emma's education.

Thoughts of Graham touching her intimately still nagged at him.

It was his fault.

He had been callous with her feelings when he had left San Francisco.

He probably wouldn't be sulking so much if it had been anyone besides Graham.

But, it was his brother and that just plain hurt.

He couldn't bring himself to return to bed.

Quietly he did things around the house.

A few hours later he popped into the bedroom and found her sitting on the edge of the bed.

"You okay?"

"Yes," she managed to get out.

She had been in the middle of a dream which was harboring on a nightmare when she had rolled over to find him missing from the bed.

His presence at the hospital had calmed her, grounded her emotionally and physically.

She expected him to resume the sulking behavior and had hoped it would not return for at least a few more hours.

Her body ached.

Her eyes flashed accusingly to his side of the bed.

"My phone woke me."

"The office?"

He shook his head.

His facial expression told her who had awakened him.

"Graham," she breathed.

"He heard about the shooting."

Her eyes shot to his.

"You think anyone has mentioned it to Emma?" she asked fearfully.

He shook his head. "I made sure of it."

She sat there on the bed not bothering to move.

"Need any help?" he asked.

She took a deep breath. "Could we just clear the air? Get this behind us? Cause after yesterday, I don't want to waste anymore time being…distant."

"Neither do I," he admitted.

He crossed the room and stood in front of her.

"I wanted to talk with you when we got home but you were exhausted," he said.

She didn't want to do this but then she didn't want this to continue any further.

"I can…talk now."

She had not meant to let her voice quiver.

"I'm sorry I broke the lamp. I know it frightened you but at that moment I needed to strike out at something."

"Have you done that before?" she asked.

"No. I've never been that mad before."

"My father used to break things all the time. We learned to stay away from him."

"I won't do it again."

"I'm not going to jump into bed with your brother again either."

Surprise, shock and hurt were etched across his face before he turned away so that she could not see him.

"He loves you."

"Graham loves the idea of being in love. I was kind when he needed someone….in truth, I wasn't being kind by my actions."

It was obvious by his expression that he did not understand.

"After you left, I sort of fell apart. I'd never let anyone get that close before and you just sort of…" She took a deep breath as if she were trying to find the courage to continue.

"Sara…"

"I was trying to rid myself of you. I was looking for someone to replace you….someone to make the pain go away. I even began to doubt that it was actually love I had felt when I was with you. I tried to prove it by sleeping with someone else. I kept telling myself it was just the physical need of being with someone but it wasn't. It was a big mistake in so many ways."

He was quiet as he stood there.

"If I had any idea that he was your brother I never would have had anything to do with him. It would have been wrong on so many levels."

He knew that but then it didn't help to ease the pain.

"How do we get past this?" she asked.

"I need time," he admitted.

There it was again.

His words hurt.

_He was_ _more fearful of losing the mother of his child than his wife…_

"I may have slept with your brother but at least I didn't flaunt it in your face," she spat.

It was his turn to feel the emotional blow.

"I never…"

"Do you have any idea how it felt to listen to the others talk about you and Heather? Of course Heather wasn't the first one…was she? Catherine took great delight one night in running down your list of dates after you returned from San Francisco."

He wanted to throttle Catherine.

He wondered if she had told Sara how disastrous those encounters had been.

He was only trying to rid himself of….her. After moping about for weeks, Catherine had insisted that he get out and "mingle" in order to get over whatever had gone wrong in San Francisco.

If she only knew the truth that everything had gone right but he had been too wounded, too fearful to let Sara into his life.

He watched as her temper flared.

"You rarely gave me the time of day. Every time I wanted to pack up and go home, you would drop me a bread crumb…a slight touch or a kind word and there I would be, sitting and waiting for the next time you…"

"I know what I did…and you're right. If anyone has a right to be mad…it's you."

Her frustration hit an all time high at that point.

"I didn't know!" she swore.

"Sara, I believe you!" he urged.

"You just don't…forgive me. My one moment of indiscretion…weakness, stupidity and you can't get past it."

"Sara, there's nothing to forgive….I know Graham kept his identity from you…but it doesn't ease the pain of knowing that he's been with you."

She threw her hands up into the air and cursed.

"Do you think it hurts any less when I think about those other women? I gave up **my** family to come to Vegas in hopes that you would love me…**me! I was never good enough! **I spent years watching you give it to someone else while I missed time with my family…**with Emma**. I've forgiven you Grissom…but I haven't forgotten either!"

"I guess we're alike then."

He winced from his own words as she gulped down a sob.

He knew she was hurting far worse than she had ever let on.

"Those other women did not mean anything to me…you do."

He quickly added, "I've never loved anyone but you."

"And yet you were more willing to screw them than me."

His hand snaked out and grabbed her wrist. "Sara, we were barely talking with one another."

"Whose fault is that? How can you stand there and declare your love for someone while telling them you had sex with someone else?"

"Don't you think that didn't bother me? My father declared his love for my mother every single day and then he fucked some aspiring artist who had little or no talent…the same woman my mother refused to allow in her gallery. It was a slap to her. She never recovered from that betrayal. While I was so damned busy trying to avoid getting hurt, I became my father. I fell for the same loveless person and look what Melissa did to our lives! I wanted you so much I could actually taste you…but then I was afraid. I let that fear cloud my judgment. I left you and left what little of my heart that was left."

He stopped for a moment. "It was sex Sara…nothing more."

Well, it sort of helped to ease her frustration but now it left her feeling even more ashamed of what she had done.

She'd never jumped into bed with anyone like that and she felt the same humiliation once again.

Melissa had made her feel every bit the whore.

It was what her father would scream on nights of drunken outbursts.

"_She's going to be just like you…nothing but a whore who will jump in bed with anyone."_

It always amazed her how her father's words still spoke so loudly even from the grave.

She swallowed hard. "If there had been any hint…any glimmer of hope that you cared the least bit for me, I never would have screwed anyone…and that 'anyone' just happened to be your brother. It was sex also, Grissom…nothing more…so if you think I'm a whore then…"

"No! Sara, you're not…"

Her hand flew up in the air. "**I've… had… enough**."

Her words frightened him.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he said quickly. "Let's just…stop talking…for now."

He'd barely had that out of his mouth then she was slamming the bathroom door.

_Way to go Grissom…._

_Now, if she gets killed while on duty tonight she can remember your loving words and actions…_

He tapped on the door.

"Sara, I'm sorry. Please, can I come in?"

"Go **away,**" came the reply.

She stood there with arms folded trying to get her breathing under control.

"Sara…please."

She jerked the door open.

"What?" she yelled.

He'd never seen her, this mad before.

"I don't think you're….a whore."

"Funny…cause I feel like one," she gulped.

"You're not."

"What do you call someone who jumps the first guy who comes along?" she challenged.

"Someone who was hurt and sought comfort. I'm sorry I hurt you."

She gulped.

She didn't want to cry.

His heart ached for her.

He now knew her anger was directed at herself and not him.

His hands tried to comfort her by stroking her hair.

She closed her eyes fighting off the urge to have a meltdown in front of him.

"My father was right," she barely whispered.

"Your father?"

"He used to yell at my mother and tell her I was going to turn out just like her…a whore. I guess I did."

He grabbed her forcibly by the arms.

"That's not true!"

"I can't change what happened," she said stepping away to give them distance.

"This is not going the way I wanted it to," he seethed. "I didn't intend to make you feel…like this. I certainly didn't intend to blame you for what happened. I'm not angry at you…I'm angry at **myself**. I never should have left San Francisco like that. I should have stayed until morning so we could have talked. I should have returned your calls…I should never have tried to use sex to replace love…Sara, I'm the one at fault here…not you."

"Did it work?" she whispered.

Her eyes bore into him.

"Did you manage to replace love with sex?" she asked.

"No."

He took a deep breath. "I slept with three women, Sara. Two of them you know and one…I barely knew her myself and each time I was trying to convince myself that what happened between us was just two people pleasuring each other. I was wrong. I knew but it scared the hell out of me. I was afraid to let myself love someone…open myself to the possibility of getting hurt…again."

"I'm not Melissa," she said quietly.

"No, you're not," he said stepping closer to her until they were mere inches from one another.

"When you heard about the shooting, did you fear you would lose your wife or the mother of your child?" she asked.

Her words were brutal to his heart.

He grabbed her into his arms.

"I could never bear to lose you…my wife," he whispered.

She stepped further into his arms as if she needed his warmth.

"Sara, are you okay?"

She shook her head.

She felt very cold as he rubbed her arms with his hands.

"Come back to bed," he urged.

"I've got to get ready for work. Emma will be home soon," she sniffled.

"You're on medical leave for tonight," he said sternly.

"I have to meet with Jim…on the shooting…I have incident reports to complete."

He started to say something when she stepped away.

"I guess we both need time," she whispered as she disappeared into the bathroom to get dress.

He wondered just what had transpired that she wasn't telling him and he was too inept at relationships to figure it out.

Note from author:

You know the make up sex is always the best....


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty Four:**

There was an odd sense about her as she sat and explained to Emma how she had gotten the stitches on her head.

She made it sound non-important as she left out the fact that she had fallen backwards because two bullets had ripped through her vest at close range.

She had read to Emma and helped her with a homework assignment ignoring the pounding in her head.

She had comforted and eased Emma's fears so gently.

He wanted more than anything to ease hers.

Sara slipped into the bedroom.

He could hear her voice speaking softly.

He knew she had called the hospital to check on Vartann.

When she stepped out, she felt his eyes on her but she focused on Emma.

Later when they were driving into the office, Grissom veered off into a vacant parking lot and stopped.

He could feel her dread at his actions.

As soon as his mouth opened to speak his phone went off.

It was Ecklie.

He knew it was probably about the shooting and had no choice but to take it.

She actually seemed relieved.

She sprinted out of the vehicle the moment they arrived at the lab.

Grissom watched her disappear as he continued to talk with Ecklie and the undersheriff.

It was hours before he was finally through making his rounds.

Assignments had already been given out.

She and Greg were confined to the lab until the reports were completed.

He knew better than to bother her until she had finished hers.

He was glad when she finally stepped into his office and placed the report on his desk.

"Greg is almost finished with his," she said as she turned and started to leave but he was quick this time, circling the desk and placing his hand on the door before she could escape.

"Sara, wait," he said as he blocked the door.

She watched as he locked the door.

Both stood there face to face.

"Before I got that phone call I wanted to…" he didn't finish as he took her into his arms and kissed her feverishly.

She was startled at first for his boldness in the office but then she relaxed in his arms as she felt the need for this connection.

His lips left a trail of moisture from her lips to her neck, not stopping until a final kiss was placed in the cleft of her breasts.

Sara gasped from the intensity and the genuine affection that flowed through each tender touch.

She wanted nothing more than to continue this but they were in the lab and people were always dropping into his office.

She reluctantly pulled back.

"Have you had dinner?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Hungry?"

She was hungry but not for food.

He smiled at the wanton look in her eyes.

"Come with me," he whispered.

His hand held hers firmly as they made their way down the hall.

"Judy, we're going to dinner," he said as they passed her in the hall.

Sara was surprised when he did not head to the door but rather took the steps leading down to the basement.

He produced a key, unlocking a door and then pulled her inside.

It was pitch black in the room but before he shut the door, he switched on a small lamp sitting on a desk in the corner.

She shivered when she heard the click of the door locking.

Before she could speak, his lips were on hers again.

Without breaking contact, he gently led her to the far corner of the room until her back was pressed against the wall.

His fingers unbuttoned her blouse and removed her bra in swift haste.

Before the kiss deepened, his hands were already divesting her of her slacks and panties.

She stood there nude in front of him.

She spoke the moment his lips left hers.

"Griss…"

"No one ever comes down here and I am the only person with the key."

It seemed safe but then she wondered if anyone would miss them.

"We're allowed a dinner break...and we're going to get it without interruption," he answered her second concern without even voicing it.

"But…" she did not finish as her thoughts became fragmented the moment his knee gently nudged her legs apart and his fingers dipped inside her.

Her groan made him smile as he continued to kiss ever inch of her body.

Her hands were now stripping him of his clothing.

It was more difficult for her as he continued with the foreplay but soon his naked body stood before hers as he stroked her with his fingers causing her to come quickly.

Grissom grabbed a blanket that lay over a chair and tossed it on the floor.

She expected him to lead her to the floor but instead he sat down in the chair and then guided her to straddle the chair toward his shaft.

She hovered there just above him as he quickly opened the desk drawer, slipping out a condom.

She was too aroused to pull back to inquire about how the condoms just happened to be there and for a split second she wondered if she were not the only person whom Grissom had brought there.

That thought made her tremble as she tried to step back and collect her thoughts as to what they were doing.

She knew this would not solve their problems but they both needed some sort of release from the sexual tension.

Before she could protest, Grissom slammed her down onto his shaft and she moaned from the sheer pleasure of it.

Her hands rested on his shoulders as she lifted her hips only to have him guide her back down causing each to shiver from the wonderful sensation that was slowly building.

Sara kissed him passionately as their familiar rhythm brought them both to climax.

He held her naked body against his as they tried to recover from the workout.

Slowly he released her so that she could sit back on his lap.

He was still inside her and he did not want to relinquish that feel just yet.

She started to get up but his hands forced her to remain seated.

He kissed her lovingly on the lips.

The empty condom wrapper lay in the floor.

She glanced down at it and then her eyes met his.

"I didn't like the way our last conversation ended," he whispered. "While you were finishing up your report, I…thought about this. I came down here earlier and….I'd hoped you would let me make love to you."

_Like I could ever refuse you…_

"Have you ever brought anyone else here?" she asked almost accusingly.

"No."

Her lip curled to an almost smile but then faded as she slipped from his lap.

She picked up her clothes and began to dress.

Once dressed, they stood there eying the chair.

"I use this room to do experiments. Sometimes I come here when I need to think…be alone."

She glanced around the room.

There were several book shelves with jars of animals in different developmental stages.

There was even some high priced equipment that sat against the wall.

"When the department denied my acquisitions I would buy it myself. I had no room for it at home so I kept it here."

Some of the books seemed out of place. She expected to find forensic textbooks but rather there was a large collection of books on fiction and poetry.

"My mother read a lot. I couldn't seem to part with them so I brought them here."

This was a part of him she had never seen.

She'd known about the fabled "Grissom experiment" room and had even followed him down here one time but had never bothered him, leaving him to his secrets.

The guys had often talked about it.

Greg was the most vocal.

He conjured up all kinds of mad scientist ideas.

The others had merely laughed it off while she had wondered what he did behind this locked door.

She walked around the room glancing at the books in the shelves and even fumbled with a few of them.

His desk was neat.

Everything seemed to be in its place which was quite contrary to how his desk looked upstairs.

She walked over and stared at the contents on the desk.

There was a book of Shakespeare along with several journals.

She flipped through them and noticed that they were the same journals she had given to him over the years.

At first she would boldly come into his office and hand the journal to him, spouting off intricate details about a certain article she hoped they could discuss but of course they never did.

He would merely take the journal and place it in his pile of paperwork.

Eventually, she just dropped the journal off while he was gone, putting a sticky note on the article that might be of interest to him.

"You kept these," she said.

"I would wait until I was in here before I opened them."

"Why? You never seemed interested in anything I gave you."

"The articles were very helpful….I even commented on them every now and then."

"Why didn't you read them….with me?"

He grinned slightly. "You use a particular hand lotion that drives me…I used to open the journal and inhale your fragrance."

She then recognized the Shakespeare book.

"You purchased that in San Francisco."

"We were arguing over a particular line from Macbeth."

"I recall I won," she announced.

"Yes, you did," he said with a smile. "You also placed a ribbon to mark the spot before closing the book. It's still there…right where you left it. Sometimes, I read from that book when I need…comfort."

Sara sat down in the chair behind the desk.

"May I?" she asked as she started to open the drawer.

"I have no secrets from you," he announced.

She opened the drawer and stared at the book she had purchased after the death of his mother.

"I wondered if you ever got it since you never said anything," she said quietly.

He came to sit on the edge of the desk. "This is the most cherished thing you've ever given me. It brought back such vivid memories of my mother when I needed that connection."

"Why didn't you say anything?" she almost begged.

He took a deep breath. "I came back a day early. I hadn't told anyone so I knew Catherine and Brass would not be hovering...unfortunately I needed someone."

"I left it there that evening so as soon as you arrived home, you would find it," she explained.

"I didn't go straight home. I couldn't face going home…alone."

Brown chocolate orbs stared at him. "You went to Heather's."

"Imagine how I felt when I came home after….and finding this one gift that made her death so much easier to bear."

She just sort of nodded her head as she swiped at a tear.

"I couldn't wait to see you. I knew how close you were with your mother….at least Jim said so. I just wanted to see if you were okay. You came into the lab as if nothing had happened. You brushed right by me without a word, handing me a case."

"The guilt ate at me. I couldn't wait to send you out in the field so I could come here and…be with the things that reminded me of….you."

Sara opened the book and stared at an old photo taken that night in San Francisco. They were both smiling. They had spent the entire day together and then they had gone back to her apartment where they had created Emma.

"The day that photo was taken...it was the happiest day of my life, Sara. I always felt as if something beautiful happened that night. It did. We made love and Emma was a product of it."

She stared at it in disbelief.

A photographer had snapped the picture but he had not seemed interested in getting a copy of it.

Now she realized he must have gone back and purchased it.

"Even though I kept you at a distance, you were always with me, Sara."

"Why?" she half cried.

"Someone once asked me how long I would deny my love for you when you already had my heart."

"Jim?" she asked.

"Heather. Even when I was with her, I was with you. It didn't seem to bother her when I called out your name….your name, Sara when I was having sex with her. I cursed at myself when I came home later and finally opened your gift. It should have been you but like a fool I went to someone whom I knew meant nothing to me, someone who would not expect anything from an encounter."

"When you kept pretending that your mother's death had not happened, we got worried. The guys cornered Jim one night and he sort of hinted to Warrick that your needs were being met. The guys dropped it but not before I overheard them talking about Lady Heather."

He held her hand even though he knew she did not want to at the moment.

"I remember I went home and cried. I called Dad and told him I was coming home. I even wrote out my resignation."

"What stopped you?" he asked.

"You."

He looked puzzled. "How?"

"I was waiting until the end of the week to give you the notice. I didn't want anyone to think that I was running home because you had found someone else…of course that's exactly what I was doing." She took a deep breath. "The night I was going to turn in my resignation, I came in early. I went looking for you and Judy said you were down here so I did what everyone else refused to do….I came looking for you. I figured it didn't matter if you got mad at me for disturbing whatever you were doing. I was leaving anyway."

She watched how his hand held hers.

"I'd followed you before…saw the door you unlocked and then locked but I never walked all the way to the end of the hall…to stand in front of it. I even started to knock but stopped the moment I heard…you."

His eyes grew wide.

"You were crying," she said quietly. "I didn't understand….the rumors in the office indicated you were very happy…but I realized you weren't. I cursed….I couldn't leave…you like that. Despite everything, I wanted you to be happy. It was obvious that you weren't."

He remembered that night very well.

He had worked a case in which a young girl had been killed trying to break up her parents who were fighting.

The young girl had been stabbed, dying instantly while her drunken parents continued to fight until the police arrived.

Grissom had taken the call and gone out. As soon as he saw the little girl's face, he saw Sara.

He looked around the dirty house and tried to imagine the horror Sara must have seen all those years before her mother had killed her father.

He imagined Sara would have tried to intervene back then and wondered if she had ever been injured.

No case had ever unnerved him the way that case had.

It had only been a week since his return from burying his only living relative and Sara had given him a very thoughtful and loving gift, a gift he had not even thanked her for.

He remembered he had fled down here once the case was completed and broke down in sobs.

"I was crying…over a case," he admitted.

It shocked her.

"I didn't think you got close to…"

"I lied. I'd come here when it had been a really shitty shift."

It made sense why sometimes they could not find him after a hard shift and wanted to offer breakfast at the diner.

It was as if he had just disappeared into thin air.

He was here, hurting alone.

"Which case?" she asked suddenly needing to know.

As he told her about the case, she remembered it too.

She remembered hearing about a domestic violence case and had finished early with her case, offering to help but he had snapped at her, refusing to allow her anywhere near the case.

She just thought he did not want to be bothered with the chance that she might get too emotionally involved.

"I saw that little girl and I saw you, Sara. I hurt for you. I can't imagine the pain you went through as a child. The little girl had tried to break up the fight and lost her life. I could see you trying to do that."

She nodded as she brushed the wetness from his cheeks.

"Did you?" he asked.

"My mom would always come up with an excuse to tell the doctors in the emergency room. A few lies here and there… go to a different E.R. each time so that no one would get suspicious."

She let him pull her into his arms as he held her tight.

"I married you because I love you not because of Emma," he emphasized.

"I married you because you won't give me back my heart," she emphasized.

"Do you want it back?" he asked fearfully.

"I'm not an Indian giver," she replied with a slight smile.

"Sara thank- you for not giving up on me."

His hands sifted through her hair.

"You've had my heart every since that first day at the seminar when you wore your hair in a pony tail."

He gulped. "I haven't been mad at you. I've been mad at me. I've done nothing but hurt you. It's my fault you got involved with Graham. If I had stayed that night in San Francisco....maybe..."

His guilt poured down his cheeks.

His hands cupped her face as he kissed her lovingly. "I don't deserve you," he choked. "I've never felt worthy of you."

Oh, how she loved this man, faults and all.

"We have a few more minutes for our dinner break," he whispered. "I could get us a sandwich…"

Her lips interrupted him.

It was a shame to waste such precious time on frivolous things as food when it could be spent in his arms.

Note from author:

Like I said, make up sex is always the best....LOL


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter Thirty Five:**

Catherine tapped on Grissom's door.

"Got a minute?" she asked. "I promise it's just business…not personal."

Grissom grinned. "Okay."

"Sara has been smiling a lot," chirped Catherine.

"Catherine," warned Grissom.

"Can't blame a girl for trying," she shrugged.

"Go snoop into Jim's private life," he quipped.

"He's got nothing…you know something about Jim? Is he dating anyone?" asked Catherine.

Grissom chuckled at the look of sheer pleasure crossing Catherine's face.

The woman loved gossip.

"No…don't tell him I sent you snooping after him," he ordered.

"Never," she lied.

"You said it was business?" he asked trying to reign in the conversation.

"I'm not sure you're going to like this," she muttered.

His face became serious. "What is it?"

"You asked me to check into your brother's case," she said.

Grissom leaned forward. "He didn't kill Melissa."

"No, he didn't," admitted Catherine. She hesitated a moment before continuing. "Gil, did you follow the case?"

"No, I didn't. I felt it was best to keep my distance."

"Most women who have an affair meet their lover through work…but in Melissa's case she didn't work."

Catherine shifted in her seat. "I took a hunch and did some digging. Melissa came in constant contact with persons who worked with her husband. That could be an endless number of possibilities but there was also…the pool guy."

"The pool guy?" he asked incredulously.

"Frank Jeffers. It seems he cleaned their pool quite often….must have been having some problems…quite a few transactions passed between the pool guy and Melissa."

"A pool guy doesn't sound like Melissa's type."

"Gil, women who cheat aren't usually looking to replace their very financially established husbands….they're looking for sex. Hubby is working long hours….she's at home…there's a well built masculine tanned guy kneeling by her pool….it's an opportunity…that comes to your door."

"Do you have a pool?" he asked.

Catherine actually blushed but then recovered.

"I think I should get one," she muttered.

"Catherine, they really could have been having problems…with their pool. I doubt…"

"Did you know that Jeffers quit his job and left town the day after Melissa was murdered….not the day after her body was discovered?"

Grissom stared at Catherine.

"He quit a job he'd had for over six years…a job he'd been working toward management…to take a lower paying job in another town. Why?" she asked.

"Have you spoke with him?" asked Grissom.

"Not yet. I thought Jim and I could…do that…as long as I'm not interfering with his private life," she chuckled.

She stood leaning over his desk.

"It wouldn't hurt if you asked your brother a few questions…about the pool guy," she stated.

Grissom sighed.

"I guess you know how I feel now," muttered Catherine.

Grissom looked confused.

"My father…the not so…nice casino owner…he probably does have a few skeletons locked away in a closet…but I can't help myself from caring about him. It's natural…he's family."

Grissom nodded.

He understood more than he wanted to admit.

He was constantly at war with those feelings.

He cared about Graham but he could not forget what he had done to Sara.

The last few days had been pure heaven.

They had moved into a more intimate bond.

They could hardly contain themselves until Emma left before rushing to escape from their clothing.

Bruno had grown accustomed to the trail of clothing throughout the house.

Of course, they didn't always make it to the bedroom, finding the couch quite useful.

Grissom leaned back in his chair as very inappropriate thoughts ran across his mind.

Married life was more than he ever dreamed it could be.

Sara stretched to find nothing but cool sheets.

She rolled over and frowned when she saw what time it was.

She slipped on a robe and padded into the kitchen.

She knew exactly where he was the moment she entered the living room.

Bruno lay in front of the door that led into the study.

Sara patted the dog and then knocked gently before entering.

She was not prepared to see photos spread across his desk.

He quickly shoved them into a pile, dropping them down into a manila envelope.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't think you would be awake for several more hours."

"I missed you," she said quietly as she looked at the other items on his desk.

"I've been going through the file…on Melissa's death."

Sara knew.

She recognized the bloodied body as well as the inside shots of the house.

Her nightmares did not let her forget very few details.

He put the items away into a box.

"Graham needs closure," she murmured. "I'm not sure he'll ever get it."

Grissom's eyes drifted up to hers for a second.

"You have a lead?" she asked suddenly.

"There…was another man…the semen found in Melissa did not match Graham…or me," he added.

"I never believed you had anything to do with Melissa…physically…after she married Graham. So…who was the other man?" asked Sara.

"Catherine stumbled across something…I'm not sure why the man was never questioned."

"Graham found Melissa….he moved the body…did not call the authorities until almost a month later…he wasn't very convincing that he didn't kill her. The hammer came from his tool box. There was no forced entry. They had been seen arguing…the circumstantial evidence was…."

"They assumed he did it…without really looking at the evidence or processing it for that matter," muttered Grissom.

"The lab did a poor job on the case," she agreed softly.

"He should not have been found guilty for **that** crime," he said.

Their eyes locked.

"Because of the circumstances, I doubt a jury would have believed…me. I became involved with…a married man then…refused his advances…it would have been my word against his," she barely said above a whisper.

"You didn't know he was married…you didn't know…"

"Let's not…talk about that…again," she almost begged.

He came around the desk and pulled her into his arms.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke," he whispered.

She wondered if he meant that morning or that day in San Francisco.

She could not seem to get him to release the guilt.

"I like waking next to you," she smiled.

"We could…go back to bed," he offered with a grin.

"Is this normal?" she asked almost teasing.

"What?"

"This not being able to…stop…undressing each other," she answered.

"God, I hope not. I've always been normal…rather boring…this is…addictive. I've never felt…this happy before," he admitted as he kissed her.

"Good cause I like how we make each other happy," she teased.

"You want to go…practice being happy?"

Her laughter floated through the air as she led him back to the bedroom.

She lay there gasping through the last bout of lovemaking.

"You complete me," he whispered. "You fill my soul. I can never get enough of you."

She pulled him close against her body.

"I love you," she whispered.

He found himself wanting her again.

Days passed as neither talked about Melissa's case again.

Grissom kept the investigation from Graham as he continued to meet with him on a weekly basis.

He walked into the lab one evening and found Jim waiting for him.

"We need to talk," he said.

Sara glanced at Grissom before heading to the break room for a cup of coffee.

Grissom waited until the door was closed to his office before beginning.

"You talked with Jeffers?" asked Grissom.

"Not quite," he said. "It seems Mr. Jeffers ran off to get married….here in Vegas," smiled Brass.

"Jeffers is here?" asked Grissom.

"I pulled a few strings with the D.A. here…tweeked a few things…and got permission to bring him in for questioning."

"What kind of tweeking?" asked Grissom.

"I'll worry about that. It seems on the first night Mr. Jeffers was here his fiancé had some expensive jewelry to disappear. It was reported to the hotel security and a police report was filed. They're coming in tonight…for that."

"You found the jewelry?" asked Grissom.

"Yes and no. It was never stolen. It seems Mr. Jeffers sold the jewelry to a local bookie to cover a slight debt he ran up the first night."

"He stole his fiance's jewelry?"

"Look at it this way if we can't get him to confess about Melissa's murder maybe we can at least keep this lady from making a huge mistake," grinned Brass.

Sara tapped on the door. "Judy said there was a couple here to see both of you about some recovered jewelry?"

"Showtime," announced Brass.

Sara's eyes remained fixed on Grissom.

He said nothing but took her by the arm as they headed to the interrogation room.

Catherine had already placed the couple inside the room.

Jeffers looked a bit nervous.

Brass stepped into the room but Grissom remained outside with Sara.

She glanced at Grissom.

"I don't have to be…here," she whispered.

"I want you…to…if you don't mind," he said quietly.

Her hand slipped into his and she felt him grip it tight.

Brass began with the theft.

Rene Turner was quite pleased the moment she was told the jewelry had been located.

"I have photographs of the jewelry if it will prove ownership," she offered.

"Ms. Turner, the person with the merchandise claims he did not take the jewelry but rather it was sold to him," explained Catherine.

"That's preposterous!" she declared. "I was planning on wearing that jewelry when we married," she huffed. "I know I should have placed it in the safe with the front desk but we were in a rush to get downstairs to the casino."

Her hand grabbed Jeffers.

Catherine glanced at Brass.

"First time to Vegas?" asked Brass.

"I don't normally gamble," she said. "Frank has been here a few times."

"You like to gamble?" asked Brass to Frank Jeffers.

"Not really," he said loosening the button on his shirt.

"Hot?" asked Catherine.

He shrugged his shoulders.

"You're sweating," commented Brass. "I would be sweating bullets right now if my fiancé was about to find out I had sold her jewelry to a bookie to cover a five thousand dollar debt," grinned Brass.

Rene Turner gawked at Jeffers. "Is this true?"

Jeffers let out an expletive.

"I needed to cover the casino debt," he explained. "I was too embarrassed to let you find out about it. I was going to contact a buddy to send me the money so I could get your jewelry back…without you knowing it."

They waited to see how the woman would react.

Her silence told them she was not likely going to press charges.

Of course, Frank Jeffers was ten years younger than Rene Turner.

While she yearned for his youth, he yearned for her money.

He was quite handsome while she was rather ordinary.

Catherine had seen couples like this all of her life.

Jeffers was looking for a meal ticket while the woman sought youth and vitality.

"What you did….was insurance fraud," quipped Brass.

"It was a misunderstanding," replied the woman quietly.

Brass leaned forward. "You're an attractive woman...you could do so much better than this."

The woman looked shocked in an odd sort of way.

Catherine gawked briefly as she made a mental note to harrass Brass later.

"You know since we have you here Mr. Jeffers let's talk about…Melissa Graham."

Jeffers lost all expression.

"Who?"

"You heard me," smiled Brass. "Melissa Graham…the woman you were banging…before you banged her brains out with a hammer letting her husband take the rap."

Jeffers stood quickly. "We're leaving."

"Stay seated, Mr. Jeffers. We have some questions for you," warned Catherine.

"Ms. Turner, you're free to leave…unless you have something to add about the murder?" asked Brass.

Ms. Turner shook her head quickly as she stood.

"Rene!" called Jeffers.

She turned and looked at him.

"This is bull. Melissa was some lonely housewife…that wanted a good screw…nothing more," he urged as he grabbed her hand.

"When was this?" she asked.

"I didn't do it! The hubby offed her…he was convicted and…"

"Sorry buddy but her husband was released. He didn't do it. It seems the semen found in the victim points to someone else…there's also the matter of a smudged print on the weapon and the unborn fetus…you mind if we check to see if any of that matches you?" asked Brass.

Jeffers gulped.

Ms. Turner glared at Jeffers. "You were involved with a married woman? You got her pregnant?"

"She'd been trying to get in my pants for months…I had a weak moment. The next thing I know she's telling me I knocked her up. I can't even stand kids…"

He stopped as Ms. Turner snatched her hand away from Jeffers.

"Am I free to leave?" she asked.

"Of course…as long as you intend to press charges…on the stolen jewelry…to prove you were not involved with any insurance fraud," stated Brass.

"Yes. I will be pressing charges," she glared at Jeffers.

"You can't do that. I just borrowed them. What about…we were going to get married."

"Not anymore," she huffed. "I'm just glad I saw the real you!"

"Give me back my ring!" he demanded.

Ms. Turner flung the ring at Jeffers. "Here's your lousy necklace also."

He picked up the jewelry as she marched out of the room.

Jeffers sat there clenching the jewelry in his hand.

"Satisfied?" he glared at Brass.

"Not my fault buddy," shrugged Brass. "You want to tell us what really happened that night?"

"I want a lawyer!" he griped.

"Sure, no problem. We'll just let them hold you so you can make a call…one call."

"I need a public defender," he demanded.

"What? Broke already? Vegas can do that," chuckled Brass.

Grissom watched as Jeffers toyed with the necklace.

He stepped closer to the glass partition.

"Is something wrong?" asked Sara.

"I need to see that necklace," he said.

Sara glanced back and was surprised when Grissom entered the room, taking a seat beside Catherine.

"Mr. Jeffers, my name is Gil Grissom and I am a supervisor here for the crime lab."

"Yeah? So what!"

Grissom eyed the necklace.

"May I?" he asked as he took the necklace before it could be snatched away.

"Hey! That is mine! I bought that for my so called fiancé," he yelled.

"I bought this for my fiancé…years ago. It's engraved "with love" on the back. Let's see," said Grissom as he turned it over and displayed the back of the locket.

Their eyes met.

"I gave that to Melissa…but then she married someone else," Grissom said.

"She was a bitch," Jeffers sneered.

"How did you happen to come across that necklace?" asked Brass.

"She gave it to me….for…services…to her pool," he chuckled.

"That must explain the marks on her neck…as if something was ripped…from her neck," gritted Grissom.

Jeffers seemed a bit nervous.

"You know it's all adding up," said Brass. "We're going to build a case against you. The best you can hope for is a plea deal…if you cooperate."

Jeffers thought about it. "Stupid husband paid thousands and got railroaded…I guess I don't stand a chance with a public defender."

"With the way she was killed, a jury will seek the death penalty."

Jeffers seemed to squirm.

"We could make a deal. No death penalty for your cooperation…now."

"It wasn't my fault. She made me," sneered Jeffers.

Grissom gripped the table.

"You ran across quite an opportunity," stated Catherine. "a young attractive woman…not old…and with money."

"Houses can be deceiving," he muttered. "It was her hubby's money…not hers. If she had stuck to the plan...then we could have had a nice income coming in."

"You thought she could leave her husband and the two of you could just shack up collect alimony...hubby didn't know you were banging the wife," added Brass.

"It wasn't supposed to be my brat! It was supposed to be her husband's! The stupid twit had not even thought ahead as to what would happen when she left her husband…for me. She was supposed to get knocked up by him…she would get alimony and child support."

Sara felt herself trembling as she stood outside the room.

"I went there that night and she told me her husband had found out she was pregnant....she said he couldn't have kids…said it had to be mine. She thought some ultrasound photo would sway me to marry her! Like I ever wanted to marry her…She just didn't get it! We needed his money!"

He shoved back his seat as if he were going to get up. "When I told her I was leaving, she ran out to the garage and tried to stop me. I started for my vehicle when I realized she had gotten my keys. I went back but she refused to give them to me. I slapped her and she fell back. She grabbed the hammer and swung it at me."

He sneered. "I enjoyed smashing her brains out. The stupid bitch thought I loved her…thought I would take care of her and some brat. I was just in it for the money."

Brass slid the confession sheet across to Jeffers.

"Just put it in writing," said Brass as Grissom slipped out of the room.

He expected to find Sara there but she was nowhere to be seen.

He stepped into his office and found her sitting on the couch.

"He confessed," he announced.

"I know…I heard. It's finally over," she said sitting there clenching her hands.

"Sara…is something wrong?" he asked.

"It never amazes what people do to one another," she whispered. "It was all about greed…a woman and an innocent life was killed because of greed," she gulped. "If she had told the truth…that it was Graham's then he wouldn't have killed her."

"Maybe she didn't know whether it was Graham's….maybe she thought that it was Jeffers."

Sara shook her head. "I don't believe that. She knew. She wouldn't have left the marriage without taking his money….the baby ensured that….she just wanted Graham to think…it was yours…to hurt him."

"Why?"

"Because she made a mistake. She loved you. She gave up love for money…only money did not make her happy…so she decided to get pregnant…keep the money…and get you back but you refused so she decided she would punish both of you by planting doubt in each of your heads. She wanted to make sure you were never close again."

Sara looked at Grissom. "If she had not been married to Graham would you have taken her back?"

Grissom shook his head. "I loved you…not her."

Sara expelled a long breath. "Maybe this will help Graham…move on."

"I think it will still hurt. His child was killed…because of a lie. Graham would have gladly given Melissa everything he had for…his child."

Sara was quiet for a moment. "I guess we'll never really know why she told Jeffers the baby was his."

"Sara…if…Graham had been proven innocent in the trial would you have…."

She shook her head. "I loved you…not him."

"What if Emma had been…"

"Don't," she begged. "All of this…all of this pain…brought us to this moment…we're here together. I would do it again…to be here….with you."

He pulled her into his arms. "God, I love you, Sara."

He kissed her and then pulled her back when he felt her tears.

"How could anyone…think about money…rather than a child," she sniffed.

"I'm so thankful Emma has you for a mother," he said with conviction. "Don't ever doubt that, Sara."

He'd visited Graham telling him about the confession made by Frank Jeffers.

While he had been relieved that Melissa's murderer had been caught, the truth of what happened hurt him deeply.

They spent hours talking about the murder conviction.

"If I had followed the case...looked at the evidence, I might have been able to prevent you from being convicted," admitted Grissom.

"Gil, you and I both know I deserved to be punished for what I did to Sara."

There, it was out.

"I appreciate what you've done," said Graham. "I don't deserve your support."

"You're my brother," answered Grissom.

Graham had merely nodded as he broke down in tears.

"I never acted like a brother to you," replied Graham. "I'm sorry."

Grissom's relationship with Sara grew closer which was why it bothered him when she was exceptionally quiet one evening as they spent time with Emma.

His hand held hers while Emma sat between them and read a book out loud.

Emma glanced at Sara.

"Bobby kissed me today," announced Emma.

Grissom frowned.

Sara smiled. "What did you do?"

"I smiled at him," she said. "He kissed me again because I taught him his letters."

Sara smiled. "A man who admires brains is hard to find. Did you like being kissed?"

"Not really…it was sort of yucky but when he wasn't looking, I washed my hand."

"He kissed you on your hand?" asked Grissom.

"Of course!" sighed Emma. "Cheeks are for you…and Mommy."

Sara laughed as Grissom seemed relieved to learn of this revelation.

As they drove into work that evening, he pulled over into a vacant parking lot.

She turned to look at him.

"You've been quiet…have I done something…"

"No….it's not you. Frank called…Dad's partner skipped town…with half of the stocks from the company. It's over. I've given him permission to sell the company...to Dad's competitor…he wouldn't want his employees to be harmed in this."

"Is there anything that can be done?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Dad built that company from the ground…Mom said it was his whole life…almost…split them up…but then she left one day…she felt inferior…couldn't give him a family and she got tired of waiting for him to come home every night…he begged her to come home…he promised to change…spend less time there…they decided to become foster parents. That decision saved me…"

She turned away. "He had this big business meeting once…career boost for the company…but I got this virus….he stayed home with me….held my hand…stroked my hair…he said I was more important than…the company…He was a good man."

He pulled her across the seat and held her. "I'm sorry, Sara."

"It's silly…it's just a company…but it was part of him….everything is gone…as if they never existed."

"You and Emma are proof that they did. They live on through both of you. She's so loving, Sara. She's so giving…so…"

"Not us," she smirked. "I never had a boy kiss my hand in preschool."

"I tried…but then the teacher thought I was trying to bite her," he said.

She laughed.

"I wish you could have known…him," she sighed. "He was so…smart…smarter than you," she quipped.

He pretended to look hurt.

"He wanted me to join the company when I graduated….but then I took that seminar…with you. I think he saw the writing on the wall. He was a little hurt…tried to convince me that their lab was the top of the line…it is…was," she said sadly.

"Their lab?" he asked.

"My father…founded Genetics First. He told me that he never dreamed that they would be faced with infertility…I think that's why he spent endless nights in the lab…trying to find a treatment for Mom. I remember when I heard about…your hearing problem."

She glanced at him. "I flew home…went straight to Dad….I was afraid…Emma…"

"She might…still…Sara, it's hereditary," he emphasized.

"I didn't care…about that…I thought it would prove…you were the father. I gave Dad the samples and he ran the paternity test."

"Your dad ran the paternity test?" he asked.

"Yes. I spent the evening with Emma at the park. There was this huge grasshopper on the swing and she was afraid to go near it until I pick it up. She's liked bugs ever since. I stared at that grasshopper and thought of you…the entomologist…I didn't quite know how I was going to feel if the test proved…Graham fathered Emma....but then Dad said...you were the father."

His stomach knotted and he wasn't quite sure why.

Sara glanced at her watch. "We're going to be late."

Days passed.

He told himself to let it go but he couldn't.

"_I gave Dad the samples and he ran the paternity test."_

_What if he didn't give her the real results?_

_What if he…tried to protect her?_

_From Graham?_

Visits with Graham became painful for Grissom.

His brother was trying to form a relationship but he couldn't…not when the doubt ate at him.

He tried to keep it from Sara.

_What would you do to protect your child?_

_For Emma?_

He'd kill to protect Emma.

He lived and breathed Emma.

Sara was becoming more and more secure in their relationship.

Emma was blossoming.

He was inwardly scared that he might bring all of the progress to a screeching halt when he decided to do his own paternity test.

He kissed Sara as she rolled over and smiled at him.

"I love you," he whispered.

She glanced up at him, trying to focus sleepy eyes. "I love you…too."

He leaned down and kissed her feverishly.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

He shook his head as he made love to her.

Those moments before and after sleep were the most pleasurable moments of his life.

He never knew loving a woman could feel like this.

His body ached from the need for her during shift and he couldn't wait to be inside her again.

Sara was pure love.

He felt guilty as he played a game with Emma, getting her to give him the sample.

The guilt increased when he hid it from Sara.

The guilt continued as she smiled her Sidle smile at him, pulling him into her arms as they made love.

They'd had a few close calls with their lovemaking, teetering on the edge of not stopping with the foreplay in time to use protection but then she didn't seem to mind, was less fearful, even pushed the box away on the dresser as she purposely settled down on his shaft and began the rhythmic dance knowing the implications of her actions and not stopping until he filled her completely.

Blue eyes stared intently at her soft brown eyes as she smiled at him.

"Let's just keep our options open," she whispered as she straddled his midsection.

She grinned when she felt him still inside her.

He rolled on top of her and slowly began to thrust until his adrenaline took over and he continued their lovemaking.

It ended with his name on her lips as she climaxed.

He joined her, leaving a part of his self deep within her.

"God, Sara…that felt…life altering," he gasped.

"It might have...been," she stressed.

He kissed her, pulling her close in his arms.

The swab sat in his desk.

Every time he opened the drawer to get something out, it was there, taunting him.

He cursed as he slammed the desk drawer.

"Got a problem?" asked Brass.

"Just tired," he lied.

"Newlyweds…enjoy it," he chuckled.

Grissom opened his mouth but then stopped.

"What?"

"Nothing," said Grissom as he grabbed his things and left.

Sara glanced at her watch as she waited in her vehicle.

They had driven different vehicles but she had thought they could go over to the diner with the others.

Emma had spent the night with a friend.

When he did not come out, she ventured back inside and went in search of him.

After checking the usual spots, it occurred to her that he might have gone to the basement.

She made her way down the dark corridor and listened outside the door to see if she might hear him inside.

She did.

He was pacing back and forth.

She tapped and suddenly it got deathly quiet on the other side.

"Gil?"

She listened as he unlocked the door, opening it wide enough for her to enter before shutting it suddenly.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

She glanced over and saw that he had added a few things.

There was a family photo that had been taken just a few weeks ago as well as photos of their wedding day.

"What's wrong?" she asked quickly.

_I don't want to lose you…_

She was not prepared to be pressed against the wall so forcibly.

It was as if he could not wait to touch her.

She returned his kisses as well as his caresses and even met his thrusts when he had stripped her quickly so that he could enter her.

He whispered her name over and over as their passion built until they were both slipping over the edge.

Something unexpected happened.

He broke the contact, reaching into the drawer for a condom.

She thought it was odd since they had already made love several times without protection.

Her hands stopped him.

"That's not necessary," she whispered as she forced him back inside her and pushed him over the edge.

Her body still shuddered from the impact of their lovemaking.

It had been intense and quite mind blowing.

"We need to come down here more often," she teased as she finished getting dressed.

He was quiet.

It sent a chill through her.

"Gil, you're scaring me," she stressed.

He pulled her into his arms.

"There's nothing wrong…I was just reminiscing."

"About what?" she asked.

"Us."

"And this makes you sad?" she asked.

"It makes me very happy…"

"But what?" she pushed.

"Do I make you happy?" he asked.

She felt a slow dread creep from her toes to her head.

"Yes."

"Gil, do I make you happy?" she countered worriedly.

He saw the fear in her eyes and he quickly kissed her.

"You make me very happy," he urged.

"I don't understand."

She eyed him closely. "Did something happen on a case?"

"Sara, I'm fine," he lied.

"Did something happen…between you and Graham?" she asked fearfully.

"No."

She glanced around the room.

She remembered the condom.

"Are you having second thoughts….about having another child?"

"No, of course not," he said. "Habit...I guess."

She looked doubtful at him.

He felt guilty...for what he knew he was going to do.

"You said you only come here when you're working on an experiment or when something is bothering you. I don't see any sign of an experiment."

He tried not to squirm.

"Wait, you overheard the guys and me in the locker," she said quickly.

He didn't know whether to lie or come clean.

"Honey, they were just teasing," she purred.

He had no clue what she was talking about but he remained silent.

"Greg started it. I'll throttle him myself," she assured him.

Still he remained quiet.

"I mean every person…even a husband has a right to his or her privacy. The fact that I don't have a key doesn't matter."

_Key?_

_He glanced around…_

"This is your private space…I'm not threatened by it," she declared.

He opened the desk drawer and pulled out another key, placing it in her hand.

"I want you to have one too," he said.

"You don't have to do this," she stressed.

"Why not? Unless you intend to bring someone here besides myself?"

"Never," she whispered as she kissed him. "Let them guess what goes on in here when we're together."

"I don't care, Sara….as long as it doesn't bother you."

"You have to admit, Greg's science fiction idea that we were going for a test tube baby was…well, Greg."

"Should we invite them in here…so it will end their curiosity?" he asked.

"I prefer to let them wonder," she said as she stepped into his arms.

Note from author:

Yeah, Grissom is going to do the test....long chapter but I had combined a couple....leave a review.

Take care!


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter Thirty Six:**

Sara had driven that afternoon in order to go to counseling before shift.

It was to be her last and she was quite happy to be done with it.

She had seemed particularly happy these days which made his actions even more secretive.

He knew she would not be in the lab for a few hours.

He made his rounds throughout the lab but then stopped at Judy's desk.

"Judy, I'm going to run an experiment…in the basement…I won't be available for awhile," he warned.

He felt like a criminal as he rushed back to his office, opened the drawer, retrieved the package along with the necessary items and then disappeared.

It was the second sample he'd gotten from Emma.

He'd destroyed the other one in a fit of pure agony over doing this behind Sara's back but he could not bring himself to discuss something so painful with her.

She was leaving counseling.

She was putting it behind her...them.

She was happy.

She was even willing to have another child...another child.

He could feel his heart thudding with each step he took.

He knew he would not be discovered there nor would he be interrupted.

He shut the door and began to work despite the screaming in his head to slow down and think through what he was about to do.

_I don't know how she did it..._

_I don't know how she put up with the gnawing questions every hour, every minute, every second of the day..._

He could not seem to keep his hands from trembling as he focused on the task despite the tears that tumbled from his eyes.

He viciously wipe them away.

Pools of sweat poured from his pores even though it was quite cool in the basement.

She'd made it to the building when she got the call from Mary.

Emma had an ear ache.

She canceled her appointment and went home.

She found the little girl in tears.

It had been months since the last infection and wondered if it had been because they had played in the water at school.

"It hurts, Mommy," she wailed.

"I'm sorry," whispered Sara.

She took out the drops and deposited them inside the child's ear, then gave her some medicine for the pain.

It seemed to ease rather quickly.

"Better?' she asked.

"Yes," smiled Emma.

She waited an hour and then glanced at her watch. "Mommy should go to work," Sara explained.

"Could we play one game before you leave?"

Sara smiled. 'What would you like to play?"

"Could we play the doctor game?" asked Emma.

"Doctor game?" asked Sara.

"Daddy…with the swabs…like before," she said.

Sara stiffened. "Daddy….swabbed your mouth….again?"

"Yes."

"When, baby?"

"Yesterday," Emma said with a yawn.

Sara kissed her daughter, leaving her with the nanny.

She drove like mad to the lab.

She told herself over and over, that she had misunderstood Emma.

She stepped into the lab and glanced at the board.

"Judy is Grissom in his office?" she asked.

"He said he was going to be running an experiment…in the basement…you know that drafty place that only he likes…didn't want to be disturbed," she said.

Sara flew to the stairs.

She made her way to the basement.

She forced herself to stop at the door.

_It's not what you think…_

_He trusts you…_

_He wouldn't do this behind your back…_

_Why would he do this?_

_He didn't believe me…_

_Maybe Graham has said something to him…_

She didn't even bother to try the lock, but rather, took out the key and unlocked the door.

His head jerked up, causing him to drop the glass in his hand.

Sara glanced at the table.

"I thought you…had gone to counseling?" he asked trying to sound calm even though his hands trembled.

"Mary called…Emma had an ear ache…I went home."

"Is she alright?" he asked.

She nodded. "Better…she wanted me to play the doctor game with her…use the swab…in her mouth."

Sara's eyes mournfully stared at him.

"Sara…"

"Why?"

"Your dad…loved you very much…you said he…ran the test."

"You think he falsified the results?" she yelled. "He was my father! He never lied to me…even when it hurt! He wanted me to return to San Francisco…he knew I would if you were not the father…the test proved **you're** the father!"

"I am…no matter what."

"You say that and yet you take the sample behind my back, you hide down here…"

"I didn't want to hurt you…I can't explain it…I became obsessed…with not knowing…for sure."

"Run your tests!" she cried.

"Sara! Wait!" he yelled as he hurried around the table.

Her hands went up in the air. "Don't touch me!"

"I'm sorry," he pleaded.

"You're sorry you got caught…I trusted you…I thought you…trusted me."

"I do! I kept thinking…what I would do for Emma…I can understand if he did…but then I couldn't…let it go."

"You could have come to me…asked me…talked with me…you didn't. You went behind my back to do this!" She swiped her hands across the table sending the contents to the floor.

"I know you're upset right now," he said softly. "You have a right to be angry…"

"Angry? **This**…hurts!" she cried.

He stepped toward her intending to hold her.

"Don't! I don't want you…to touch me!"

He felt as if he'd been slapped.

She flew up the stairs.

Grissom held his head with his hand while the other swiped the remainder of the contents on the table to the floor.

She sat in the restroom as she tried to calm down.

She knew it was one place he could not enter.

She splashed water on her face for the hundredth time as she tried to hide the tears.

_Keep it together, Sara…_

_Just get through work…_

_Oh, God, I still have to face him…_

She stepped out of the restroom and had a cup of coffee thrust into her hand.

"Hey, Sara, you get the last cup of my Blue Hawaiian coffee," smiled Greg.

"Thanks," she managed to get out.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Emma has been sick…ear ache," she mumbled.

"I used to get those," he said. "Grandpa Olaf said that sweet oil was the best."

"She has drops…it helped."

Greg glanced up and saw Grissom enter from the stairs.

"Judy said he was running some experiment. I guess Nick was wrong about what goes on down there if you're here and he' was down there," snickered Greg.

Grissom's eyes caught sight of Sara.

He stopped abruptly but then turned toward the conference room.

"Assignment time," muttered Greg.

She purposely sat between Nick and Greg.

He handed out the assignments, pairing her with him.

She started to leave but he called her back.

She had no choice but to stay.

He waited until they were alone.

"I know I'm the last person you want to work with tonight but…we should stay together…in case Emma needs us."

She bit down on her lip, tasting copper. "Of course…for Emma."

She whirled around, storming out of the conference room.

Grissom sat there and wondered if there were any more blunders he could commit before the shift was over.

She insisted on driving herself to the crime scene.

He didn't object but a few heads popped up when they arrived separately.

She grabbed her kit and did not wait for direction but began snapping photos of the crime scene.

He did not object but hunkered down for a long night.

They finished the scene in record time.

He wiped his brow as he loaded the evidence.

"Want to stop and get something to eat?" he asked.

"No."

"Sara…we've got to work through this before…Emma will see it."

"I can't talk with you right now," she fumed.

"When do we ….talk? I shouldn't have attempted to do the test…behind…your back."

"So you think it was okay to accuse my father of lying?" she screeched.

The officer's head snapped up from his nap.

Grissom stepped closer. "After everything that has happened…I thought you would understand…when you told me you ran the test…I accepted the results…but you didn't. Forgive me Sara, but trust has never come easy…for me. I didn't know Joe Holmes. I do know that I would beg, lie, steal, even kill for Emma…I'm sure he would have done the same for…you."

He attempted to touch her but she stepped away.

It hurt both of them.

"Can we go…some…place and talk about this?" he asked.

"You know what hurts the most?" she asked.

By the expression on her face, he didn't want to know.

"I was moving on…getting past…the rape…I finally felt…almost whole…and now…you've managed to reopen the same wound."

She gulped down a sob and it ate at him.

He attempted to comfort her but she stepped back further behind the Denali.

"You doubt that you're the father….now I doubt…that Graham is not…I'm back in the same hellish nightmare."

She was gone instantly.

The dust whirled around his head as he ignored the pounding in his head and chest.

It was as if the past few months had not occurred.

She was sleeping on the couch once again.

Emma did not even notice since Sara was the last to collapse and the first to rise.

He wondered if she even slept.

They communicated through Emma and Mary.

The kisses planted in front of Emma were hollow and only added to their misery.

It was a reminder of what they had lost.

He never wanted her to find out.

His deception had injured both of them and he wasn't sure if he could repair the damage to their marriage.

It was all he could do to keep his hands off her.

He wanted her every time he caught sight of her.

It was proving to be difficult at work.

The others had already noticed the strain.

Catherine had attempted to find out the root of the problem but he had blown her off.

Neither was faring well with the current situation.

One day he attempted to mend things when he sent her a message asking her to come to the basement.

She didn't show.

When she arrived home, he had said nothing until Emma was gone.

"I can't stand the silence any longer," he said.

Neither could she.

She had spent too many sleepless hours on the couch, aching for his body.

She'd grown accustomed to their lovemaking and as soon as it ended, she felt very much empty inside as if a piece of her was missing.

Love sucked.

"How long are you going to be mad?" he asked.

_I'm not mad…_

_I'm hurt…_

His treachery was still too vivid.

"I hate what you did!" she spat.

"Do you hate me?" he asked as he approached her.

She gulped from the nearness of him.

"Do you?" he asked as he stood mere inches from her.

She shook her head as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Please Sara…" He cursed when his beeper went off followed by her phone.

By time he looked up she was already heading for the door.

Hours dragged by as they worked with the others.

His confrontation was forgotten on the dead.

He wiped his brow as he tried to focus on his job.

It was hard.

A young child had been killed needlessly and it had affected all of them.

He was surprised when he looked up and found that he and Sara were the only ones left on the scene.

"I'll give you a lift back," he said quietly.

"It's passed shift…we should go home," she replied.

He couldn't.

He needed to relinquish the stench of the case before he dared set foot back in their home.

He needed some time to get a handle on his emotions.

He hated feeling like this.

He wanted nothing more than to kill the monster that had killed this poor defenseless child.

He needed Sara but knew he'd screwed up that haven.

His only recourse was the basement.

"I've got to do something at work," he lied.

She glanced at him and saw the hurt in his eyes.

She knew what he intended to do.

She also knew he would probably spend the remainder of the next few hours before shift sitting there in the dark basement alone while she spent it at home crying for a child neither of them knew.

She nodded.

"You take the car home. I'll get a lift later," he explained.

_No, you won't…._

_You'll be until the next shift…_

She watched as he disappeared into the lab.

She sat there in the vehicle, telling herself to drive home.

She put the car in reverse but then cursed under her breath as she parked the car and headed into the lab.

She took the immediate stairs and just as she suspected, Sara could see a light on underneath the door.

He was there.

She unlocked the door and slipped inside.

Neither said a word as they feverishly tossed aside their clothing and gave each other what they both craved and needed.

No sooner had they finished then they were making loving again, not wanting to let this moment of truce pass without milking it for all that it was worth.

When Grissom had wrung out the last orgasm from her, he came one last time.

He kissed her before he finally released her.

She dressed and was out the door without a word.

It had not changed anything.

Her doubt over the paternity results rattled her soul.

She had allowed it to drive a wedge between them.

She remained on the couch and he remained deeply engrossed in a depression that he could not seem to lift.

Weeks passed.

He arrived home one morning to find her sitting on the couch waiting for him.

It had been her night off and yet it did not appear she had gotten much rest.

He set his keys down on the counter and glanced around.

The house was quiet.

"Mary took Emma out for breakfast…at my request," she said.

He knew a confrontation was brewing.

His heart thudded loudly while he sat down across from her.

She extended her hand and he thought she meant for him to take it.

When he reached for it, she dropped a swab into his hand.

"The other was probably ruined…do the test," she said.

"Sara..."

"Send it to another…lab…to be processed…I think we both can then trust the results."

"No!....I don't need a test…Emma is mine!"

"You can't have it both ways," she mourned. "I can't live…with the doubt anymore…I did for years…no more. Either you send it…or I will."

"I'm not sending it," he said matter of fact.

"Fine. I'll send it."

He cursed.

His shaking hand slowly made its way toward her.

She recoiled.

His hand dropped to his side.

"I just want to comfort…you," he whispered.

She took a ragged breath. "I'm so tired...of this."

His eyes shot to her immediately. "Sara…let's forget about this…never bring it up. Emma is our child and…"

"Send…the test," she whispered.

"No!" He bellowed. "We were happy…I didn't mean for this to happen! God, Sara what do I have to do…to make this right again?"

"Pray….that Dad…didn't love me as much as you think," she sniffled.

A single tear slipped down her cheeks followed by another.

"The test would mean nothing!"

"It meant enough for you to go behind my back and get a sample from Emma," she stated.

"I was wrong…I admit that…I don't need the test."

"I don't know…what's going to happen…to us."

She visibly shook.

He grabbed her hand, refusing to let go.

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked.

Again, she shook her head.

"Sara…"

"I don't…want to fight…anymore," she cried.

"Me either," he whispered as he cautiously reached out…to stroke her hair.

She closed her eyes as he continued.

"So sorry, honey," he whispered. "I know this has been…hard for you."

"I'm scared, Gil."

He pulled her into his arms, berating himself as he tried to comfort her.

"I'm here," he soothed.

"Our options…have been reduced," she whispered.

He stiffened.

"I'm pregnant," she gulped.

Note from author:

This was how I was going to have to leave it for several days until I returned from my trip....see why I am rushing to get these chapters out... be nice and leave a review for each one.

Take care!


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter Thirty Seven:**

"Pregnant?" he asked as he smiled.

She nodded.

His smile was not returned.

"You're not happy about it?" he asked.

"We've barely spoken…and now…**this.**"

"Sara, **this** is another child!"

He felt uneasy in her lack of enthusiasm.

"When we first got married…I actually…was jealous of your relationship with Emma…it was obvious you'd fallen in love with her. We married because…of her….my sweet Emma. Now, I'll always wonder…if…we stayed together…because of this."

"No Sara! I married you because I love you. We're together because that hasn't changed."

She didn't believe him.

He knew that.

He felt as if he had hurt her far worse than Graham had.

He felt giddy with the knowledge of the pregnancy but her behavior frightened him.

"You said earlier, you weren't feeling well," he said.

"I'm tired," she admitted. "I couldn't sleep last night…trying to come up with the courage to tell you…just get it over with."

"I'm glad you did," he said holding her hand.

He glanced down at the couch.

"No more sleeping on the couch for either of us."

"Back to where we were," she mumbled.

He pulled her to the bedroom, pulling back the covers.

He showered and then joined her.

Hours passed as he held her, coaxed her to sleep, and held her body while he wept.

When she woke, his arms were still wrapped firmly around her.

The moment she stirred, he kissed her.

"Feel like talking?" he asked.

"I'm not ready…to tell anyone…yet," she stated.

"When you're ready…we'll do it together," he offered wiping her hair back from her face and planting another kiss on her cheek.

His hand slowly dipped down and caressed her abdomen. "I love you, Sara…so much."

He gently rolled her so that they were facing each other.

Her eyes drifted up to his.

There was no sparkle or any sense of joy.

"Do you want this baby?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," she replied.

He felt somewhat relieved.

"How do you feel about…the baby?" he asked.

"Numb…scared," she admitted.

"I thought if I gave you some space…we could work this out…I'm sorry. I've only made things worse."

"Not just your fault," she managed to get out.

"When did you find out you were pregnant?" he whispered.

"I took the test…yesterday…wasn't hiding anything from you."

He felt guilty as hell.

This whole mess began because of him.

"Sara…let's take some time off," he pleaded.

"I'm not sure…this is a good time," she said as she sat up.

"Now is a good time. We need…some time…together," he said.

He could tell she did not like the idea.

"Mary will stay here…Jim and the guys can check in…make sure Emma is okay."

She said nothing.

His hand gently turned her chin toward him. "Please."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because I want to spend some time with you….just you," he begged.

"I've got the Stallings case coming up this week," she said.

"Next week then," he urged. "It will give us time to plan."

He could almost see her brain churning, trying to find an excuse not to go.

"I'll check with my…boss," she replied.

"I'm sure he won't mind. I'll check with him myself…when I clear my leave with Ecklie."

"No…I'll do it," she said.

She didn't seem thrilled.

He made dinner as she went about doing laundry.

Emma arrived home.

He glanced over at the package on the counter.

She had insisted he prepare the paternity test and send it off that day.

With every attempt to dissuade her, she became more and more agitated.

He worried about the impact of the stress on her body.

The last few weeks had taken quite a toll on both of them.

He worried about the new life growing inside Sara.

On the way to work that evening, she made him swing by the post office and drop off the package.

"It'll take several weeks," he said as he glanced at her, hoping to ease as much stress as he could.

His hand reached out and took hers while he drove.

In the last few hours they'd had more physical contact than in weeks.

He blamed himself for letting it get to that point.

He was not used to emotional confrontations.

While he and Sara had slept separately their D.N.A. were joining, forming a life.

As soon as they arrived, she was out of the vehicle and inside before he could utter a word.

He sat there in his vehicle, wishing he had done things different.

"Penny for your thoughts," offered Catherine softly.

He glanced at her.

"Never seen you this down…since…is Sara alright?" she asked.

"Cath…how do you…show someone…how much…you…care for them?" he asked.

"Wow, for you to be asking me this, you must have really screwed up," she muttered.

"Never mind," he grumbled as he stepped out of his vehicle.

"Wait…Gil…I'm sorry," she urged. "I know Sara's been feeling…pretty down lately. The guys were going to have me pump you for information."

"Don't," he warned as he tried to head to the door but she blocked him.

"Flowers…not a plant…flowers are a start," she stated. "With more than just your name attached to it."

"Flowers?" he asked.

"Yes…then write a note or letter…"

He frowned. "We live together. Why would I mail her…"

Catherine rolled her eyes. "Put it where she'll find it. In her locker, her lingerie drawer, under her pillow, in her desk or her lunch. Get the idea?"

He nodded.

"You know I never saw Sara sporting an engagement ring," she said.

"I didn't have time to get one…she agreed…so I didn't want to waste any time."

"Thought she would back out?" she half teased but the look on his face made her heart churn for this awkward boss she considered friend.

"Buy her a nice gown…it's not too late for an engagement ring…she's not going anywhere since she married you…or is she?"

"We're going to take a week…go somewhere," he said quietly.

"Her idea or yours?" she asked.

"Mine," he said.

"Good! Where are you going?" she asked.

He looked clueless.

"You mean you asked her to go out of town with you and you don't know where you're going to go?"

"I thought maybe…Jim's cabin…we did some fishing up there…"

"No! Leave it to me," she said.

"I'm not sure I should do that," he said nervously.

"Give me a couple of hours and I'll give you some options…okay?"

He nodded.

She headed toward the door. "You coming?"

He got to the entrance but she blocked him. "When are you leaving?"

"Next week."

"Good. There is plenty of time to romance her," smiled Catherine.

"Romance her?" he gulped.

She shoved him inside the door. "Go be nice to your wife…don't treat her like another CSI but your wife. You know it wouldn't hurt if you held her hand, kissed her…act like a cave man…stake your woman and…"

"You want me to get a club and hit her with it?" he teased.

"Everyone knows the two of you are married…don't be shy about…showing it. A kiss or a touch isn't going to hurt anyone."

"Caveman huh?"

"Forget that analogy," she muttered.

Catherine smiled when Grissom sat down to give out assignments and purposely reached over, placing his hand on Sara's.

She turned to see if he wanted something but he continued to assign cases.

Sara felt it was odd.

She gently tried to move her hand, thinking she was infringing on his space but he refused to release hers.

As the others started to leave, she leaned over. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No…I just wanted to… hold your hand," he said.

She looked stunned.

There was a note left in her kit.

She opened it and quickly glanced around.

Before shift ended, a bouquet of flowers arrived on her desk.

She read the note, removing it so the others could not read it.

He sought out Sara before she had a chance to seek him at the of the shift.

"Ready to leave?" he asked.

She glanced at the flowers.

"Do you like them?" he asked.

"Griss…why…are you…doing this?"

"Because…I want to show you…how much you mean to me," he said feeling kind of nervous.

"I'm ready…to leave," she said.

He did not give up the pursuit.

He stepped closer to her.

His hand caressed her cheek.

"I just wanted…to show you," he explained. "In case you don't know."

She seemed startled when Grissom took her into his arms and kissed her.

As soon as she recovered from the initial shock, he deepened the kiss.

He finally stepped back. "Ready…to go…home?" he asked.

She managed a nod.

His hand slipped into hers as he guided her down the hall.

Nick and Greg gawked while Warrick smiled. "I think the honeymoon has returned."

She seemed a bit out of sorts as they drove home.

He slid some pamphlets across the seat.

She glanced down.

"What are these?" she asked.

"Some ideas," he said.

She glanced at the pamphlets.

She slid them back.

He seemed disappointed.

_So much for listening to Catherine…_

_She liked the flowers…_

_Didn't she?_

"I don't want to leave…Vegas," she announced.

"But…you agreed…to take off a week," he said sounding hurt.

"I will…but I don't want to leave. Emma's ear ache could return."

"So…if we stay….nearby…then it's not a problem?" he asked.

"No…it's not," she agreed.

"I'll come up with something," he said with a smile.

She found a note in her drawer as she changed clothes.

It was a few lines of poetry but he had boldly signed it "All my love, Gil."

He had watched her as she picked up around the house while he and Emma played a game.

They explained to Emma about their time alone.

She didn't seem to mind. "Will you call?" she asked.

"Of course," said Sara. "If you get sick…we can come home…immediately."

"Can Nick come over for a movie?" she asked.

"I'll ask him," said Sara.

"I guess we're set," said Grissom.

As soon as Emma left for school, Sara turned in.

He lay there as she struggled to sleep.

His hand gently stroked her hair.

She startled him when she rolled over abruptly, sitting up in the bed.

"Stop!" she yelled.

"What's wrong?"

"Stop…**this**," she heaved.

"Sara…"

"You're acting as if…this past month didn't happen," she said.

"No…I'm not. We both know it did. I just…want…to fix this."

"I'm not sure you can," she cried getting up.

He came around the bed and cornered her. "Things…were good…until I...is there no…going back…no redemption?"

"It's…not that easy…do you think flowers or notes or cards…or a trip is going to fix our problems?" she cried.

"I let my insecurity get the better of me! Does that mean I don't get another chance, Sara?"

She stood there leaning against the wall as she softly began to cry.

"You have insecurities…you don't believe that someone can love you…how can I convince you that I do if you won't let me try?" he grieved.

"I'm….trying," she whispered.

He stepped closer. "You're not the only one who is scared," he whispered.

She looked shocked.

"You think you have the monopoly on fear?" he asked. "I'm afraid that maybe you never really loved me… you've grown tired of me already….Melissa did."

"That's not true!"

"What other insecurities…do you have?" he asked.

She looked at him. "I'm …afraid you blame me for the rape."

"No!"

"I trusted him…I let my past cloud my judgment…I never should have gone over there that night…I should have suspected something…I should have…"

She gulped.

He quickly held her. "That was not your fault. I blame myself!."

"I'm afraid…of doing **this**…all over again," she sniffled. "I don't have Mom…and…Dad…and God, Gil, I miss them so much."

"You're not alone. You have family right here," he urged as he kissed her tenderly on the cheek.

Both stood there, each needing comfort.

"I'm afraid Graham…may be right," he whispered.

"What…do you mean?"

"He said…I'm incapable of loving someone…I'm just like him…don't deserve you," he said.

Her lips found his.

"We're a mess," she half cried, half laughed as he guided them to the bed.

"We're trained to sift through a mess and find what's important," he whispered.

"What's important?" she asked.

"That…we both love each other," he reasoned. "That's what counts."

He rolled over and propped himself up.

His hand cupped her face as he leaned down and kissed her.

His hand slid down her body and rested upon her abdomen.

His lips settled there.

He made love to her slowly, easing his way into her body.

It was pure torture for her.

She wanted to go fast but his voice would gently coax her to go slow.

He moved slowly, methodically, dipping to take her lips with each thrust while he whispered how much he loved her.

Each movement purposely relayed his feelings for her.

He worshipped her body as she cried out his name over and over.

"I love you," he whispered.

Note form author:

The last three chapters will be posted tomorrow. You will have the rest of the weekend to enjoy the story. Please be kind and leave a review for each chapter.

Take care!


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter Thirty Eight:**

He chose a suite in one of the casinos.

As they stepped out of the vehicle she glanced at him.

"We're going to gamble?" she asked.

He frowned as he grabbed her hand and led her to the penthouse suite.

"The view is beautiful," she murmured.

"I resolved a security problem for the owner once. I used to come here and just watch the strip below…much prettier…without so much of the glare…or the people below," he explained.

She smiled.

Later as they lay in bed, he twirled the wedding band on her finger.

"It's loose," he noted.

"It won't be for long," she sighed. "I ate everything in sight when I was pregnant with Emma."

"You named her Emma Grace," he pondered.

"Emma for Mom…and Grace…after your mother," she explained.

He smiled. "Thank you."

She looked around. "This feels different."

"How?" he asked.

"Just us…no dog…or Emma…or the nanny," she breathed.

"Different bad…or good?" he asked.

She smiled. "I miss Emma…but…good."

"Sara?"

"Hmmm?"

He gently slipped the engagement ring on her finger.

She stared at it.

"I wanted to pick just the right one," he said. "Nothing seemed…right. Diamonds seem so imperfect in comparison to you."

Her eyes misted.

"You like it?" he asked.

She nodded. "It's beautiful."

Weeks passed.

Each worked on their insecurities.

It wasn't easy as Grissom continued his visits with Graham.

It was proving to be difficult for both of them.

"You don't have to come," he grumbled.

"Afraid you'll find out the truth?" asked Grissom.

"No…I know the truth. Our father…tried to…help me. My mother wouldn't let him. I hated him…because of her…I never trusted him…because of her."

"Sara trusted you," glared Grissom.

"Yes, she did…and I used that trust…I just wanted her to love me," he whispered.

"You can't force someone to love you," said Grissom.

"I know."

"You hurt her…we both have," admitted Grissom.

Graham stared at Grissom. "You've never hurt her."

"I have…with my own insecurities," admitted Grissom.

"She loves you very much," said Graham.

Grissom tried to hide his own insecurity.

"How is Sara?" asked Graham.

"Why do you want to know?" asked Grissom angrily.

"I just want to know…she's well," he said quietly.

The conversation came to a screeching halt.

"I'll come next week," offered Grissom as he started to leave.

"Why…do you come?" he asked.

"Because….of Sara. She insisted…we try to…work this out between us…said we needed one another," explained Grissom.

"She's still trying to save me," he laughed but soon began to cry. "You're very lucky…to have someone like her. I appreciate…your visits…but don't come back. It's not necessary. You…tried to do this years ago and I repaid you by sleeping with Melissa. I'm sorry….but you don't have to take care of me…I'll be fine. Take care of your family…make Sara happy. She deserves to be happy."

He even extended his hand but he didn't expect Grissom to take it.

His words seemed final.

Grissom tapped on the door and waited to be released.

"I'll be back next week."

The attendant unlocked the door.

The clicking of the lock echoed inside the room.

It was almost deafening.

He stepped out of the room and listened as the door locked once more.

He stepped toward the door, glancing through the small window.

Graham stood there, looking out.

"Unlock the door," Grissom ordered.

"Visitation is over," said the attendant.

"Unlock the door…now," he ordered.

The attendant unlocked the door, letting Grissom back inside.

Graham did not turn around.

"How…are you planning to do it this time?" asked Grissom.

"What do you mean?" asked Graham.

"Suicide," he said.

"Go home, Grissom."

"That's your….last name also….call me Gil."

"My last name is Graham. It was my stepfather's name…the only man who took the time to legally have it changed."

"Sara told me about him," said Grissom.

Graham gulped. "Visitation is over."

Grissom glanced around the room. "Do you have anything…in here? I can have the attendant search the room."

"Leave me alone!" he grieved.

"Why? So you can implement your plan? I won't let you hurt her again!"

"I'm not trying to hurt her! I'm trying to help her."

"By killing yourself?"

"I'm just a reminder…I need to be punished…for what I did."

"Sara wanted you to get counseling…no other punishment."

Grissom looked around. "Isn't this enough?"

Graham shook his head. "It's not enough."

Grissom stepped back.

_God help me, but I feel the same way…_

_I wish you didn't exist…_

_I wish you would have succeeded the first time…_

At that moment he realized for the first time, Graham's pain.

His mother had never wanted him.

She only saw him as a means of getting what she wanted.

Even their father had not wanted him because it meant his adulterous affair was about to be exposed.

"Richard, she doesn't need the stress," urged Grissom.

"I am her stress! I am a constant reminder of what I did!"

"She's pregnant!" yelled Grissom.

Graham took a ragged breath. "How is she? No…never mind…I'm sorry. Make sure she gets plenty of rest…don't overdo it. Maybe…this pregnancy will be different."

Grissom's head shot up. "Different?"

"There's no question who fathered this child. She doesn't have to fear that someone like me…go home Grissom."

He stepped out of the room and practically ran to his vehicle.

He walked into the lab, picking up files and thumbed through them.

With each dead cadaver, he saw Graham's face.

He threw a file across his office.

"Got a minute?" asked Catherine.

"No…I don't," he said as he picked up his phone and dialed the hospital.

His room was searched.

A razor was found.

Graham was placed on suicide watch.

The next day he went to visit him but Grissom was not permitted to see him.

The following week, he insisted on seeing his brother.

He stepped into the padded room.

Graham sat in the floor.

"I would offer you a seat but they won't allow me…anything…in here," he said as he spread out his arms to display the padded room.

Grissom leaned against the wall.

Graham sat there quietly.

Grissom attempted several times to talk with him but he remained quiet.

"Sara has been sick," he finally said.

Graham's eyes shot to Grissom.

"Morning sickness?" he asked.

Grissom nodded.

"Watch her for dehydration….if it gets too bad, they can prescribe something for her. Check her weight…she probably won't like it but she's too thin."

"I will."

"How is Emma?" asked Graham.

"Why…do you ask?"

"Sara…needs rest...she's not going to be as active for awhile until her body gets accustomed to the pregnancy…it would help to explain this to Emma so she doesn't feel…neglected. Sometimes children can feel resentment toward a new addition…if it's not handled correctly."

Grissom stared at him.

"Medical school…of course…I was interested in pediatrics when I thought Melissa and I…"

The conversation ended.

Even Grissom's attempts to start it again, just failed.

"Richard…they told me you refused counseling," said Grissom.

He picked at the padded floor.

"You…seemed to be making progress when you attended counseling," explained Grissom.

"I don't want to make progress," he finally admitted.

"Why not?" Grissom asked.

"Because there is nothing that they can do for me to change what I did to Sara," he said.

"Sara was hoping you would get better…so you could help others…perhaps open a clinic," he stated.

"A clinic?" he asked.

"Put your medical degree to use…by helping foster children or persons in the community," explained Grissom.

"She really thought I could do this?" he asked.

"Unless you just want to stay in here…and do this."

The next week was better.

Graham had returned to counseling and to a regular room.

They discussed the past even though it was rather painful.

Grissom watched as Sara's insecurities slowly drifted away with each day.

She seemed more secure as he shared his thoughts, his fears, and his inability to keep his hands from her abdomen while they slept.

One evening it arrived.

He saw the letter and his stomach knotted.

He wanted to burn it.

He held it in his hand, not wanting to show it to her.

Finally, Sara was feeling more secure.

Finally, he had convinced her he loved her.

Now, he stood there with the envelope in his hand that could change everything.

She'd not even mentioned it.

_Maybe she forgot about it…_

_Throw it away, Grissom…_

_Don't open it…_

He panicked when he heard footsteps.

He knew it was Sara.

He quickly stepped into the study, pulling down a book from the top shelf and placed the envelope inside.

He had just turned when she appeared in the doorway.

She smiled at him.

"Coming to bed?" she purred.

"I'll be there in a minute," he promised.

She glanced at his desk. "Paperwork?"

"Get the bed warm," he teased.

She waltzed over and kissed him.

Her tongue languished with his.

He gasped for air.

"Not nice," he breathed.

As soon as she disappeared, he reached for the book and took out the envelope but then shoved it back.

_I don't need to know…_

_I don't want to know…_

She stretched from their lovemaking as his hands settled on her abdomen.

She yawned.

"You should sleep," he cautioned.

"I'm tired," she admitted.

"Your body is trying to adjust," he said, kissing her on the lips.

"Maybe we should check with the lab…see what's taking so long," she said between yawns.

"I'll take care of it," he whispered as he pulled her closer.

"Just sleep," he whispered as he lovingly stroked her hair until she fell asleep.

_No one will ever see those test results…_

He was giddy with excitement when they stared at the ultrasound.

Sara could not seem to stop the smiles as they both stared at the monitor.

"Emma is going to have a brother," he whispered.

"Did you want a boy?" she asked.

He smiled. "I didn't care."

He was in awe of Sara's transformation.

Despite the fatigue and sickness, Sara's body glowed from the pregnancy.

She seemed to accept the fact that the lab had lost the paternity test.

She'd even agreed to let it go.

Her mind was now focused on the life inside her as Grissom focused on hovering around her intent to protect her.

The unit had been supportive of the pregnancy news.

There were offers of babysitting for Emma and the newborn.

He ushered the unit to rally around Sara, letting her know that she was loved.

It seemed to help as her smiles increased with each passing day.

She became more and more secure with the pregnancy.

The first indication that she was fearful, he was there holding her hand, soothing her complaints.

Graham sat nervously as he waited for Grissom's visit.

His brother stepped into the room.

"I need to talk with you," said Graham.

Grissom sat down across from him.

"They want to release me. I've got a job lined up with a clinic…but I wanted to make sure it was okay with you."

Grissom wasn't sure why he suddenly felt nervous.

"I'll be pulling some long hours at the clinic…but I think I can make a difference. I'll be the primary care physician for a residential home for children. I want you to know…I won't interfere…I won't…come by…I won't…could we…still meet for dinner? I've found this house near the clinic. I..…Gil, I want your approval."

He wasn't sure whether he could give it.

He was suddenly afraid for Sara.

Graham sensed this. "I won't come near Sara. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize her or the baby. I just want her to be happy," he urged.

Later, that evening, he sat there at his desk as he tried to fathom what he had just done.

He'd given his brother the okay for the release.

Now, he sat there and wondered if he'd done the right thing.

There was a tap on his door and he glanced up to find her there.

"You've been quiet all evening," she whispered. "Gil, what's wrong?"

"Graham is being released," he said.

"I know," she admitted. "I ran into his attorney in court….he told me about the clinic…the house. I think it's good. I think he's going to be…okay."

"What about you?" he asked. "Sara…what if he…"

"I'm going to be fine," she said as her hand glided along her abdomen.

He was there in three strides.

"He's been very active," she said with a smile.

Grissom pulled her close. "I'm worried."

"I'm hungry," she pouted.

"You're always hungry…that's good," he teased.

The next several weeks were a blur as they purchased a house and began to pack.

Emma seemed reluctant at first until she realized the house was near the park.

Graham had been released and was now living across town.

Grissom met with him every week for dinner.

He'd been given a tour of the clinic as well the new house that Graham had purchased.

"I'm still living out of boxes," explained Graham. "I'm not home much to have time to unpack. The clinic was in poor condition when I arrived and I've been spending a lot of time trying to improve it…I meet with the board next week for the first time."

Grissom picked up on his discomfort.

"Is there a problem?" he asked.

"The board has some concerns...about the murder conviction. It seems they didn't bother with a background check until now," he breathed.

"The conviction was overturned," said Grissom.

"My stint with the psychiatric facility wasn't…they think I'm a druggy…imagine…the shock when I tell them I'm just off balanced."

"You're not," replied Grissom.

"No, I'm not. For the first time, I think I've finally got things…straight," admitted Graham.

"Good…I've got to go," said Grissom. "We moved…Sara refuses to let us live out of boxes so I've got to get home."

"How…is she?"

"She's good. The morning sickness is over. She still tires easily but she's fine."

"Good. Make sure they're checking her iron…she might be anemic, especially since she's a vegetarian."

Grissom started to leave when Graham called out to him.

"Gil…she's not worried…about me…hurting her…again. Is she?"

"No…but I am."

It shocked Graham.

He shuffled his feet trying to hide the hurt.

"I won't…I won't let you down…this time. I promise."

Note from author:

What do you think?....Go on to the bext chapter. Leave a review.

Take care!


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter Thirty Nine:**

The first time he ran into her at the grocery store, he fled in the other direction.

He'd managed to get to the counter but then he heard a slight commotion and turned to see Emma.

She recognized him and waved.

He wanted to wave but felt uncomfortable about the interaction.

He paid for his items and escaped.

His appearance had not gone unnoticed as Grissom brought up the subject the following week.

"I'm sorry. I usually go there at night but it was my day off and…"

"Emma did not understand why you didn't wave to her," said Grissom.

"As soon as I recognized Sara's voice on the other side of the aisle, I left Gil."

Graham had been trying particularly hard when it came to their relationship.

He asked questions about his father that only Grissom could answer.

Grissom told him everything he remembered.

He seemed genuinely interested in wanting to know about Richard Gilbert Grissom.

Grissom had given him a few books that had belonged to their father.

It had touched Graham tremendously.

Now, his brother seemed troubled.

Graham pushed his plate away.

"You didn't eat much," noticed Grissom.

"I haven't had an appetite much."

"Richard, it didn't bother Sara...or me," said Grissom.

"Good," he replied but his actions told Grissom he was worried about another matter.

"Problems with the board?"

"The board turned their eyes the moment I offered to buy some equipment out of my own pocket," he muttered. "I knew they would turn down the requisitions…they refuse to get anything in the clinic that might save a life."

"So…what's the problem?' asked Grissom.

"There's this kid," he said quietly.

"In the group home?" asked Grissom.

"The group home would be better than this kid's home," answered Graham. "Some of the other kids brought him…he had this cut on his arm…and several more on his back...I know a belt mark when I see one," grieved Graham.

"Have you tried talking to his parents…the authorities?" asked Grissom.

"I'm required to report abuse…I did," he said. "I haven't seen Robert in several days."

The conversation drifted to other things but Grissom knew the incident bothered Graham.

"Richard…Dad tried to get you…from your mother…but…"

"I know….now. I just don't know how anyone can hit a child," he grieved.

"Sometimes it's necessary," stated Grissom.

Graham turned angry. "You can't mean that! I can't believe you could…hit…Emma! Sara would never allow…"

"She doesn't…but then I've never been able to lay a hand on Emma…I look at her and I see Sara."

"Sara was beaten…quite often by her father."

"I know," replied Grissom.

"Then you know that the slightest rise of a hand or voice sets her on edge," Graham warned.

Grissom's eyes narrowed at Graham.

"We talked about it once," he explained. "Fear was a way of life…for us. It kept me alive. I'm sure it did Sara also. Kids who stand up to abusive parents usually wind up dead."

Grissom knew that too.

The second time he ran into them at the grocery store, he'd managed to slip out without being seen.

As soon as he stepped into the store he saw them near the checkout line.

He'd just made it to his vehicle when he spotted them coming out of the store.

Graham stopped to see Emma's hand on the side of the buggy while Sara talked with a clerk who insisted on pushing her buggy despite her protests.

Her round abdomen was very visible.

He felt himself running the moment he saw Emma release the buggy and rush out into the street toward a stray cat.

Graham grabbed her just as a vehicle pulled out.

"Emma!" Sara screamed as she rushed after the child, leaving the buggy with the clerk.

"I've got her," soothed Graham.

"The kitty," wailed Emma. "The kitty got run over!"

The car came to a screeching halt and a woman jumped out. "I'm sorry. I didn't see her!"

Sara grabbed Emma from Graham's arms.

"Emma Grace!" she yelled but then caught herself.

"Mommy, the kitty…died….like Momma Emm and Papa Joe."

Graham looked under the car. "I think the kitty has nine lives," he announced as he reached down and plucked up the kitten.

Emma's tears stopped.

She smiled at the sight of the kitten.

Graham gulped. "She looks so much like you," he managed to get out.

Emma reached over and petted the kitten.

"Mommy, can we keep it?" she asked.

"I don't think Bruno would like a kitten," she stated.

"But it needs a home," she said.

Emma looked at Graham. "Would you keep it?"

Graham looked at the kitten. "I ...sure."

Emma smiled again.

Graham stood by his car with the kitten in his hand while he watched Sara put Emma in her car seat.

The clerk finished putting the groceries in the trunk.

Emma waved at Graham.

He returned the wave before getting into his vehicle.

He was surprised when Grissom called him that night.

"Sara told me what happened," said Grissom. "I'm glad you were there."

"I seem to have a roommate now," he sighed.

Grissom chuckled.

"Name him yet?" asked Grissom.

"Yeah…his name is Lucky."

Sara rolled over and curled her body close to Grissom.

They exchanged looks when her stomach kicked him.

"My son must be hungry," he said with a grin.

"Your son is doing a tap dance on my bladder," she groaned.

She rolled over and headed to the bathroom.

She opened the door later and found him sitting on the edge of the bed.

He smiled as she stood there in the doorway.

"What?"

"You look beautiful," he announced as he pulled her toward him.

"Four months left," she breathed.

He wasn't prepared to run into Graham in the police station.

He stepped out of an interrogation room and saw him standing in the hallway.

Graham watched as a man was escorted in handcuffs.

A woman stood off to the side in cuffs as well.

Graham lurched at the man but an officer grabbed him.

Grissom quickly walked over and took Graham by the arm.

"Richard!" he yelled.

Graham made one last lurch toward the man.

Grissom shoved him against the wall. "What is the matter with you?"

"He…beat…Robert…he and his sorry wife…just beat him…and then left…while they went out and partied," spat Graham.

"Where is the child?" asked Grissom.

"He's in critical condition," said Graham as he shrugged off Grissom's hand.

"Richard…you need to calm down," he warned.

"He's just a little boy…he's five years old…they treat him like…"

"They treat him like you were treated," whispered Grissom.

"I need to get back to the hospital," he whispered.

"Richard?"

Graham turned and looked at his brother.

"Call me…if you need me," he offered.

He went by the hospital the next day when he had not heard from Graham.

He had not seen that anger in some time.

Grissom opened the door to the room slightly and saw Graham sitting with the boy.

"How is he?" asked Grissom.

"He's better," said Graham. "We're concerned about his arm…it was broken in several places…he'll need physical therapy. He likes to play baseball. I'm going to make sure he gets to play again."

"Richard…"

"They're going to put him in foster care when he's released," he explained. "I know it can't be any worse than his home but…"

Graham swiped at his eyes. "I have to get back to the clinic," he said as he stood.

"Have you been home…at all?" asked Grissom.

"Yes…I fed Lucky," he reported. "Did you need something?" he asked suddenly now realizing Grissom had come to the hospital.

"I was…worried about you."

Graham looked surprised. "I'm fine."

Grissom tossed his keys on the counter.

"No dinner with Graham?" asked Sara.

"He's at the hospital with a child," he answered.

"He's already getting sucked in," she said.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" he asked.

"I wanted him to provide medical care for those…yes I wanted him to try to help…kids like him."

"I think he may be too involved with this kid."

"Emma was pretty upset this morning. Bobby has not come back yet," sighed Sara. "I wish she liked some of the other girls."

"Has Bobby moved?" he asked.

"No one knows," said Sara. "Emma brought her butterfly to show him but he didn't come again. She was pretty upset when I left her."

"You think it might be time to move her to another school?" he asked.

Sara slowly stood. "If Bobby doesn't return then…maybe we should."

Grissom watched as Emma walked through the door with Mary.

Sara and Grissom exchanged glances.

"Come here, little bug," said Grissom.

"Bobby isn't coming anymore," wailed Emma.

Grissom held her.

"The teacher said he is going to get some new parents…like Mommy did."

Grissom and Sara looked at one another.

"What happened to Bobby's parents?" asked Sara.

"The teacher said they were mean to Bobby so they were put in jail."

"Mean?" asked Grissom, hoping he was wrong.

"They hurt him," cried Emma. "Why do people hurt each other?"

"Some people are not nice," whispered Sara.

"Will Bobby get parents that won't hurt him?" she asked.

"Yes, baby," said Sara as she hugged Emma while the little girl cried.

"Sara…I think I know where Bobby is," he whispered.

A few days later, Grissom and Emma walked into the hospital room.

Emma smiled at Bobby as she climbed onto the bed and began to show him her bug book.

Graham stopped suddenly when he opened the door and saw them there.

"Graham, look! Emma came to see me," smiled Bobby.

Graham smiled slightly as he started to back out of the room.

"I know you!" announced Emma.

Graham looked around nervously.

"I'll come back later," he offered.

"Richard, stay," ordered Grissom.

He stood at the end of the bed.

He glanced warily at Grissom as the two children chatted nonstop.

"When do you get your new parents?" asked Emma.

"I don't know," Bobby said quietly. "Is Mom okay?" he asked to Graham.

"She's in jail but fine. She will have to stay there a long time for hurting you. Your father is in jail also for the same reason," explained Graham.

"What did you do that was so bad?" asked Emma.

Bobby shrugged. "I tried to be good."

"Bobby, you didn't do anything to deserve that. If you misbehaved, you should have been punished but not like that," emphasized Graham.

"Mommy had bad parents," stated Emma. "She got Momma Emm and Papa Joe as new parents. They were really nice."

"What if nobody wants me?" asked Bobby. "Dad said I was good for nothing."

Graham's hands curled into a fist. "You're worth more than all the money in the world, Bobby. You're special."

"Where am I going to live until they find me new parents?" asked Bobby.

"Some place safe. Don't worry. I'm going to make sure of it," assured Graham.

"I'll come and visit," Emma declared.

Graham and Grissom exchanged looks.

"That might not be possible for awhile," explained Graham.

"Why not?" asked Emma.

"There are rules," said Graham.

"I don't want to be alone," pouted Bobby.

"You won't be," urged Graham.

"But…" Bobby did not finish.

Graham could see the fear setting in of the unknown.

He remembered that fear.

It was almost tangible in the room.

"I want to go home," cried Bobby. "I want my Mom and Dad."

Grissom gut twisted.

He'd gotten a copy of the case file from Brass and seen firsthand what Bobby's parents had done to him and yet he was willing to go back to them.

"You can live with me," offered Emma with a smile. "I can share. I'm going to have a new brother soon anyway. Mommy has him inside her tummy."

"Emma, it's not that simple," said Grissom.

Bobby glanced at Graham. "Couldn't I stay with you?"

Graham gulped.

He didn't know what to say.

"I'll be good. I don't need much and I can help around the house," pleaded Bobby.

Graham remembered pleading like that with his stepfather.

He was so relieved when his stepfather had let him stay.

He remembered the price for wanting a home.

His hands grew sweaty as well as his forehead.

He swiped his brow.

"Bobby…"

"No one wants me," cried Bobby.

"I want you," said Emma as she began to cry with him.

A nurse stepped in at that moment. "It's time for his medicine," she announced.

Bobby wiped his eyes.

Graham could see the small child already trying to put up a good front.

He was strong for his age.

Graham had been strong.

Bobby would grow stronger because of this and he would become just as bitter as Graham had become.

Graham fled the room with Grissom on his heels.

"Richard!"

Graham did not stop as he headed toward the elevator.

Grissom grabbed him by the arm.

He was shocked when Graham finally stopped.

It was clear that he was crying.

"I can't help him…not the way he needs," cried Graham.

"Why not?" asked Grissom.

"Why not? Do you think Social Services would even consider me as a foster parent to that child? I've been locked away for years….with a recent stint in a mental facility…a suicide attempt…" He wiped his hands through his hair at his frustration.

"You were locked away for a crime you were later cleared of... it could be said you asked for help coping with the death of your wife and unborn child as well as the physical and emotional abuse you endured during your violent childhood."

"You make it sound like I have a snowball's chance in hell," he muttered.

"You have nothing to lose by trying," ventured Grissom.

"I could get that boy's hopes up and then disappoint him like…"

"Like my father did to you," finished Grissom. "He died trying to get you back, Richard."

"What if I fail?" asked Graham. "It would hurt Bobby."

"Then I suggest you don't do that," said Grissom as he returned to the room to collect Emma.

Note from author:

One chapter left....leave a review....sigh...

Take care!


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter Forty:**

"Have you talked with Graham?" asked Sara as she rubbed her tummy.

"He's been putting in a lot of hours in at the clinic," said Grissom as he eyed her.

"Has he gotten to visit Bobby since he was placed in the group home?" she asked.

"Once or twice."

"I'm sure they would let Graham visit regularly if…"

"It's not them. It's Richard," explained Grissom.

Sara grew angry. "He's washing his hands of Bobby, isn't he? It got too hard and he's decided to…"

"He's having a hard time visiting Bobby in the group home," clarified Grissom quietly. "It reminds him…"

"Of the group home he was in," finished Sara. "Is he…still in counseling?"

"Yes, it's helped....but Bobby doesn't understand."

"Why not?" but then Sara realized that Graham had never told Bobby about his past.

"Why doesn't he tell Bobby about what happened to him?" asked Sara.

"I don't think he's ever told anyone…except you," said Grissom.

"Not even Melissa?"

"No."

Sara continued to rub her abdomen.

"Is he kicking?" he asked.

"All the time," she breathed. "I would evict him but it's too soon."

"Sara, maybe we should consider having you take medical leave early."

"No way."

"I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine…frustrated…but fine."

"Frustrated?" he asked.

"These hormones…or whatever it is! I want nothing more than to strip you naked and…well my body won't cooperate."

Grissom chuckled. "You seem to do just fine."

Sara licked her lips. "Yeah, well in another month or so, we are not going to be able to do that much longer."

"Then I'll hold you," he said as he leaned over and kissed her.

"I guess we have gotten good at different positions," she replied with a grin.

Grissom returned the smile.

He loved her more than life.

Oh, he was sure he would miss their lovemaking but just being with her was more than enough.

These last few months they had grown much closer and more intimate.

He had found a note or two at work from his seductive wife ordering him to the basement.

He had gone down there to find her completely naked, sitting in his seat waiting for him.

Her sexual appetite had increased tenfold since the pregnancy.

He wasn't complaining but rather thankful for the chance to make up for the years he had denied them this bliss.

Grissom was surprised when he stepped into the lab to find Graham sitting in the waiting area.

"I'm sorry I had to come here but I need your help," he pleaded.

Graham glanced around worriedly. "I tried to call you but your phone must be off."

Grissom checked and frowned.

He remembered turnning it off after they were interrupted in the middle of their foreplay.

"I wouldn't be here if this wasn't important," Graham added.

Sara rounded the corner and watched as Graham followed Grissom.

It was obvious Graham was upset, almost on the verge of breaking down.

Grissom escorted him down to the basement.

As soon as they were in the hallway, clear of anyone he turned to Graham.

Graham began to babble. "A relative has stepped forward to take Bobby….he's just as bad as the parents. He's even got an arrest warrant. He can't go back to that hell. I won't let him!"

"Richard, you may not have a choice. If no one else claims Bobby then…"

"He's not a piece of property! He's a frightened boy that just needs a chance!"

"Maybe you're his chance," retorted Grissom.

Graham sucked in air.

"What are you more afraid of?" asked Grissom. "Are you afraid of disappointing Bobby by applying to be a foster parent and getting turned down or stepping up and taking responsibility for another human being?"

"Violence breeds violence," whispered Graham.

Grissom stared at his brother.

"Do you honestly think you could hurt Bobby? You love that boy," said Grissom.

"Look what… I did to… Sara," he cried.

"Want my forgiveness?" asked Sara.

Both men jumped from the sound of her voice.

"You have the chance to stop the cycle of abuse for a little boy. What's your decision?" she asked.

"I'll need references," he began. "The only persons I know are the people I work with and I'm their boss."

Grissom and Sara looked at one another.

"We'll be your references," said Sara. "Any more excuses?"

Graham shook his head.

Sara disappeared.

Sara felt warm hands around her waist.

She knew it was Grissom by his scent.

She smiled when his lips gently kissed her on the temple.

"I thought you were going to sleep in?" he asked.

"I missed you," she purred.

He grinned. "You should be sore."

"I should be satisfied," she whispered back and it left him gawking at her backside as she strolled back to the basement.

Grissom glanced around and then down at his watch.

_I always knew coming into work two hours early was good for something…_

Weeks later they were awakened in the middle of the day by Grissom's phone.

It was Graham.

"Bobby is coming home….with me," he announced.

It had been a hard fight but with a few connections, Graham had successfully won the right to be a foster parent for Bobby only.

"I have to skip our dinner tonight," Graham said. "We've got to get school clothes and…"

"Richard?"

"Yes?"

"Congratulations," announced Grissom as his hand caressed Sara's distended belly.

"Gil, thank you…for everything."

Grissom hung up the phone.

"Good news?"

"Bobby is going to live with Graham."

Sara smiled. "He'll be good for Bobby."

"Sara…have you thought about the implications?"

She tried to roll over to face him but gave up.

He grinned as he adjusted himself in the bed. "Emma is going to want to spend time with Bobby. He may be here sometimes."

"What's wrong with that?" she asked.

One word…Graham.

"I'm fine with it."

"Are you?"

"He's not the same man who had a complete break when Melissa was killed."

Grissom thought he would never believe it himself but he'd seen the changes in Graham.

He'd seen the lengths at which Graham went to avoid hurting Sara.

Weeks passed as Graham nervously knocked on their front door.

Bobby had come over after school to play with Emma and he had tried in vain to get his assistant to pick up the child but a family emergency had happened causing him no recourse but to come for the child himself.

He'd called in advance to warn Grissom.

Grissom opened the door. "They're in the back yard with Bruno. Sara is taking a nap."

Graham seemed relieved.

"Services told me Bobby's parent's surrendered their parental rights. Bobby will be placed on the adoptive list next month when it is final."

"What do you plan to do about it?"

"I'm going to need an attorney who deals in adoptions," he replied.

Grissom smiled. "Let me give you the name of my attorney. He gave me some information on adoption laws here in Nevada."

Graham followed Grissom into his study.

He opened his desk and began looking for a folder.

Graham stared at the books on the book shelf.

"Quite a variety here," he said as he fumbled with a few of the books.

"I recall you used to read all the time," replied Grissom.

"It was better being by myself than having to fit in with others," he explained.

A title caught his eye and he pulled the book down.

"You're welcome to any of them," said Grissom. "I have a complete collection of Shakespeare."

Graham smiled but it soon faded the moment he opened the book and the paternity results fell out.

Grissom's face lost all expression.

"This is unopened," Graham managed to get out.

Grissom felt as if he had been kicked in the stomach.

Graham stared at Grissom in disbelief.

"You said that a paternity test had already proved you were Emma's father," said Graham.

"Sara's father completed the test. He told Sara the test confirmed I was the father."

"You didn't believe him," he said fingering with the opening of the envelope.

"Sara caught me one night running a test of my own. It hurt her very deeply," grieved Grissom.

"She was afraid I might be Emma's father," choked Graham.

"The test samples were destroyed when she….it took us weeks to get through what I tried to do behind her back. I didn't think she was going to forgive me."

"She didn't want to know the truth?" asked Graham.

"After I began to doubt…so did she."

"Why did you doubt that you're not the father?" Graham asked incredulously.

"Because like Sara's father, I would beg, lie, steal, cheat or even kill to protect my child from harm," gasped Grissom.

Graham saw the love and the fear in his brother's eyes.

"Finally Sara said she couldn't live with not knowing the truth and she made me send that off. When it came, I couldn't open it. I didn't want to open it. I told Sara it had been lost by the lab. Thank God the pregnancy diverted her attention."

Graham stared at the envelope in his hand.

At that moment, Emma and Bobby ran into the study.

"Bruno ate our bug," huffed Emma.

"It was neat," announced Bobby.

Both men still looked shell shocked.

"Ahhh, is it time to go home?" asked Bobby.

Graham nodded.

"Couldn't Bobby stay for a little while longer?" begged Emma.

Graham looked into the child's huge dark eyes.

He saw Sara.

He gulped. "Another hour," Graham whispered.

Emma hugged his legs.

Graham fell to his knees and hugged the child.

It was the first real contact he'd had with her.

"Thanks Uncle Graham," she said as she kissed him on the cheek.

The two children ran out of the room as Graham's hand caressed the kissed area on his cheek while the other held the test results.

Grissom braced himself as Graham stood.

Graham walked over and locked the door.

He pulled out a lighter and Grissom gasped at Graham burned the envelope.

"She's your child," Graham said. "She's yours and Sara's."

Graham dropped the contents into a glass bowl and both watched as the paper turned to ashes.

Grissom came around the desk, intending to shake his brother's hand but got a hug instead.

"I promise you I'll never hurt her again," Graham whispered.

Neither mentioned the paternity test results again as weeks passed and Sara grew uncomfortably large.

Her behavior had become rather odd at times.

She was anxious at times while other times she dreaded the labor.

"Was it difficult with Emma?" he asked.

"Dad would walk me around the room, holding my hand while stroking my hair. Mom was on my other side telling us both to breathe. We were both a mess but Mom kept her cool. We kept walking and walking around the room until it was time."

"I'm glad they were there with you," he whispered.

She stared at her hands.

"I'm going to be there the whole time," he promised.

He was.

One minute she was cursing at Greg for taking the last doughnut and the next she was doubled over from the contraction.

His beeper went off and he ran to her side, taking her hand and gripping it tight through the contraction.

Brass had driven them to the hospital chuckling over Grissom trying to coax Sara to breathe.

Their son came into the world rather loud.

He exercised his lungs to their full capacity and did not stop until he was swaddled in Sara's arms.

She beamed at the sight of their son.

Grissom swiped his eyes and Emma smiled at her baby brother.

He gasped when the small infant curled his lip.

"He's going to have your smile," Grissom whispered.

"I think he's going to have your eyes," announced Sara.

"Can we have another one?" asked Emma.

Grissom winked at Sara.

"Let's keep our options open," he grinned.

Sara gave them that Sidle smile.

The End.

**Final note from author:**

Thanks to everyone who have faithfully left a review for each chapter. It means alot. I have three remaining stories that are unfinished.....

Take care!


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